Help: 5 year old "unofficially" excluded for afternoon

[bookbird]

Hi,

My son has had trouble at school since starting in August (we're in Scotland).

He has difficulty concentrating and finishing work, but by far the greatest problem is hitting other children. He was sent home today for the first time after hitting four children.

We've had a couple of meetings with the school where they've suggested he struggles with social cues and social interaction. Today they told my DH to take him to our GP for a referral to a children's centre for assessment.

I feel that the school have cut us loose. We have been very supportive, introducing marble jars and traffic light behaviour management systems at home to incentivise good behaviour. I believe he can do it (and he does at home, frequently).

He struggles to communicate his feelings or explain why he hits (stock answer is "I don't know"). School have been talking about a nurture group, and referral to an educational psychologist, but those won't happen before May. I feel the situation is deteriorating and the school aren't making suggestions as to how to manage DS in the meantime.

I've made an appointment with the GP, but don't expect the referral to happen quickly. What can I do now? I'm getting quite desperate. Any suggestions please?

If they've sent him home, shouldn't it be official? With paperwork and all? IMO, either he's excluded or he's not.. in which case he shouldn't be sent home. Official or not at all. Otherwise they're kind of dodging paperwork and making a paper trail, which I suspect is what they are doing.

I wouldn't take him home unless he's been "officially excluded." By sending him home without excluding him, they're just dumping it all on you to sort out with no documentation to back you up.

I'm sure there'll be more people along with solid advice though.

Agreeing with Triggles. If he was being sent home then I would be asking if he has been excluded, and expecting the apporopriate paperwork before I took him out. But I'm not in scotland so not sure how it is there.
A place to start would be to ask the school for a copy of their exclusion policy

I'm a school governor - ask for a copy of the exclusion policy. Put the ball back in the schools court - they are trying to wriggle out of doing what they should.

This is not ok - they either exclude or they don't there are no half measures with this.

My DS1 was sent home on his first day of (school) nursery for biting, i think the idea was for the biting to be "nipped in the bud' immediately. It never occurred to me to say no or ask for paper work or that it was an exclusion, I was too busy trying not to cry! I think I would take him home the first time but request a meeting where you make it clear that this would not become the regular way to deal with the problem.

DS2 (on spectrum) hit another child in P1 (accidentally he was aiming at his teacher and missed!) but was never sent home.

In both cases very experienced teachers made a judgement call and I seriously doubt they were avoiding a paper trail. I'm in Scotland too but its difficult to generalise from what happens in one school, all I'll say is that DS2 is in his seventh year at his primary school and I have never had to deal with any paper work at all, just read the minutes from review meetings. The teachers have always asked for a lot of input from me, in addition to the Edphysch, on how to handle DS, I would rather have it that way than the other way round.

You are going to have to accept that there will be a lot of trial and error as what works for one child will not for another.

May may seem a long time away but you have the holidays and a long weekend to break it up and it sounds like the school is getting its act together and there will some strategies in place before he starts P2.

It's up to you whether you get him assesed or not, i didn't then but I am now and kind of wish I had got it over with earlier as I have to sort it all out before he starts high school. Not having a DX didn't affect whether DS2 got help or not.

School exclusion policies mean nothing to this. It is illegal for them to send a child home without it being an official exclusion, although school try and do it a lot. An exclusion is nothing to worry about, like the school may make you think, in fact it is something you can use to prove they can't cope, if you ever need to. I would tell them you would like it in writing that they sent him home and why, even if it doesn't actually say that he was excluded it is proof he was, because he was sent home before the end of the day.
I really don't know much about the Scottish system, sorry, but you need to speak to the SENCO or equivalent, head and teacher and ask them how they are going to support him so this doesn't happen again. Are you still involved with the HV or someone who could start a CAF or TAC so that everything is minuted? Unfortunately it wont be quick for a referral, even then it will take some time for anything to be done, sorry there is no quick fix. You could see if there is a local carers centre and if they have a parent carer team, they would be able to point you in the direction of local services.

make sure that you record this in writing and send them a copy

Thanks for the replies. Think I'll definitely ask for the "unofficial" exclusion in writing, thanks "keeping up". I really don't think they're coping.

At the risk of drip feeding, we've been bringing him home for lunch occasionally since Christmas. We stepped this up a fortnight ago and he's been home every day "for a break" after agreeing this with the school. I thought we were working together, then this...

It is also known as an 'Illegal' exclusion, because it is...well...illegal for the school to exclude without doing so 'officially'.

The paperwork they provide must show that they have followed their own behaviour policies and that they have strategies in place to ensure the same thing doesn't happen again.

Of course, if they have no strategies, or if they have reached the limits of their abilities with your child, then it would be easier for them to 'unofficially' exclude. It means that, the next time it happens, they can do the same thing and nothing will need to change.

Bringing your child home for lunch is just about OK. The school day is split into 2 halves for this reason. That's why they take a second register in the afternoon. However, it is also a way for the school to avoid paying for extra staff to supervise your son, and to avoid doing some good work around social skills and friendships, which it sounds as though he needs.

To me, it sounds as though the school are shirking their responsibilities all round.

You need to ask for them to put in writing that they asked you to come and collect ds early and why, dont even mention exclusion unless they do. If they ask why then just tell them you want it to show the GP or something. Some schools can get funny if parents start sounding like they know what they are talking about , it is amazing how many schools have done a complete turn around when a parent I am supporting has started to tell them they are wrong and why, sometimes just the mention of my team coming to the meeting is enough
When you say you have brought him home for lunch a few times since christmas, have school asked you to do that or have you offered? I only ask as officially school wanting you to take him home at lunch on and off is classed as a half day exclusion! It wouldn't be now as you have offered to do it as a regular thing but now and again is.
Another thing is, try and keep a diary of what is going on, such as how ds is, what he is doing what school is doing as it may come in useful if it comes to a point where school is not meeting his needs.

I have just looked up a report on exclusion in Scottish schools, it was a few years old so may be out of step with recent policy but an important fact I gleaned was that sending children home to "cool off" was 4x more common than officially excluding them and was permitted in quite a few local authorities, not mentioned in the policies of some others and only not permitted in a handful.

Official exclusion and permanent exclusion from primary and secondary schools was much less prevalent in Scotland than in England, therefore it appears that "sending home" (without paperwork) is a quasi official alternative to exclusion in Scottish schools and is very common.

I think it is a grey area,not necessarily illegal and varies across the country as to whether it is allowed or not.

Bookbird - is he struggling to cope with the class size? Are there too many kids, distractions, too much noise etc? All of these things could lead to him becoming anxious. I would see if they can do more group work, find a quiet area for him to use and also some strategies for when things are getting too much for him. Maybe he needs a good burning of energy outside to keep his emotions in check.

Thanks for responses. We offered to bring him home at first, now they've requested that we do it every day to give him a "mental break".

Noise is an issue sallybear, I think you're right about it causing anxiety.

Thanks for the comments about exclusion in Scotland, I see it is quite different.

"DS2 (on spectrum) hit another child in P1 (accidentally he was aiming at his teacher and missed!) but was never sent home."

Totally inappropriate, but that sentence did make me

If your child needs a "mental break" then it is up to the school to have an area set aside so he can have this break.

I would refuse to bring him home now and have a meet up and ask what they are going to put in place to help him.

If they continue ring up ask first if this exclusion is being logged (use the word exclusion because that is what it is) And ask for an official exclusion letter before collection.

They either wont like it because that means it is logged that they cannot meet his educational needs or it might make them sit up and realise that they have to work harder on his INCLUSION :)

Well said coffee!

Thanks everyone. Meeting with school tomorrow to tell them I feel like they've let DS down and ask for the unofficial exclusion in writing.

We're going to demand they put something in place for the next few weeks as DS can't continue with the status quo.

I do think that you need to ask them to structure in some quiet small group work for him, to help with his noise sensitivity which is a sensory need.

Well done for forcing their hand. They don't know everything at the end of the day, and his needs are obviously not being met.

Good luck for tomorrow!

Mixed feelings about meeting at school. DS is going for mornings only next week to give him more chance of some positive experience of school before the Easter holidays. Fine, but this isn't a long term solution and when we asked about smaller group work and more pupil support the Head explained that she's 1.5 FTE down on support assistants.

Starting to worry that this may be suggested longer term and my otherwise very bright inactive boy will fall way behind.

What he really needs is a MUCH smaller class. We're now thinking of moving

Inactive? I actually meant communicative

Book bird did school mention getting an ed psych in?

They're referring us to the ed psych, but that won't happen until mid May.

I could have written your post OP, my 5yr old son has been "unofficially sent home" 4 times now, when I brought up that I wasn't happy with this and I felt like they weren't coping they argued that they were and then put it into his IEP that it was ok to send him home unofficially

We're now just waiting until the end of the school year and then moving schools, there is a mainstream school nearby with an ASD and AS base so will be far better trained and won't just send him home when he gets too much for them.

And I'm in Scotland too, DS doesn't have a dx yet (although cahms have said he seems like a textbook autism case) but hopefully with a dx then the school will have to take his difficulties seriously and not just send him home for me to deal with. Could you push for some sort of dx too?

It's a bit of a Faustian pact isn't it, having to label your child to get school to pull a finger out. But if that's the right way to go about it then that's what you must do.

Your ds sounds similar to my friend's who found p1 very hard and walloped other children. Her school worked very hard on positive reward systems and he's much happier and better behaved in p2.

sock puppet putting into his IEP means nothing. An IEP isn't an official document. Hope you have a better experience at the next school.