Star, Wet, Agnes and all you other helpful people

[claw4]

Had meeting with school today, the one where they would not tell me the purpose of. The purpose was as follows;-

1. They are alarmed that i would take pictures of the injuries that ds's has caused himself and that this must be causing him distress.

1. They are concerned that i have applied for SA and that the assessments and previous assessments last year (when i applied for SA) are causing him distress.

1. I only take negatives from reports and my negative attitude is causing ds distress.

1. They are referring me to SS 'to get me some help'.

I am fuming at the moment.

Have to pop for a bit, back soon.

Talk to contact a family. They have a lot of experience with this kind of thing. Also, do you get legal aid (I forgot)? Contact maxwell gillot if you do. They also are familiar with such tactics. I have to check it out (CAF will know) but I think if a child protection case is opened then you automatically have access to legal aid.

Haven't much time to post ATM but will think and come back.

However, try as hard as you can to let this wash over you. It is bullying and it has been done before and is an increasingly used strategy. The intention is to knock your confidence, time, resources and ability to fight.

So in effect... they are:

1. worried because you're documenting things they'd prefer you not document as it backs you up and not them

1. upset that you've applied for a SA because they don't have control over it and might actually be forced by law to comply

1. angry that you are not taking their empty reassurances at face value and instead actually pushing for them to support your child.

How very dare they?

Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

Argh.. such a lovely sarcastic post, and I messed it up.

"How very dare YOU?"

So what do you actually DO with the pictures? Make a collage from them for his bedroom wall?

Interesting that your school doesn't want you taking pictures of your injured son, however, our school at one point suggested taking pictures of DS2 when he was distressed and crying to use to show him what "distressed and crying" was. Needless to say, I flat out refused to allow that. Pictures of injuries are something else entirely, as they can document how serious they are and prove their existence.

To be honest, 'risk of harm and neglect' is an appropriate thing to be referred to social services for.

True. That could perhaps actually work in your favour if they can see that it's the anxiety from lack of support at school that is causing his behaviour.

I can only echo the advice Claw. Do get a solicitor involved in this. Preferably one who knows these tactics - like Maxwell Gillot.

I am so sorry as you had such high hopes for this place.

Oh SOSSEN have links with MG so you might get back door help for free/cheap. They may well be cross enough on your behalf to provide substantial support which they do fund raise for.

Claw, don't be frightened if the SS thing. At least not at the beginning. It is 'probably' no big deal, just bullying, and may well come to nothing.

If they do get involved, have a witness at each visit and do the same as you are doing already, record and clarify. Agree to carry out any of their 'harmless' suggestions regardless of your feelings that they have no business telling you that DS MUST have a bath at least 3 times a week or whatever random judgemental 'solution' they might come up with.

If you can get SS on board you actually have a stronger case. Despite working for the 'enemy' they have no desire to find anything wrong with you that might have a funding implication for them and are motivated to find you an adequate parent.

A pile of bullying psychological tactics

Ignore it. Stay calm and focused on what you are setting out to do and dont let them put you off. Above all dont panic :)

Solicitor advice is a good move.

Are these injuries happening during school time too claw?

You can tell the SS that your sons issues and anxiety result in self injurious behaviour and the photos are purely for two reasons. To safeguard yourself when he comes home with injuries that the school and joe public could well blame you for and to show professionals as he is in need of help.

Tell them if your son was happy in school and that the school were meeting his needs then you would not be applying for statutory assessment as you have a right to do on behalf of your child. That yes you can appreciate the assessments are also stressful for him as for any child, but no more stressful than the school day itself and the unhappynes he is feeling. The goal is to ensure he gets the help he deserves and the assessments would have been kept to a minimum IF the school didnt keep putting up barriers preventing it and laying blame on your doorstep.

Ask them outright for their help in pushing things forward quicker because its the dragging out that is causing you all distress. Be forthright and polite.

Say all this with a smile on your face offering them tea and buns to keep your hands busy.

Dont let the school grind you down x

What you have outlined is disgusting.

It's no wonder the school didn't want to put to you in writing what the meeting was to be about. It probably helped to put you on the wrong footing during the meeting and make you defensive against their allegations.

As well as taking on board the above suggestions. I would put your OP into a letter and copy it to all present at the meeting. Take out the bit that you are fuming though.

Back now, thanks guys for all the support and advice.

Will try to reply in general, as so many replies, thanks again.

Would also add

1. Tribunal already decided that the help in reports wasnt needed!

Meeting took about 4 minutes, i let her do all the talking. I am now in the process of writing to her to clarify a few points.

I have 1, 2, 3 and 4 covered. can i say for point 5 that at Tribunal school provided 'inaccurate information' or shall i just keep it to circumstances have changed since Tribunal and escalation of self injurious behaviour are not the actions of childs whos needs have been remedied?

Im not at all worried by involvement of SS, i 'reported' myself to them a few weeks ago ie LA previously referred 'me' to ss last time i applied for SA, I said fine in writing, but school told them i declined the offer (on school file) so i phoned them and asked them whether the offer still stood, as ds was engaging in the same self injuries behaviour.

They told me LA cant refer, only school. I also told read the CAMHS report to them which states that cause of ds's self injuries is because he has ASD and he struggles with understanding social and peer interactions and cant deal with unstructured activites in school and school need to target these. SS told me they didnt feel they could offer anything.

Strange, now i have applied for SA, school now feel a referal is appropriate!

I see SS, as just another CAMHS.

They are going down exactly the same route as previous school, they are forgetting i am not naive this time, ive been there, done it, have the printed t-shirt of 'school lie' and im well prepared for them this time.

where do they get off? it's just like at our school where i was told to butt out "don't come to us, we'll come to you". Slightly different now we have diagnosis, but ive had all the "let's see if we can support you more at home" crap. you can; do what i ask in school and that does support us at home cos he's less stressed. also, the "he will be picking up on your anxiety" and at a multi-agency meeting teacher stating he shouldn't be within ear shot of hearing me say he couldn't do something but he has usually asked me to go and do it anyway! even post dx ive been told by lsa that she was convinced it was all at home.

Jerbil i kinda guessed the meeting would be about the photos i sent in and that they would blame me in some way.

I had previously sent photos into school too prior to this and written to SENCO about it, home/school book etc, etc numerous times. These were totally ignored or i was told "we will keep an eye on him". Ds's self injuries behaviour started when he started school and has just never stopped. Its really not rocket science is it!

Strange how now i have applied for SA, these particular photos become very relevant!

Yea, yea "he will be picking up on your anxiety". Im not anxious in the least, when i think or deal with these people, anxiety doesnt spring to mind, i wont repeat what does

Can you take him out, tell the LA he is to anxious to attend and that he needs an apporpriate placement with a statement supporting his needs so they had better get it sorted out!!

to anxious because school are failing to meet his needs currently