Please don't flame me :(

[MamaMaiasaura]

I coming to accept ds is very likely on the asd spectrum and each time I read something on these that describes him so well, I tear up (actually crying now). I've known ds2 was different, I couldn't go to toddler groups as he hated them, was obsessed with doors, hand washing and not wanting to interact with anyone else. I ended up doing 1-1 and seeing friends with kids in calmer smaller settings. Preschool flagged issues and tried to exclude him from nativities which is when I agreed for inclusion officer to be involved. IEP has helped with social and ds is doing so well. I have an old thread re preschool, and new one today re latest thing being planes flying over house. He's have SALT and referred to see dr due to poor eye contact and high intellect.

I'm reeling a bit and feel so upset for him. I know this is who he is and I love him dearly and all his quirks too. It's just, as much as I love him, the idea of someone being cruel to him for his differences makes me :-( Is it normal to feel this when child has needs? And what is dr Appr likely to be like?

Sorry for mass of typos and shit grammar

We never flame people on here mama.

Welcome to the board and remember whatever happens with regard to a diagnosis for your ds, he will always be your lovely little boy.

A diagnosis will help to point people in the right direction to support your ds.

Good luck.

No flaming here :)

I felt exactly the same as you. I spent a long time crying after the dx, even though I knew something wasnt right (and I had used this board to self dx). I still have days where I feel teary. Its perfectly normal.

Welcome to the board. Keep posting/lurking and if you need support there is no better place.

No flaming here either. You'll learn that we all support each other here.

It's absolutely normal. I have seen it described as a type of grief - for the life that you had expected for your child. If your child has SN, you learn to accept a new normal. It might be a different normal than you expected and might be harder than you expected but there will still be joy, happiness and fun. :)

BTW A lot of our children have these to help them deal with situations that are too noisy for them.

Sorry just saw your other question.

If you are referred to the paediatrician then they will normally go through a whole developmental history from pregnancy through to now. What happened when we had ours was that I came away realising that from the questions and answers that there were so many tiny things throughout his life that I had just put down to being "him" and not out of the ordinary. It helped me to realise that there was nothing that I could have done differently - he is just him and this is how he was designed to be.

While we were talking she was watching DS play and how he played. She also gave him paper and crayons and took away the drawing with her. We then got a long report sent to us.

She referred us for a full multi-disclipinary assessment with Speech and Language and Occupational Therapy.

Areas all work differently though with some trusts referring to CAMHS to a Clinical Pyschologist.

Hi Mama, welcome to the board . The way you describe how you are feeling is exactly how many of us have felt, and even though you've known something is up for a while it is still very upsetting and almost surreal when you finally start on the road to diagnosis isn't it?

DS2 has Asperger's and I guess I probably knew from when he was about 2 and a half, but then people kept saying he's only young still, my DS does that, etc etc and taking the actual step of going to GP and asking for a diagnosis was very hard. He's 8 now and it's still hard! I hate the thought of him getting hurt - he's only recently started wanting to make friends and as much as I am glad for him I'm also now worried that his new friends will realise how quirky he is and either go off him or tease him . Sorry, I'm probably not helping much am I! Just wanted to say you are not alone in feeling that way but once you get a diagnosis one way or the other and begin to get help, you will see that there are lots of positives.

The actual process seems to vary wildly from area to area, but there are lots of v.knowledgeable people here who will be able to help and advise. I've found the NAS website very useful, they also have lots of leaflets and info, some of which is free here

We've all been there.

The thing that pissed me off the most at that time was people telling me it gets easier and I woukd get used to it. Quite frankly I didn't WANT to get used to it, but I absolutely promise you that much of it is to do with fear of the unknown, and once you begin to 'know' you find ways and strategies to reduce the negative and be proud of the positives for your child and your family.

The stage you are at is the absolute worst and I feel for anyone who is currently there.

Hi and welcome. We dont flame we like to support :) And right now I send you a hug as you are at the first hurdle.

Acceptance is hard but also a positive move and you are progressing to what I would call "action mum"

Turn that protection you feel from worry of him being picked on and his issues into something bigger. Go to the GP and asked to be referred to a developmental peadiatrician. Ask pre school to note all their concerns down in writing. Keep a diary of events at home that raise concerns with you. Creat a paper trail of reports and emails etc. Ask school if they could do a home/school book, tell them you would like this as you want to keep a record of what is happening in nursery so that you can practice some strategies at home too and maybe you will come up with a pattern of events somewhere or work out some triggers and help alleiviate them (at the same time this is good for proffs) All this will keep you busy and all this is valid input to any assessments you may have for your ds.

Good luck and we are all here :)

Can't offer any better advice, just wanted to give you a big (((hug))) My DS was 3 when he was DXed with ASD, and I still get teary now he's 12. But I can no longer imagine him any other way, so have come through the grieving process, because that's what it is, to acceptance.

I just wanted to send you a (((hug))). I took my ds2 to a sports class over the Easter hols and for the first time I realised how different he looked amongst a group of children his age. I welled up standing there wishing life wasn't so cruel, putting this on such a fab little guy, it's not fair. My DH feels a lot of guilt over passing on some of ds2 issues, we can't do anything about that, but we can do our best to give him a great life now. You sound like a wonderful Mum, but this isn't easy to come to terms with so be kind to yourself.

Thank you [Thanks] for the welcome and kind words. I keep swinging from accepting and then that he's fine and will grow out of it. He has a bit, grown out of charging around the room and preschool, he now sits for circle time and is the helper etc. but I guess that he will change and learn how to deal with situations, but also that some situations will be harder for him to learn to deal with.

I don't feel quite so alone on here iykwim,

coff33pot the preschool had IEP for social skills, he's done really well and now they have IEP for physical space now. We have a small book that goes from home to preschool and all very positive. He saw SALT beginning of march and is seeing developmental peadiatriician beginning of May.

If he is dx how does this affect him, what help would he get. Will tis affect his future prospects (I hate asking that).

I agree with Mrs Magnolia, I felt relieved in a way that his behaviour wasn't down to my parenting (although he has an NT older brother so I kind of knew that already!) and justified that I wasn't going mad/imagining all these things that I'd noticed since he was tiny. There is another thread on here about how useful diagnosis can be here and I'm sure if you look through older threads you'll find more. For me, once I'd got over the shock and sadness it felt ok to be able to say "DS2 has Asperger's, that's why he's reacting the way he is", rather than feel embarassed or like a rubbish parent. I felt that he'd get labelled one way or another, so I'd rather he was labelled as Aspergers than labelled as naughty/rude/weird etc

Ds seen dr and dx is HFA. He presents Aspergers but had speech delay so autistic dx.

I know he is the same ds and I love him dearly. But I hate that I am looking at him now for "signs", his behaviour seems more pronounced now at times. Is that me recognising or me causing it.

Sorry I know I'm being awful and I really do know he's my gorgeous boy still. I just can't come to terms that he has lifelong condition that could fluctuate and have implications throughout his life.

I've not told people really because I don't want them treating him differently but am torn as tomorrow meeting my best friend for picnic and ds is not very settled at present and likely to find it hard. Don't know whether tell her, and I'd I do before hand so we can focus on fun.

Mama, even if you are expecting it and in some cases, really wanting a DX it still hits really hard. It's that last bit of hope gone. But it hasn't changed him, you know that. Do allow yourself time to get your head around it and you will be upset.

Only tell people when you are ready, those who need to know, like school, and those whose support you need, like proper friends and close family. ((((hugs))))

mama I think a lot of us have done that "is he .... isn't he" thing and convinced ourselves our children were not so different that they would get a Dx of anything. Even though I knew deep down I refused to admit it to myself a lot. I would look at the criteria and convince myself that DS didn't tick all the boxes so he wasn't different enough for me to worry about. When I saw him with the paed who was a stranger and saw his behaviour from behind a 2 way mirror I know I had been kidding myself. I had never seen such bad behaviour at home from him.
I felt awful for ages, at the same time trying to remember that nothing had changed and he was still the same lovely little boy.
Sending you virtual hugs as you start out on your journey to find out how to best help and support your ds.

alisson that must have been hard . I know in my head it will take time, but my heart aches for him and how others may treat him.

zzzzzz that's adorable.

Awwww ZZZZZ

I can't really add any advice that hasn't been offered already, and I can certainly understand the feelings that you have when you realise that your child is "different". I also felt a certain relief, that we were being taken seriously and that he wasn't just a naughty child and I wasn't just a crap parent.

One thing I'd like to know though, is where abouts are you? I want to move there!! We are 4 1/2 years down the line and STILL haven't had the official diagnosis, though we are told that he will almost certainly be diagnosed with AS. He has the ADOS test to go through next, he's doing it in two ... actually, I'll start another thread about that!

mama yes it was hard - BUT in retrospect it was good, as he then got a dx and I could beging to learn about how his mind worked and how to understand and help him. I definitely moved into being "action mum" and getting the correct help, bit by bit for my DS as you will surely do soon too.

bentfinger new forest. First appt with consultant too. No ADOS test (don't really know what that is). An hour appt tho. Was referred by SALT and to salt via preschool and inclusion officer.