Popping to the shop equals "running the gauntlet"

[Triggles]

Honestly, you'd think I'd know better. We took a quick jaunt to Asda to pick up a few things for tonight's tea. DS2 was in his Mac Major, as he was quite distressed about going but didn't want to stay home either (DH offered to stay home with DS2 if he wanted). DS3 (2yo) is along, and walks through store on his reins (he is at that "I want to walk" stage).

So... all through the store, people turning to look at us, a few whispering and looking at us. Now, admittedly, we were not quiet in the store. DS2 does a fair few loud vocal outbursts. Then DS3 does it, even though he's NT, but he does it because DS2 is doing it and DS3 thinks it's fun and he's 2yo. DH is pushing the trolley, I am pushing DS2, with DS3 walking next to the pushchair, and I spend most of my time trying to keep them close to me, but apart from each other.

Damn near lost grip and shouted at one pair that was doing the horrified look thing. (figured as I was telling the boys not to shout, though, it was probably not helpful for me to go off screaming at someone )

Do people really have nothing better to do in a supermarket? Aren't they there to shop? FFS go shop then and quit watching us. grrrrrrrr

I'm going to invest in an MP3 player with headphones so when people are commenting and watching, I can do the immature thing and go "la la la la I can't heeeaaaarrrrr you!!!" Or buy tomatoes and throw them....

Although I'm going to retain a good mood because DS2 actually ate a piece of pizza and is right now trying ice cream (ok, he's eating the cone out of the bottom of the scoop of ice cream, so it could get messy quick!! ). Both are firsts for him, so we're well pleased!!

Triggles. I have had years of that as DD has a craniofacial condition and now DS4 has the same condition and ASD. I have developed the "Fuck off and die" expression, "Turn around and don't stare" to kids, and the "I really don't give a shit what you think" attitude. Harsh I know, but they're your lovely family and you all have as much right to a life as the next person.

How how how can these people not tell a Mac Major from a regular pushchair? They look completely different!

I find a nice blank stare, preferably with a If you've got it mastered, has them nicely

DH told me I should simply say in a loud voice "there there, DS2, let walk around the nasty judgemental troll who's staring over there and we'll just get on with our shopping." I will admit that had me sniggering through the bread aisle.

Purple - I've started referring to DS2's Mac Major as his "chair".. rather than pushchair. Hopefully the specific subtle difference will make someone look close enough to see that it IS a Mac Major. I sometimes say to DS3 "hold on to your brother's chair, so you're close by please." Just to try a subtle approach.

Too busy staring to bother looking

I like your dh's style, a good variation on MN Loud Parenting :o

"Just ignore that lady, ds, we know it's rude to stare"

Hmm... I suppose a more "direct" approach could be utilised...

Stop pushing Mac Major. Point at the people staring. Scream. "OMIGOD! LOOK at them!! Just LOOK at them!! Have you ever seen anything like it in your LIFE?!?!?" Then walk on.

I hate supermarket shopping, for us tesco and marks & spencer always bring out the worst in my two! Thought you handled it really well, I try to ignore the looks and tuts but it does always make me feel snappy.

Congratulations on the trying pizza and ice cream! My DS2 tried a sip of fizzy water earlier, I was so happy!

well done to your DS2 on the fizzy water! It's so great when they try something new, I always feel a bit goofy for getting so excited over it, but dammit it's such a huge step for them! Worth getting excited over!!

ours always asks for a sip then makes a horrible face saying "YUCK!" .. but asks again for a sip.. so much for learning from experience

DD is 'visually challenged' and has white stick. So although if people stare she doesn't notice - they STILL don't get out of the flaming way - so as she can see enough to know there is someone there she tries to move out of 'their' way.

Proud of her for thinking of others before herself but FFS!

I feel your pain

DH is refusing to go back to Asda just to try my new "direct approach" as outlined above. What a chicken!

Good lord, MoreCats she has a white stick (so obviously visual problem) and they just stand there in their way and don't move?? Perhaps a bayonet on the end of that white stick??

Can't tell I'm feeling a bit rebellious and evil today, eh?

More time to plot more, good lines, trig

Cats, I think she needs to be taught the art of ankle-bashing!

wouldn't that be a riot, eh? Teach her to jab down hard with the stick on their foot and say "oh, was that your foot? I didn't see it there!"

I hate supermarkets! Dd2 screams, people stare, and dd1 with her impulsivity opens her mouth and asks the people if they've never seen a baby cry before!!! It's awful!!! BUT at least dd1 does the mouthing off so I don't need to :) ADHD has its very good uses ;)

I have learned that DD and supermarkets after school & creche /work for me, are not a good idea. Even if I really need bread or milk or dinner.

I hadn't a chance to get the shopping all weekend until late yesterday afternoon, and DD was already having meltdown moments (overtired due to lack of sleep from tablets, and then a FHC party Sat over stimulating her too, and DH insisted on getting the stereo we've been wanting for ages, but refused to do shopping with me after so I had to come home and go straight back out again - in fairness, he did the ironing etc while I was out).

But I got somewhat cross in the car en route, and as I am over stressed too, I ended up leaking a tear or 2, and telling DD that I was too tired too but that we had to get the shopping. When we go to SM, I let her get the scanner (we have self-scan which I fin fastest to use), and told her she could be in or out of trolley but I wasn't letting he jump in and out, if in, she was to stay in. So she hopped from main part into the seat, strapped herself in (there's a lap strap), and stayed put! She scanned most stuff, I gave her a pepper to eat (she loves either a pepper or a carrot to munch as we shop), and she got some cheese and ham in the tastings too, and actually behaved herself for a change.

I think it was partly that I (semi) flipped out beforehand, and also that she had the job of scanning. But it wasn't as bad as I had feared given the lateness of the hour and her previous behaviour.

I have a bit of a blinkers mentality though - I concentrate on DD and ignore the people around us unless they really impinge on us - and then I smile (or grimace if really bad tempered) and just say "Thank you" and walk on.

Wow, well handled Biddy!

We cannot let DS2 out of either the Mac Major or those bigger child seat trolleys in the supermarket, as he is a runner. I try to avoid taking him to the supermarket if it's busy or he's overtired, but honestly, I can't avoid taking him everywhere there are people or noise.

The scanner idea is nice. Can't use it with DS2 as he tends to obsess about anything with buttons on it or that's electronics. He'd by leaning out, trying to scan everything on the shelf!

We do sometimes give him a bread roll from a package we're purchasing (obviously not something priced by weight as some on MN get a bit rabid about that! ) to keep him occupied - and I tend to have a running conversation with him the entire shop while trying to keep him calm and distracted from other things. It's always worse when both boys are along, as they wind each other up. I try to avoid that whenever possible, but sometimes it just can't be helped.

I think I could cope with the behaviour issues if it weren't for the people tutting and staring and commenting. THAT's what puts me over the edge, really. It's just not necessary and it's rude. I know... need a tougher skin sometimes. Sometimes I can tune it out, but when we're already struggling with other things (the LA refusal for SS and tribunal for one thing), I think it's just like being kicked when you're down.

I love sallys fuck off and die expression. The awful thing is when ds was little I used to see a Mac major and not understand why a seemingly "normal" in my then inexperienced eyes would be in a push chair. It was completely out of any experience I'd had. I'd never met anyone with Asd (obviously I had as he was kicking off in my pushchair!) and didn't understand the concept of a child being a runner who wasn't a toddler. I look back at that person with shame. However there simply isn't awareness of Asd and there should be.

i didn't take ds shopping for a couple of years as he'd always freak out in the cold aisle. Ahem sensory issues staring me in the face!

btw I dare you to try out one of the new expressions in asdas

While I agree there often isn't an awareness of ASD, by the same token, there are far too many that are opening critical and condemning of children having ASD or ADHD. Dear God, do they think this is FUN? Yes, we claim DLA for DS2. But he has to be closely monitored ALL the TIME! And he has literally no regard for danger or safety - just doesn't understand the concepts at all. I have no patience for people who say ADHD doesn't exist or who parrot the nonsense about "they just need more discipline" and these are the same type of people who are judgemental in shops and such, tutting. grrrrrrrr

I pulled up my DB and STBSIL yesterday about comments that they were making about this dreadful family that they had seen in the waiting room at the hospital. The child was apparently moving all the chairs around and making loads of noise and the parent was doing nothing. My mum and I were raising our eyebrows throughout their explanation as we obviously felt the same.

I replied that when I didn't have a child who was always the one kicking off, always the one that everyone wanted to leave the waiting room. couldn't sit still etc, I would have felt the same as they did. However now I look at children who are behaving in such a way and think that they may well have SN and I don't judge parents who are probably at the end of their tether and are so embarrassed. I think that they saw by the tears in my eyes that they shouldn't make any more comments about children's behaviour until they have children themselves and even then if they don't have any children with SN, they still shouldn't comment.

I claim DLA for DS and am about to apply for myself. I've claimed ESA for the past year. I never ever invisiged that I would be in this position. I probably was one of those people who didn't understand what DLA would/could be used for. Again, I am embarrassed by the old me. Now I know that we have to pay for clubs etc to get DS social skills that he doesn't learn at school, riding and therapies for OT purposes, a cleaner as I can't physically do it, implements for the kitchen to help me when my hands stop working............

I really think that the country is so separated into those that understand either because they have a family member with a disability or through their work or just because they want to understand - and the rest who haven't got a clue.

Does giving DS2 a DS or ipod/ipad in the mac major help to distract him so that you can get the shopping done?

Does giving DS2 a DS or ipod/ipad in the mac major help to distract him so that you can get the shopping done?

I can see that would be a problem..........

The ipod touch can have a cover that is unbreakable. silverfrog reccomended one.

Have just called up for my dla form. :(

good luck with the form. make sure you have available.

I must jump in and say that I discovered when pregnant with DS3 (I had SPD so couldn't walk far, let alone bend over to load and then push a trolley!), Ocado.
Love Ocado, love Waitrose Delivery, love all the supermarkets who pay someone to do your shopping and then bring it to your door. Ocado, will even take it into the house for you plus they always have very hunky East European young men in shorts....... Sorry getting sidetracked!!