I broke one

[tryingtoseeloveinevry1]

Normally I'm a really witty helpful, creative person who cracks on taking whatever life throws at her and with a smile or a dance.
I've just spent an hour blowing snot bubbles and incontrallably sobbing down the phone at some poor woman from the Autistic Helpline. 08008004104 by the way.
My ds was diagnosed in Feb this year with Aspergers, ADD, Dyspraxia and Dyslexia after 8 years of being told to 'just discipline him better'
Bringing him up has been hard.
It's getting harder.
He's just had his 3rd exclusion in a school year and is one and seven eighths of a foot out of the door.
I couldn't carry on in my role as a 'chipper and peppy' Retail Advisor and deal with ds so I left work.
This is a massive step, one that has me waking up in the middle of the night going 'er, what in hell did you just do, woman' but its a decision I felt I had no alternative to.
My son needs me.
Actually what he needs is someone who understands him, and why he does the things he does and can explain why he can't just help himself to whatever he wants or why he must wash and keep himself clean and concentrate at school. But all he's got is me.
It seems I can't get income support without a carers allowance award, which of course I can't get until the DLA make their decision. Which means I could be looking at the next 2 months without a penny. As someone who has paid tax for many years and as a single parent, I didn't know this could happen in a civilised society. Hence the sobbing to total strangers. I just can't stop. I'm alone with a vulnerable and challenging child, nowhere left to turn, and the hopelessness of it all is whats killing me. Please tell me theres someone out there who has been through this and come out the other side, or just someone to say, try this. Would be a great help.

On a practical note, you should be able to claim benefits, before you receive carers allowance, not income support, but job seekers or whatever it is now called. Then change to tax credits or income support once and if you receive DLA and carers allowance.

On a non parctical note, have a hug, you are only human.

Huge unashamed hugs to you!

My children both have autism, it's a different world we live in and it can feel quite lonely, even without additional pressures such as money worries.

I have to go on the school run now, sorry, but there are loads of people who will come and give you links and advice aplenty. I'll come back too and see if there's anything I can find as well.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

xx

No advice, but you should hold your head high for the help and support you are providing your son.

I'm a bit shocked that you are being told you can have no financial support.

Thankyou for the hug..I'm not even a 'hug me' kind of person, and its been so long since I met other Mums (youngest child now 13, I left the schoolgate club many years ago) I'm really touched, thankyou. Yes, I should have claimed JSA first but they wouldn't let me, because I'm not available for work or I would have stayed where I was..its all messed up. If DLA say no, I will have to claim JSA and hope it gets back dated, if not I'm getting my bottom served up to me on a plate. Just the thought of it makes my spine ache with anxiety. Means a lot to hear back from people who might actually know what I'm going through. Thanks again.

On a lighter note, ds has just come in with very important news he is going to celebrate the Jubilee by dyeing his hair the 3 colours of the flag.
head meet keyboard

Could you not say that you are looking for work, but for work where you can still take care of your ds ie part time work, just until your DLA is assessed?

I would say for example that ds has lots of appointments and therapies which i have to take him to. So i am available for work on the days, he doesnt have these, but the other days i am obligated to take him.

Personally i would claim Job Seekers allowance, THEN sort out with them, what i can and cannot do.

I'm beginning to think that would be best. You wouldn't think I spent an hour on the phone with the benefits agency before making the claim for IS would you! Back on the phone first thing tomorrow. Think I was just scared of the computer throwing up a 'this person is fraudulently claiming two benefits' message and barring me.
Nightmare!

Sadly yes I get exactly what's happening to you. For me it didn't go on so long as 8 years but constantly being called into school exclusions and being told I'm a crap Mum all resonate. As does discovering after years of working the gaping holes in the welfare atate.

My advice.
1/ Ring the job centre and book in for a lone parents interview - it's their job to tell you which benefits you can and can't apply for.
2/ Look on the IPSEA website and apply for a statement assessment, using the exclusions as evidence the SCHOOL can't cope with your son without more support.
3/ Ring SS and ask to talk to the disability team re a carers assessent.
4/ Get in touch with "contact a famiy" - they are also great at getting the ptb off their arses with regards to financial support for lone parents.

If it helps the job centre wrote to the LEA on my behalf on 3 seperate occasions when school was stopping me being able to work ; ) You have the evidence you need to get stuff sorted at last so now it's a matter of summoning the iiron will that's got you thru the last 8 years and demanding the serivices you've paid tax for.

Other random help:-
1/ The Sally Army run food banks - access is via your GP.
2/ Ambitous about Autism do great courses for parents.
3/ The famiy fund may be able to help in some way.
4/ Caudwell children's charity fund therapies
5/ The DSS social fund should lend you money until your benefits & tax credits come through.
6/ Don't forget to inform tax credits of any changes in circumstances.
7/ Housing benefit - put in a claim asap, same for council tax, free lunches et all - entitledto.co.uk is good for checking stuff.

The national autistic society will have links to carers groups in your area. If you'd like to post a general location here, someone might be free for a coffee - I will if you're near enough

we've joined a local support group, i think DH was a bit when i 1st suggested it, but even after only 2 meetings (once a month) he says how great it is to just sit in a room with other parents who just know

{{{hugs}}} OP - and i'm not a hugger either

Trying, its difficult isnt it, you would think there would be a benefit for those in 'limbo' to claim. Its difficult enough, without all this worry too. Good luck, let us know how you get on

Thankyou so much guys...I'm taking deep breaths and preparing to phone DWP again and sort this out today. Definitely doing the Statement thing too, have set that in motion already.
Ds already brought up the money thing this morning, ina 'I have a plan to get money' way. Breaks my heart to think he is worried about this too. Am on the case. You've all been brilliant, its whats giving me the kick up the bum to get this sorted, so I have something positive to tell you all.
Be back soon, as they say..x

Good luck! :)

Got a call back for 3.30 to see is they'll set me up on interim payment. If not, urgent application for JSA so either way something will be done today as far as getting me properly on the system.
And I never thought I would say that.
Funny how life turns around. So, tonight hopefully should be getting somewhere.
fingers crossed

Good luck Trying. Sounds like hopefully at least one piece of the puzzle will be sorted out so that you have some energy for the rest. You've had some great advice already. here's another :)

Thankyou! Hey Guys! They've processed my claim, giro in the post, I just have to let them know when Carers Allowance is awarded...Cannot believe it. Want to do a happy dance. The woman on the phone was dead chuffed, like, see what I did for you, and I am so grateful. Thanks so much to everyone for being there. Made ALL the difference xxxxxx

Brilliant news for you and your ds

oh wow! what a great turnaround! glad it was good news for you :)

:)

good news, and thanks for updating us!

stick around, these people are very helpful and supportive - they rock!

Thats brilliant trying. Its good to know that they can come up trumps when needed - its just a case of finding the right person to deal with it iyswim

If any issue re JSA (you left ='computer says no' = intentionally jobless) see if old boss can write a letter saying the excessive flexibility you needed sadly wasn't a reasonable adaptation she could sort within the shop. or she'd given verbal warnings for looking grumpy, or whatever she can truthfully say.

Cry this much at the doctors and they'll definitely ask if you have the other symptoms of depression; if you do and it's bad, a sick note wouldn't be unreasonable until you're a bit more employable (or JSA-able at least )

And at lovely DWP helpline person, able to be competent and human and helpful, [shh] don't tell the powers that be, but there really are still some great public servants about.

The giro came! Its true...all in black and white. Off to the post office now, if I can remember which post office I said. And the fridge just broke so swings and roundabouts! Thankyou so much for all your help and comments. I wil be updating this spot with all sorts of mundane stuff I'm sure. When 1 problem is resolved, another usually steps in its place. Thats just life, I'm not particularly unlucky I don't think. Interesting point about the job though. My ex manager did have to tell me off a lot for being snappy with customers sometimes (usually I was TOO accomodating with them so it was more noticeable) and that was when I was still going through the whole waiting for diagnosis thing with DS. Funny, we never think of shop people as human, they MUST adhere to the policies of their employer, but sometimes, they're just having a really bad time. I also made a couple of friends on Twitter with 'aspies' and its amazing the similarites. Watching endless walkthrough's of games and obsessing over building details in those games. DS is the same. I am too though! Could I have had this when I was little/still do? I was a swine as a kid, and never remembered doing anything wrong. I wanted to live on my own from being about 7/8, and ran away constantly from 13. Slept in a park and all that. Thought my way was the best way. I guess I'm asking, does anyone have Aspergers and now have children with it. Does it work like that?