How can I help dd to become less anxious and worried

[littlelegsmum]

Dd has high anxiety levels. She will pick scabs and more recentlly (past 5/6 months) has started to pick her scalp and pull hairs out.

I don't think knows each time she does it but it seems to be a daily thing rather than every so often, like at the beginning

She also worries about everything turning into a bad situation ie

Hubby and I talking - she says we always argue

Hubby driving (what she feels is too quick) - she thinks we will crash

If her brother says he's leaving home she gets upset and takes him seriously

If we are out with the dog, she's constantly shouting her name so she doesn't go too far to get hurt

The worst one is the weather. It can turn a little grey and she will get worked up and upset and if it rains thunders etc she's inconsolable - we usually have to sit on landing where there's no windows

Any help or advice is really appreciated

How old is your DD?

She is 11 not that you'd know

she does sound anxious poor dd. Rescue remedy may help a little - even as a placebo. You can get it in Boots as a chewing gum. Is there anything that she finds soothing that you've noticed at all?

Ds does a similar thing to your dd, he is currently a mass of cuts all over his body, he scratches his skin and pulls out his eyelashes. Ds's worries are caused basically by not knowing what will happen, feeling out of control, your dd sounds similar.

The thing that has helped ds, is making unstructured activities or situations, more structured or giving him some control over the situation iyswim. (its not working for us at the moment, as school are not following recommendations)

However, how about getting your dd to check the weather report each day ie you cant change the weather, but at least you know what to expect, what might happen.

Hubby and you talking - a social story about how adults can talk and even raise their voices and nothing bad happens.

How old is brother? could he leave home if he wanted to ie is he old enough? If he is old enough, explain what would happen if he left home. If not old enough, tell her he might say it, but the rule is he cant until he is 18.

Dog - let her hold the lead, let her let the dog off his lead etc.

Driving - teach her about the speed limits, what they are ie the rules are you are allowed to drive at 30 etc. Even write them down and keep a copy in the car.

You could also ask her to help you find solutions ie what does she think can be done to help the situation.

For example when you and hubby talk, what would make her feel less worried about the situation.

When you take the dog out, what woud make her feel less worried etc, etc.

My DD1, who is now 13yrs old, went thru a stage like this when she was about 10-11yrs old. She also used Rescue Remedy and definitely recommend it. She used the spray on the tongue for during the day and the night time version to calm her down plus she used pure organic lavender cream on her hands at night (lavender is very calming) and slept with a lavender bag under her pillow. She used to have some dreadful nights...never getting to sleep until the early hours, waking up during the night, screaming out, and generally living life on edge. She was always worrying about the simplest of things and was even scared to leave my side.

I think a lot of this anxiety comes as a result of their stage in life. DD1 never did anything to herself physically but she was a worrier and it became so bad she developed IBS and ended up in hospital. It took a lot of time and effort on the reassurance side of things - we'd spend hours just chatting. I gave her a notebook and pen and told her to write down in it when she was worried - treat the book as a close friend....even draw pictures - its a great way to off-load. I told her if ever she wanted me to have a look in the notebook to leave it tucked under my pillow at night....it was our 'secret' way of chatting without her nosey sister or my DH becoming too heavily involved.

You have to remember at this age that all girls are going through such a massive change, hormonally etc. It's scary for them and mentally and physically. I found with DD1 that I just had to make sure I always kept my cool, always made sure I made one to one time with her and always reassured her she could come to me whenever she wanted, night or day.

And we got through it, eventually, but it doesn't happen overnight. Good luck and go and try and the Rescue Remedy. Holland and Barrett sell it. :)

Littlelegs. - the best thing for anxiety is retained reflex therapy or Tinsley house.

She almost certainly has a retained Moro (startle) reflex which is causing her problems.

Indigo, ive been doing some reading about retained reflex therapy, im interested is it similar to a sensory diet? And what happens when the therapy stops, do the difficulties return?

Dd3 is taking part in a support group at the moment, it is being run by our HA and runs for 8 weeks.

The first week the children had to fill in an anxiety questoinairre. I knew Dd3 struggled with anxiety but i was shocked at the levels and the type of things that worry her.

She is completly unable to verbalise her worries but with the help of the course she is becoming able to write them down.

She has to write the worry down and then write steps to help her solve her problem, she isnt yet able to transfer the skills into her real life but is gettijg more confident with the scenorios.

For her the biggest issue is that she doesnt recognise her anxiety herself yet and so cant put any learned skills in to practice. But i am positive that we are moving in the right direction.

If you want to know more about the course pm me and i will tell you. Dont want to out myself by giving away my location.

Good luck

I'll pm you about that course my ds suffers from anxiety but doesn't recognise it either.

Claw - I've never heard of anyone's difficulties returning. DSs certainly haven't.

It's not the same as a sensory diet.

Although sensory diets can also help.

Thanks very much Indigo for the info, i would love to know more, will pm you tomorrow if thats ok, will be off shortly to make a start on dinner. Thanks again.

Wow, thank you all for the great input. I'll look into seeing which idea works best for DD.

I spoke to one of the surgery's doctors yesterday and she said that as DD as already been referred to Community Paediatrician, she didn't want to refer to CAMHS as well as they feel like i'm trying to rush things. I pointed out that DD is my concern and if that means pushing for help to stop her picking her scalp etc then i'd do it. She stood her ground so I will have to wait till that appointment in June and discuss at the appointment.

This service might be worth looking at: www.national.slam.nhs.uk/services/camhs/camhs-ocd/ - it is a tertiary referral but GP can refer.

"Our service provides assessment and treatment for young people with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and related conditions, including body dysmorphic disorder, tic disorders, Tourette?s syndrome, anxiety and habit disorders, including trichotillomania"

This service might be worth looking at: www.national.slam.nhs.uk/services/camhs/camhs-ocd/ - it is a tertiary referral but GP can refer.

"Our service provides assessment and treatment for young people with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and related conditions, including body dysmorphic disorder, tic disorders, Tourette?s syndrome, anxiety and habit disorders, including trichotillomania"

sorry too impatient - thought first post hadn't worked

Paed and CAMHS are totally different, there is no reason why you cannot see both.

I would ask your GP in view of the level of anxiety your dd is displaying which is resulting in self injurious behaviours, why they are not taking this more seriously and treating it as a matter of urgency. Cheek, you are rushing things, turn it back on them, why are they not dealing with it urgently. What more would your dd have to do, to make it urgent.

Remind them that CAMHS have a long waiting list, so better to refer now than wait as you are concerned her behaviour could escalate as it already has.

Thank you for that link Pink - I will have a good look with a

Thanks claw - So i'm not wrong in coming away thinking the same as you then. I thought I was in the wrong somehow (must have just been the way she made me feel). She was the same doc who referred her, based on my initial persistant manner and said she wouldn't feel comfortable referring a child who she'd never even met!! Forget what I know being her mum but she was very patronising!

I went without DD but think i'll take her next time and maybe they can take a look where she's picked her hair out and where her sores are on her head.

Littlegem, i wouldnt bother, how do you examine a child for anxiety! Its not like you are saying she has a chest infection or something.

I never take ds to the dr's about his self injury (unless he needs antibiotics for the sores), i cannot sit there and discuss what he does to himself while he is sat next to me. He is anxious, not deaf, it would just add to his anxiety. I make a point of never discussing my ds, while he is there.

You have told her the cause of your ds's sores is her picking her hair out due to anxiety, as you see her do it and know she is anxious. Thats good enough.

Your GP probably specialises in ears, nose and throat, not anxiety, so her opinion is worthless, refer onto the people who specialise in anxiety and self injury, same as she would anything else out of her remit.

I suppose you could take your dd to the dr ASAP, on the understanding it is just for her to see the sores with no disucssion, other than a referal to CAMHS to follow.

Thanks Claw, you're so right, which is the actual reason I didn't take her. So you think I need to go back and insist on that referral then?

The only thing i can see your gp will achieve by seeing your dd is ruling out any 'medical' condition for the sores and hair loss. Show willing, let her rule these out by looking at them, once ruled out your gp then has no reason not to refer. Her remit is medical, not psychological.

Dont talk about your dd in front of her, let your gp know that you do not want your dd spoken about while she is in the room, tell her this prior to the appointment. I hate the way professional talk about kids, as if they are not actually there. Unless the assessment actually involves them, they have no business being there.

My GP is totally dopey, she actually asked ds 'why do you do this to yourself' when i took him to get antibiotics for the sores I asked ds to wait outside the door for me and told her it would be more appropriate to give CAMHS a ring and ask them, rather than asking an already confused 8 year old (he was already getting input from CAMHS at this point)

littlelegs - we were referred in January and are still waiting to see CAMHS - latest estimate is July! (It moves further back each time I chase them up.) Not all areas will be so bad but I'd say get them to refer your DD NOW. After all, you can point out to the GP that there'll be plenty of time to cancel if the paed says she doesn't need to be seen after all!

Yep Willow is right, CAMHS might not even accept the referal. It took us two years and two referals before we got there!

Thank you Willow and Claw.

You have both made me see sense and determined - also DD was very distressed at the rain earlier - which is just not 'normal average' behaviour for an 11 year old. Poor thing just burst into tears, went straight for her head and didn't care that we were in the chippy at the time :(

I will be waiting by my phone at 08.29:59 tomorrow morning!!