Starlight is SO SO stupid.......

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Okay, - brilliant news about the statement. Even better that the LA have agreed to transport - yay.

Downloaded transport forms and 'oh no', there is a section that demands transport cannot be given without a name and address of an emergency contact WITHIN ONE MILE of where we live.

We just moved here. The few weeks we have been here we have been either travelling to and from ds' school (1 and a quarter hours each way, twice a day), on public transport or having a baby etc. I DON'T KNOW anyone.

Fine, I can just take ds to school until I do, except, dd starts state nursery locally in Sept, that begins an hour after I have to leave to take ds to school. HVs for new baby made it VERY clear that they expect dd to be in nursery having a brother with ASD (yeah I know )

So contact dd's new school for breakfast club. It does exist but not until reception age. School tell me that given it is so important for dd's development and she is under 5, to contact HVs as they help with these things and may have some centre or respite/children's centre address temporarily or some other solution until I get to know the mums at her nursery.

HVs simply reel off a long list of evidence of incompetency:

1. We can't help because your ds is out of borough
2. Other parents manage when their children are at two different schools.
3. Why don't you make some friends?
4. Try the Citizens Advice Bureau
5. We expect your dd to attend Nursery.
6. Travelling for that much time is not in your dd's interests.
7. We can't help you because the emergency contact is for your ds, not your dd and he is 5 now.

So there you go. I would never have called the HVs btw if the school hadn't suggested it. I only called the school to find out if there was a breakfast club and had to explain why I was trying to get them to make an exception for my dd despite being in nursery as she is 4 in the first week of september so missed it by one week.

It's amazing how things escalate. Now my blood pressure is high and I'm pissed off.

Again, another example of why we should never get in contact with agencies for help with our 'problems'!

Dunno, maybe it confuses them. Or perhaps makes a mockery of their jobs?

They want to 'support' me, they have said, yet the two problems I have gone to them with they have patronised me and blamed me for not knowing how to deal with it, then dismissed me without a solution, just a stern talking to and a curt 'what do you want us to do about it?'.

Idiots!

Guess they don't like me because I'm not a good little girl asking them why my baby doesn't sleep all night whilst sobbing about my abusive husband!?

Not far from you Star - which direction is the school in? If I'm close enough for bureaucracy's sake, you can use my details

Thank you auntevil, that's really kind but I think I have it sorted now - phew.

Your dd doesn't have to be in nursery at all. And legally doesn't have to be in school until January 2014.
Your HVs are wrong to suggest you have to put her in nursery. You don't. And IMO ridiculous to have to be looking at breakfast clubs just because the HVs want you to.
Their want. Not yours.

Oh and you dont have to go with their choice of nursery either.

I know she doesn't, but she really wants to be.

She started preschool on her 2nd birthday due to us being in a deprived area and her being 'in need' or whatever and able to access a placement. She's done 5 terms in preschool, but we pulled her out to move and she is talking nonstop about her new friends that she is going to make etc.

But yeah - the HVs have no business telling me what I should be doing.

But anyway, - a kind MNer has helped out so I'm fixed for the first few weeks - yay!

Doesn't stop me being a bit cross though.

IF you have any developmental concerns re DD you'll be straight to your family doctor for a referral to a developmental pead. You know this & so does the HV. HV's are NO use whatsoever to a 3rd time Mum bar helping you to persuade the GP to make a referral.

Frankly in your shoes I'd cut the HV's outta the equation altogether and just take your new baby to the clinic to be weighed once a fortnight. Nursery seeing DD 2x a week, and the new addition being seen at the clinic once every 2 weeks is FINE from a CP pov. You aren't 'avoiding the authorities' iyswim, (always a CP red flag). No law says you have to put up with HV's - if they are making life harder than it need be slice em outta your life.

She's 4 and needs time and the opportunity to settle into her new home environment before 'big school' kicks in. Your family has had a lot of upheaval and wanting to spend time wih your OWN offspring is not a criminal offence ffs. School isn't compulsory till a child turns 5 and then you can educate otherwise than at school. Someone's throwing their weight about. Point out it isn't helpful or supportive, drop em like a hot brick and move on.

I'm finally learning to be a bit ruthless with how much I allow non-relevant/plumb dumb professionals to interfere - invariably they cause more trouble than they are worth. I suggest you do the same.

Thanks boch. I REALLY want to keep dd at home one or two mornings a week. I feel I'm losing her and she is growing so fast because she has to. With DS settled I would love to have a term doing special things before the baby starts moving.

I guess I haven't investigated properly this scenario as I have been so focussed on ds. I'm scared of losing the nursery place at a very oversubscribed school (they all are here so it isn't a matter of changing). Would I lose the place if I were to reduce her hours?

I have concerns about dd, but they aren't developmental. More like attachment if I'm honest. She no need me, she no want me, and yet she is desperate for my approval.

Talk to the school directly about reducing her hours. Be honest with them about wanting her to feel that she's really settled and that this is her permanent home now, BEFORE she hits compulsory school age. I bet you they'll be far more understanding than a HV who'll have her off the books in a mere term. (After all, school are the ones that are gonna have to handle an insecure little girl all day every day for 6 years potentially, for the sake of a few weeks settling in time now iykwim).

Star from what you write your dd sounds quite a character and no wonder you want to spend time with her. If that's what you want to do then that's what you must do. Dd started nursery part time late and did part time reception until the term after she was five. Admittedly the school would have liked her there doing the hours her peers did but they had no say at the end of the day.
I have really fond memories of dd's time before school and she's a smart little cookie (your dd sounds like she is too) and the late start didn't hurt at all.
Never had anyone question CP btw and dd didn't see a HV from ten days and I never took her to the clinic be weighed either.

Ah well, we're having a home visit so I'll talk about it then. She IS smart. Not especially academic but can figure out more things than a 3yr old really should be wrt social scenarios etc.

She has this thing going now where she is a bit constipated and she is a poor eater of vegetables etc. I explained that she needs to eat better and she insists that sweets help her to eat her vegetables. When we have our stand offs at meal times (Which I REALLY try not to have) she always blames me for not having given her enough sweets. One day dh DID give her a smartie to see the effect, and lo and behold, she ate one mouthful of vegetables and point refused to eat again until she'd got another smartie. Monkey!

I can't see why you would lose her nursery place if you reduced her hours. When DS2 was at pre-school/nursery, I only wanted him to attend 3 sessions a week as I wanted to spend time with him on the other days. The pre-school was fine with it because it meant they could offer his other 2 sessions to people who wanted to increase their DCs sessions.

Because there is a long waiting list for her school nursery. They might insist it should go to someone who wants the full 5 mornings. It's what I am worried about.

The other childcare providers are also oversubscribed so the private ones insist on full days, of which you can only use 3 hours of your funding per day. Illegal I understand but unregulated.

Oh, I see. And I guess you can't speak to anyone about it until term starts?

Nah! Ah well. I suppose I'll have afternoons with her and she can just have an appalling attendance rate for a term or so if we fancy a day trip.