TA - again!

[appropriatelyemployed]

OK. Can you stand another TA whine?

You may remember DS1 was having trouble with his TA who is a teacher but who has had no ASD training. This led to an incident, after a huge mix up over getting changed for PE, when the TA grabbed a book he was reading and snatched it from him after shouting at him.

I emailed the head about this before half term and it was not responded to - but we have spent two weeks trying to organise a mutually convenient date for a meeting.

DS says he has also been called rude, lazy and naughty. This was denied by the TA but she has called him rude in front of both myself and the head on one occasion so the smart money is on DS here.

I met with head and Senco today to get elements of outstanding provision in place. Head asked how DS and TA were getting on and asked me to be honest and I said things seemed to have got better but I thought that was because DS was just trying hard not to be in her way. I also emphasised that training was crucial for working with a child with needs. She seems so easily offended by his Aspie ways. Anyway, we left it at that and training was promised.

Then I get home today after a sports afternoon at school and we are talking about DS's move to his class next year which he is really looking forward to. I mentioned that his TA would be moving too and he started crying

We talked about it and he said she was horrible to him sometimes and told him off when he didn't know what he'd done wrong and called him rude. She is also very dismissive. He fell last week at home time and she said DS2 who is 6 piped up that she had shouted at DS1 at lunchtime and he said she was 'really angry'.

DS1 says she is nice in front of everyone else.

I have suggested to DS that if this happens again he should mention it to another teacher.

I have told the head I have said this too.

I have made the school aware of all this but they are not commenting. There is no way a child wins taking on an adult who is prepared to call them rude when people aren't looking.

I should add. School have now agreed to organise training but are sending head and senco. No training for TA.

Why is your child still there?
You don't like them
He doesn't like them
He knows you have no respect for or trust in them
Seriously, what is the point?
It sounds beyond repair.

Training for head and senco is all well and good but they aren't front line. This TA, however well qualified, doesn't seem to be a good match for your DS. She needs training in ASD as a minimum. It's hard as a parent to be totally objective about your child's relationship with an adult who is trying to get them to work, he may resent her 'interference' and be seeing her in an overly negative light, but she may indeed be overly critical herself. What does the class teacher think? Can you ask in a diplomatic way whether the teacher thinks the fit is right between this TA and your DS? Do you think the head has doubts about it?

Has it really got as bad as moondog is suggesting?

No it hasn't got as bad as moondog says. DS is happy apart from the TA and the school is caring and supportive generally.

I also agree Ellen that there is an element of resistance in trying to get DS to work and so he is finding that a challenge.

But it is the use of language I object to and the head has not disputed this with me. I think he is hoping it will blow over - he mentioned 'peaks and troughs' in relationships today.

Also the teacher next year (this year's has been a NQT) is the deputy head and he seems very switched on. I think he will have more of a role in the day to day management of DS.

It's a tough one but I think I agree with moondog. Ds's Pre school talked the talk in meetings and give the impression of being supportive and understanding but in reality those working closest with ds were untrained and managed him inappropriately and actually it was the constant negative language that led me to pull him out recently.

I would at the least insist on a change in ta.

I would say if you were at a stage where you felt that was necessary zzzz then it's time to get your child out. I wish I'd trusted my instincts a year ago but was waiting for conclusive proof that all wasn't well

But this school is so much more supportive than the last one, iirc, Cats. AE can't just leave another school so quickly without working at it with them.

If the relationship between your DS and the TA is breaking down that is cause for concern, and may be hard to change quickly, but so long as the school is willing to work with you, it shouldn't be insurmountable. I don't like the idea of your DS in tears, and the TA needs to be less confrontational in her approach, by the sound of it. The situation is crying out for training in ASD for the TA. Your DS could be frustrating to work with (been there!) but if she's constantly getting upset by him, she's not being sufficiently objective or professional. We all have bad days and can be short tempered sometimes, but this sounds too frequent for that.

I know Ellen it's simplistic of me to say take him out. It just makes me so sad to hear about a boy being treated with such little understanding by an adult. She is a ta, she may have no training but if you know you are going to be working with an autistic child then you take the time to understand it. Look online, read a frigging book! It just makes me do bloody angry! (and scared for my own ds)

I've said it before and will say it again.
Ultimately whatever the head, SENCO, ed. psych., clin. psych, s/lt, O/T, head of social services etc etc says or thinks or decress is of NO AVAIL.

If your child has a 1:1,the biggest factor in your child's ability to learn and be happy in a school is a good 1:1.

That's it.
End of.

As a 1:1 TA, I'm afraid moondog is right. Training, qualifications, whatever aren't as important as getting someone who matches that child. But, a good head and/or SENCo will know that and should try to sort it.

Head has responded and said he is happy for DS to share concerns with him and look at giving DS more independent time so it is less intense.

DS likes his teacher. Perhaps I should suggest his teacher can support DS more giving TA/DS more of a break.

It would be odd for head to accept to do this if they don't see some truth in it.

That maybe quite telling...? Perhaps they are regretting employing her?

Ellenjane - i had similar thoughts. I can't help thinking it strange that a teacher is working as a TA.

AE the Head is listening and not dismissing you. He can't really share with you if he has concerns about this TA but after what you have been through this Head does seem to be trying. Next year sounds like it may be a better situation with the Deputy as the NQT has not directed the TA and next year hopefully that will change and if she is still there it will be under the direction of an experienced teacher.
Can you ask for the Deputy to have the training?

I do know quite a few teachers working as TAs. Less responsibility, less planning, still fits around the DC. But may mean someone who couldn't cut it as a teacher.

I think you need to start Puting your energy into preparing for next year.

But I WOULD like to know WHY this TA is moving up with him as it could have been the HTs, your and above all your DS' face-saving way of solving the problem.

Looking behaviourally at the HT, the current situation is that however much of a problem you are being, NOT having the TA go up with him is likely to be a bigger problem for him. Can you find out why?

Star, I think the TA is his 1:1, employed specifically at his 1:1. If she doesn't go up with him, she'll have no job. She'll be on a temporary contract linked specifically to AE's DS, (like I am linked to my Y6 lad.)

Damn. Then she needs some training or shooting.

Yes, that is right. She is his TA. It is also a very small school and there are only 4 teachers and 2 other TAs. It's not like she can be punted elsewhere.

Agnes, you are right. He is being helpful so I won't push too hard. DS will be pleased to hear the head will listen to him as he really likes him.

Its so difficult when it is a small school. But this TA should not be allowed to get away with talking to your DS like this. (I like the bug idea!)

Perhaps should it happen again or DS approaches the head or you then have a meeting with her included and state the fact that DS is not the only child that has reported him/her shouting.

Has the HT given a reason for the TA not going on the training course? Its a bit odd seeing as the TA is employed for your DS....

Thanks. No reason given. I suspect she has said she doesn't need training or perhaps they think she won't stay - wiishful thinking!

It is sad as she was lovely and supportive to start with. She changed completely after one visit from an ABA consultant

What happened with the ABA consultant? Did the TA feel undermined or out of her depth?

Both I think but she hasn't got a very own personality. One of those types who will never admit a mistake. Very defensive.