general ignorance...pissed off poster in hiding

[ThatVikRinA22]

im hiding in here. the boards seem to be full of twats people who think AS = abuser so im hiding here before i go and say something i really regret and get myself thrown out....

i wonder how many of those who are equating AS or ASDs to abusers live with or have direct experience of someone with a proper dx (not an armchair one)

ds is 20. proper dx. and he is nice. scatty and disorganised and slightly infuriating at times not to mention rubbish with money but he wouldnt hurt a fly, is not an arse and is certainly not a rapist. Im sick of trying to explain lack of theory of mind today on here.

rant over....

I hid the thread vic.
The impossible thing to explain is that one of our children might well say something as insensitive and egocentric without any thought of its impact on the listener, and the only thing that changes that is education, training and explanation.
Not knee-jerk feminist reactions of rapist.
It's perhaps all for the best that he's left her. He is either a total arse or he needs SC skills support if he is to sustain a relationship.
But from the OP's thread in relationships, and Gods I'm not going into that pit EVER again, it seems very likely that he has AS and hasn't had the support mechanisms and strategies that we've tried to give our sons.
I really don't think I can pretend to be a MN feminist any longer, they are just too rigid in thought for me to comprehend.

you know fallen i used to think i had some feminist ideals, and then i read some of the shite on the boards here, realised i would have to become some militant feminist in order to post there and found the whole board too bloody intimidating to venture into again. My late Dsis was a bit militant and i had many an argument with her about all men being potential rapists etc....

funnily enough my parting words on that thread were i thought rigidity of thought was an AS trait...apparently not according to that thread.

it has really cheesed me off today. such ignorance. Can you hide whole topics? if so relationships and the feminist boards are going....

Yes, if you go down to customise you can hide huge sections of MN, it's like room 101.
There's a rather fine rioja in the bucket tonight, fancy a sluurp or two?

you are on fallen make mine a large

sometimes i think i should stay and argue and argue and argue until people see im right!!

Then you would be acting like a MN feminist!
I love the way that your boy drives you to distraction and despair and you rant about something idiotic he's done.
Then the next time the bell rings, you are out there, throwing punches and yelling at the crowds. You have an inexhaustible energy when thinking about the fairness of life for our children, and the unfair judgements made about them by the ignorant.

bless you fallen and you have my utmost admiration because you dont even rant! and you explain it all without the spitting feathers bit that i tend to do...

he does drive me mad, but the difference is that he doesnt mean to drive me mad so i have to forgive him, plus im his mum, its my job

thats what was not being understood on that thread. I linked to something that explains 'theory of mind' but im betting no one who was wanting to get excited about how 'abusive' these men are clicked on it....

i think i should write and instruction book for whoever gets DS....

It drives me to fury, the way AS is becoming synonymous with Sociopathic. Just because a person doesn't notice something (like the fact that you arecrying, for example) does not make them malicious!

In my opinion, NT = will notice, will care, SP = Will notice, won't care, and AS = won't notice, but would care.

that seems to me to be quite true colditz in the past when ive explained things to DS about why something has upset me he has been mortified, but they just dont always notice or understand until its explained, but once explained, they care very much,

several times DS and i have had a good sob on each others shoulders...

My ds is nine, and several times throughout his life, I have informed a happy, jolly, VERY boisterous Ds1 that he has just hurt me, and his little face drops like a stone. but until I tell him "You just hurt my arm", he doesn't see the connection between him swinging on my arm, and me making loud noises.

What thread is this?

Please tell.

I shall go there, and make hay in defence of my utterly, sweetly harmless autistic boys.

Actually what makes sociopaths so very dangerous is that they often have incredibe social skills. It's the lack of empathy but total understanding of how others tick that makes their manipulations so successful.

It's nothing like the caring but socially inept Aspie.

Rape is about power more than anything - the vast majority of Aspies find everyday office politics totally bewildering, much less have any desire whatsoever to dominate others. (A young aspie trying to control a game in the playground is a temporary developmental coping strategy - NOT a life long issue in 99.9% cases).

retiredgoth there have been a couple today in relationships....sadly people dont seem to be as accepting of our lads as adults as they are as children....not like they are terribly accepting of them even then...

i am to bed...good night folks. might start that instruction manual for when DS gets a GF....

oh and one in AIBU....i can see my hiding whole swaths of MN....

Pah!

One of my neighbours is 23 - his gf is expecting their pfb this month and if my on lad grows up to be 1/2 as nice as he is I'll be proud as punch. (he has 2 lil 1/2 sis's under 5 so I've seen his interactions with kids !)

He can cook, clean do the grocery shop without busting the budget on junk. He's kind, no nasty temper (though he does take himself for a walk round the block sometimes). His woman is a lucky one.

Just thought I'd give you a RL, medically diagnosed example. He did his degree thru the OU as campus life was too much for him, but has found work (1st class helps!) & is just a NICE though a little eccentric bloke.

My ex is AS, but what makes him my ex has naff all to do with his AS traits.

Oh yes, I read some of that thread then had to give up.

The joke of it is posters piling in talking of their abusive exes with AS, except they diagnosed them!

I just want to tell them a big fat fuck off!

Haven't read the thread but then I never venture off the loveliness of this board - it's a jungle out there!

That is what I used to hate about the early bird plus course (sponsored by the NAS) that we went on - week after week some LA woman would tell me and the other parents and TAs that 'these children have no empathy because they have no theory of mind, bla, blah....'

I used to say time and time again - that is a HYPOTHESIS and it doesn't fit the child I know who, if anything is TOO sensitive for the world. So sensitive in fact, he keeps his head down and gets on with his own thing.

Yes. I started a thread here a bit ago about this.

It enrages me how asd is the new npd oh, he's treating you like shit? Maybe he's autistic.

FUCK OFF! There's nothing about the autistic spectrum that makes you an abuser. Being a BASTARD makes you an abuser.

The next person who tries to suggest that a possible reason for some twatty man being a total bastard is that he could have ASD is going to get a hefty dose of my boot so far up their arse I knock their teeth out from the inside.

I am tired of people using all these "off the cuff" comments about someone being Aspie or ODD or OCD and such when they're using it as a descriptive word about someone, rather than speaking about the actual condition. These are not ADVERBS people!! grrrrrrrrr Are they not intelligent enough to think of a proper word instead?

I have ventured into the Relationships section a few times, but it's just too much of a cesspool of despair and "dump the bastard" for it to be of any help. We're still struggling through DH's depression - better overall now, but still some bad days here and there (as is to be expected, and I suspect is due to recent start of counselling, so some raw feelings coming up for him here and there). I wouldn't dare post about it in there - the chorus of "kick him to the curb" would be deafening!

And I have never actually done it before, but I'm actually contemplating hiding threads now, just to keep my stress levels down. I hate how ignorant people are about SNs.

Oh god yes the empathy/theory of mind thing, had that with someone the other day speaking as though they have the authority to say.....but no of course they dont, anyone with real experience of a person with ASD will no that sort of rigid definition is bollocks

Im so peed off its affecting my spelling! I meaant know that sort of definition not no

Thing is I also know that sometimes ds has said something that others would find selfish, but once explained why that wasn't a good thing to say has understood, been sorry, and we've drawn s line under it. People with asd can do that because of their ASD, but without being an abuser or rapist and it makes me sad that there is such ignorance and a willingness to explain away all people with ASD as no good relationship material. I was under the illusion that this shit got easier as they grow up.....

It does, but only if there is someone in the teaching and interpreting role.
An Aspie with a silent sulking martyr of a partner for example isn't going to end well.
Someone who points out exactly why and what and how a relationship works, and is prepared to explain things. For example, I got an Easter egg and flowers from DS without prompting this year, he's also managing his friendships very well with only a little guidance and he's better at thinking of how his responses appear to others and self-correcting.
But it has taken time and effort and love to get this far.

the boy done good then fallen [busmile]
mine still needed prompting...but once prompted he did get everyone something including his sister.

This year will be the big test....he goes to uni in September...