Can someone kick me up the arse please????

[HolyCalamityJane]

Morning everyone

Am feeling really really sorry for my selfish self this morning am tearful and weepy and have just had enough. I know there are so many others in worse positions but just seem to have fallen into a bit of a black hole over the last couple of weeks.
I gave up my management job to look after DD and my baby last year and now I am so fed up with doing the same crap day in day out. Up at 6 cooking cleaning washing ironing and dealing with the awful meltdowns the growling and the ingratitude of everyone in the house. I spend hours making healthy meals just so they can say yuck I'm not eating that.
I feel resentful that this life means that I have to take antidepressants just to function and get through the day.
I can't even face getting dressed today. I asked DH to get DD ready for school big mistake as she is like an animal when he tries to do anything with her screaming shouting growling. I just want to up and leave

Sorry everyone please form an orderly queue to kick me up the arse.

Ah, tell your Dh that he needs more practice and refuse to get out of bed until he is up!

You can be the main childcare provider but you can't be trapped in the position. Being trapped is what mentally damages you.

And there are healthy options for the rough days that don't require effort. Tell your DH on those days you can't stand it to get his dinner on the way home and feed your kids rice pudding out of the tin with a spoon with an apple to follow. Pasta in a saucepan with frozen veg thrown in for the last few minutes, drain and grate cheese on to stick the veg to the pasta also works when you're in that mood.

Sleep suits for the baby.

Thanks Star I really appreciate you taking the time to answer.

And don't clean every day. The weather REALLY doesn't help but go out a lot. It doesn't matter where. I like Ikea on a Friday night. I take the kids in casual clothes/pjs, we eat for cheap, they jump on other people's furniture and fall asleep in the car on the way home so no bedtime routine.

I guess I'm advising you to have lower expectations - lol!

And you are right. I have become a bit OCD about the cooking and cleaning almost trying to prove that my job as a SAHM is just as important as DH's and trying to get a bit of recognition for it but all that has happened is that it is now the norm so they don't realise I've been busting my ass to get things looking like this. Today baby and I still in our jammies! Haven't even unloaded the dish washer yet

What star says and really if your dh had to take over for a day, he would realise you have the much harder job. It's the relentlessness of it that gets to you. in our house it's reversed at the moment - dh is at home with two school refusers who fight the day long and I get to escape to work for at least part of the day. Sorry no helpful suggestions but sympathy and

Thanks Pink.

first off, ditch the ironing, it's a very bad habit if you have a drier take out anything you'd iron after half an hour, shake well and hang on line neatly or on hanger to finish drying, if you don't have a drier just give everything a bloody good shake and hang neatly. Only iron what you really need to, most clothes looked creased after 10 minutes wear anyway. On a good day make up some meals to freeze, eating crap ocassionally won't do any harm so don't worry too much about that. And I'm with star, my house isn't cleaned every day either. My moto is, no one on their death bed ever wished they'd done more cleaning

I like your motto Ninja.

Duvet day for you and baby. Thats a MNSN order :)

Plus chocolate and a soppy dvd one that you can bawl your eyes out at and release tension once and for all. Good weep does the world of good.

I am sitting here in an unhoovered hourse, tumbledryer humming away (odd but I find the hum comforting like listening to rain) in my own pjs and so is DS. My phone is unplugged and my curtains are shut and I will be purely having a shower this evening and putting on more pjs. Do it and pretend its a lazy sunday.

If I get dressed I will motivate myself to rush around as norm its psychological and just end up more stressy. Staying in your pjs meets the morning lasts all day lol. Dh is used to this and knows its a sign that the day before was shit so doesnt push it lol

oh and I DONT do ironing. I am a dab hand at wisking t shirts etc out of the dryer just as its about to stop Also a tip from my nan. My uncle wore nothing but jeans (fisherman) she would wash them, hang them out then fold them flat and lay them underneath the cushions of his chair so he would press them himself over two days

Oh Holy.. I gave that up about 3 yrs ago(left work myself and tried to prove my job was just as important as DH) house spotless, healthy meals cooked and left, my other half gets a lie in wether he's working or not he actually causes more work if he does help :). So now I clean when I want to, spend time with the kids and secretly marvel at the fact that if I wasn't there everything would go to pot :o. Oh and when he says(about the children) "they never listen to me" :( I just roll my eyes and tell him "I carn't imagine why???"

Definitely let your standards down.. As long as it is safe for the baby to go around, and your clothes are clean - if a bit creased and there is food of some kind or another who cares - once in a while anyway.
I'm sure we all have days when we don't want to cook. My quick meal is home made burgers in buns ( grate onion into mincemeat and squash into patties) chop rest of onion and fry at same time as burgers and serve with cooked frozen veg. Covers all the food groups and takes 10-15 mins tops from start to finish. - We have lots of quick fixes for those days when you can't or don't want to spend ages in the kitchen and is not likely to be refused by small children.

A duvet day will help you recover your equilibrium.

Thanks everyone FIL has arrived and taken baby out. I have crawled back into bed to regroup, gather my thoughts and just have a little bit of me time. You are all wonderful I sometimes wonder How I would cope without you my virtual chums. Crazy that you all understand yet the people closest just don't have a clue.

That's because we've ALL been there Holy. I have been a SAHM for nearly 13 years. DH understands, because if I crack up then he had to step up. So he gives me plenty of space and help when it's a shitty week. Bottle of wine tonight and a takeaway.

Jane, I hope your day is improving a bit.

Things here can be so stressful, I am JUST NOW starting to realise that sometimes I make things much harder for myself than I need to. Here's a few new things we're implementing in our house:

• DH knows how to use the iron, so he will be doing the ironing.
• DH & I take turns cooking supper. And we always have a few options for easy meals in the house. Always. The easy meal the boys love the most? Cereal and toast for supper. It's fairly healthy and very very easy.
• DH is getting more "hands-on" experience with DS2 - previously he often deferred stuff to me as "you deal with it better".. well, no more! I took a stand last week and told him I only deal with it better because I do it more. Once he has gained more experience, he'll deal with it just fine.
• I ASK DH for help with things. I'll say "will you fold the laundry while I tidy up the living room?" or "will you clean the bathroom while I clean the kitchen?" I had a tendency to do it all and stress over it. He's perfectly happy to help, just needs pointing in the right direction sometimes.

DH has also been doing the bedtime routines for the boys since they were infants. It's his "one on one" time with each of them, to chat a bit and read a story or two. While he's putting DS3 to bed, I get a little 1:1 time with DS2, and then I get a bit of "me" time while he's putting DS2 to bed.

I will admit that I was careful to point out to DH recently that if I end up having a complete breakdown, ALL the responsibilities will land on HIM. Incentive enough for him.

Sorry you're having a tough one.

I don't iron. I tumble and shake or hang and shake!

I use some of DS's DLA to pay for a cleaner so that I can spend more time with him and I'm not physically well enough to mop/hoover anyway.

I couldn't be a FT SAHM with small ones. I admire those who can and who can enjoy it. I was back to work FT after mat leave and it's taken me now 18 months of sick leave to actually get used to being at home.

BTW I greatly admire all the baking etc. Mine keeps failing....think I'll give up as it's only me that will eat the product.

Do you need to change your anti-d? Does the body get used to it like my body gets used to pain-relief?

Just read through the replies...does anyone do any ironing on here. Seems like we have all perfected the "shake and fold"

and is my prescription. I've got digestives, any good for you?

xx

Thanks again everyone. A tough and draining day. The stressful morning obviously had an impact on DD who was bad in school today and also challenging when she got home. I have had a right good cry today and will definitely be trying to simplify things for myself and taking on your suggestions if these lot think they ate getting anymore homage bread for a while they can think again
Feeling a bit drained so early night me thinks and tomorrow is another day.

And that is Home made bread!!! Homage bread wtf?????

They won't be getting any of that either

Homage bread! Definitely give that up!

Fess up time - Yes I still iron (Ninja will be furious with me - we've had this conversation soooo many times) - but I don't do half the other stuff that I did when i first had DS1 - in the beginning of SAHMdom.
There are so many little tiresome jobs that you could ditch - that take tons of time and no-one notices or ever says thank you.
Another one here saying lower your standards

Confession time I do iron but it is one job I don't mind. However I spend a good part of almost every day in nightie and dressing gown, we have easy meals several days a week (baked potatoes are good just stick them in the oven and fill with whatever you've got) and if I can't to something then I can't do it unless it is vital childcare, SN coping and I save my energy for that. Even so some days are the end or feel like it.

Well you have all been so nice to me today and not one of you kicked me up the arse even though I deserved it. Am definitely going to take my foot off the pedal for the rest if the week. DH asked me tonight would it help if he cleaned the bathroom once a week? I was tempted to stick the toilet brush somewhere unpleasant! Night all tomorrow is another day onward and upwards and Iron is getting chucked in the bin!!

Jane - no no no!!! Tell your DH "YES, it would help. ..and here's the REST of the things I need you to take care of...." and hand him a list