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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

ds has been excluded

27 replies

lars · 20/04/2006 12:35

Ds has been excluded from school, really upset, as he had been doing really well. He goes on back Monday.
He upset the head teacher and was very rude to her. He had a complete melt down in front of the whole class, which is the main thing I didn't want to happen. This is when I ask myself should he be in a special school, are the special schools more accepting than mainstream school?
This is just a nightmare for me. The head is very annoyed with him. I know feel she might resent him. This just my worse mightmare is it all starting again. Larsxx

OP posts:

Original poster

lars · 20/04/2006 12:36

sorry about spelling errors here, but really upset.

OP posts:

gscrym · 20/04/2006 12:42

No words of wisdom but I hope everything works out happily for you. I'm sure whatever you decide to do, it'll be the best for you and DS.

Can you have a meeting with the head and chat everything through. I know you probably have done this but she may have calmed down now.

coppertop · 20/04/2006 12:59

Do you know what triggered the meltdown? Did he even realise he was being rude? How did the HT/staff deal with him at the time?

So sorry you're having to deal with all this. xx

rosebaby1 · 20/04/2006 13:01

i think you should go and talk to the teacher and see what happened. she should be able to offer some advice about him re-starting on monday and find out what plan they have to help him with his behaviour. is he getting any support at the moment? Also could ask him to write a sorry letter to the head and teacher. hope this helps.

Blandmum · 20/04/2006 13:05

I would think that special schools would be both better at understanding a melt down, and also better at avoiding the triggers that cause them.

What does the head say/think would be best for your son?

What is the SENCOs input?

Is your son getting sufficient support?

Do you feel that the school is trying its best? (sorry if this is goig over old stuff)

hUGS TO YOU BOTH [SAD]

rosebaby1 · 20/04/2006 13:36

Special schools are excellent at managing behaviour, but they are only for children with severe problems and they nearly always need a 'statement'. Has he got one? you said it's starting again - did this happen at a previous school?
I'm a teacher on maternity leave and i would avoid special schools if at all possible. maybe the school should be doing more.
x

sylvm · 20/04/2006 16:16

I do sympathise as this happened with my DD 3 times when she was in Year 3. One time it was due to her hurting another child, other two she went for her LSA. However, it was only for the rest of the day of the incident and it was made perfectly clear that it was to send a message to the other children that this sort of behaviour was not acceptable. Head accepted DD could not control herself due to her SEN. You don't say what your son's SEN is but you do need to go and discuss the matter with school and see where they are coming from. They should have incident forms recording everything. As has already been said, find out what triggered the incident - it was probably something so small it would seem unimportant to anyone else. Above all, don't feel guilty, it is not your fault.

jools40 · 20/04/2006 17:19

Hi I can completely understand where your coming from, as I have had the same happen to my 5yr old daughter. She has ASD with co-morbid learning difficulties and is epileptic. The mainstream school she attends suggested a couple of months back that as she was having frequent meltdowns, it would be better if she was kept at home for a week or two until things calmed down. Things were already bad enough with me having to keep picking her up after receiving phone calls from school saying they could not calm her down on so could I pick her up, lost count of how many timnes this has happened. My daughter is currently in reception with 1-1 support supposed to be 34 hours a week but she still only attends 20 hours a week at the moment. I am now in the process of her statement being sent on to a special needs resource unit that helps children on the autistic spectrum and children who have behavioural problems. I'm hoping daughter will start next term if not then, will definitely be September.

I really had also hoped that things would settle down at the mainstream school but the teacher, and outside resources coming into school and educational psychologist have all confirmed special needs education would probably be better for my daughter as the school have tried everything and feel they are no longer able to cope with my daughter's needs.

I do hope you manage to get things sorted out with your son's school.

Jules

Original poster

lars · 20/04/2006 19:48

Thanks everyone. DS has ASD and is statemented, well to be honest it seems like the lot to me ( adhd, behaviour problems, tourettes).

I have spoken to the Head, she was reallly nice and said he just reacted extremely to her request. I know this to be true as he get's really angry and abusive over a simple request to comply. This doesn't happen all the time but he doesn't know why he has reacted so badly and can't explain it. The head tends to agree with this.There doesn't appear to be a trigger, although there appears to be a fixation to carry on with what he is doing, which sometimes he cannot or is dangerous.
DS is on medication but this doesn't stop the complete melt downs. He is sorry but I am so worried about how he is going to turn out.
The school are very good with him and have made progress but he can change in a split second. larsx

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Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 20/04/2006 20:00

Special schools have one big advantage over mainstream schools- staff who understand and react appropriately. I have no idea why rosebaby is against special schools - our life improved massively when ds1 transferred to one.

They are also not just for children with severe difficulties, my friend's dd has just left her ms school because after working very well for 2 years a change of SENCo has resulted in the whole thing going pear shaped- this little girl is very high functioning (which was part of the problem the school seemed to think she could just try a bit harder). She is in a temporary specialist placement- life is calm again and they are trying to sort out something long term.

I would look into your local options to see what is available.Stopping an autistic child from doing something they are fixated on is bound to cause a meltdown. I've found with ds1 that even if it is something dagerous he strill needs a countdown then stop or he will meltdown. Are the school using this sort of strategy?

sylvm · 21/04/2006 09:58

Hi Lars, glad to hear that you are talking to the Head. It may not turn out to be the best longterm placement but it's where you are now and if you can work together, at least in the short term, it's best for everyone. Good luck.

Original poster

lars · 21/04/2006 15:25

Jimjams, I am thinking will a special school be best in long term. Ds is not severve and the LEA say mainstream. There are days when I agree with this and days when his behaviour let's him down I think special school maybe better.

I suppose my fear is to put him into a specail school which is not suitable.I was told EBD school would be able to cope but that is short term, what is the point as they put them back into main stream. I've asked professional opinions they say main stream school with support. Although he has been excluded this doesn't help a situation and is not a long term solution to his problems, afterall we have been here before at his previous school. larsxx

OP posts:

Original poster

lars · 21/04/2006 15:26

sorry sylvm forgot to add thanks for your advice and support. larsxx

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Blandmum · 21/04/2006 15:33

How much support are they talking about Lars?

Original poster

lars · 21/04/2006 17:00

Fulltime support every day. larsxx

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Blossomhill · 21/04/2006 17:01

Lars - how about considering something like what my dd attends. A unit attached to a ms school. IMO best of both worlds. My dd doesn't need and tbh wouldn't benefit from a completely special school but it's so nice for her to have the unit to have "time out" and quieter lessons.

Blandmum · 21/04/2006 17:03

With the same person? Is he getting 100% support from the same person?

If that is the case, then (to my untrained eye ) that might be better than and EBD school. It has been my experience that being with children with a specific statement for EBD....as opposed from adhd or asd....isn't that helpful for children on the ASD spectrum.

Blandmum · 21/04/2006 17:04

Blossom hill, the quieter lessons are so often the key, I think

Original poster

lars · 21/04/2006 17:16

Martin Bishop . Ds has fulltime support with the same person ( TA) within the classroom. He appears to be a mixed bag of complex needs.

Blossomhill, My idea choice would have been a unit attached to the school but there were no units for him to go to. larsxx

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Blossomhill · 21/04/2006 17:17

Lars - have you looked out of borough? I am shocked there are no units, we have loads in my borough.

Original poster

lars · 21/04/2006 17:22

Blossomhill, I did look out of borough but some were too far to travel. This would have been too much for ds.

DS is happy at his new school but it's just his outbursts that he needs to control. I'm not sure that any school would be any difference. The head was very nice and I can understand her reasons to exclude, but what the hell do you do when you are unable to change him. He knows he has done wrong but it's controlling the outbursts that is the key. larsxx

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Blossomhill · 21/04/2006 17:23

Lars - it probably is the ms that is making it so hard for him. My dd was fully ms for 6 months and it was hell. She really does need time out.

Original poster

lars · 21/04/2006 17:25

yes ds has to have time out and has responded to their strategies. But this week something just went wrong with him and he lost it, it was too late. The thing is i don't think exclusion works with children like ds. larsxx

OP posts:

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 21/04/2006 19:30

I don't think exclusion is appropraite. Like MB i would have reservations about EBD, but might be worth looking at. The school my friend's dd now attends has a mixed bag of pupils (ASD/EBD/various emotional problems) and it seems to work very well- excellent staff etc.

nothercules · 22/04/2006 14:57

Having worked in mainstream and now special school, I would say special is so often more suitable. Smaller class sizes, more adults, work should be individual with loads of differentiation. Of course doesnt mean no meltdowns but he wont get into trouble for doing what he has a special need for iyswim.

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