Idiotic woman in supermarket

[Triggles]

Yesterday we were in the supermarket, DS2 was in his Mac Major, being a bit loud and shrieky off and on. At the register, the lady waiting in the next line over makes an exaggerated jump and says loudly (looking at DS2) "oh my goodness, he's loud!" DH, of course, responds with a growly "what are you looking at? what's your problem? haven't you heard children make noise before?"

The woman indicates her walking stick and says "his noise startled me, as I'm disabled.." ... so I said loudly "so is he... what's your point?"

It just seemed such an odd statement "his noise started me as I'm disabled"... I mean REALLY??

I do try to be aware of others in that respect. But that includes NOT commenting in a way that makes them uncomfortable for their differences. My issue was the way she handled it, making an issue of DS2's differences, while at the same time expecting allowances for hers.

Had she simply been startled and not commented, it wouldn't have been an issue at all.

Oo, I'm totally on the fence here.

Dd2 is quite sensitive to noise and light, but only some noise and light, and from (randomly) a school experiment about tone, we know she has real issues with specific frequencies. So, sometimes, she can be oblivious to quite loud noise, but a slight change in frequency or something out of the blue (even after a period of the same loud noise) can trigger what looks like a Moro. (When she was younger the response looked like a drop seizure, now she can usually stay upright, but she has to grab something for support).

And, um, in those situations, I've probably been guilty of taking the 'easy' explanation for her behavior by gesturing to her wheelchair. So the wheelchair per se isn't the reason she has sensitivities to noise, but it's shorthand for 'issues' if you like.

I'm wondering if the lady was a bit embarrassed about having jumped so visibly, when most people would not have, and was a bit flustered, so explained the easiest way, with a 'signpost' of disability. I know I do it sometimes... And I wonder whether dd2 will use the same way out when she's an old duck in the supermarket. It's just a way of coping, I think. She obviously wasn't embarrassed as a littlie (too busy screaming after hitting the deck when her legs collapsed), but even know I see her startle out of the blue (and we hang out with a lot of kids who have autism, so she's more than used to unpredictable loud noises) and then flush, as she knows it's not a normal response... so she's embarrassed about the startle, especially knowing that the other kids can't help the noise. She doesn't have to explain in this situation, as everyone knows she has a disability, but she's still embarrassed...

She could just have been a woman in a supermarket making a point about a loud kid, but I dunno.

The cafe woman is similar - I don't have claustrophobia, but have had a few occasions where I have absolutely lost it as I can't see an escape route (twice when sitting in the back of the car... A situation I have been in a gazillion times). But she might just have been an odd woman in a cafe.

Folk are strange, no doubt.

My response to this sort of thing tends to be "yes he is loud, isn't he?" :o

I admit it can be a bit of a muddle. I understand she was disabled. And sometimes I ignore comments as it's just not worth getting upset over. But I just thought someone who is disabled themselves would be less likely to pass comment on DS2 and was a bit disgusted that they had. oh well..am over it now, and have chalked it up to a bad day altogether

Triggles, the only cats bum face one of DS1's mega meltdowns has ever attracted was from a woman in a wheelchair - surrounded by a hoard of grandchildren bouncing all over the place, bickering and standing on the benches in the shopping centre while none of the other adults with her paid them any attention. As with other people, I drew my conclusions, namely that she must have decided that we're awfully cruel parents upsetting him like that.

She got one of my legendary eff off and don't you say a word glares.

Hi Triggles, I am not defending woman, (as you say it wasn't a sudden loud noise which could cause a reaction,) but did want to post to say my dh has odd reactions to noises... his neuro muscular condition means he has no propreception, so is always using a bit of his concentration to work out where his feet and legs are, and sudden noises or things which disturb his concentration can make him fall over his own feet... (life is interesting with ds ).

I remember walking along the street noticing something in a shop window and saying 'Wow look at that!!' and then turning back to find him in a heap on the floor next to me...

Isn't it a bit of the pot calling the kettle black if you automatically assume the woman is bad mannered and not disabled and then pretty well say as much to her face? I don't really see the difference between what you so disapprove of and what you did in return, unless you really want to argue that it's OK to be insensitive to other peoples' disabilities (or deny their extent or existence) if they started it. I know it's difficult not to lash out, sometimes, in situations like that (I've done it once before), but I don't think it's right to justify it to yourself, tbh.

probably a bit more helpful if you read the thread completely. I DID say that she said she was disabled and that it was a difficult situation and that I probably reacted as I did because I was under a lot of stress recently, but by the same token there was no reason for her to comment.

I was just venting. we do that occasionally here. You can pot and kettle all you like, but I think you getting in my face about it is rather uncalled for. Frankly, I'm not much worried about whether you think it's right to justify it to myself.

Perhaps she had an "invisible" disability. Perhaps not. Perhaps it's just a bad leg/knee/whatever and she's just rude. People with disabilities are just as capable of being rude and making unnecessary comments as anyone else. Perhaps she's simply a person with disabilities that made a rude or unnecessary comment. I guess we'll never know.

OK, then. Sorry - vent away. You should have seen how I reacted one day when I was trying to help my (low tone, hypermobile, mild aspergers) son to climb along a horizontal ladder and a lady behind me whose son was impatiently coming right up behind my son and bumping into him (putting him off, frightening him and slowing him down even more) commented that my ds1 "is rather slow, isn't he?" I said an awful lot more than you did in your situation.... .

I think we all could use a warning alarm... you know like the old "Danger Will Robinson" (ooh that dates me!!|) or a "warning! warning! explosion imminent!" to warn those around us...