oh fuck... school observations

[redwhiteandblueeyedsusan]

if he behaves well at school... they are going to think it is all in my mind and I am the bad parent... and therefore a bad teacher too and can't escape back to work right?

the tantrums, screaming, biting, running away, hitting, spitting are all going to be my fault...

Then we can be bad parents together ;)

ah, company is good...

shift over on that bad parent bench

fancy a sarnie?

Its well known that children can behave differently in different settings, and that one observation is just that ONE, not necessarily representative of the norm. More than one is needed to form any meaningful conclusions.

You know it IS possible for a child to have SEN AND a shit parent!?

of course it is Star

Just keep quoting "compartmentalisation" at them, impresses most professionals

DDs behave differently at home and school but any proffessional worth their salt can still spot the signs in a child in any setting.

Dd3 was observed a number of times in her old school by different proffs, the paed completely failed to notice her issues but the SALT did and she went on to help us to get a DX.

I agree that "compartmentalisation" would be a great word, if I could say it

I bring chocolate.....can I have room on the bad parents bench?

''Compartmentalisation'' I likey (nods head in non-comprehending but impressed fashion)

Presume you have done the diary-ing and noting of times that the sensory and environmental demands exceed his ability;leading him to act out his frustration with agression, at a system that is failing to adequately recognise and support his individual needs?

We had this. video camera is the way to go ! To be fair they did finally notice

it in the school setting with me pointing out the bleedin obvious !

budge up :) i swear my ds is a different boy in school!

I'm joining the bench too, if that's ok . . I've brought

starlight has it... at least as far as his father goes

he had a scrreaming paddy lying in the playground because I made him give the ball back to the small boy he had taken it off. not his worst admittedly, but did the teacher notice when she came to let the other half of the reception parents in... oh no!

I used to feel like banging my head against a brick wall when nursery said he had a good day... knowing I may have chunks scratched out of cheeks or be bitten/hit before the end of the school drive. oh and getting told he held the door for the nursery nurse whilst they cooked cakes in the staff room.. yes he has a thing about doors, opening and closing a door for an hour would be his idea of fun..

Can we all climb on the back of the bench, jump on and off the arm, ignore the bell, cry because the chocolate has been broken into not-quite perfectly symmetrical pieces, turn our socks inside put for comfort, be unable to understand most of what's said to me and still not have any issues because all mums do that?

Oops, forgot it's only the dc's little ways they don't notice, while parents' every little feature is closely scrutinised...

marimama oh yes!

pipinjo, how is that transport going?

(actaully it does not help that I missed dd's little ways and the wonderful nursery teacher spotted them)

C'mon - lets be serious here. 1 bench is not going to cut it - let's hire a stadium!
My DS is positively angelic at school - and for ages I wasn't believed, and I work there! My saving grace has been his siblings starting and grassing his behaviour up all the time. That and when he waits for me in school, he forgets he's at school and starts to behave more like he does at home. Also, as he matures (use that term loosely) he finds it harder and harder to fit in with the stereotype of 'good' behaviour.

My Ds was NOT great at school, though they reported he was. This is due to a mixture of things.

1. They didn't understand his difficulties and misinterpreted them.
2. The difficulties they did see they didn't believe anything coukd be done about it anyway.
3. It suited them to believe I was both overstating his needs to suck their limited resources and understating his needs when they failed to meet my expectations.

DS1 apparently had no problems in school - that was because he spent the whole of the first year hidden under a desk. He threw a tantrum if they tried to get him out, but he was behaving (ie sat quietly under a desk doing zilch).

Until the paed went into observe.
Then I got told "IF she had only come a week earlier she'd have seen loads of odd behaviour, he is fine now"
Paed's version "He has loads of issues in school..."

With DS2 (Different school) I mentioned he was on waiting list for ASD dx when he was in nursery at parents evening. "What no? Surely not, he is fine" etc next sentence "We need to work on him being very rigid and not able to change his routines..."

Ho hum.

I'll join the naughty bench. DS2 has the worst behaviour when I am around, but fine at school.

mariamam - Truth(fist bump)

Y'all need to shift along that bench, & return for a space to plonk my bum too, I'll pass along the tin of sweet potato muffins. (I bake when stressed or under attack).

I'm a truly terrible parent - my crimes are far too long to list here. Worst among them is that I haven't yet mastered the pyschic link to remotely control my VERY strong-willed escapologist between the hours of 9 & 3.30.

Sing that Tom Petty Tune along with me "No I won't back down, gonna stand my ground!"

We've got the Ed Psych coming in on Monday to observe DD in Playgroup. We've explained that she will scream and scream as soon as I leave the room because she feels vulnerable with her physical disability. Today, I decided to do a trial run for Monday, so I told her I was nipping out to put something in the car. I came back a few minutes later and... She was playing happily. Later, she was in one room, I was in the other room and they shut the doors between them for tidy up time. Did she have a meltdown in the 10 minutes until they were opened again? Nope. Happy as bloody Larry!

9 sodding months I've been going to playgroup with her because she won't settle and screams when I try to leave. Now that we've got people coming in to observe her to see if she needs 1-1 support, NOW she decides to bloody well settle! ARGH! Fab sense of timing, my girl!

We'll see what happens I guess...

I had similar fearscwhen ds2 was being observed. He never kicked & screamed etc at school but the ot & psych where able to point out to the school staff more subtle behaviours which were a sign of his increased anxiety.
Sometimes you can tell a school till you're blue in the face but they wont accept it untilntold by an expert.