How independent are your children with ASD?

[sphil]

DH and I were talking last night about trying to help Ds2 (9, autistic with severe learning difficulties) become more independent. It's an area we've neglected, to be honest, and I'm very aware that we treat him as a very much younger child in terms of what we do for him. I've tried to make a list:

He can dress himself, except for socks, but we tend to dress him when in a rush (most of the time). He sometimes gets clothes the wrong way round or inside out. He is much less willing to dress himself at home than school (where he is generally more independent because they're much better at encouraging it). He likes to choose his own clothes, but I usually do it because his choices aren't always appropriate for the weather!

We wash him and clean his teeth, though he is learning to dry himself.

We make all his meals, snacks and drinks. He can spread bread very awkwardly but finds it difficult to put pressure on a knife ( his fine motor skills are very delayed). He feeds himself ( using a fork if we insist, fingers if we're not watching).

We clear up after him, though he will put things in the bin if asked.

He is independent with toileting and wipes his own bottom well most of the time, though won't wash his hands unless made to.

Would be very interested to know what your children can/ will do. I know we should encourage him to do more for himself and it would be good to have a comparision.
TIA

He?s 17, ASD and an academically intelligent strange mix of can and can?t despite years of work, but now presents as an intelligent confident young man to the world. (didn?t used to)
Nothing, either independence wise, or academically has ever been learnt in a linear way.

Very limited awareness of time, short and long term ? we?re still working on it.

Low organisational abilities despite years of work ? we?re still working on it.
Still struggling with a lot of semantic pragmatic language in daily life, but showing high level (semantic, not pragmatic) skills, academically.

Is not managing own affairs ie library, responding to friends who he cares about, asking how he is, (including the girl he can?t stop thinking about) or opportunities that he means and wants to take up.

Very limited awareness of things like hypothermia or things catching fire, but can offer high level information about risks and identifying them, just not able to apply it.

Can cook make drinks but needs constant prompting over timing and safety.

Constantly requested to stop licking or eating everything from remote controls, calculator, ear phones, steering wheel to any strip of plastic available. (has learnt the basics of driving of road well, but not of not eating the steering wheel when in neutral, it sums up a lot actually)

Still struggles with order of clothing, and which way round etc. Also not sorted appropriate clothing for climates well.

Will not wear clothes indoors. Will leave events etc because can?t take being dressed any longer.

Unable to bathe or wash hair properly. Lack of sense of time is heightened by being in water.

Can?t manage hair alone, but has learnt to shave reasonably.

Toilet visits are between 45 ? 75 mins on average (with much anger at the constant demands from others that he comes out) is uber hygiene conscious though.

Once something is in his head nothing, including any repercussions. will stop him downloading it on others.

Can travel routes he knows as long as nothing changes. Can convince others he?ll be fine, and assumes he will be, just like he assumes I?ll always be on the other end of the phone to navigate him back. (when I?m not things tend to go badly wrong)

Follows patterns shadows etc, obsessionally which can lead to stepping in front of cars, off tow paths etc. Uses lights, pedestrian crossings only, but wont cross unless everything stops moving, leading to motorists getting frustrated or playing chicken with him.

I no longer know what to think, I?ve spent so long being blamed as supposedly molly coddling him, when I?ve actually been doing the opposite, which is why he?s made massive progress from how he was when school gave up on him.

Thanks for that Jimjams - will have a look. I think the reason the SALT thinks he isnt ready for a more complicated device is because he ISNT as motivated to communicate in school. Its always been our problem. They just don't have that much at school that he really really cares about - except lunch, which he asks for frequently .

Ds1 never used to communicate as much or as widely in school because he couldn't. You needed so much shared understanding to interpret what he was saying/communicating that he just didn't bother.

He doesn't shut up since getting his device. From what I've seen of your ds he is VERY motivated to communicate.

Just had a look at the website - it looks very exciting. nice to see your DS featured on the success stories page! I'm going to email about workshops - the latest one on there is 28th June ( and its in Carmarthenshire!) but I'm assuming there must be later ones in the year.

The difficulty with Ds2 is that he can already ask for the things he wants using words - and picks up new words for requests quickly. We need to move on from this - using sentences, explaining how he feels etc. But because he gets his needs met by using single words, he isn't motivated to extend his speech. And so I wonder whether any AAC device will work, because its the motivation he needs, before the speech iyswim.

Having said all that, I do think something like this would help him at school, and in our wider social circle, where people dont always understand what hes saying. You had the Vantage on trial for a while didnt you? Was that through the SALT?

Why don't you email Verity direct, tell her I sent you, tell her about ds2. I'll send you her email address via FB.

I think that's one of the problems with PECS- it's very request focussed. LAMP works on a core vocabulary which then extends so it would get round that problem. DS1 does little requesting with his talker, he mainly comments. He became very uninterested in requesting.

We had a three week trial which ds1's private SALT coordinated with Verity, but if you contact her direct she'll tell you more!

DS at 8 can now do what most 5 year olds can. After much teaching.
Above age appropriate levels in all the popular video games, obviously

Oh comments is just what we want! Mind you, I think your DS was very motivated to comment before, wasnt he - dragging you to show you things, etc? DS2 NEVER does that. Well, once we were on a walk and he pointed across the river and said 'boat' and then 'garden' - and hes told me its 'pouring a rain' a couple of times, but apart from that, nothing.

Sorry - have gone off the track of my OP somewhat... But am still reading everyone's responses.

Yes he's always been motivated to comment. But the topic areas and types of things he talks about has expanded rapidly with the talker. So for example he'll come home from school and tell me he was silly and his teacher was cross, which just couldn't be communicated prior to us getting the talker.

My DS is 7 and has ASD

can dress himself

goes to toilet, wipes, flushes and washes hands

use knife fork and spoon and puts in dishwasher when finished

puts on seatbelt and his sisters

can use computer and DVD player

can use sky plus remote

can ride bike (2 wheels)

can swim well

does karate

brushes teeth

walks dog (just on pavement outside the house)

can't do shoe laces

cannot be trusted near road though, has no road sense whatsoever!