I'm not a bad mummy just because....

[Triggles]

I spend a lot of my time beating myself up because things aren't perfect around here, and I've realised that it's a waste of time and effort. Perfect is impossible ... EVERYONE has their little issues.

SO.. I'm not a bad mummy just because...

... the boys occasionally have cereal and toast for supper (or some other odd food combination that DS2 is fixated on and DS3 copies!)

... DS2 sometimes gets extra time on his DS just so that I can have a few minutes to relax and regroup

... DS2 kicks off in a room full of people and has to be escorted out of the room (despite people saying he's spoiled or doing the tutting thing - WE know it's a sensory thing in a crowded room)

... DS2 wears clothing inside out and backward often when around home (at least he is TRYING to help himself to get dressed! I don't have the heart to point it out some days)

... DS2 wears his school jumper to school even on hot days (the TA can generally talk him into taking it off, but it is an ingrained part of his morning routine for dressing and he WILL NOT alter it!). Comments from others "Isn't he roasting?" and "It's far too hot for a jumper today!" sigh

... DS2 is late to school every single day (by prior arrangement with the SENCO, HT, TA, and teacher as DS2 cannot cope with the frantic early morning chaos). I still get raised eyebrows and tuts from other parents who are leaving as we are arriving.

What things have you simply come to the conclusion that this is just the way it is.. different, but not necessarily bad?

No shoelaces here either. lol And DS2 has practically the same packed lunch every day at school, with just slight variations. I actually went into the school and spoke to his teacher the first day of reception to tell her that he eats the same lunches every day and if there were any "lunch police" that took any of his lunch away, it would get ugly. They've thankfully just left it,even if occasionally I put a bit of chocolate in it on Fridays.

LargeLatte - I cannot believe that woman told you that you should work on it over the weekend!!! Don't think I could have kept my cool in that situation.

Starlight - what about rationing? Gardening? Those are things they did in WW2, maybe you could get him to do a gardening project? Would he be able to take an interest in the different things they cooked during rationing?

Here's my take on it:
autisticson.wordpress.com/2012/04/29/guilt/

star we had planned a trip to northern france to visit WW1 battle sites over the bank hol but we are all ill so had to cancel Glad we did as we have all been really poorly.

I want to take him to the imperial war museum but dont know how we can get there without going on the underground (would freak me out ) Can you drive there?

Have bought him warhorse on dvd for one of his b day gifts(I read the book to him last year)...he wont go to the cinema so we have to wait for dvds to come out...

Also planning a trip to the Battle of Britain museum (can get in free as we have NT membership)

What about WW11 technology - stories of codebreakers, the mainframe computers & tapes (fascinating to kids who have grown up with netbooks).

We'd try living of a WW2 menu for a week cos DS loves cooking and woud be fascinated by some of the odd food combinations. Spam eaten under the dining room table to mimic a black out.

You can bus it to the Imperial War Museum. Lots of buses from Victoria (I also hate the tube) do check the age limits on the exhibitions online before you go though.

WW2 era popular music?

The adventures of the refugee children?

It's about finding a "hook" isn't it?

I honestly wouldn't drive Bad. Docklands light railway might be an option, or buses?

oooohh I would LOVE to take him to Bletchley Park He wasnt really named after the main character in the book "enigma" ,oh no...

Yes it is boc He does still enjoy his historical "farming" dvds (victorian farm etc) but this is his first "new" thing in a while which is why I am v v keen to foster it IYSWIM?

Luckily I am a history geek enthusiast so we have lots to talk about! - finally!!!

DLR or buses sound good, thanks. Dont relish the tube with 2 yong dc in tow tbh.

Will check the IWM website out and see whats coming up this summer...

LOL, - I do the tube all the time with 5yr and 3yr, and being heavily pregnant. It ain't so scary.

I'll prob be doing it with three shortly.

But maybe I'm just used to it.

Badvoc we are just planning our summer hols - 3 days in moon Keynes woo hoo, s o that we can take ww2 obsessed ds1 to bletchley park. Imagine my delight to find that it is also home to the MK hobby railway folk so train obsessed ds2 can watch the little trains for hours at a time. Just now need to figure out a way to make it fun for me and dh - I'm thinking hip flask.

Triggers I've had 5 years practice of dealing with those sort of comments so I'm getting pretty fast at it now. That particular incident has been made all th more enjoyable by same woman telling me her DS, also 5 still has poo accidents......so tempting to ask whether she'd consider working on that over half term but took the high road and offered a sympathetic ear instead.

latte Oh Lord! Really? Trains too?? Well, thats dh and ds2 happy as well then! Like you I shall have to take something to fortify myself...chocolate I think!

star ah, yes but you are BRAVE. I am not. When are you due? It must be soon?

latte The comments that REALLY stick in my mind are the ones made by one of the TAs at ds1's pre school.

She was always on at me "Ds1 cant do this, should be able to do that"....

I put her straight one day after she was moaning that he needed help to do up his zip on his coat....I filled her in on all his medical problems at birth and since and that as far as I was concerned ds1 was doing brilliantly and actually, it was her job to help any children who needed it and lo and behold she never moaned again!...

Fast forward 18 months and her daughter started pre school. We were chatting about it and I said I supposed it was hard working in the same pre school where her daughter went and she said; (and I quote)

"Yes it is, but they expect far too much from them at this age!"

I mean, what?

Amazingly I kept my gob shut. She was obv struggling and I didnt want to make her feel bad, but jeez.......

One stupid comment from one of the TA's in ds's class has gone down in my memory: DS was going through a patch of behaving badly, he was 11 (but mentally younger). She turned to dh and I and told us that his behaviour was not appropriate and that he couldn't behave like that when he was 18.....

er no, but thats 7 years away and anyway, what 11 yo behaves like an 18yo.

Badvoc - if you have Sky - there's the military history channel (531, I think - although DS1 has usually put it on before me) - which, depending on age, and which programme - can act as a good babysitter.
My main problem with the fascination with WW1 and 2 is that whilst it feeds their addiction on learning facts - it is not a good vehicle for those with a lack of empathy. Particularly if your DS decides to share facts with a bus load of pensioners

re:WW1 and WW2 - various museums other than IWM have good war related exhibitions

Liverpool Maritime Museum has a permanent exhibition on WW2 and the sea and U-boats etc

Coventry Museum of Transport has a blitz mock-up

Glasgow Museum of Transport has a section on the blitz in Glasgow

Then there's Duxford for planes, and IWM North in Salford.

auntievil thanks - will check that out. Ds1 doesnt lack empathy...we both found War Horse very moving. I do worry that he will find some stuff upsetting, but thats war I guess

IWM salford sounds great (didnt even know there was another one!)

It's near the Lowry. It's v new, could be quite sensory overwhelming, mind, as they are into the sound and light shows iyswim.

Ds 17 hasn't had shampoo on his head in the last ten years (since he could fight me off) thankfully the baby bath that we have used for 17 years seems to keep his hair clean and shiny.
I still put his socks on every morning and fasten his shoelaces because he has never mastered it and I got fed up of trying to teach him.
Dd 9 goes to bed at 10pm on a school night and later than that during holidays and is allowed to read for as long as she wants because even if I battled she'd still not go to sleep.
Dd's lunchbox contains protein and carbs and not one piece of fruit or veg because she won't eat them cold.
Ds has very few clothes because if he's not at school he only wears pyjamas and all the clothes he wears are the same style in different colours.

insanity Sounds v v familiar! Ds1 also wears pjs at home - have patched the knees so often they are falling apart! I tentatively suggested throwing a pair out the other day...sigh. He got upset.

Got to get him new ones for this winter...need to try and get ones as close to his current ones as a I can.

He wont wear tops with collars at home (has to at school) and hates buttons.

Its complicated isnt it!!!?

Well said BS Dad - on slightly different note, they kept criticising Shannon Matthew's mother for "her inability to place her children's needs above her own." - I think if you took that criteria to the nth degree, we'd all be found wanting - though I have resisted the temptation to tether him to his bed so far :)

Just popped back to re read this thread since its chicken nuggets and chips for tea again tonight :)

Am also loving the inappropriate comments from TAs. IME comments like this almost always boil down to one mindset - your kid has this problem because of something you are doing wrong and my kid is fine because of something they are doing right. No one wants to accept that but for a twist of fate they could just as easily be standing where you are now.

Ds2 needed IV antibiotics at 5 weeks old. I have lost count of the number of people who have either implied or out right said that his current health problems are caused by that and that their dcs are far healthier because they don't go running to the GP for antibiotics for every cold. He's not ill because I'm a bad parent but I feel like a lot of people would like to believe that.

latte well I am "worse" than you as ds1 was on an NG tube at 4 days old and IV ABs at 6 weeks and then in and out of hospital for the next 2 years!

My dsis had comments you wouldnt believe when my very prem dn was finally out of the scbu....

Badvoc, meant to say in previous post well done for not rubbing TAs face in it - must've been very very tempting.

It was latte but her dd was obv struggling and I just didnt have the heart...but I was that she was saying this to me of all people!

I think the thing is people say this stuff and - for them - its an off the cuff remark, whereas for us its days/nights of angst/upset. And they have no idea

I can imagine the comments badvoc. Ds2 also has recurrent croup and I get a lot of 'I don't remember kids being so sickly when I was growing up' to which my only reply is that there was no chance to have repeated bouts of croup, since the first episode was usually enough to kill the child.

Hope your dsis has a thick skin.

What's an NG tube? Is that feeding tube into tummy? Yep you are fully responsible for every medical issue your child faces now because you idn't make him tough it out at the start!

NG tube = naso gastric tube.

Ds1 was 4 days old and 4.5lbs

I remember sitting in the corridor outside (the nurse wouldnt let me watch) and thinking "What did I do wrong!? Why is ds1 suffering so much?"

I dont drink, dont smoke, only took 1 paracetamol during the whole pg...didnt eat anything I wasnt "supposed" to....ds1 had undx IUGR and although he was term he was very tiny and couldnt feed. For a time they thought he had CP...one week they told us he could be blind, the next week that he could be deaf....god it was so so awful.......

HOWEVER...ds1 is 9 next week and is a sweet, kind and clever little boy.