ffffing nativity

[endoftherainbow]

School's nativity this evening - second showing. DS3 reluctant to go but a bit of bribery and he went happily. Wish I hadn't bothered - dressed in his outfit he was sitting as one on a bench, the rest of the class sitting together on chairs. No wonder he didn't want to go. Asked brief question to teacher on the way out as to why and was told, oh it's nothing like that. ie being on own for behaviour/successful performance. Do you think that they may reflect why he answered on his pupils view for annual review that to make things better 'he'll kill himself'.! Maybe I'll feel better in the morning.

I feel your pain :( I have nearly been in tears since coming back from nativity today. 80% of the kids in his class had speaking parts - of course he didn't. He was so far in the corner that the video camera (first time ever the nativity is being filmed) cut him off.

And I wanted to feel proud and I just didn't which I know is really fucking horrible of me but I'm cross with the school and really disappointed in him for not being normal. What a horrible mother :(

hugs and honks for you both. It's shit at this time of year and it can seem so obvious as an 'outside' observer exactly how schools' feel about the DCs by the way they treat them at this kind of event.

Ds (although undiagnosed) has his school play today, second showing this evening, he didnt want to go back said the clapping was too noisy and singing is boring but i bribed him into going with sweets and he was happy when he went. I couldnt make it to see him sing but went to pick him up the pick up point at the advised him to find everyone had left and he wasnt there, asked 2 teachers who thought he had gone home!, he was found at school office, thankfully none the wiser that i hadnt arrived, heart stopper for the night!

I waited until we were home and my 3 dc's merrily playing on ds's before shedding the tears in private. DH not home and he'll accuse me of being paranoid. Teacher said it was his choice but ds3 said he couldn't sit with his friends as one of the school's TA's had told him to sit there. Another parent even told me he'd sat there in the afternoon slot. The insensitivity of it infuriates me. They talk about supporting you and just don't begin to comprehend how it feels.

Ds3 is nearly 6.5. I told him how proud I was of him. Not sure if I could cope with seeing him like that another time. DS1 commented that he looked sad where he was sitting.

It's one of those times when you wonder whether this inclusion philosophy actually works. When my DS2 was in a SS, every DC had a part in the Nativity and was properly included, and so what if they were fidgety or shouted out.

I wonder whether sometimes we become victims of the social environment within school and it's playground. If it were a bigger more challenging school he'd slip by unseen. Instead, the sheltered majority have no idea of what their judgements and comments to their dc's, that are then repeated in school can do to those who just need some common understanding and adjustments.

endoftherainbow - do you think your DS realised or is it just you that's aware? I'm not dismissing the way you feel at all but I know my DS feels really like he's chosen because he gets to sit near the teacher/has a special cushion to sit on etc rather than being singled out/separated from the other kids.

I think that sounds awful though - at least DS was vaguely sitting with the other children. Why on earth did they put him on a bench on his own? :(

I know I sound a real cow - DS is being assessed and up until it was raised at parents' evening a couple of months' ago, I had no idea anything was 'wrong' with him so I'm struggling to come to terms with it. This feels like somewhere safe to vent without people pitying me and thinking 'thank god it's her and not me'

I could be being over sensitive but he said he could have sat with his group but was told to sit on the bench. Sadly it was glaringly obvious that he was on his own as it was the only bench along the wall. We're getting closer to a dx but after being with camhs who have an opinion, they want ds to see a local pediatrician. Before ds started school we knew he wad different to our other 2 but we'd never anticipated our experiences to date. MN has been great to see that sadly we're not alone in our experiences.

YY Ellen, it's not inclusion as the dictionary defines it, is it? It's the putting up with, muddling along with, eyebrow raising, will what did you expect that's so hurtful and exhausting. At least I know where I am with exclusion.

'Inclusion' makes me laugh. It seems to come with the accompanying threat of exclusion. I long for that cloud to be lifted.

Second showing, note in home school diary, DC doesn't have to attend if he doesn't want to. School are worried he may get upset.

He was fine for first show apparently, however he was upset in the practice. He was in charge of pressing play on the music and the laptop crashed.

We had tickets for second show.

They can be so tactful

This topic makes me feel so sad. DD (4),possible ASD, developmental delay was so awkward and uneasy during her class nativity play. It broke my heart to see her so vulnerable and exposed. :-(

I might not go next year. It's been rubbish the last two years. I don't make him do sports day because it's just ritual humiliation as far as I can see so I don't know why I make him go to nativity either really

I know how you feel. For us all these special school activities are both stressful, humiliating for our children and heartbreaking as parents to witness. Sorry, bad day here. On the plus side, school want to apply for a Statement for my adorable little girl. Bittersweet.

Its really horrible my Ds with possible ASD, SPD was excluded because the nursery could not be bothered to try and include him in any way in the nativity (bearing in mind this is a 18-4 yrs nativity so will be chaos anyway)- He had to stay with the babies 0-12m, they assumed he would not cope- probably true - but they could have tried- lots of NT children seemed to meltdown and they included them!.

I am already fed up of people making assumptions about my child, if he is never given the opportunities then no one will know what he can cope with or not. After all of this he was then called last for him xmas prezzie from santa - all the while the nursery staff could see him getting closer and closer to melting down and did not appear to give a flying f*.

My son is Only 2 and a half and already I am getting led to believe the nursery staff are giving him all this help and support but when it comes down to it- I don't see much of it happening - it just feels so staged. I am so angry on behalf of my son and everyone's children with SN that are denied opportunities- because its slightly more work/need more input may need 1-2-1- Its just so unfair and rubbish - HONK.

Got very emotional reading this, "inclusion" my bum...ds has always been out at the back of every nativity/play/assembly a d he hates hates hates all the practice and learning songs. He pretty much copies what others are doing and waves at me constantly. But,,,this year he is Joseph...was so proud I was close to tears then he told me his name was picked out of a hat and he has been given one line!!! I completely agree with poltergoose, if he had proper lines to learn and felt more involved he would def be more focused and enjoy it. There is another boy with asd/adhd in his year and the poor sod is kept away from the group and never gets to do anything.

Hope all your dc's do well and end up enjoying their plays

Reading this has made me glad I did what I did this year which was to request an authorised absence for my son. He struggles with assemblies and I just wasn't going to put him or me through it. I am very confused really about what inclusion actually means, I am getting the impression your child can be as learning challenged as they like, it's when they stand out that it becomes a problem. My son certainly stands out, I like to call it raising awareness lol. Ladies, I don't have any answers to this, all I can say is put it behind you and enjoy the hols!

I have my DD's this afternoon & I'm dreading it, big hugs to all of you who have already been through it!

I'm currently sat watching 'singing hands' Xmas DVD frantically brushing up on the signs for the songs I know she is going to sing - I know I'm being stupid, she's only 2.9 FFS and it's a nursery carol concert....I keep telling myself that it really doesn't matter if she just sits there and doesn't join in, but she is so enthusiastic about music, that I want her to feel included & have some idea of what the other children are singing (DD has SLD and is moderately deaf, but loves watching me sign to her)

Right. I've had enough of this. Poor kids and poor MNSN buddies!
Let's do something positive.

Let's have a virtual MNSN nativity at 10am on Christmas Eve. Let's just stop what we're doing, start a thread, and ask our DC's to do something Christmassy. Whether it's doing their part again like imogen's DS, or practising their lines, or singing a song, or building a bloody lego nativity in their safe place. let's just come together and do something nice and think of each other and have a Christmas kiss. (DC's, not you lot, though I am sure you are all very luffly).

Who's in?

what a lovely idea, count me in too!

Again may not be able to get online, but I'll put DD favourite Xmas song signing DVD on and get all the family to join in!