Star, Wet, Agnes and all you other helpful people

[claw4]

Had meeting with school today, the one where they would not tell me the purpose of. The purpose was as follows;-

1. They are alarmed that i would take pictures of the injuries that ds's has caused himself and that this must be causing him distress.

1. They are concerned that i have applied for SA and that the assessments and previous assessments last year (when i applied for SA) are causing him distress.

1. I only take negatives from reports and my negative attitude is causing ds distress.

1. They are referring me to SS 'to get me some help'.

I am fuming at the moment.

if i am anxious it is only because of them not DS1! totally agree with you. you need the evidence.

Wassup, school are saying he doesnt show any signs of anxiety in school (i think they are waiting for explode or something). He does i have evidence, they either dont communicate with each other or are just plain bloody stupid. As class teacher will tell professionals and they write what the class teacher has reported to them, things such as vocal tics, or ds repetitively asking if has got things right during assessments and getting himself into a state, class teacher reports this happens in the classroom too. Dopey TA writing in his home/school book things such as "he gets so anxious, bless" EP reporting he was pacing back and forth when she observed etc, etc. SALT, OT, another EP reporting he was confused by what was asked of him or expected of him.

CAMHS had said that events that happen during the day, follow him to night etc, etc. This is when i suspected he harms himself, in the privacy of his room, where no one can see.

I'll never forget a phonecall I made t IPSEA last year in similar circumstances. As a one parent (so no hubby to call on for emotional support) I was scared, terrified and found it hard to talk through the tears. 15 minutes later I hung about feeling so coldly angry & more ready to fight than I've ever been.

The gist of that convo:-

It's standard tactic by SOME lea's to intimidate parents into putting up and shutting up with shoddy provision for their kids. It's done in the run up to Tribunal to scare you into backing out - ESPECIALLY when they know your case is rock solid, open/shut or however you'd like to phrase the fact that their legal eagles have told em they'll lose at Tribunal as they don't have a leg to stand on.

Apparently they never do it when they think they can win by honest means. A week or so later my solicitor said the same.

I was cheeky and demanded a child in need and carers assessment when the SW came to visit. I handed HER a neatly typed A4 page of bullet points listing the things I thought SS could do to help my child. (DO include a few really expensive items on the list!). She ran away scared to talk to her manager. A couple of months later and a follow up visit to tell me that SS wouldn't fund jack they closed the file. 3 months after that I WON tribunal - just as that IPSEA volunteer had told me I would.

The SW report mentions I leave hot cupcakes on the side uncovered to cool - that's the worst they could find, despite all the mud being slung at me at the time. I on the other hand have documentary evidence that they came, they saw & they refused to help if I ever need it in future.

Claw4 - please remember YOU have done nothing but try and get the appropriate help for your child that the LAW says they are entitled to. That's what any good parent DOES ffs. By having that list to hand you give them yet another opportunity to help your child in a best case scenario & get rid of them fast by suggesting they spend money in the worst.

The SEN system is so CORRUPT it beggars belief unless you have personal experience. Don't even get me started on how I feel about using overstretched SW's to bully decent parents when we all know their time & our tax payers cash would be better spent on helping the many cases of genuine abuse/neglect out there.

Claw, be very careful that there is nothing defensive in any of your responses nor anything explained that does not need to be. You don't want to get into a 'debate' or 'discussion' on any of these things with a HT. know what your arguments are and be clear but be silently confident. You are not answerable to her. 'Thank you for your views' is enough.

Re point 5. Yes. Unfortunately you need to stick to his needs not being met NOW, not a debate about the past.

I am going to write to school to clarify the meeting and literally spell it out to them, as if they have never read a report and didnt know ds at all (well thats probably the truth) then ask them to back my request.

Star, im trying to stick to facts, not blame in my response to the school. Who knows they might have a change of heart at the last moment, like they did last time and back me

Tbh Claw, you sound very level headed and calm about it all. That makes you a frightening opponent!

I am Star, i am usually a very laid person, this has even been written into reports and even on school file ie mum is over anxious but with ds is calm and quiet! and still they want to go along the 'over anxious mum, rubbing off on her kid' line.

Point 1 decision notice states school said they were not aware of any self injury, despite me previous telling them in writing and even providing them with pictures previously.

Can i state this, with a 'get out' line for school of his injuries being covered by clothes, hence hard for school to see, hence my sending pictures? or do i state it as a fact and let people make up their own minds, sounds a bit blamey?

Always call blatant lies something neutral eg 'misunderstandings' or 'inaccuracies'
Otherwise it changes a simple issue of fact into a professional-parent battle

"miscommunication", is my fave word - Mariaisalone is right.

I have a "keep calm and carry on" coffee mug (and am saving for the BHS tea pot) - for me it sums up the approach we Mums need to take and acts as a wee visual aid for me when prepping for meetings etc.

Claw you are doing brilliantly - stay calm, keep it factual, be nice even when they are not. Let them dig their own hole in the bitch stakes. Use evidence to let Tribunal/any outsiders draw their own conclusions re school lies.

I personally would say it was to clarify for them just how upset my child was getting as, undersatndably they may not have noticed given his long sleeves in school & the fact they are aso trying to care for the needs of 29 other children in his class. As you bathe him every night - you are the obvious adult to spot these things first.

How does this sound as a summary to the end of my letter:-

As you know, I fully appreciate all that school are doing to meet ds?s needs. However, I feel the level of support that ds requires is more than can be provided for from within the schools own resources. I feel ds?s needs are complex and there are too many areas of need for school to target without the aid of a statement.

I have therefore applied for a statutory assessment/reassessment of the note in lieu as this in inadequate and I was hoping that the school and local authority would work in partnership with me, without the need for further assessments, as you have also recognised that assessments could cause Ds's further anxiety and result in more self injurious behaviours.

'doing to meet' = 'are doing to attempt to meet'

Not 'I feel Ds's needs' but just 'Ds's needs'.

Reading through the entire post Claw - OUTRAGEOUS!

But not surprising. Bullying the parent is standard practise.

I had 'you are perceiving it' when they refused to admit things had happened.

I was told I was 'over-concerened'.

Ds was told that the notebook he wrote the incidents when he had been bullied was 'focusing on tghe negative' - despite the fact that the bullying helpline had advsied him to keep a record.

I could go on.....

I would definitely right a stiffy to school refuting their allegations. I would also engage a solicitor. I did in smiliar circumstances.

Your letter is very polite. I used to give 'em both barrells regularly and found doing so very theraputic

What wet said. You're 'feelings' are irrelevant. They don't do SAs due to how parents feel . DS has unmet needs. Undisputable. Neither do you feel anything about the level of support. It is inadequate. Indisputable and nothing to do with your 'feelings'.

You appreciate all the school are doing to 'try' to meet his needs.

You are not 'hoping' the school will support your request and work in partnership se you. You are 'sure/convinced/certain' that they will. Or you 'have expectations' that they will. And you are in agreement that further/additional assessments should be reduced to the minimum necessary to avoid raising your Ds' anxiety levels further, but will support them if conducted sensitively and ith at least a weeks notice for you to help prepare him and contribute.

Shocking Claw. I hope you get it sorted - your ds deserves to get the help he needs. I have name-changed a lot but been around this board a while now. In 2010 you gave me loads of advice and e-mailed information which helped me to get my ds a statement and I am just horrified that you can't get one for your ds who appears to have a lot more difficulties than mine. I was reading about SEN exclusions the other day and I think looking at the stats that your county had the highest numbers so it just shows that SEN children seem to be a low priority to them. I am so on your behalf.

Thanks Wet, i did make some amendments after posting that, i took out any 'i feel' and put in 'there is no need for further assessments, ds needs have already been identifed and recommendations made. We are all agreed that further assessments could cause ds further anxiety and could result in more self injurious behaviours, so hopefully now we can all focus on giving ds the support he needs, you wankers'

obviously not the end bit, but couldnt resist as i was typing my summary all i could think of was your 'whatever'!

Thanks everyone, really, really helpful advice and i used some of it in my letter. I also copied in, the people that school are disagreeing with, CAMHS, they have explained it to them time and time again and in writing.

Must go have a date with Moshi Monster trading cards, my day is complete, boring meeting with school (still at least they have been open about it, which enables me to dispute it, last school just did it all behind my back) and now to play boring moshi monsters EXACTLY as im told to

Thanks again guys, life savers.

Try and remember how lucky your ds is to have you. It's hard because 'luck' should have absolutely nothing to do with getting basic provision, nor should your efforts, but you ARE remarkable!

...you wankers'

I'd have kept that bit in

Yy, keep it in

Hats off to you, claw, that you can survive a meeting liket that (no wonder the cowards wouldn't tell you what it was about, you might have brought a solicitor if they had!).

Hats off again that you can draft an excellent letter, when you must be exhausted from their attempted assasination of you at the meeting.

And hats off once more that you can do all that, and play moshi monsters too.

Your Ds is indeed lucky to have you.x.

Exactly what I was thinking Tuna-no wonder they wouldnt tell you in advance what the meeting was about Claw. Unbelievable stuff ! Go get em girl

Sorry Claw. Can't believe you are being so calm
Found this free SEN advice charity set up by a barrister. May be worth a call.

Thanks Agnes, im so calm because its ridiculous, at such a simple level, CAMHS state exactly WHY he scratches, what is responsible and in writing and even told school outright at a meeting "what is the cause of ds's anxiety" "school". Seems this school cant even read a CAMHS report or hear what is being said, So they read the CAMHS report and were told in a meeting that its school and decided it must be me, based on nothing but their inability to understand!

Desperately you getting a statement and me helping a bit, has really made my day

Star thanks, very kind of you to say.

Make several photocopies of the CAHMS report. Give one to the social worker - do remind her that in this case school are failing in their CP protection duties of your child.

Copy report to MP, Head of Childrens's services at the LA with the same reminder - school are failing on the CP front. It's proof that not only are they failing in their duty to provide an adequate education but your child is being placed at risk of serious emotional harm too.

Schools need to take medical evidence into account - if they don't understand it then Cahms can come out and draw pictures for them. Have you contacted Cahms and asked them to do this yet?

Justabout this is turning into a bit of a claw appreciation thread, thank you No seriously, MN is brilliant, the way information is recycled and passed on and shared to help others. I too have received such good advice and support from a lot of posters on this thread and some who are not, they have gone out of their way to help and support me. Im so glad to have helped you in some way and thanks for your support.

Bochead I have copied social worker into my letter, along with CAMHS and LA. I wont bother with MP just yet, as i am hoping that school will have no choice, but to support my request for a statement. I have remained not blaming anyone, not disclosing any of the lies, i really dont have to, school are doing a pretty good job on their own. They have been handed the shovel, im just sitting back now and watching them dig a very big hole.

I will however be emailing a solicitor in a minute.

Ds has been discharged from CAMHS now, hence school having the balls to accuse me, i suspect. CAMHS have spelt it out in writing, they couldnt have made it any clearer. They have spelt it out during a meeting. ~They support my request for a statement. Obviously school have been sitting there nodding and agreeing in all the right places, but thinking something totally different.

Previously school were blaming me for ds's anxiety and self injurious behaviour hence the CAMHS referral, after a year and half of therapy for ds, CAMHS have made it clear what the cause of ds's anxiety is. The minute CAMHS are off the scene, we are back to square one.