I have had the day from hell

[claw4]

Social worker phones me today after visiting ds in school to 'observe' ds, which amounted to ds being taken to a room and questioned again by her.

She tells me she is very concerned by what ds has told her, he wants to kill himself, wishes he was died, he harms himself by scratching his skin off, digging himself with scissors, punching himself in the the face because of his worries and feelings etc. That he 'didnt really mention any school worries' but he said that his 19 and 16 year old brother beat him up and bully him and this was the focus of his conversation. She is now raising it to a CP issue.

She wanted me to take ds to GP today, like now and ask for a urgent mental health assessment and CAMHS referal. I told her my GP had made a CAMHS referal months ago and i had been chasing it up all week, as i too was very concerned for ds. It had been accepted and i was just waiting for appointment. I phoned CAMHS again and they said take ds to A&E and ask for psychiatrist assessment (CAMHS on call). SW told me this is what i should do, she phoned school so i could take him out of school and to the hospital.

We attended A&E and were seen by clinical psychiatrists from CAMHS

Interestingly, ds's focus or main topic of converation was all school related worries and that school was making him very unhappy and sad. He was asked by CAMHS what had he spoken to you about and he made no mention of his brothers, just all school related worries, that children bully him and hit him, they get him into trouble for things he hasnt done and tell lies about him, he finds the work too hard, hates school etc, etc.

No mention of his brothers beating him up or bullying him, even when i prompted him to tell CAMHS about his 'worries about his brothers'. He said they were 'nice' but could be annoying.

Today from what i observed all of ds's worries were about school and at the end of the assessment i asked CAMHS should i send ds to school tomorrow. They asked ds how he felt about going to school tomorrow and he replied he felt unhappy and sad about school and didnt want to go. CAMHS concluded not to send him for now, if it will distress him and potentially result in more self harm.

I explained when my GP had previously signed ds off from school due to his self harming, that the LA had written to my GP telling him that ds was fit enough to attend. CAMHS said to give school their number and they will liaise with school about ds not attending and what support he will need.

Ds also spoke about how he self harms in school ie scratches his legs so much his legs bleed and the blood goes onto his school trousers.

Sorry that is long, i dont know what to do or think anymore.

Ah sorry. I got the wrong end of the stick there

I'm amazed with each additional comment I see. However, I really shouldn't be by now.

I'm not sure what needs the school are referring to but he's clearly being let down by them :(

Agnes i hope CAMHS have the balls to say it, they sat on the fence a lot last time.

When asked outright at a meeting with school last time 'what is the cause of ds's anxiety' they replied 'school' but they were never so direct in their reports. I find they try to sugar coat a lot and say things in a round about way, so as not to offend. The 2 i saw today in A&E were more straight forward and told me give school our number and we will liaise with them about ds not attending. But ds wont be seeing either of those, they deal with teenagers.

Just one point - I know your son probably needs a rest, but if he is signed off from school for any length of time you can push for home tuition for as much as he can cope with.

Sweet, school are back tracking fast, after writing to me telling 'CAMHS recommendations are out of date' hence why they dont follow them. They are now producing IEP's with CAMHS recommendations as targets and i recieve a copy of IEP 5 months after it was supposedly written.

So January IEP contains CAMHS recommendations. In May, 4 months later they write to tell me CAMHS recommendations are out of date, so they wont be following them. I write back asking how they have concluded this and send a copy to CAMHS. In June i receive a copy of January's IEP which contains CAMHS recommendations.

IEP has obviously been written in June when i complained and dated January!

Veritate, thanks i asked LA for home tuition, when ds was signed off by GP before 6 weeks holiday, this appears to be what prompted LA to advise school to report me to CP and write to my GP telling him ds was fit for school!

Thank you everyone for helping to calm me down and think straight, well a bit straighter than i was before. I dont know whether to laugh or cry! Still tomorrow is another day

Just found this thread. I think Bochead has nailed it and I can definitely agree with the brotherly disdain. DS2 is, apparently, the source of all of DS1' troubles.

I will also second the wine and chocolate - plus some good coffee for in the morning (Have started on M&S Christmas coffee already. It was hard to get, last year, I'm not missing out, this year!)

Can't add anything but hugs :) DS told school last year I tried to cut his fingers and toes off, they reported this (I was cutting his nails) but they soon realised how he perceives things when he told ASD Outreach they punched him in the mouth after dinner everyday (they wiped yoghurt of his face with a baby wipe).bloody difficult with how things are portrayed.

Ouryve, thank you, im feeling a bit better about things today and yes Bochead's list certainly helped me to see things more clearly. Yesterday happened so fast, one minute i was sitting here minding my own business, next im being told collect your ds from school immediately and take him to hospital.

Ds will get me hung one day, its not the first time he has 'put me in it'. He told a parent at the school 'my mum smokes weed' when i asked him how did he even know what weed was, where had he heard that word, he was repeating a Jeremy Kyle title!

He also told another parent just the other day, when i invited a boy from his class round 'my mum says your ds is a horrible boy'. I had not said anything of the sort, ds had previously told me that some boys in school were being horrible to him and i had said 'if boys are being horrible to you, dont play with them, find someone who is nice to you' I doubt this boy, will be coming on another play date!

at the school for you.

Good to see coming on here made some difference. I love how not many may even know each other, yet we all understand.

My DD says things that just aren't true. Not in a lying way either. She has been known to tell the doctor me and DH are always arguing (purely because of her hyper sensitive hearing) or that mum's slapped me across the face (when in reality, i went to grab her arm as she fell and she turned her head and I caught it). She's done and said all kinds and should most definitely know better . . at 11!! Yet she hasn't got a clue of the consequences.

Thanks Sweet, i sometimes feel i am speaking a different language when i speak to others or even professionals, like trying to explain sensory issues to SW, you can just see her glaze over as she really doesnt know what i mean. Yet on here, everyone knows exactly what you are saying, you dont even need to explain.

Even if i was to try and explain CP issues to someone, they would automatically think there is no smoke without fire and i must be guilty of something, when really its just a load of circumstances and misunderstandings.

I feel so sorry for my 16 and 19 year old sons, who are now the focus of a CP issue, having allegations of beating and bullying a 8 year old ASD kid. They are mortified and angry. They really do put up with a lot from ds, now this.

Honking for you all....xx

*Bochead has put it all so well...a calm within the storm...and ....breathe....

Claw4, I must say I'm amazed that they had the sheer stupidity to write to the GP to tell him they knew more about medical issues than he did, and I hope he told them where to get off. The simple fact is that if a child is off school for medical reasons for any length of time then the LA has a duty to arrange alternative education (s19 Education Act). If they try that again, a mention of judicial review might wake them up.

If it was genuinley believed DS's big bros were a risk to him, you wouldn't have been allowed to bring him home from the hospital yesterday. Simple as. Don't let his big bros fret. That SW is too keen to be seen to be doing her job properly, (which is a bloody good thing in your case!).

Delalakis, they wrote to my gp after i quoted s19 education act at them. They used this as their excuse ie

They wrote saying ds is now missing education, because on YOUR advice his mother has taken him out of school. He had been assessed by a team of experts and school are meeting his needs well. He shows no signs of self harming or anxiety in school. So could you please explain why ds is not well enough to attend school, so we can decide on the best education for him. You have not made a referral to CAMHS, so you are obviously not that bothered kind of thing.

My GP had made a referral to CAMHS after seeing ds, but he was saying anxiety and self harming is out of his remit. He was saying if the LA are saying a team of experts have assessed ds, he cannot go against them and by this time ds's injuries were gone where he had not been at school. My GP was basically saying he didnt have a leg to stand on.

Bochead, my 16 year old ds is hurt and confused as to why ds would say such things about him. He puts up with an awful lot from ds and handles it very well, he feels he is walking on egg shells. I have reassured him and explained why ds is intolerant of him and blows hot and cold. He makes a real effort with ds and feels like its a kick in the teeth.

My 19 year old ds, who doesnt live here isnt as bothered, as he hasnt lived here for over a year now and just thinks its nonsense.

tell 16 year old he's a fooking amazing big bro & that this is school (cos how do YOU know what leading questions were asked) really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Make sure he gets just how devious, underhand and LOW this is of school to do this.

Based on my own experience, when all else fails they try to destroy the family unit emotionally. It's horrible. In my case it sadly worked as DS's eldest brother emigrated as a direct result. Ask your 16 year to not give them the satisfaction of doing the same to your family.

Yes, make sure your 16yr old understands that the school has put your ds up to this allegation, or at least created a situation for him that made it happen.

Try hard to not let your older ds blame your younger one. He wasn't asked appropriately and what he said, isn't what we all mean by it. Say that your little ds needs his support more than ever and it was a cruel trick by the school to further blame the home environment where THEY should be taking responsibility.

Thanks guys, he is continuing to be very good with ds, at the moment he is playing ps3 with ds and he will put up with being told what to do and when to do it or risk a screaming fit. Despite potentially being the focus of a CP issue. He is very understanding, im proud of him.

This morning ds would not get out of bed, he was saying he felt psychically ill ie signs of anxiety stomach ache, hurting legs, feeling sick. Said he was feeling very unhappy still. So when ds got in from college, he went and got him out of bed to play ps3 and he is now upstairs giggling and laughing with him.

CAMHS lady who we saw yesterday in A&E phoned too to see how ds was, told her the above and she said for me to judge every morning whether i felt ds was capable of dealing with school or not and if school had a problem with ds not attending, to phone her and she would deal with school and SW. She said that once ds starts therapy and the therapist gets to know him, i can then discuss with therapist if returning to school or an alternative is the best option.

What i am concerned about is that if ds doesnt go to school and starts CAMHS therapy he will have no worries and then what?

Can you write to the CAHMs lady asking the question, but also clarifying that she told you to be the judge re school and that school were to refer to her if they didn't like it etc.?

Cover your back and also raise the concern of 'what next?' now.

Because 'what next?' is what you are trying to secure.

I thought rather than writing to CAMHS and appearing 'pushy' as they really do seem to be onside, i would inform SW in writing of the advice i had received from CAMHS and ask her to contact school and give them CAMHS phone number?

She was saying they cannot make any long term decisions at the moment until ds starts therapy and they get to know him. For now all i can do is deal with it on a day to day basis and if i feel he is too distressed for school, then dont send him and that i should not worry about getting into any trouble with school or SW as she will speak to them, if they have a problem.

Yes. Excellent idea. You really do need to keep CAHMS onside, - but you do also need to document.

Just heard from SW, apparently she has spoken to CAMHS and once ds's case is 'picked up' she will call a Multi agency meeting. She says she hopes ds is better today and hopes he is well enough to return to school tomorrow!

I think writing to CAMHS lady is a good idea Star!

claw, - honestly, you have been doing and continue to do everything right. You and your poor family do not deserve this, but your strength is very frightening to those who are trying to stand against you, which in a way is why it is harder. But you're going to come out of this one day.

I find religion helps a little. One day I will be answerable to God and for sure he'll tick me off on a number of things, but not for the fight for my ds because I truly fought evil with love.