...to be living in constant fear for our lives all the time? (bit long)

[marjproops]

Nearly namechanged but Ive spoken a bit before about this. DC and I are both victims of severe abuse, Ive been assaulted/raped/you name it its happened. We are on our all the time, I get NO help whatsover from ANYONE for anything. couple of GPs have written to SS and council but thats it, social services do FA, as has a social worker, counselling doesnt help etc etc. as for the police....well.

Remember Fiona Pilkington? she was a mother and carer, and targetted ,and no one would listen to her or take her seriously so she ended up taking her daughters and her lives. and what did the police say on the news? the usual ''oh we were looking into it, there will be a full investigation'' etc etc. nothing. nothing was done to help them. I even sent that story to SS only to be told theyd take my child away from me.thats how targetted WE are. ALL the time.

I'm the most down to earth common sense person EVER so for me to be at my wits end takes a lot.

New neighbours moved in next door last night...at 11.45PM. doesnt that sound dodgy? well they look dodgy. and as usual Im the only person in street that hears these things. If i phoned 101 like I did before about something similar, they just told me to 'log it'.

yet if anyone DID go round i just kNOW theyd find out it was me. It happened once before, diff place,and we were almost killed. People KNOW DC and I are on our own, Im not a big muscly person, I try my best to appear confident etc but they can see the fear in my eyes. DC is 12 now and we've had to move so many times (can never be anywhere nice as Im on HB so we get the rough places, even though council has had like a million letters from me and GPs etc), I had a mild heart attack 2 years ago because of thugs targetting us.

I'm completely alone, no partner, no boyf,and they KNOW it. any friends i have all have families and are busy.

The worst time is night. Its so dark and creepy and we're alone and vulnerable.

I was cr**ng myself all night and couldnt sleep watching these people, and yes, there was the smell of pot too wafting over.

Im not living. This is not a life.

I dont know why Im posting this, not for sympathy, just ...I dont know...understanding? empathy? and I bet any welcome advice I get Ive already done. I cant take any more. sorry, its long and pathetic. and self-pitying.

Go up to your first post and press the REPORT button and ask them to move it.

sorry, not a report button as such, but just click on the word 'report' About ^ there!

Ihope you can do whats suggwsted up post and get moved somewhere better but given what you say is any move going to improve the way you feel? i think you would benefit from some help like counselling etc.. also you say you-re a recluse, now you're home schooling your dc who is already isolated by virtue of her disability.. I have no idea what led to home schooling but would community aspect og school not benefit you both?

of school that is

Sorry to hear your having such a rough time op I've suffered severe anxiety myself and know how it feels...

I have felt a lot better these last few years (am a lone parent too) and I now I support a sn child in my local community . Could ss services help organise something like this for you and your child?

I'm in N Ireland so I don't know if these schemes are available in England??

OP is it just the fact they your neighbours moved in late at night that makes them "dodgy"?
When we move in to this house (private rental, very nice area, expensive rent, no HB/HA) we finally got the last van load unloaded at 11 at night, would that make us "dodgy"?
I can understand that if you have suffered in the past you would be paranoid.
A lot of people with MH issues do not know/ understand they have them. Also there are millions of people who live alone without a "man" about, my mother does and she is 68 and wheelchair dependent living in a HA property and does so quite safely and happily (despite some of her neighbours smoking pot from time to time)

I hope you manage to find some help,

A special school IS an option. You are choosing it not to be. You would be free to work and therefore could get better housing if you chose this option.

Thousands of people live alone with no backup (me included). You say you have no MH issues but to be honest it seems like denial. Neighbours don't automatically see a single woman and child and target them. I live alone and have never had any issues. I look like the back end of a dead donkey but no one ever says anything or does anything to hurt me. Perhaps that's because I walk with my head held high and don't look scared. Scared people look like victims IMO.

I am not saying this to be harsh. I am saying it to try to help you see sense. Homeschooling as a single parent with no support must be extremely lonely. I know you want to do this but I personally don't think this is a wise option. You need to get out and about to make friends etc so you have a network of support. Working would be good for you mentally I think.

Hi marj, I'm also a lone parent home educating my child who is autistic.

I've not been home-educating long but so agree with you regarding it removing a whole level of stress from our lives.

The childrens' special need board on here is very good, maybe ask for thread to be moved or create a new one?

In my last flat we had some unnerving experiences, not sure who by or why, but we moved last year & I feel safer where we are now - still always have baseball bat easily accessible though.

Sorry life is being so hard for you.

Marj I'm so sorry you feel this way,it must be a nightmare.
Can u ask though, have you been attacked or abused at this house?

ilovesunflowers-i statred homeschooling as a last resort, there ARE no other resources for what c has, its amiracle she got through infant and jumior (with many exclusions as they couldnt cope and they were for SLD and other probs). I had no other choice but to homeschool and if you read concreteboxes post, theres the answer to that.

and I said I have friends, we do have other interests, neither of us lose out, Id have killed myself by now if DC was at a school and i was getting called in literally every 5 mins as what used to happen.

we havent been physically attacked here, we were at last place, but as i said, we are in a very vulnerable position and there have been things thrown in front garden, only ours, no one elses. and car has been keyed, IN our driveway which means someone came into our property. I have security light .

ilovesunflowers.I said earlier I am a fulltime carer for DC and i wouldnt have ity any other way, she needs lifelong care. i was doing volunteer work when she was a t school but kept having to drop everything as Id get many calls into schools as she couldnt cope with the noise and too many people etc. and we changed schools a few times too in case the previous one wasnt meeting her needs.

i dont know wether your trying tough love there but i feel you're being a bit harsh there. no, im not looking for 'yes' people but please be a bit less harsh, i dont need that. sorry if ive taken your post the wrong way. feel like ive got to defend myself now with dc.

Ilove clearly did not intend her post to be read as 'harsh'. She says as much. Op - I thnk she makes some good points. Sometimes we need to be challenged about our choices. You areisolating yourself far more than you would be if you worked or volunteered. That may be the way things have to be for dd but if you acknowledge that you may be able to work round it. I really do not think that you are seeing quite how your posts come across to those reading them do you? What they're saying to me is here is somebody who certainly does need some MH support. It's not 'failing' to need that.

I didn't mean to be harsh which I did say in my post.

Can I just ask if your daughter has tried a special school? They are very different to mainstream and there is no reason they won't be able to meet her needs. They are usually highly skilled teachers and TAs with lots of training in all sorts of special needs. They are used to providing calming areas for those children who struggle with noise, people and usual school chaos.

I missed the part about your friends (as you said you were completely alone in your OP). Could you invite them around to have tea, watch a film etc. The occasional evening of company might help you feel a little better/relaxed about things. Could you go around to their houses occasionally too?

Things being thrown into people's garden is relatively common these days unfortunately. It doesn't mean people are targetting you. It usually means people are just thoughtless little louts. I live near the centre of my town and I'm always getting people leaving bottles of beer etc outside my door. They aren't targetting me. They are just lazy, thoughtless drunks!

Are you in the North East? I'd be more than happy to meet up and chat things through. I'm usually quite good at solving problems and I'm a nice person really!! Haha.

Oh Marj. I have no experience with SN but I live with anxiety. It's a right bitch. It's also exhausting. Do you think that maybe, because you were attacked before, you just can't feel safe? Have you looked in to post traumatic stress disorder? You can feel better than this, you really can. Please do go back to your GP and tell them everything as you have here. You can't see the wood for the trees with all this adrenaline in your veins.

Oh and I've had two friends whose cars were keyed recently. Both live in good areas. These things happen.

I so sorry that you having such a hard time, it does sound like you are v lonely and working very hard to look after your dd. I'm sure you are doing a fantastic Job with her and it's such a shame that you r feeling the pressure on every other level. R there any charities that you could contact for some help? Sounds like you need some rest bite, to get focused and start feeling better?
I don't know if there are any support treads on here for your dd condition, they might be able point you in the direction of someone who could help. I hope things take a turn for the better and remember your dd loves u very much x

Marj, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I'm afraid I don't have any helpful advice. I just wanted to say I hope you find some of the advice offered here is helpful for you.

I also noticed that some posters suggested you might want to move this to a different topic (such as children with SN) to get a wider range of ideas/advice from MNers who may have faced similar circumstances.

If you want to do this, just see on the blue bar above one of your posts (e.g. your OP) where it says 'Report'. Click on this. Doing this will let you send a message to MNHQ to ask them to move this thread - if that's what you want to do, of course.

Sending you all good wishes, Marj.

marj, I'm so sorry to read your post. As a single mum I know how vulnerable you can feel at times. I was targetted by some nuisance neighbours once and the tenant's just out of prison brother! Nothing major, just intimidation but I'm not from that background and it was terrifying to me. Go and speak to your MP. Look who it is, find out when the surgery is and check with them whether you have to book an appointment or queue up to see them. I would ask for an appointment - insist in fact, saying you have a lot to get off your chest. Once you get hold of them explain what you're going through and see what they suggest in terms of accessing services such as housing. A well worded letter from an MP to social workers, police, housing can carry some weight. If you can get them onside together you might be able to get together an action plan because you can't continue the way you are. Lots of good advice too from others. I was very moved by what Fiona Pilkington and Francecca went through. Remind your MP of the case and tell them you're frankly getting towards the end of your tether. Best of luck.

flo

With regard to the dla query

Dla rates are £20 lower £50 middle and £77 higher for care

Mobility is £20 lower and £54 higher ( no middle rate mobility)

A high functioning autistic child is highly unlikely to receive any more than lower care and mobility so £40 a week.

Its also not a out of work benefit nor does it exempt you from child related costs.

Op the action plan re security is very sensible, do you have a vulnerable persons security scheme in your area? Something like this

www.wiltshirebobbyvan.org.uk/

That could come and check everything and do decent locks for free if yours are shoddy or flimsy

Hi Marj,

I don't know the background to your thread (looks like it has been moved from somewhere else, but not sure where?) I really feel for you - it sounds like the main thing that you need is support.

There are no easy answers and I can't imagine what it is like to live in fear. Caring for an SN child, I can understand why you feel vulnerable. My son has SN, but is only 17 months, so it is not that visible yet...but it will be one day. I am in a lucky position, in that my husband is here and I feel safe where we live...but with different circumstances and a few years behind us, I would feel vulnerable to a certain extent. When you have a child who is not as independent as they should be for their age, the responsibility to protect them is immense and that pressure can mount. Throw in the background and experiences that you have had and it is no wonder that you feel like this.

I really hope that you can find some support. Do seek out any charities that can help you. I don't know the area that you are in, but there may be a local organisaion that can help. I am surprised that you are not getting much SS support - do you not qualify for any respite? (apologies if this has been covered, I haven't read the entirity of the thread due to a little boy who won't go to bed!)

Ive been moved from AIBU to here.

I think some posters have taken me a bit the wrong way, maybe its the way Im wording things!
I have even contacted local MPS, fat lot of good they are too.
Ive been to hell and still in Hell trying to get help for DC and myself.
A GP told me to my face I was neurotic. I complained to the surgery but they didnt do anything about it. I am NOT neurotic, any parent of an SN child HAS to fight for their rights, they can't do it for themselves, we make a beef and then get classed don't we?

Because of my past trauma, and the fact that poor DC also went through some, of COURSE Im going to be protective of our safetly. wouldnt you?
to be frank and I hope not bitchy, its no ones business how I bring up my child, just as its not mine to tell anyone how to raise theirs.

DC is not abused by me, shes very loved and we are very close.
I have contacted a social worker (weve never had an official one, I seriously bang my head against brick walls) but hes a personal friend who tries hisbest to help us, and asked him to help us regarding housing. hes tried before and council have a mile high file on DCs trauma and my probs too.

some people just seem to get more help than others.

Thank you all who are supporting and trying to understand, I know its hard when we are all anonymous people, there is a backstory of lifelong abuse in my case and Im trying to make sense of this world.

Yes but Marj you haven't been abused or attacked at thus new place, so why are you trying to move again?
your new neighbour s May smoke pot, so what? it doesn't mean they will hurt you love.

I know you don't want to hear it,but I really think you need to talk to your gp about your anxiety, it will rub off on your dd eventually.

we are only moving as im on housing benifit and we are underoccupiying and i cant afford to pay an extra room in April under new law.

If we were staying I could have put extra fencing between houses.
quite frankly even though its up to people what they smoke I dont want my child or myself taking in that stuff.

years ago i flatshared and flatmate smoked 'stuff' and its like passive smoking, it does affect you. DCs got enough problems without smelling that if windows are open (obv not now in winter). i also have seen for myself effects of drugs and people can be unpredictable (i used to work in a centre for druggies) and they may be smoking more than 'that'. no, it doesnt mean they may or may not 'attack' us, what no one understands is that its like the Fiona Pilkington story, she probably kept herself to herself but there are some people that see disabilities and lack of a male partner and they prey on that.

as for any anxiety i try my best to hide it till at least DCs in bed. She suffers from anxiety attacks anyway (like mother like daughter!) sometimes DNA does that. shes had them since a baby.