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SN children

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Original poster

Idiotic woman in supermarket

36 replies

Triggles · 27/08/2012 20:44

Yesterday we were in the supermarket, DS2 was in his Mac Major, being a bit loud and shrieky off and on. At the register, the lady waiting in the next line over makes an exaggerated jump and says loudly (looking at DS2) "oh my goodness, he's loud!" DH, of course, responds with a growly "what are you looking at? what's your problem? haven't you heard children make noise before?"

The woman indicates her walking stick and says "his noise startled me, as I'm disabled.." ... so I said loudly "so is he... what's your point?"

It just seemed such an odd statement "his noise started me as I'm disabled"... I mean REALLY??

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tallwivglasses · 27/08/2012 21:13

Well they say one impairement can heighten another sense - eg. blind people having excellent hearing, etc.

It sounds like you both gave as good as you got, anyway.

I saw a nice facebook sentence that went along the lines of 'Keep staring - you may cure my child's autism. Then we can tackle your poor social skills.' I rather liked that.

2old2beamum · 27/08/2012 21:37

I am afraid I would have backed away "smiled" sweetly (with the bile raising your son is in throat and a tear in my eye) , but I am the biggest wuss out despite having adopted 8 with SN, I find this attitude the best option to keep my and my DC's dignity, Surprisingly usually another member of the public sticks up for my DC's. Basically they can stuff their po faces up their arse. Never forget your DC is a gift xx

RevDebeezWoodall · 27/08/2012 21:44

How does she deal with every other child that makes noise then . Good on you and your husband for standing your ground. I'd hate to think a child was exposed to this kind of attitude and felt undefended.

A child making noise ffs, what do people expect of children?

Original poster

Triggles · 27/08/2012 21:47

tallwivglasses I suppose if he'd shrieked suddenly when she was close I could understand it a bit... but he'd been loud for quite a few minutes, while she was standing there waiting for the person next to her... then suddenly she jumped and made an issue of it... It was rather contrived and exaggerated.

2old generally I would, but it's been a really rough week or so around here, and I'm just barely hanging on by a thread. We'd already had a couple other people make comments about him being in a pushchair in the shop, and unfortunately my temper was already pretty frayed by the time we got to the register.

Some days it just doesn't pay to leave the house....

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Original poster

Triggles · 27/08/2012 21:50

RevDebeez exactly. My standard response when DH is getting a bit edgy when DS2 is making noise in a public place (supermarket, etc) is "children make noise, people need to come to grips with that. It's not like he's making noise in church or something.. it's a supermarket for heaven's sake!!" generally in a loud enough voice for those who are gawking/commenting to hear. Obviously I wouldn't sit in church or somewhere like that (where there is an expectation of relative quiet) while he was making noise... but a supermarket???

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RevDebeezWoodall · 27/08/2012 21:58

Sounds like a good strategy Triggles, I don't know anything about your family other than what you've posted here. I'm a lurker here, just starting down the ASD investigation route with DS aged 8.

I know very little about children who have special needs is my point. But you mention the comments about your DS being in the pushchair. Some people just don't use common sense, i.e. That child looks a little old for a pushchair do I a) pass comment or b) engage my brain and think about why it might be needed.

If it's any consolation I love loud kids in supermarkets. They always appreciate a hello or a tongue out and are a lovely distraction for me from the monotony of shopping and the miserable buggers in there. We sing round the supermarket . Like you said, it's not Church!

Original poster

Triggles · 27/08/2012 22:03

Ah, Rev, you'd like our boys then - they sing round the supermarket quite frequently. I'll admit it's often Jingle Bells in July and August, but singing nonetheless.

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RevDebeezWoodall · 27/08/2012 22:05

Well if you're ever in Kilmarnock we can host an Asda sing along!

Original poster

Triggles · 27/08/2012 22:09

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2old2beamum · 27/08/2012 22:10

Triggles Never ever let your child make you feel you need to hide away they have as much right to be in a supermarket as anyone else, hold your head up high,
TBH I find SN far better behaved than many NT children
Take care from an old fart xx

Ilovecake1 · 27/08/2012 22:13

Good on you Triggles, people like that just make me MAD!!! I have spoken up on several times when people look down their noses and give a silly comment to my daughter. I just feel life can be tough enough anyway without people that giving very silly comments.

mariammariam · 27/08/2012 22:23

Send her to me; we only recently stopped doing 3 simultaneously super-loud dc in church.

frizzcat · 27/08/2012 23:27

Get in there Triggles - I would have done the same

bochead · 28/08/2012 12:01

Sensory issues don't stop when someone hits adulthood. My Dad had a "thing" about smells, my son freaks at certain noises.

Adults have invisible disabilities too. Sounds like this lady did tbh. She did say she was disabled. Her responses just sound rather "spectrummy", as opposed to blatently rude iykwim.

Original poster

Triggles · 28/08/2012 12:58

Possibly. But then, as I said, she was fine standing there for a number of minutes while he was already making the noises, then just made a rather big show of it.

I'm quite well aware that adults have invisible disabilities too, although when she said she was disabled, she was indicating at her walking stick. Invisible disability or not, there was no need for her to comment at all about him. I'm not going to stop and say "gosh, are you rude because you're disabled or just rude in particular?" to anyone that makes an unnecessary comment about DS2.

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2old2beamum · 28/08/2012 14:25

Totally agree with you Triggles most people do not mention they have a disability why should they.

StarlightMcKenzie · 28/08/2012 15:33

Obviously disabled people startle more easily than non-disabled, regardless of disability, and especially I you have a dodgy knee!

StarlightMcKenzie · 28/08/2012 15:40

Actually I remember last week there was a smartly dressed woman in a cafe just starting her sandwich and I went in with my Ds, dd and new Ds in a buggy. I tucked the buggy out of the way temporarily whilst I shuffled the seats for us all and this woman got VERY agitated. I then went to retrieve the buggy with Ds in it and before I had a chance this woman was was panicking and verbalising to me how she won't be able to get out once she has finished her lunch.

I guess she must have had a hidden disability.

perceptionreality · 28/08/2012 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bochead · 28/08/2012 17:49

My son is convinced a significant minority of shoppers on our local High St, are aliens in disguise. Given the abscence of humanity demonstrated & general lack of compassion, we witness on a weekly basis, I get more & more inclined to agree with him as the years go by.

I often remind myself that pig ignorance is incurable. I'm that crazy woman humming this tune in the queue at Tesco's giving em the "stare down"

"collie buddz - I'm blind to you"

On the other hand if we can't take into account the possibility of a hidden disability - who will?

TheLightPassenger · 28/08/2012 18:04

Hmm on the fence on this issue, as I do have some sensory issues re:noise and being trapped BUT I would just think of it as my problem, rather than moan about it to someone I perceived as setting me off. So in Star's cafe woman situation I might quietly hyperventilate but would not say anything iyswim.

RevDebeezWoodall · 28/08/2012 18:09

Good point Bochead.

I remember being on the back of a bus many moons ago.

On my left is a boy about 8 years old. On his dads knee. Playing with a small piece of sticky tape. Every now and then his dad gave him a new piece.

Two rows in front. A family with a little boy who was trying to stand on his chair, shouting and banging on the glass.

Father of little boy says "Excuse me, my son has autism and is finding the noise distressing, I'm worried he's going to get upset."

Family with boy in front says "I'm sorry, my son has ADHD, he can't help being loud, if we moved to the front of the bus would that help?"

Father "Yes, again I'm sorry, it's not your fault. Thank you though."

And everyone lived happily ever after. (Not verbatim but you get the idea of how nice and polite everyone was)

I knew nothing about special needs at this point, or children for that matter, was well before DS. But I do remember thinking "how considerate". Everyone had good reason for what was going on, but everyone tried to be nice and think about others.

StarlightMcKenzie · 28/08/2012 18:12

Blimey Rev, are you from Mars?

RevDebeezWoodall · 28/08/2012 18:15

No, but isn't it sad that it isn't the norm!

baboos · 28/08/2012 18:35

On the other hand if we can't take into account the possibility of a hidden disability - who will?

Absolutely... I certainly believe I have become more aware to differences in others and make allowances, although i can be quite short when it's just obvious ignorance.

I see it as something positive that ds's disability has taught me.

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