I'm not a bad mummy just because....

[Triggles]

I spend a lot of my time beating myself up because things aren't perfect around here, and I've realised that it's a waste of time and effort. Perfect is impossible ... EVERYONE has their little issues.

SO.. I'm not a bad mummy just because...

... the boys occasionally have cereal and toast for supper (or some other odd food combination that DS2 is fixated on and DS3 copies!)

... DS2 sometimes gets extra time on his DS just so that I can have a few minutes to relax and regroup

... DS2 kicks off in a room full of people and has to be escorted out of the room (despite people saying he's spoiled or doing the tutting thing - WE know it's a sensory thing in a crowded room)

... DS2 wears clothing inside out and backward often when around home (at least he is TRYING to help himself to get dressed! I don't have the heart to point it out some days)

... DS2 wears his school jumper to school even on hot days (the TA can generally talk him into taking it off, but it is an ingrained part of his morning routine for dressing and he WILL NOT alter it!). Comments from others "Isn't he roasting?" and "It's far too hot for a jumper today!" sigh

... DS2 is late to school every single day (by prior arrangement with the SENCO, HT, TA, and teacher as DS2 cannot cope with the frantic early morning chaos). I still get raised eyebrows and tuts from other parents who are leaving as we are arriving.

What things have you simply come to the conclusion that this is just the way it is.. different, but not necessarily bad?

All the above. Sadly mostly from family as shes good at holding herself together in public.

Particularly food and eating out. Why does it come as a surprise that she will only eat bread? She's been only eating bread for 14 sodding years.

I've stopped beating myself up about the things I do with DS that are so far from the norm,like if we go away for a day he has an mc dees for breakfast dinner and tea or he wouldn't eat.
I just think stuff it at least he's out the house and hes a skinny thing anyway so I'm not making him fat.
Life's hard enough without making it any harder

My nine year old eats with his fingers. It's painful to watch him try to eat something like peas or spaghetti with a fork. Rice and peas has always been a favourite of his, and I've just learned that he likes eating it because I serve it with a spoon!

I don't tell Ds off just because some father of an overprotected spoilt girl has complained that my Ds pushed her over and that he has seen Ds pushing other children, when I have seen no such thing myself.

My 7 year old eats with his fingers.

He played Pokemon on the wii for 6 hours yesterday.

He often doesn't leave the house at the weekend.

He never says please or thank you.

I don't react to him playing up in public as "others" judge I should.

I don't feed him any vegetables or fruit unless he has shepherds pie or lasagne.

because DS didn't even start toilet training till 3.5
because DS was a dreadful sleeper at age 2 and 3
because DS was language delayed
because DS is verging on the food phobia side of fussy eating
because DS was in a buggy till age 4 (no car, DS wasn't always cooperative with walking and I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown because of the above!)

all of the above TLP

I do insist on please and thank you from DS2 and DS3, however, they are pretty reliable about it. A few family members have this as a hot button, so it was more self preservation really.

But yes, on eating food with fingers, using his buggy (Mac Major), late toilet training, playing too many games. TV as a babysitter is sometimes the only way I can actually get to the toilet on my own!

I'm trying to grow that "thicker skin" and not worry about what others say. It's sometimes a struggle, but one I am determined to win.

Yep.

Ds1 was nearly 3.5 before he was toilet trained too...he did however, manage being dry during the day in 24 hours!

Ds1 only eats pureed fruit (he is 9 next week) The only veg he will eat are peas and sweetcorn.

Ds1 still has trouble dressing himself...buttons are a real issue and I have never even tried shoelaces!

Watching him try and eat with a knife and fork is painful tbh...he still struggles I dont care but I worry what others will think/that he will get bullied for it. I think its why he takes a packed lunch to school..he likes the routine of the same thing everyday too.

yes to most of your first list triggles, especially going the opposite way to everyone else into school in the morning, Dd3 likes an empty cloakroom.

Wearing school jumper even when it is boiling because she doesn't like tucking her tshirt in.

Eating marmite sandwiches for lunch and tea and marmite on toast for breakfast.

Eating stir fry and spag bol with her fingers.

Watching music videos on you tube or repeats on iplayer for hours on end, while I have a breakdown do the housework.

I could go on but I dont think you have much to worry about

We don't do homework with him either. It's sent home, but teacher knows we won't do it. He's too exhausted by end of school day and on weekends we want him to be able to relax. We do reading with him though.

If the LA would get their heads together and get him into SS, instead of leaving him trying to cope in MS, he might not be so utterly worn out at the end of the day. grrrrr But that's a whole other issue.

I've done most of the things on everyone's lists. Ds didn't have a dx until he was 10 and until he was 8 or so I never even considered ASD as a possibility. All I knew about it was stereotypical severe autism and DS clearly didn't fit that picture. I knew he was quirky, that we didn't do things the standard way. Sometimes I blamed it on my own health problems but mostly I felt guilty and a bad mother. The dx was a great relief but what has really helped me get his early years into perspecitive is reading on here for the last 9 months. When someone here posts about what their Dcs do, the penny drops and I think so that's why Ds did that (or does that)! So thanks to all of those with younger Dcs with ASDs who post on here. You have been a great help to me 5 years after diagnosis.

Dd3 does do her homework now, since she has been at her current school.

She has 4 days including the weekend to do it. she does it sitting infront of the TV on a lap tray [Dd1 and 2 would never have got away with this]. Most of the time the homework is not done anything like as well as her school work but it is done. nearly every week.

I said to the staff at school that I was not going to sit over her because it just causes stress and they were fine with it.

Personally I think homework should be banned.

Ds1 only does the maths component of his homework. And spellings (when they get them!) and his reading book every night.

Sounds a lot but actually its about 5 mins reading per night, 5 mins on spellings per week and 5 mins on maths per week.

School are fine with it. Good job really. If they werent it would be very tough on them wouldnt it??

I let my Ds stay up until 10pm on school nights because of the damage he woukd do/cause if I didn't! He doesn't sleep much.

I give my children olives in their packed lunch despite the salt.

My Ds has holey shoes.

I sometimes let my children scream the place down because I said no, rather than give in for the peace of commuters.

Too much tv/ds/ps/computer
mostly eats with fingers (due to poor motor skills)
not toilet trained (13), needs "help" getting dressed,washed....

Shoe laces? You crazy?

I ignore clothes inside out esp as DS is so proud at the moment he's finally mastered buttons! He'll work it out before he starts his new job I'm sure.

State of the house - Daleks adorn the stairs and you WILL be exterminated if you suggest moving them.

Salmon & cous cous for tea tonight - 2 mins scooping with a fork before chomping down with scooped fingers.

Hair cut - wots that? He has gorg 'curls. His Dad may be back in the UK in 3 months time and may take him then to the barbers. Barber will need a double whiskey. In the meantime I won't be going over to the dark side by attacking him with a comb more than twice a week.

DS needs a new pair of shoes - they'll be the exact style and brand of the last 3 pairs as after all it only took a year to get him to stop wearing shiny red wizard of oz trainers to school.

I'm a fully paid up member of the bad muvvers club me! (Now if only I'd remembered to get in a can of G&T)

My attitude to homework this 1/2 term is like Scarlet O'Hara's - "there's always tomorrow".

It's his holiday - he's been waiting weeks to have the chance to wallow in pokemon & I just am grateful he's willing to interrupt this to take the dog for a walk twice a day.

We glide into magical bubble in order to move around in public, I no longer hear the tuts or am burned by the stares when I utter my favourite word "no".

Barber will need a double whiskey!!!

Lol!

Thanks for this thread ladies - it has put a smile on my face before bed.

I kind of enjoy the disapproving looks and judgy comments as I love an opportunity to cut someone dead and make sure they either a)never speak or look at me at the school gates again, or b)learn to behave themselves in my prescence.

The well-meaning mother who pointed out to me that ds2 (5) could not do up his own zip and maybe I'd 'like to work on that over the weekend' was told by me that since he had fallen over twice in the last half hour we were going to work on the walking first, zips could wait until we had nailed putting one foot in front of the other - ahh the memory of the look on her face still makes me chuckle.

Honestly, I was a 1980s child, in a family with 4 kids, raised on a daily dose of The Goonies before we left the house to go to school, followed by video games when we got home, then turkey drummers, chips and peas in front of the TV, before relentlessly making up excuses at bedtime.

We all turned out fine with only a slightly twisted sense of humour and a mild alcohol dependency to show for it.

DS3 (age 3)has a speech delay and selective mutism, so any speaking is encouraged! Sometimes it's loud and squarky and only I can understand it, but it is speaking! Loads of stares, one time a cats bum face from a woman because he was speaking (squarking) loudly pointing out cars out of the window on the bus.
Also if he hasn't eaten properly for a couple of days it's hotdogs and sweetcorn/peas for tea!

I dream of sweet corn and peas! No veg whatsoever here. Or fruit (it makes me nervous, mum). Sigh.

boc I am perhaps hoping for too much wrt shoelaces!

latte I am a child of the 1970s....such benign neglect from my parents...sigh...I look back on it fondly

Ds1 has made such strides this year I really need to stop focusing on what he cant do and focus on what he can do and what he is good at. His reading is now age appropriate...last Sept he was 2.5 years behind!

Any of your dc been obsessed with WW1 and WW2 at all? Any ideas/tips we could do to foster his interest?

sam If I were on the bus I would "talk" to your ds if he was happy to talk to me...we could look our for purple cars together!

Is there anything ABOUT the war you can use as a lynchpin?

I.e if he likes maps you can locate all the bomb drops/wiped out areas. Boats/submarines/planes? You can find out the names/speeds. What about learning morse code or other comms - flags?