I have had the day from hell

[claw4]

Social worker phones me today after visiting ds in school to 'observe' ds, which amounted to ds being taken to a room and questioned again by her.

She tells me she is very concerned by what ds has told her, he wants to kill himself, wishes he was died, he harms himself by scratching his skin off, digging himself with scissors, punching himself in the the face because of his worries and feelings etc. That he 'didnt really mention any school worries' but he said that his 19 and 16 year old brother beat him up and bully him and this was the focus of his conversation. She is now raising it to a CP issue.

She wanted me to take ds to GP today, like now and ask for a urgent mental health assessment and CAMHS referal. I told her my GP had made a CAMHS referal months ago and i had been chasing it up all week, as i too was very concerned for ds. It had been accepted and i was just waiting for appointment. I phoned CAMHS again and they said take ds to A&E and ask for psychiatrist assessment (CAMHS on call). SW told me this is what i should do, she phoned school so i could take him out of school and to the hospital.

We attended A&E and were seen by clinical psychiatrists from CAMHS

Interestingly, ds's focus or main topic of converation was all school related worries and that school was making him very unhappy and sad. He was asked by CAMHS what had he spoken to you about and he made no mention of his brothers, just all school related worries, that children bully him and hit him, they get him into trouble for things he hasnt done and tell lies about him, he finds the work too hard, hates school etc, etc.

No mention of his brothers beating him up or bullying him, even when i prompted him to tell CAMHS about his 'worries about his brothers'. He said they were 'nice' but could be annoying.

Today from what i observed all of ds's worries were about school and at the end of the assessment i asked CAMHS should i send ds to school tomorrow. They asked ds how he felt about going to school tomorrow and he replied he felt unhappy and sad about school and didnt want to go. CAMHS concluded not to send him for now, if it will distress him and potentially result in more self harm.

I explained when my GP had previously signed ds off from school due to his self harming, that the LA had written to my GP telling him that ds was fit enough to attend. CAMHS said to give school their number and they will liaise with school about ds not attending and what support he will need.

Ds also spoke about how he self harms in school ie scratches his legs so much his legs bleed and the blood goes onto his school trousers.

Sorry that is long, i dont know what to do or think anymore.

No helpful advice but just wanted to say I think you (and ds' big brother) are doing all the right things and can be proud of keeping fighting for ds despite all the crap being thrown at you.

There's nothing to stop you writing a thank you note to the Cahms lady is there? Then you can subtly document what she said e.g "Thank you so much for your prompt help with my son yesterday, it is a great relief to hear that he will be given the space he needs to recover a little from the school environment for the time being, and that you are arranging for him to recieve some proper therapy. You were very kind to my child yesterday & word's can't express how much I appreciate that"

I dunno, if what I've written is quite right, but I'm sure you'll come up with summat iykwim. I'm a great believer in thank you notes, both for professionals and Great Aunt Mabel.

Seems SW was trying to do a bit of stirring, apparently she spoke to CAMHS about the email i sent to her, in which i told her that 'Camhs had stated not to send ds to school if i felt he was showing signs of distress and could potentially lead to more self harming'

She reported to CAMHS that i had said CAMHS had told me not to send ds to school.

then she emailed me again as if CAMHS had NOT told me any of the above stating she hopes ds is well enough to attend school, after having a day off today!

I spoke to CAMHS and they stated yes the above is EXACTLY what they had told me and SW has obviously 'misunderstood' their conversation and they are happy for me to put their advice into writing and give SW a copy to avoid any further confusion!

Yes. I think claw, a very carefully worded letter to the SW reminding her that your consent to her involvement went as far as her observing your Ds in school not fucking up your family not interviewing a child with severe anxieties on the premises of the place that makes him anxious, which gives you concerns about her remit and qualifications for her role in your Ds' case. Therefore you are requesting that your Ds' case is brought to the attention of a more senior SW who has had substantial training in ASD and anxiety in children.

Make the letter as polite and non-ranty as possible with just a small hint that she is way out of her depth wrt her knowledge and skills that might lead to a very dangerous outcome indeed for your Ds if she makes a mistake etc.

Aim is to get stirrer SW out of the picture as she is adding no value to your lives and even worse.

Star I don't think she can do this. Not until CP is firmly off the table
Claw I think you need to go back to Camhs and say that their advice needs to come direct from them formally in writing, not via you, as your accounts are not believed. Currently you are potentially being investigated under child protection procedures by sw on basis you have fabricated DS difficulties.
To avoid any further 'misunderstandings' CAMHS should put their advice in writing. It cannot come from you.
CAMHS have probably had to write to your GP anyway so just need your permission to cc school and sw
I really don't think you should say anything to sw or be seen to orchestrate anything
Ideally you want CAMHS to tell sw she has got it wrong.
Also is a risk if she gets wind you think its her fault / potential complaint etc she will be rewriting the records of yesterday arse covering.
I wouldn't say anything to school either.
You could ask CAMHS to confirm its ok for sw / school staff to continue to interview your DS in this way / holding weekly 'self esteem sessions' or whether they would advise that probing his anxieties is best left to them (hopefully this will be enough of a prompt for CAMHS to tell sw and school not to talk to your DS)
Its worth a go anyway FFS how hard is it for CAMHS to write a letter?

Have you got an email for CAMHs? Can you include them in the correspondence with SW so that you can set it straight and show you are including all parties - advise SW that this is what CAMHS have said and if she is confused, perhaps they could clarify for her in writing.

Hang in there - you're doing brilliantly!

Cross-post with Agnes whose advice is much clearer!

claw, - I agree with Agnes.

Thanks very much everyone, i am reading and currently knocking up a letter following all your advice.

Heard from solcitor today too and he feels its time to change schools. Will check back later when ds is in bed, trying to juggle letter and playing ps3 with ds.

How does this sound a bit of Agnes and a bit of Star!

I feel it would be better if advice came directly from you formally, not via me, as my accounts are not believed. Currently I am potentially being investigated under child protection procedures after school reported me to child protection on the basis I have fabricated ds?s difficulties.

To avoid any further ?misunderstandings? could you please put your advice to me in writing, including the above (i stated my recollection of her advice just to make sure nothing was missed in her reply to me).

Could you please also confirm that it is ok for social worker to continue to interview and question ds about his anxieties and also school holding weekly ?self esteem sessions? and 1:1 anxiety management sessions and being questioned about his anxieties or whether you would advise that probing ds?s anxieties is best left to CAMHS?

My concerns are that neither social worker or school staff are qualified to interview or question a child with severe anxieties and ASD, in a place which could potentially be responsible for his anxieties.

Dear CAHMS lady,

Thank you for your communication re x. It would be very helpful if you could put that in writing to SW to ensure there are no misunderstandings.

I would be very grateful too, if you could confirm whether it is in Ds' interest to be further interviewed and questioned about his anxieties or attend anxiety sessions on school premises and if so by whom and the conditions within which this needs to occur to avoid distress to Ds.

Something like that. You don't need to talk about how you 'feel' or being investigated.

Yes go with Star's version
You can aways explain the rest on the phone if they refuse - probably better as star says not to put it in writing

Thanks Star and Agnes, letter is done, printed and ready to be sent and ds is in bed!