(Good) Friday night thread...

[Becaroooo]

...hello everyone!

Hope you are all surviving the hols so far! Its been a bit mixed here in that the weather has been rubbish and I feel rubbish so we havent done much.

So...went to a craft session at church this morning. Now, I dont normally bother (obv!) but I thought "No! Ds2 likes craft and I need to get out of the damn house!" So off we went.

Well.

Ds1 met up with a couple of kids from his class and I didnt see him again!!!! For nearly 2 hours! He made a minature garden of Gethsemane, a basket, a hat, did some colouring, and made a choc easter nest!!!

This...from a child who wouldnt go farther then 2 feet from me 6 months ago Ds2 was a little monkey but he was pretty tired.

He is having a friend over on Tues and going to another friends house on weds!! So...fingers crossed

I hope you all have a peaceful and blessed easter x

We visited first during the open evenings for a quick idea. It was amazing how many schools we could rule out at that point, just tracking down the SENCo and in some cases, got a really negative vibe. The hard part was choosing from the 3 really good schools that were left. 2 were very similar and large and one was much smaller but friendly and seemed good pastorally. Unfortunately it's size became a problem as it didn't have sufficient expertise and it had a streaming system rather than setting for each subject individually. No good for my scientist/mathematician who hates reading and struggles with English, let alone French! It would have meant all lessons with the same 28 children forever! Worse than primary school, no chance to meet new, like minded DC.

I chose one of the larger schools, DS1 already went there. DS2 had a great transition package, 3 all day visits with all Y6s and 4 individual visits before that, after school when it was quiet, during lessons, at lunchtime and at lesson change time. These were mostly in the summer term but we also went on the Sept open evening.

It's been really successful. DS2 spends lunchtimes in the learning skills (read SEN) club and has made friends with the children who go there. Quite a variety of SEN, some with much better social skills than DS2! It's almost like a MLD SS within a MS school, but DS2 doesn't have any lessons there, he's in a variety of sets, from 1st/5 to 4th/5.

They don't do an IEP, which worried me, but they have a system of computerised pupil passports that each subject teacher has access to on their registration laptop. So it comes up automatically when they register the class at the start of each lesson. It works really well, and DS2's TA fills in his homework book for him, and it's used as a home/school communication book.

The reduction in communication from primary school is hard to get used to, and email is the best method, but you do get used to it. Have a look on SN education for our old thread, flapping about secondary or something. Lots of good advice there. Still finding the coach home problematic...

Oops, that last one was for moose. Bit of a thread hijack?

Thanks for asking Coff. Haven't heard anything about Maudsley admission but keyworker on leave this week so I didn't really expect to. After that meeting I felt everything was up in the air again. However I will see social worker and psychologist next week who are both good at their jobs and hopefully I will get a clearer picture. Of course Ds has complicated things by improving slightly. Don't get me wrong I'm really pleased about this but it does muddy the waters somewhat. Glad you're gradually becoming a blue-free zone with or without help!

Ben10 How old is your DS now. Mine's 10 yr old and says he enjoyed it. Though he didn't let go of my hand until the end of the 3rd day. We found self catering worked really well in the Davy Crockett Ranch as it was quieter. I think we made the right choice as the park itself seemed to be very full on and quite busy.

Doh! Just read your other thread again Ben10. Ignore the question about your DS age .

Creatover I think we'll do Legoland for a few more years and see if he develops any tolerance for more rides and then probably go when DS is 10ish. I think DH is aiming for Disneyland or World in the US before DS goes to secondary school.Think it's DH that wants to go more than DS though

Thanks ellen, that's reassuring. The electronic passport thing sounds like a really good system. Sorry the coach ride problems haven't been resolved.

We don't have all that many options really. Its basically between the local (what would have been catchment) school - where ds wants to go because all his classmates will be going there, or a school about 3 miles away that has a resource unit which does take children with ASD, but only if they also have more severe language/communication issues. Apparently the latter school has a reputation for being very good at supporting children with SENs anyway, even outside of the unit and particularly children with AS, but getting him to and from there would be a nightmare, he won't know a soul - so persuading him to go might be impossible - and of course he has his heart set on the local school (which is only half a mile up the road).

The local school is a bit of an unknown quantity, as it has changed a lot recently. It's become an academy and got rid of an awful head teacher, replacing her with one, I am told, is very good. I do know of a boy from our school, who also has AS, who went there the year before last and is doing well, as is ds1's friend's sister, who also has AS, so am hoping it might work for him. He really just wants to go where his best friend goes, but there's still a question mark over him going to Grammar at the moment, so I need to have a conversation with his mum, as if he is there's no point in including him as an extra factor in decision making. Of course I have to explain to ds that even if he goes to the same school as his best friend, he won't be in all the same classes - he's not going to take that well at all.

It all feels very big and scary at the moment and no matter what we do, I don't think ds is going to handle it very well.

On a more positive note, he has had a bit of a breakthrough today. I decided to put Puss in Boots on pay-per-view for ds2 as a treat, seeing as he's poorly. Bearing in mind ds1's feature film/movie phobia, I suggested he might like to use my laptop in the kitchen while we watched it, but he surprised me by saying he would use it in the living room and then if he felt like it, he could try and watch some. So that's what we did and after ten minutes, he put the laptop down and watched the film with us! [bugrin] [bugrin] [bugrin] He was visibly tense and obviously struggling a few times, but he sat through the whole film and said he'd enjoyed it! [bugrin] In the past, he wouldn't even agree to be in the kitchen with the door shut while we watched a film - so this is massive!

I am so proud of him for even trying, let alone getting through the whole movie. It was totally out of the blue as well, I didn't even ask if he wanted to watch it, it was his own suggestion. [busmile]

I know it seems an odd thing to be pleased about - that your (almost) ten year old ds has just watched a kids film - but I know you guys will understand why I am so [bugrin] about it!

That's brilliant, moose! These 'little' things aren't really so little.

I can remember my disappointment when DS1 and DS3 sat and watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang one Christmas but DS2 wouldn't stay in the room. He isn't phobic, but just didn't have the concentration. For us the cinema works, he can't get away and popcorn helps. [busmile] It's a routine he's happy with. Thank God for Saturday morning cheapies. He'll watch a film at home now, sometimes.

Back to the school thing, I was really, really disappointed that our 'outstanding' catchment comprehensive, where 70% of the primary school go, was the most negative in terms of SEN. Having some familiar friends is a big deal. dS2 only had one boy and 2 girls from primary go to his secondary. They were good enough to put them all in the same tutor group, but they have very few lessons together. Unfortunately the 'outstanding' secondary was anything but in terms of inclusivity.

Thats great moose! We bought it on DVD for ds to watch on the way to London and I think he wore it out there an back. I love the cat though when he gives the big eyes soppy look.

Ellen.............Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is horrid! The child catcher is scary and evil. I bawled my eyes out when I saw it as a child and I list him with the Dialeks which still give me the creeps now DH let DS watch it with him and it was weeks before he would go upstairs on his own incase the child catcher was at the top bless.

Mind you I am a wuss I still cant watch Bambi (mum dies), Dumbo (gets taken from his mummy) Watership Down (oooooh the squashed bunny) :(

It's so interesting how the same dx affects them in different ways. I can't keep DS away from films over and over. Moose can he explain why he was/is phobic about films?

Moose. We had to put our forms in for Secondary choice by 31 October 2010. We backed up ours with TDD Statement and TDS letter from Headteacher. They give you a couple of weeks before half term to do the open evenings. We looked for our twins in Year 5 and took them with us. One secondary School REFUSED to let us meet the SENCO, so I complained to the LA and sure enough they let us meet the SENCO. But by that time I'd made my choice for another school anyway, which I think cynically was their intention all along.

The transition between the schools was good, they did a separate SEN two days for those particular kids plus their usual MS transition.

Thanks folks, I knew you'd understand.

Ben, he's never been able to clearly articulate why he won't watch them. We think it is partly related to dh ranting about the evils of the Disney corporation when ds was tiny. Of course we didn't know he had AS then and he picked up on it, big-style. He used to go to school and tell the other children that Disney was bad. (Still does actually. )

There was also an incident with Ice Age the movie, when he was about 18 months old. We went to visit a friend, who put it on on one of those massive projector screens, so it filled one wall of the room. The titles started and the little chipmunk thing was chasing the nut around across the cracking ice. Ds got really upset and we asked them to switch it off but they wouldn't, we asked again and they laughed - so we got up and left. I think that was the start of it really.

When he was small he used to go into immediate meltdown if he even saw a picture of Ice Age and of course they made endless sequels - which were advertised everywhere. Once we were walking past John Lewis with him in his pushchair and he started to really scream - total meltdown. Looked up and they had a bank of about 30 televisions on display - all showing Ice Age! Poor ds, must've been his idea of hell. From then on we couldn't walk past John Lewis or go past any shop that had television in. Even those tv-ad televisions they used to have advertising various JML-type products would set him off.

Recently he was able to tell us that he can't stand the build up to the climax of the film and that the climax itself is too stressful. He also said that lots of films have loss as a theme, where the characters get split up at the end and its always supposed to be good for one of them as for example they're going home to their family, but its still sad for whoever gets left behind and he can't handle it. Loss is an ongoing theme for ds's anxieties. We once got him to watch Laura's Star with him, where the little girl finds a fallen star and nurses it back to health. It's a lovely gentle film and we thought it would be a good introduction to him trying to watch films with ds2. WRONG of course the star goes back to the sky at the end, which is lovely for the star and Laura is happy because she can always see the star in the sky - ds however was distraught and cried for hours.

I was very impressed he could cope with Humpty falling at the end of Puss in Boots. Watching and coping with that was a huge step forwards for him.

Wow that's obviously very deep-set in his psyche so he has done very well to deal with Puss in Boots. Big step forwards definitely and maybe he will be able to start to cope more easily with other films and TVs.

Happy Easter everyone busmile

Bloody Hell, Sally, they refused you a meeting with the SENCo? Pretty obvious what message they were sending. "We don't do SEN."

Sorry, started typing that before the Easter Bunny visited and hadn't seen the responses. Our DC are so, so different. Amazing what ASD does. I kind of know my DS was never typical from all his 'friends.' I still think it's the hypo-sensitive thing with him, he's hypo to pretty much everything so wants noise, movement, lights and he's got a great sense of humour but no empathy, completely egotistical. But none of them are typical, are they?

moose I completely understand the film thing. Ds1 was the same until VERY recently and he is 8.

He can now watch some disney and pixar stuff but its very hit and miss still.

sally Ds1's school havent even got a SENco atm!

Happy Easter everyone x

Ellen, the best bit about the SENCO debacle was that when we had the open evening to view the school with ALL the other parents, we went to the Excellence Dept (SEN room) and he saw me and RAN out of the room! I laughed loudly! I don't think he could cope with proactive parents who weren't going to blindly accept what they were told!

Fucking hell, Sally! And I thought the Senco of the 'outstanding' school telling me, did I realise it was a very academic school? and 'marginalised' children tended to congregate in the library at lunchtimes, was bad!

Lenin, try the Sat morning cheapies. At cineworld they are £1 a pop so not too bad if you can't do the whole thing.

Have you noticed how many films deal with divorce as well? Usually with the happy ending that the parents get back together. Hated them before and even more now. (grumble grumble bloody Mr Poppers grumble Penguins)

Lenin Have you tried one of the ASD friendly showings?

Lenin. I agree with the £1 Saturday cheapies. Odeon does them too plus they also do ASD showings once a month. If you can get him to see it on DVD first at home, and then the cinema that would be a better way to break him in. I do understand, we have similar issues. I usually arm myself with lots of comforts drink, snacks and Muslins.