Between my DS being attacked in "fun" by a dog, being ridiculed, trying to make my family see that continuous punisment wont work but they are so hurt with things getting destroyed, broken and DS taking up all my time. He is melting down every day because I just cannot get enough excercise into him, the family wont be involved even though I have pleaded that 20 mins of their time each would help him learn that they want to play with him. Trying to form a job list for him to do to earn money to pay back what he took from his sisters (actually it was the other boy who told him too but thats beside the point he still took it even though he openly told me so) but trying to tell them all that they can earn pocket money each weekend and DS can have a wallet of his own. But during the week for every little job (or good deed even as much as opening a door nicely will earn him 20p to give to his sisters to pay back.
In two secs DS has gone from giving his sister his entire penny collection to start off to turning my house upside down saying he hates his life.
Meanwhile I have just taken DDs heart monitor back yesterday, she has had her MRI scan and waiting results. She has lost so much weight and I have seen her eating but in amongst them fighting I have left the house to collect something for DH and told them all to fight it out amongst themselves and if they are alive by the time I get home then that is a bonus :(
I cant get my paper work done and my business is failing. Try explaining all that is going on to VAT people and no wonder they think you are spinning a yarn from hell I would think that too if it wasnt all happening to me.
I see DH and cant speak for wanting to cry buy a coffee and just sit in the car. I get a text then from eldest DD telling me how much she loves me and its not good news but its a good start as she is being honest with herself, doesnt want to talk about it just admitting it to us is her first step that she has anorexia.
I drove around and put chasing cars on loud to shut out my thoughts this was mine and my uncles song when he was ill. It was his birthday 2 days ago and hes been gone 4 years this year. I miss him he was my best friend. I drove and for a split second I went straight for the front of a bus. The bus missed me and carried on going I assume he thought I was a mad holidaymaker trying to park on the other side of the road.
I feel stupid, selfish, tired, scared, useless and fucking lonely right now