How independent are your children with ASD?

[sphil]

DH and I were talking last night about trying to help Ds2 (9, autistic with severe learning difficulties) become more independent. It's an area we've neglected, to be honest, and I'm very aware that we treat him as a very much younger child in terms of what we do for him. I've tried to make a list:

He can dress himself, except for socks, but we tend to dress him when in a rush (most of the time). He sometimes gets clothes the wrong way round or inside out. He is much less willing to dress himself at home than school (where he is generally more independent because they're much better at encouraging it). He likes to choose his own clothes, but I usually do it because his choices aren't always appropriate for the weather!

We wash him and clean his teeth, though he is learning to dry himself.

We make all his meals, snacks and drinks. He can spread bread very awkwardly but finds it difficult to put pressure on a knife ( his fine motor skills are very delayed). He feeds himself ( using a fork if we insist, fingers if we're not watching).

We clear up after him, though he will put things in the bin if asked.

He is independent with toileting and wipes his own bottom well most of the time, though won't wash his hands unless made to.

Would be very interested to know what your children can/ will do. I know we should encourage him to do more for himself and it would be good to have a comparision.
TIA

my ds is 5.5 with ASD & very poor fine motor skills, we've decided we're go to spend the summer working on OT stuff, independence & fine motor skills.

He can:

undress (can't undo any fastenings other than zips & velcro), dress with prompting (he always wears the same - tracksuit bottoms & a T-shirt). He often gets things inside put & back to front but can correct them if reminded (he wouldn't notice on his own). He can pull a zip up if you start it for him, put his shoes & socks on (very slowly shoes usually on wrong feet). He can take his coat on & off though & will ask for different clothes if too hot/cold/wet. He can pack his bag for the day with prompting.

eating - can use spoon & fork, hopeless with a knife. He can wipe his face after a meal. He can get himself a glass of water & pour milk, he pour a bowl of cereal & open a yoghurt (messily). He can't spread at all.

washing - can wash & dry his hands, isn't at all independent with toileting. Will have a go at cleaning his teeth (probably about as well as my 2.11 year old does), will get his hair wet for it to be washed. Has a go at drying himself after a bath.

'chores' - he doesn't like tidying but will put things away if we insist. He can takes his plate to the kitchen after a meal & put rubbish in the bin (with prompting). He can help to put the washing on, unload the dishwasher or hang out the washing (very short attention/interest for these things). He helps to feed our animals & with cooking, he loves hoovering & would happily do that all day!

Mine is very independent, at around the level of a sensible NT 14 year old and he's 17. He's at college doing A levels.
But all he has is the Asperger's. No other LDs or co-morbids.
So your chosen title may not be specific enough to get the sort of responses you are looking for, it's less the ASD and more the other issues.

However, the reason he's managing fine is a combination of effort on everyone's part and carefully scaffolded learning situations over the years. The sort of things that an NT would pick up as they go along, or learn from peers or manage in a couple of weeks have taken him a lot longer.
His coping skills are excellent, but under stress they vanish and he is very Aspie at those times.

Yes, perhaps I should have put 'severe' somewhere in the title. Though to be honest I'm interested in a range of responses as DS2 is quite atypical - severely delayed in all areas, but good social interaction. And I think he CAN learn to do things if he's motivated enough. We bought him a disabled trike with a parent handle to control steering, but this year he has learnt to ride a three wheeled scooter unaided - balance and steering are both great!

Like Fallen dd is independent at the level of a younger child.
She is 11, but functions like an 8 year old.

She also has to be taught how to do everything-things which her NT younger sister seems to pick up naturally.

We are going to HE her after this term and we are going to be concentrating on life skills and teaching her how to be more independent.

Well done to your DS on the scooter

Sphil. You sound like me, except much further along with the dressing bit. I was thinking only this morning that I am not doing him (5 with non verbal and HI ASD) any favours by mummying him so much.

Speaking from much further down the road, it is worth having to bite your tongue, being scared as they try something alone, and having to be very patient as you go through s routine for the hundredth time.
The independence, self-worth and confidence that flow from not always protecting and doing things to make life easier are invaluable.
I can lie on the sofa reading and shouting out occasional responses to queries now as he cooks something, rather that hovering and instructing one step at a time.
In another couple of years, he'll need my input even less.
The boy that a few years ago was being escorted to school can now hop onto the train to London with a friend and get back after a great day.
But lordy, it took a long time and a lot of restraint on my part.

Its so hard though isnt it Sallybear? Because in many ways they ARE functioning at a much younger age - and I would be still doing many of these things if he was 3. And I need to be much more organised myself and not always in a rush, so I can give him the time he needs to do things.

Fallen - I am starting to learn this lesson. The reason Ds has learnt to ride a scooter is because since christmas he has had a student who plays with him after school each day. She is absolutely fearless about letting him try things - unlike me! And she has a sibling with ASD, so knows the score.

Hard though sphil, I'm impressed that you can trust the student. She sounds a very helpful and useful person.
I have been terrified and impressed and proud all in the same 5 minutes, and often.

Ds is 14 (AS + ADHD)
Has been able to dress himself in terms of coordination for a long time (with the exception of shoe laces) but because of distractibility needed prompts & visual lists to follow and talking through each stage. Much better now but took years to get to this mostly independent state. Toileting - independent but on his own terms so obsessions with cleanliness make this quite a ritual. Eating - still goes for fingers before forks & jumper for wiping fingers despite continuous nagging.Learnt to ride bike @9ish. Will tidy his room after a fashion usually involves moving anything unwanted to someone else's room. Sets the table after only 10 reminders each time.

But main worrying dependence is fear of anything which involves interacting with someone outside the family so won't leave the house voluntarily.

With ds2 we work on the end of task first approach to gain independence, so if it is brushing teeth we brush his teeth he puts his toothbrush away and then gets an over the top well done, then we let him rinse tooth brush and put it away, even bigger over the top response till eventually he can manage the task. He is non verbal with LD amongst other things. I worry that he is capable of more than I allow as he is passive (and lazy).

Fallen I love reading about your ds-it gives me real hope for the future.
At this point in time, I can't imagine dd ever getting on public transport alone, but I know it WILL happen. Thanks for the insight

He is rather wonderful.
I have several friends with NT boys of a similar age who have morphed into rude, monosyllabic, grubby layabouts who spend a lot of time doing things their mothers never thought they would.
Mine still lives by the house rules.

he's nine, and high functioning, he also has ADHD and this affects his independance quite a lot as he forgets to do things that actually, he physically and intelectually CAN do.

So.

He is self toileting, but needs prompting to flush and wash his hands.

he can prepare a snack such as a sandwich, will need promting to use a plate and choose appropriate cutlery (don't use the sharp knives for spreading etc) and to use appropriate fillings and amounts of fillings. Doesn't tidy up after.

he can use his inhalers, but needs to be propted several times during this as he will just stop and do something else.,

he can make a hot drink, with VERY careful and protracted training, but needs to be reminded every time not to put silly things in (like chocolate powder into tea) as an experiment.

he can go into a shop and buy one item that he has been asked to buy.

he can dress himself if the clothes are put out for him, with prompting to keep going, and help to find the items he has lost since starting to get dressed that day. I do tend to stand him in front of me, and hand him the items, but some days he is better than others, eg he won't automatically put pants on unless I hand him pants.

He can brush his teeth but needs to be told to, and prompted throughout.

he has just learned to ride a bike.

Actually, a great deal of my day is spent repeating myself. I have signs all over the house, with words and pictures reminding him of the morning routine, but if he is having a stressful day, such as the morning of a school trip, he goes to pieces. and I have to help him with everything physically, because I overload him, he melts down, hides under the bed and won't come out.

Oh and eating, he needs reminding constantly to use his cutlery, and despite changing the cutlery to a plastic handled one, he still hates it and finds it difficult. prefers to pick with his fingers. he's a messy eater.

DS (6 in July). High functioning but,

Can't dress himself (would rather be naked anyway)
Rarely puts shoes on or if he does, always on the wrong feet (which he seems quite proud of)
Eats with his fingers
Won't blow his nose (always snotty)
Attempts to wipe himself after the toilet, but doesn't actually break the tissue away from the roll. washes hands when prompted, never flushes
Can be trusted to play in our quiet cul-de-sac with us watching out the window
Can ride a bike

Sphil you know ds1 - he tends to fetch his own t- shirt to wear after school, - which means he sometimes appears in ds3's he will dress himself but we need to stand over him at times. He finds his own shoes.

We still have to cut up his food a lot of the time but then he'll feed himself. He will lay the table and clear up sometimes.

He takes himself to bed and will bath himself (if we run it) but we still clean his teeth. Soon we'll be shaving him :waiiiiil:

We're trying to get him to paddle himself when surfing

ds2 is 9, ASD, mild cp & learning diffs
He can dress himself although often inside out back to front, socks are struggle. At home he chooses not to wear clothes except for a pair of pants.
He will choose clothes based on how warm it is indoors, so shorts in the snow if the heatings on full etc.
He goes to the toilet on his own during the day - night time he just shouts until somebody goes to take him to the loo - we are working on this!

He will make himself a drink of squash - but spills alot as he ahs a very shaky pour but practice maked perfect so we just follow behind with a cloth.
He can butter a wrap but tends to tear the bread on a sandwich.

He is actually able to do alot BUT cannot think & plan for himself so needs a copmbination of constant prompting & schedules.

He can pedal a bike in a straight line but cant manage steering & pedaling, so OK on a long road

He does not go out on his own, no road sense & visual perception probs means he cant really tell how far away a car is.
He wouldnt buy something from a shop unaded as he wont speak, but will hand over the money if prompted & wait for change if prompted. Has no concept of money & value.. would sooner have 10 1p's than a £1 coin.

He uses cutlery very well & ahs good table manners, needs reminding to drink as would go all day with no fluids if left.

He is however very good at following instructions so is easy to direct IYKWIM but is totally lost withoiut someone directing him

Ok here goes - ds 7 HFA

toilet trained, wipes, flushes and washes still needs prompting occassionally to flush or wash
Can dress and pick clothes for himself, including fastenings (although did once put socks and sandals on - my reaction was enough to make sure it didn't happen again)
Tie his school tie - I'm taking laces over the next few weeks
Washes himself in the shower and brushes his teeth himself
Can tidy up and make a bed
Will wipe with a napkin but would prefer sleeve or clothes
Did have trouble with using knives but this seems to be resolving itself once we switched one which hand his was cutting with, so knife no longer in right hand but left
Can do homework unsupervised
Will get his book bag and lunch when leaving for school
Rides a two wheel scooter we haven't got a bike to try yet
Puts his own seatbelt on

That's all I can think of for now

DS(6) HFA (we suspect - only EP's diagnosis, still waiting for cahms)

Can dress himself.

He can and does often make himself food. Sandwiches, smoothies etc.

Will cross roads alone, usually sensibly.

Will sit down and do maths homework unsupervised and unprompted if he thinks there's a good reason to (there isn't usually)

Toilets and wipes himself (badly).

Feeds dog.

Does own seatbelt and reminds other people to.

Can bath himself.

Washes hands. Usually without prompting.

Good with a knife and fork usually.

Competent bike and scooter rider. Fearless actually.

Can order things in restaurants and pay in shops.

Is very adept with tools of all sorts - can saw competently through a log as thick as my wrist. Use DH's drill and change drill bits.

As we are having a break from speech therapy I'm really concentrating on life skills at the moment. Ds is four and can undress and dress but does still get tangled up sometimes. I'm guilty of always being in a rush so doing things for him has been easier so am making an effort to have more time for the basics!

He can go to the toilet and has started to try wiping sometimes successfully sometime not!

Wow, I can't believe there are 6-year-olds out there making their own sandwiches. Well done!!
DS (6, dx of ASD) can:

• dress himself but has problems with socks
• go to the toilet, wipe, flush, wash his hands
• use spoon and fork but not knife
• sort of wash his teeth
• work the DVD player like a pro

Still learning to ride a bike. Still learning to swim.
He is very good at putting things in the rubbish bin!! (which is of course a vital skill)

Ds is 8, he can dress himself, although it takes him a while, he struggles with socks and cannot do buttons unless we have an hour to spare. He also puts his clothes on around the wrong way. Although he has got faster, since he has been made to dress himself.

He doesnt wash in the bath, he just sits there, i have to tell him to. I have to 'check' his teeth as it takes him all of 2 seconds. He doesnt dry himself, he sits in a towel until he is dry. He also needs me to tell him to get in and out of the bath.

We make all his meals, snacks and drinks. He cant spread bread. He spills drink, if he attempts to pour it. He feeds himself, but refuses to use a knife and fork and will only eat 'finger foods'.

He is very good at tidying up, in fact he is obsessed with it, he cant stand for things to be messy or out of place. He puts his plate and glass in the dishwasher.

Ds needs help with toileting, he is often in a mess and needs wet wipes and a full lengh mirror to clean himself up, but often doesnt do it properly. He doesnt wash his hands unless told to do so.

I didnt realise just how bad that sounds, until written down. I need to work on this more!