I am fuming with the school

[lougle]

After all our 'attendance issues' and my discussion with the Head Teacher, who told me that DD2 couldn't possibly have had a temperature at school, because they would have sent her home....

This morning DD2 didn't want to go to school - she told me she was poorly.

I told the teacher this morning that DD2 had said this (her temperature was 37.5, so just on the cusp of 'do not send to school', but of course if I don't send to school I have to get a doctor's note now).

DH went to collect DD2 this afternoon and teacher said 'DD2 has a headache and didn't go out to afternoon play.'

It turns out that DD2 told the teacher that she felt poorly before lunch and after lunch and the teacher didn't take action (other than letting her miss break time).

I took her temperature because she looked thoroughly miserable - 38.5 and rising.

Why can't they just do what they're meant to do?

Btw, she says when she swallows, her cheek hurts. I remember that from Mumps, but are there other things that can cause that?

[lougle]

I spoke to ooh and they didn't want to see her as her symptoms are recurrent, but they logged it, gave me a ref no.and told me to see GP on Monday with her.

temp 38.2 after calpol, 39.6 before. you can't fake that.

[Handywoman]

Oh bless her, Lougle. How is she in herself? Hope she gets better soon.

:-(

[lougle]

fairly miserable before the paracetamol kicks in. she doesn't understand though and takes everything so literally, that when we said her dinner would help her fight the illness, she got up and said 'I feel better now'. once I talked to her, it became clear that she didn't actually feel any different, but she thought she must do because she'd had a few mouthfuls of food.

[Handywoman]

Oh bless her x

[cory]

Do you think there is something about children with anxiety issues that means they will put on a desperate attempt to look ok for another adult no matter what? Dd used to do this when she got to school or to the doctor's however ill she was. I think it's a kind of defence mechanism. But it doesn't make it easier to fight their corner.

She was in hospital last week after a suicide attempt. She spoke pleasantly and politely to the CAHMS team and their report afterwards specifically mentioned the elegance of her poise. But SHE'D BLOODY TRIED TO KILL HERSELF!!!

[TheLightPassenger]

I'm sorry to hear that Cory.

I think part of the problem is social conformity - we are encouraged so much to put on a front and minimise our feelings at school and work etc,to fit in. But of course for some that masks subtle mental health/neurological and other issues.

"she's playing you" is a lazy answer. It should be followed by the question "why is a child sufficiently unhappy to be behaving like this?".

Lougle - don't underestimate the sort of pressures school are under re:managing attendance that may be influencing attitudes towards contacting you when she is at school.

[LabelsGalore]

Cory :(:(
Any disability is so hard to deal with, esp as a teenager.

[lougle]

Cory, that puts it all into perspective I hope you can find a way of fighting her corner that lifts her mask.

It's so true, though. Nobody seems to understand it, yet I witness it daily.

She can be crying at home 'please don't send me to school today!'. She can be snivelling in the car. She can be snivelling in the playground, which we have to walk through to access the classrooms (imagine a bicycle wheel, each classroom is a spoke on the wheel, with the playground around the outside of it and classroom access off the playground). But as she rounds the corner between the Yr R classes to the Yr 1 classes, she visibly stiffens, swallows down the anxiety and then smiles and laughs at the teacher.

[cory]

Seriously, folks, I didn't mean to hijack (though thanks for sympathy ).

I was more thinking of the utter frustration of having fought to get the child a hearing and they then don't conform to the expected behaviour and everybody assumes you must be making it up because they can't see it.

Dd used to behave exactly like your dd, lougle. I know just how you feel! They need to listen to you and it is almost as if your dd is obstructing that. But she can't help it, poor little soul. They should still listen to you [grr]

[lougle]

It's madness, though, isn't it? What parent would actually want their child to be struggling with school? What parent wouldn't want to be able to just drop and get on with their day? Barring true Fabricated Illness Syndrome, which is really quite rare (0.5 per 100,000) - so rare that most paediatricians will only manage 1 or 2 cases in their entire life.

So, if it's so rare, how is it that so many of us are disbelieved by teachers?

Believe me, I'd much rather have a girl who was genuinely happy to be at school and genuinely doing ok.

[Handywoman]

Exactly Lougles. It's madness. Such a struggle having kids with SEN. Stressful, worrying, lonely and time consuming. However I think if there was a comprehensive pathway/system of supporting various needs across the academic and social curriculum in school I think teachers would feel more confident to meet parental concern head on. What we have is more of a vacuum up stream. Mostly the needs have to be met by teachers and they are already maxed-out.

I recently ended up writing official complaint to school governors when our SENCO told me outright twice that my dd1's maths difficulty was caused by my anxiety rather than her dyslexia. I am about to enter a similar battle over dd2's reading comprehension. Because I am not sure they will be able to believe how literally she understands words to the extent that books make no sense (it doesn't make sense here even reading it back).

[lougle]

So today I left the house at 6.45am to take DD2 for her weekly blood test. She didn't feel very well, but I said I had no choice but to take her to school. We get to school and DD2 plucked up the courage to say 'My tummy hurts' (believe me, that took courage). The teacher saw her and said 'perhaps another day off school.'

Of course, DD2 can't have 'a day off school' without a medical note now. So, I had to go to the office. The receptionist went to speak to the head, who said that because Mrs X says DD2 shouldn't be at school, she doesn't need a medical note. I asked what happens tomorrow if she's still too unwell - does she need a note then?

The HT strode out of her office and glared at me, saying 'I didn't say certificate, I said note. The doctor only has to write a note.' I explained that she'd been sent out of school having missed afternoon play on Friday and that I sent her an email and she tossed her head over her shoulder and said 'I haven't opened my email yet.'

I told her she'd been ill all weekend. She glared again, saying 'and you took her to the Doctor, did you??'. I said 'No, I phoned OOH who told me to see a Dr on Monday if she still had a high temperature.' So she replied 'Oh well have you booked an appointment then?' Well, actually no, because her temperature has come down.

So, I've now had to book an appointment so the Doctor can say 'probably something viral.' Then I have to hope that she'll write a note saying 'probably something viral.' Then the saga begins again.

[cory]

"The HT strode out of her office and glared at me, saying 'I didn't say certificate, I said note. The doctor only has to write a note.'"

Perhaps this is the time when someone should inform the HT that doctors do not generally agree to write "notes", but will count anything they write at the request of a patient as a certificate and charge the full fee.

[LabelsGalore]

:(:(

It looks like they just don't trust you and think you are creating problems/don't want to send you child to school/see things that don't exist....

Tbh, as she has some fever and some very physical symptoms, I would play their game, go and see the GP each time. Ask for 'a note' (whatever it can be and see if the GP is happy to do one for you. Explain him, he/she might be sympathetic and quickly write 2 words by hand for you).
This way, you will keep on the toes of the school but also of the GP as really you need to find out what is going on with her.

But you really didn't need that sort of attitude on the top. :(

[Badvoc]

Lougle...do you think it's time to get all legal here?
I do wonder if a solicitors letter - pointing out that no one needs a sick note unless there has been 5 days or over if absent - might be the way to go.
Have you been in touch with county hall to ask wrt their stance on chronic illness in children?
Do they have a dept/unit for helping kids who are ill alot/had operations/undergoing treatment?

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Go to the GP and explain what has happened. Tell him you are expected to bring dd in every time you need to keep her off, when you would normally self-treat. Tell the GP your profession. Tell them you feel 'some' of the physical aspects 'might' be due to unmet needs at school. Ask if he/she wants to see you every time or whether you can get one note that says 'mum to keep of as considers appropriate'.

[lougle]

I've taken her to the GP today. Obviously, as she no longer has a temperature, all that was visible was a little congestion in her ear. Viral. She refused to write a note (predictable) and said if they want information, they'll have to contact the surgery.

The school have replied to my email of Friday, stating that it was me who told Mrs X she was unwell, when it was in fact DD2 herself. She also states that as DD2's temperature was no longer high, she should be back in school, despite it being her teacher who told me to take her home.

I've had enough. I contacted a local school where a lot of children from my church happen to go (I ruled it out initially because DD1's transport conflicts, but it'll be ok as long as she's last drop).

She goes for a visit on Thursday and starts on Monday.

[Badvoc]

Well done Lougle!
Am cheering for you and your dd :)
It was the only option really, I think, want it? :(
Worth putting a complaint in with OFSTED?

[Badvoc]

(My ds1 goes to a small church school..it's been amazing for him) x

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Wow Lougle I really admire you for that. Many of us plough on for months, years even, hoping that it is all a misunderstanding and that somehow the CT and HT will see sense.

They don't btw.

Hope it works out and your dd loses her illness. How did you present your reasoning to the new school?