Toilet accident at school, Help before I do something I'll regret!

[feynman]

Ok ladies, I need some measured responses here, becasue I'm feeling really cross. Bascially my son is 4.8 in reception. He is being assessed for ASD, he's dyspraxic and has sensory issues, (amongst other things). He has a statement and a full time ta. In his statement it says that he will need help with toileting.

Generally, he is capable of taking himself for a wee, although he struggles to get his clothes back up. He can also go for a poo, but struggles to clean himself properly so will end up sore. This is not usually a problem as he usually does not go at school, and waits until he';s home an I or dad will help him. Occassionally, when he does go at school, he comes home pulling at his bottom as he's obviously uncomfortable.

Tbh this has only happened very occasionally and has not been really bad so I've not made a big issue of it. Mainly becasue they are great at most things and I dont want to start on the wrong foot as I've been quite millitant in obtaining his statement and I think they think I'm a bit nuts anyway.

However today I got a phone call saying please could I come and collect my son as he had the runs and was in a mess. I got there expecting to find him in other clothes and needing to come home. What I actually found was my son naked from the waist down, covered in crap. To make it worse, it was everywhere, on the floor, on the walls, everywhere and he was stood in it!.

They had told him to try and clean himself up and to stay in the cubicle until I got there. They had then put cat litter on the floor over the mess. So to clarify, he's stood in bare feet in cat litter and shit. He has crap all down his legs and on his hands as he cant stand the feeling of the cat litter on his bare feet so hes leaning on the wall trying to rub it off one foot and then putting his foot back down only to try and rub it off the other foot. (This is how it ended up all over his hands and the walls).

As I've said he has dyspraxia and sensory processing disorder so he physically cant coordinate himself to do it and he cant stand the feeling of the cat litter.! All the time this is going on, other children are trying to come into the toilets! although tbf the TA did tell them to go to the other ones. It didnt stop them seeing him though. The ta told me she'd been told to leave him until I got there.

I rang the head and complained and she said it was their policy for parents to come in and deal with it. I pointed out that he still could at least have had a towel put round him and been moved away from it. Also that it was in his statement, that he would be helped with toileting. She asked if they had my permission to clean him up should it happen again and that they would note that down so in the future his ta would sort him. She seemed to think this resolved the matter. I hung up as my son needed the toilet again, but the more I keep thinking about it the angrier I'm getting.

Surley the fact that he has a statement saying he will need help with toileting just makes it worse, but shouldnt they have a duty of care, not to leave any child like that? and if they were concered about child protection type issues then why didnt they ask when they rang me if they could clean him up?

Someone please tell me what I should do. I feel really cross. I dodnt want to make waves for the sake of it, but I really dont want to think of any other child being left like this?

Sorry for rambling, if any one could tell me if this seems right or what the policies are regarding this in their school,s I'd be grateful

Thanks

Am shocked on your behalf. I can imagine they do have policies like this but you would expect common sense to intervene. If child is sick they clean them up so they could surely have got two people to clean up child in this state with baby wipes or whatever. Agree that they should have made sure he was comfortable and should have had any spare clothing put on him. I would send in wipes, spare clothes etc and a letter saying what you expect them to do for your ds. Maybe it's worth the TA checking on him after he has been to the loo to check he has clean hands etc and that he is clean and comfy.

Hi I thought I would reply as your post has made me so angry, with the school nt you by the way. I have never heard of a school that would do what they did to your son. My son has sli and development delay but is fine with his toilet routine but has had accidents whilst in school and has never been left to sort himself out,in fact I got a phone call to say he had the runs just before xmas and was asked to collect him.when I got there he was in fresh clothes with his soiled ones in a bag.
How long was it between them phoning and you being able to get there?

I got there as fast as I could but I would say a good 10mins, and I would think it was probably a few minutes before they got a message to the front office to ring me, So I imagine he was stood like that for the best part of 15minutes.

I just dont understand why anyone would let a child stay like that for any length of time, surely if it was because of child protection then why couldnt a member of staff supervise his ta doing it when she had already offered to it.I only asked how long it took to get there as what if you couldnt get there straight away,then would they of just left him.

I don't know, I dread to think. I honestly can't believe what happened. When I got there there where 3 members of staff stood around the toilets, with his ta encouraging him to stay in the cubicle. You'd think one of them would have sorted him out. I am quite frankly, horrified, as a mum (or human being really), surley anyone would not leave a child like that.

if he has toileting needs in his statement, he should already have had a care plan drawn up. this should have named who was responsible for helping him (and cleaning him up when necessary - usually two named staff in case of absence) and should have been agreed by both you and the school. the school nurse should be able to draw up care plans if the school have no experience.

it won't have been cat litter btw. just whatever they normally use for spillages. still unacceptable to leave him there.

calmly, carefully and deliberately ask for a formal meeting with school and demand that a care plan is drawn up immediately, as there is to be no recurrence of this. at all. ever.. they have let down ds.

(in some instances the member of staff is given a pay rise to be the named person on the care plan, as they have to agree to the job as it is out of the normal remit to undertake care work for a TA)

Thank-you, there is no care plan regarding this that I am aware of. I will contact school and ask that this is sorted.

Thank-you

I dont know what I would do if it was my child, but I also know that when you go into a school all guns blazing then that doesnt help either especially when you need to work together for your childs needs, but I just dont think I could I could keep my cool over something like this.
but however saying that, if the head has already thought she has resolved the matter then I dont what else you could do

sorry i meant to say i dont know what else you could do without having a formal meeting with other people there, i posted too soon

I've just emailed the school and asked for a meeting to draw up a care plan. I was very calm. I just want to know that it wont happen again, but I would also like to know that it wont happen for any child, not just mine. Should schools have policies on things like this?

I would have gone berserk..............taken DS home first but came back and gone berserk.

How could 3 people leave a child in distress in that state! Do any of them actually have any human motherly compassion?? I guess not........

simple really even on child protection. One watching, one redirecting kids and another cleaning him off. If no wipes even a simple tea towel borrowed from the kitchen soaked in warm water and maybe a bowl of warm water for him to stand in would suffice. It may have been easier on your son that way the poor thing :(

I was quite impressed that I managed to get out without either shouting or crying, because I could have done both. They had loads of wipes, they had given them to him to sort himself out! I just feel so bad for him. He doesn't really understand, but I''m sure some of the other kids will! I just feel he stands out enough as it is, without being made to look like that. I know they did try to shoo other kids away, but kids are kids at the end of the day, they all want to nosey at a bit of drama, it's human nature. He should never have been in that poistion though. Im please other people seem to be feeling what I'm feeling though, in the sense that I now don't feel like I'm over-reacting.

To be honest my own DS got in a state himself in our home this morning. He is not trained at night and holds himself all day rather than go at school. He decided to go to bathroom to try and clean himself up early hours of morning rather than wake me and so I had a soiled nappy in the toilet roll cupboard as he wanted to hide the smell, a bin full of dirty toilet tissue and every towel in the bathroom soiled from trying so hard to get it right. DS was in tears and had locked himself in the bathroom as he was covered in it and so its easy for me today to picture the state of your DS.

In no way do I think you are over-reacting and you should receive a gold medal for keeping your cool. (the right way to do it lol not my way :))

Thank-you all folks, I will let you know the outcome. I'm still really cross, but am going to bed or I'll not get up tomorrow. zzzzzzzz you are absolutly right, my son does need me to tell them and I will, thank-you for helping me see that so clearly. You guys are all fab. x

hi fey sorry to hear your son was left in this state, do a letter to school saying you give permission to clean him up, keep a copy for your records.update the letter yearly if needed, school can't use excuse of letter being out of date if this is done. keep records of everything, get everything in writing. also you could inform social services as this is a case of neglect on schools side, hth

Hi fey can't believe he was left in this mess! When my dd was 5 she was at a crappy school and had a bad accident but despite the school being terrible at everything else they still got her into a clean set of clothes!!

You NEED to be asking the school what exactly would've happened had you told them on phone that you werent going to get to school for say 45 mins?? Would they have left him in this mess for that long??? Terrible

. If there were 3 staff present, they were talking absolute bs if they mention child protection. The school has a duty of care and act in 'loco parentis' when you leave your child with them. If a parent did that to their child, the SS would be around straight away.
Make sure permissions are in place - and make sure that this is brought to the attention of the HT and the school governors. They need to review their policies.

Oh God how heartbreaking

I commend your self control. I think I would have deregistered there and then!

Good luck with your meeting and I hope they are grateful they have such a calm mother on their hands.

Thanks folks, I have spoken to the head, but am not happy with her response. I have not heard back from them regarding a meeting, so will ring them tomorrow and ensure I get one. I will put the permission in writing, but feel that given his statement says 'he will need help with toileting' you would think this would be enough. Thinking about it a bit more. I'm wondering whether it's been a case of various staff members saying 'it's not my job' etc etc. They do have a nursery nurse in reception though, so I've no idea why she didn't see to him. I still find it incredible that a 'mothering' instinct didn't kick in. I teach at secondary school, so have older kids but have had case's of children suddenly throwing up etc. It's not my job to clean it up either, but I do, and make sure the child is looked after/ok. You just would wouldn't you. No child should ever be left in a state like that. Anyway, thanks again, I'll let you know how it goes. Thankfully, little man has had a fab day today. As school wouldnt take him, he's had the day with Nanna, so thought it was brilliant.
Thanks again

How horrible for you and your son. Hope he's ok. My Ds is in an assessment unit, we got a call to say he'd got an upset stomach and had had an accident. He was clean and in spare undies and trousers when we got there.I thanked them for cleaning him up- he wasn't allowed back in school for 48hours,which was a pain as he'd just been caught short in a new classroom,and not got a bug,but they'd cleaned him. I'm a teacher and know what the policy says,but would never leave a child in a mess. I know that there are some parents who don't toilet train and think it's the schools job,so schools make it pain for them and they have to keep having to come and clean their child,but this is entirely a different matter. Hope your meeting goes well.x

Im at you ds school and very :( for you ds.
If I worked there I would have looked after him no question.

Thank you all for being mad on my behalf. I know I'm not being unreasonable now in thinking this was totally unacceptable. TBH they really have no excuse. The has his own ta. In his statement, it is written that he has 34.5hrs 1:1 support, and also that he will need assisstance with toileting so there was no issue with lack of staff. There is also a nursery nurse, who deals with changing at least one little boy who's still in nappies, so I really cannot concieve how it came to be that they decided that leaving him was the appropriate thing to do.