Starlight is SO SO stupid.......

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Okay, - brilliant news about the statement. Even better that the LA have agreed to transport - yay.

Downloaded transport forms and 'oh no', there is a section that demands transport cannot be given without a name and address of an emergency contact WITHIN ONE MILE of where we live.

We just moved here. The few weeks we have been here we have been either travelling to and from ds' school (1 and a quarter hours each way, twice a day), on public transport or having a baby etc. I DON'T KNOW anyone.

Fine, I can just take ds to school until I do, except, dd starts state nursery locally in Sept, that begins an hour after I have to leave to take ds to school. HVs for new baby made it VERY clear that they expect dd to be in nursery having a brother with ASD (yeah I know )

So contact dd's new school for breakfast club. It does exist but not until reception age. School tell me that given it is so important for dd's development and she is under 5, to contact HVs as they help with these things and may have some centre or respite/children's centre address temporarily or some other solution until I get to know the mums at her nursery.

HVs simply reel off a long list of evidence of incompetency:

1. We can't help because your ds is out of borough
2. Other parents manage when their children are at two different schools.
3. Why don't you make some friends?
4. Try the Citizens Advice Bureau
5. We expect your dd to attend Nursery.
6. Travelling for that much time is not in your dd's interests.
7. We can't help you because the emergency contact is for your ds, not your dd and he is 5 now.

So there you go. I would never have called the HVs btw if the school hadn't suggested it. I only called the school to find out if there was a breakfast club and had to explain why I was trying to get them to make an exception for my dd despite being in nursery as she is 4 in the first week of september so missed it by one week.

It's amazing how things escalate. Now my blood pressure is high and I'm pissed off.

Again, another example of why we should never get in contact with agencies for help with our 'problems'!

Can you not just knock on your nearest neighbour and ask them if you can put them down?

I assume it is in case they try to drop off from school and for some reason you are not there? As I guess this is extremely unlikely they are very unlikely to be called on and over time you can make more permenant arrangements, when you find more friends.

I guess it depends on your ds needs. I was asked by my HV to contact a family who moved near me. In this case the dd was at a special school with transport which didn't always come early enough to take the ds to school herself. So I called round and offered to take him to school.

After a few terms she built up her own social network but for the first few terms I was the person she called on if really stuck.

Where are you star - can anyone on here help out with emergency contact until you get sorted

I tried with one neighbour, but they were visibly uncomfortable with the idea of being an emergency contact for a child with ASD, and as they are elderly I don't feel I can push it, which I'd have to get their surname and phone number.

There is apparently a family across the road with a secondary school aged boy with ASD who has transport to another school. I have never met them but they might understand perhaps!???

TBH, I will figure it out. It is apparently what I do. But I'm just pissed off with the 'system'. Both the level of incompentence, but more significantly the lack of anyone in it actually 'caring'! and their preference to either blame me, or pass me over to be someone elses problem.

And I'm angry with myself for getting sucked into it again.

Actually, I might try contacting the local support group and see if they can send out a request to their mailing list, just to cover a month or two.

If I were your neighbour, I'd do it.

by which I mean you shouldn't be afraid to ask people :)

I'd be tempted to put down a neighbour's address with a mobile number that you own tbh I can tell you in six years of transporting ds 30 miles a day there and back not once has my emergency contact been called.
Our emergency contact is our older so who lives at home who if they contacted he'd be at work and further away from the school than we are anyway.

Thank you SOUP.

There is a woman a few doors down with children a similar age to my kids. Perhaps I could knock and offer to babysit a couple of times in return.

Or perhaps I could make that same offer for the support group mailing list!?

I thought of that insanity, but not sure of neighbours surname. Not sure I should make it up.

I have no intention of ever not being in, btw.

If that ever DID happen, I'd get one of ds' classmate mums to get themselves to our house. Sadly none live within a mile.

I'm pretty sure they are called White

LOL!

or Green or Brown or Jones It's only for a matter of weeks by which time you will have made friends and can change details. Pretty sure it's not a requirement now that everyone has mobiles anyway.

Actually doubt they would check so I would simply put in my own mobile number and address. I think as long as all the sections are filled in they couldn't care less. Plus the emergency contacts are always going to be you and your dh. Tis pointless. I am also a bit shocked at the fuss your HV are making about your dd. let's be frank you are the one who would spot any problems well before a nursery is likely to do so!

The HVs also had the cheek to say that it was important that I got a break from dd

Who says!?

Fairly sure the data entry person at the LA would spot the duplication of the address.

Ah well. Have a few options and most of you have given me the confidence to go knocking on local doors.

I suppose I am so used to people doing NOTHING for us, I'll be if someone agrees to anything that makes our lives easier.

There's you

Then there's dh

Then there's me living next door but one... I'm feeding the baby right now but I'll keep trying Star's mobile till she picks up shall i, Mr Interferingbusybody

Shame your nearest neighbour won't help so try the family with the son with ASD and the family with similar aged children. I'm sure one or both will help.

As you say, you intend to always be there, it is more as a paper trail.

And you might make friends too!

Dd's SSSEN teacher (who had been ds's) made me laugh when she was told by nursery that they would like dd to attend daily instead of two mornings as I preferred. She replied that she felt it would be detrimental to remove dd from me who was providing an early intervention programme to place her in a nursery without the knowledge and experience I had and so obviously a less valuable experience and that she considered home to be dd's primary area of learning.
I'd say without doubt that it's the same for your dd too as for HV's I binned mine when I got dd's red book, the look of relief on her face was a picture as she knew I pressed a formal complaint about ds's.

Just a thought, not sure if suggested but find local childminder. Explain that you need someone as a contact, are happy to pay small amount just in case, or even use them to watch dd before nursery, and then it's two birds with one stone

If you were near me I would happily do it

HVs don't have any authority to insist your DD goes to nursery, do they??

Only via SS and CP iirc!

I just let that one blow over. I'm a bit fed up of people telling me I MUST do x, and then refusing to help. Got that once before with SS 'You have to MAKE time!' - yeah alright, so how do I do that then!?

That's really stressful. I don't know why these agencies keep interfering in the lives of people who are going over and above for their kids.