Multidisclipinary meeting for Thursday

[jenk1]

Got a letter this morning to say that on Thu at DS school there will be a meeting between school(thats a first) EWO,Pscyh,home tuition lady-, headteacher(flippin eck) and moi and i will be taking Parent Partnership, DH and my aunty who is a deputy head-just retired and knows the system inside out.

Now, psych is going to say -definately not autistic but complex needs with autistic traits, do i bite my tongue and give her evil looks like last time or should i tell them that we disagree and that another psych will be asessing DS or will that be like lighting the torch paper-if thats the saying.

Got this mood about me that i feel like telling psych where she can stick her parenting course but, then i dont want to make any more enemies do i?

don't know much. But I do feel if you disagree you should tell them. I always think we know more about our kids than they do.

I think you should tell them but try to do it as unemotionally as possible.... not easy! I would even say you're looking forward to or already enjoying the parenting course, take the wind out of her sails.

You're not going to get many opportunities like this, so go ahead and say what you feel, if anyone is entitled to give an opinion it's you. You'll only regret it later if you keep your mouth closed. Good luck jenk.

I'd mention gently that you are following up further assessment.

If you have started the parenting course, can you say that you are finding that it reinforces the techniques you have always been applying at home?

I think you should focus on what you need to achieve in this specific school-based meeting with EWO, home-tuition etc. They (education sustem) should be planning how they can meet his complex needs, rather than what his specific dx is. I find before any meeting I like to figure out one or two kkey specific things that I would like toa cheive / gain and focus on those - this might be for you a plan on how to manage DS's return to school and / or what support he needs when he's there and / or what the home tuition lady will do ... have a clear idea on what you want the asnwer to be for each of these, and discuss beforehand with your aunty whether that is realistic.

Keep focused that this particualr meeting is about meeting DS's educational needs.

Let of steam elsewhere on what you think of the pysch / dx / system etc.

clearly I have a different view and have cross-posted.
Of course, if what you want to achieve is making your true feelings known, then do that!

What I wanted to say was just that I find it helps me to figure out what I most want to achieve from a meeting.

Thanks everyone for the advice and squeaky cat those are some really good points for me to put into plan before the meeting.

I agree that you should say that you are doing a further assessment re an autism dx so that it can be put in the minutes of the meeting. Good luck with it all. If you're anything like me it'll be stressful and emotional- I find it helps me stay calm if I have a list of everything I want to say.

well, Parent Partnership dont think they can make it, will find out tomorrow, my aunty is abroad, my mum is ill so its not looking good.

Feel a bit peeved cos the letter was dated last thursday and we have only received it today which gives us 2 days notice, not enough time to sort out representation or childminders etc.

Or perhaps that was the plan, but they really should have consulted us first.

If parent partnership cannot make it then im not going as i dont always understand what is being said and the lady from PP is aware that i have AS and is very good.

Jen,

If you don't go to the meeting you can't put your case across though.

You could ask them to explain anything your not sure about and explain about your AS if needs be.

The way the school and everyone involved is treating your sons case disgusts me, you need to be there to make sure things aren't brushed any further under the carpet.

take care

emma xx

Its a shame you don't live near poole or I'd go with you jenk. Is there no-one else that you trust that can go with you?

DH is coming, DH is very angry and says that if they start tryng to force us into agreeing something that we dont want then we shall leave the meeting and reappoint the solicitor, we are waiting on a call from her this afternoon just to check that we are doing everything right and also check that we are not being bullied into something that we dont want.

Psych is of the opinion that we are making home life too "comfortable" for DS and thats the reason that he doesnt want to go back into school-ie its a "seperation issue"

Oh my wordy pants!!!!!

Just got off the phone to the headteacher who rang to ask would we be attending, she said that all the letters were sent out on the same day, so we will give her the benefit of the doubt on that one.

So coming tomorrow are:

Consultant Clinical Psychologist who DS sees weekly
Senior EWO
Home Tuition lady
Educational Psychologist
Manager of SEN dept-she writes the statements , cant wait to see her
Head Teacher
SENCO who is DS teacher and is about as much use as a chocolate fireguard
Learning Mentor-shes really nice
And me and DH.

Feel sick thinking about it, tonight me and DH are going to write down questions for them, ie what support are they going to offer DS, if anyone can think of any more i would be grateful as i seem to have brainfreeze!!!

can't offer any advice. I do hope all goes well.

Ask them to be specific - what are their areas of concern, what are their short term targets, what are their long term targets, how do they plan to acheive those targets and what is their planned timescale, what strategies are they going to use, what criteria will they use to assess success, what support and provision are they going to offer and from whom. Can't think of any more just now. hope that helps.

thanks amynnixmum that does help

jenk1 from what i have been through personlly myself half of these people think they know your child better than you we have had a vwery bad relationship with ds eduation phycologist (please excuse the spelling!!!).

what you have to rerember is these people only see a glimpse into your life and your childs.

im really pleased for you that you have got your aunty coming with you who knows about these things as in my experiance they tend to look down there noses at you

for the mean time if i was you i would just sit there and try not to dissagree with them then once you have got your second opinion then you can throw it their faces

Beleave me the biggest satisfaction is when we got ds in to special school and they have an educational phycologist on site so i phoned ours up and told him his services were no longer required!!

Good luck with it hope it goes the way you want xx

thanks nicolajc, unfortunately my aunty is abroad atm so its just me and dh.

I have emailed the private psych who is coming to see us on Mon and his advice was to sit there and listen but say nothing as they will say that we agreed to things just by us being there if we get into a debate with them.

Hardest bit will be when psych says "he definately isnt autistic as he has imagination"

I will have to bite my lip, but at least this is a step in the right direction, i mean he,s been out of school for 5 months and this is the first time that everyone will have gotten together to discuss ways to help him.

its just really stupid isnt it i mean my ds has Autism he got diagnosed novenber 2004 and it was us that was in denial at first because at home he did have imagination, he did have social skills with us and even now when he gets home from school the things they write about him its as if its a different child.

What i have found over the time is they adapt their personalateys to differnt enviroments almost like camilions!! Most of my friends have noticed the same with their autistic children.

Thats really good that you have your dh with you at least you wont feel as intimadated as you would by your self,you need some one to lean on and if you are anything like me you need to let rip when you get out of there and you can rip their heads off!!

You are their mother and nobody knows your child better than your self.
They will try to undermind you and push you into things you dont want you find your self just nodding along with them as they try to belittle you.
Just stick to your guns try to keep stum and then when you get your second opinon then you can tell them what you think!!

Don't know if this will be any help to you Jenk1......

The following information is designed to give parents information and tips to assist through the assessment process.
When you attend assessments
Whether the assessment is by a psychologist or a therapist you can use the following tips to guide you through.
Questions to ask the assessor
• What he/she is trying to find out about your child?
• How does he/she plan to go about it? (Perhaps the assessor will show you the test materials, the room or explain the sequence of actions.)
• After the assessment ask what he or she found out and what affect that is likely to have on your child's learning in school/education
• Follow this up with questions about how the needs can be met.
• Will your child need special equipment?
• Will there be a need for extra staff?
• Will staff need training?
Write the answers down and agree these with the assessor before you leave. Ask the assessor how long it will be before you receive a report and who else will be given a copy.

Hope it goes well xx

thanks chatee

well, its finally here, i didnt sleep at all last night as i was going over and over in my mind things that they might say/infer.

Will check back in later and let you know

will be thinking of you today jenk1 and wishing you well.....

Thanks chatee, Parent Partnership have just phoned me to wish me luck, she said "you have dont this, you on your own, its not normal practice for this LEA to send their top people to a meeting without a statement so you should be proud of yourself, you have never given up on your DS and you should be proud, be calm and when it comes to your turn be precise and tell them how you feel, you can do it ive seen you in action-go get them"!!
Felt a bit tearful after that conversation, just phoned my mum and she was tearful on the phone as well, she,s not well otherwise she would be coming with me so she,s minding the kids instead!

Have did it go Jenk?