I am fuming with the school

[lougle]

After all our 'attendance issues' and my discussion with the Head Teacher, who told me that DD2 couldn't possibly have had a temperature at school, because they would have sent her home....

This morning DD2 didn't want to go to school - she told me she was poorly.

I told the teacher this morning that DD2 had said this (her temperature was 37.5, so just on the cusp of 'do not send to school', but of course if I don't send to school I have to get a doctor's note now).

DH went to collect DD2 this afternoon and teacher said 'DD2 has a headache and didn't go out to afternoon play.'

It turns out that DD2 told the teacher that she felt poorly before lunch and after lunch and the teacher didn't take action (other than letting her miss break time).

I took her temperature because she looked thoroughly miserable - 38.5 and rising.

Why can't they just do what they're meant to do?

Btw, she says when she swallows, her cheek hurts. I remember that from Mumps, but are there other things that can cause that?

I told them the truth.

I told him that she hasn't settled in Yr1 and is finding it very hard. She has had a lot of illness (followed up with visits to doctors and paed) but that school have now said she needs a medical note for each illness. Overall, between DD2's unhappiness in general and the HT approach, I've decided that another school may be more appropriate for DD2, and I know the school through other parents.

He said he wouldn't want to upset me by doing the same thing if she was off a lot at his school - I reassured him that the request itself didn't seem at all unreasonable, simply the manner of the communication and the implication that I was fabricating illness.

He also said that there is a danger that you can simply 'move the problem' rather than 'resolve the problem.' I agreed with him, and acknowledged that we could well be 'moving the problem', but that in my view 5 years old is too young to be completely miserable all the time, and at least by moving school we will know if the problem is the school or DD2. At least then we will know that DD2 has the problem, and we will be justified in persuing it

Soooo...that's that.

I wasn't going to send her back to her current school. Didn't see the point, given that she would just go in on Wednesday, be off Thursday, go back Friday and that's it. But then DH pointed out that it's only Monday.

What do you think?

Thanks for the much-needed honks.

Well, I wouldn't care too much about the schooling thing. My decision to send her or not would be based on my strategy to encourage her to start and stay at the new school.

So, is it better that she stays off school and understands you have taken her seriously, and you use the time to prepare for new school, or will being off school and presumably happier, making it difficult for her to want to attend a new one?

That's the only thing I would be considering tbh. The best path to a successful outcome.

Well done lougle. Really hope things are better at the new school.

The irony is, that I have a real sense of 'rules' and the thought of keeping her home when she isn't ill is difficult.

In another sense, I don't want her to suffer any adverse consequences of my decision to remove her. I worry that it will be disruptive to her to go back to the old school for 2 days, then new school for a day, then old school again.

Plus, the fact that I'm dreading the idea of either:

a) going to the school knowing that DD2 will leave (and that she's likely to tell the teacher)
b) reporting her absent...what do you say? I can't lie!

I actually feel sick

Can you actually deregister a child for 4 days?

She should probably go to the old school at least once more to 'say goodbye', to help her with the transition. A 'last day' might be something worth doing.

If you are accompanying her on her visit, take a camera and take some pictures of the coat hooks, and entrance and classroom, and playground if you can so you can have a discussion about it.

Treat her as a child with ASD who might get anxious about transitions, as regardless of what her difficulties might be all children would benefit from this approach.

Contact the LA and ask!

DS didn't attend the school he was enrolled in for 2 terms in the run up to the tribunal. I refused to send him on the basis that the support was inadequate and potentially harmful. We were challenging part 4 of the statement so the school and LA knew he wasn't going to attend there ultimately.

No-one cared two hoots.

Don't send her back. You will just confuse her.
Take her to see the new school...get all her things ready as zzzz says.

Lougle , how long as she been like this?

Lougle I haven't contributed to this thread, but have followed. So pleased for you, hope the new head is lovely and caring.

I am not sure how long you're daughter has been like this, and perhaps I'm way off, but have you looked into childhood M.E ? Children with this often go undiagnosed for a long time and caused of avoiding school. A lot so the signs eg slight temp, stomach pain, headaches , pallor etc are there with her. Hopefully nothing like like, but it is a viral disorder?

Hope you're not offended at my sugestion, I have some experience with it that's all, thought it was worth mentioning.

I think sending her back will just make it mire difficult for her whereas the 4 days off will be like little hols before a new start.
The old school won't care and tbh what are they going to do about it? It's just 4 days not 4 weeks or months.

I would also carry on putting the pressure on your GP. Perhaps taking her each time she had some temp so they get a real picture. I an always amazed at the difference if reactions when they have seen the issue themselves and when mum has told them about It.

I tried to take her over the weekend, when her temperature was 38.5 even after Calpol. Unfortunately, because I was honest and said this is a recurrent set of symptoms, they thought her own GP was best placed to see her on Monday.

I now have to word an email. Joy.

Out of sheer mischief, I would really love your GP to learn about the school move, and the reason. making an appointment for ridiculous letters demanded by numpties is embarrassing, and more schools seem to be disbelieving parents lately. Employers aren't allowed to waste NHS time like this: it's only 7 days of consecutive illness that gets you a sick line, anything else is a self-certificate.

One GP had so many requests he actually invented the acronym GANFYD (Get A Note From Your Doctor) to save typing it out in the records, and launched a mini-campaign against them. The more militant anti-stupid-note-request doctors would enjoy doing just one letter... a rude clear and direct one about their practice's charges for non-NHS services such as unnecessary appointments for certificates.

You might want to bring the contact details for the chair of governors of the outgoing school to your next appointment in case your doctor is feeling mischievous

Walter, it's been going on since October. She had excellent attendance in Yr R.

That's a long time, poor little thing. It will be interesting to see if she's any different in the new school. Do you think she will be?

My hope (as I explained to the new head) is that if she is happier at the new school then she may cope better with ailments, and might have a drive to go to school despite them.

I think she's probably associating the feeling unwell (tummy ache, etc.) with going to school and ofc if she's struggling emotionally with that, she's not going to have the stamina to deal with feeling under the weather either.

Of course, if she does have difficulties, as we suspect, they won't go away by going to a new school, but currently old school doesn't see them at all, so anything is a bonus.

Lougle I agree with you and admire you tremendously for your swift and decisive action. I would say the same as zzzzzzz and keep her off until the new school. This can only help you and she prepare for the transition in a calm and relaxed way, as well as help her over this bout of illness. I agree you have nothing to lose and this Head sounds on the ball. Well done and Honk Honk Honk Honk Honk!

Well, as expected, I got an email which painted a completely false picture of the situation (ie. suggested that DD2's issue with friendships was a consequence of time off, rather than time off being in part due to inability to form friendships and thus having no motivation to struggle into school despite illness) and with veiled threats of 'transition planning with the new school which will include a discussion of progress and concerns' and a reminder that absence policies are the same across all schools in the cluster 'which is particularly important to be aware of when parents move their children because they don't like the message they receive about poor attendance'.

I wrote a stinking email refuting all the inaccuracies....then deleted it!

I simply agreed that there was little point discussing the matter further, making clear that DD2's teacher was excellent and that DD2 would love to say good bye to her if at all possible, that I had already discussed DD2's 'difficult term' with the head and I had no issues with the attendance policy. I finished by thanking her for her well-wishes for DD2 and that I'm sure we could both agree that the best outcome for DD2 was that she was both well and happy at school, which I hoped the new setting could achieve.

I feel wrecked, traumatised and vilified