How do I deal with this situation in school, ds had his lunch confiscated..

[sheepgomeep]

We are experiencing difficulty with ds at home and again at school. He's mainstream but isnt coping with the social side of things too well and is in trouble again for disrupting the class, being rude, shouting innapropriate things, has refused to go to school once or twice. He's now on report (again) and has had to have detentions (fair enough?)

Today he comes home, shaking and white as a sheet and a bit agitated saying that he had his dinner confiscated because he forgot to go to detention. At ds school they have lunch time detention and they are not allowed to eat first, they have to do detention and then eat. But ds cannot cope with this, his routine has been he goes straight to the queue and eats, he does this everyday, he also gets very shaky and hungry if he doesnt eat straight away.

Before xmas we had a situation with ds where he wasnt eating anything in school and skipping lunch and going straight to the library where he would read top gear mags in peace and quiet. Thas been resolved now and now he eats everyday.

I phoned his teacher who told me he was atold to get his meal after the detention but by then it was too late, it had gone. Ds lack of comprehension and twisted logic means that quite often he gets things confused and is unable to plan ahead and think things through and he just didnt end up eating.

His teacher kept saying well he has to learn but ds doesn't seem to be able to. As a result he's even more upset about school He hates his routine around food being broken which his primary were aware off but high school although being told repearedly by TAC and myself seem to ignore.

Were the teachers right or do I have a point? ds is 12 and is adhd and waiting for asd assessment

I'm not sure of legalities around this, but imo the teacher were wrong. Does your DS have a some sort of Additional Support Plan which needs outlined and targets set?

Also it sounds like the teachers are trying to get your DS to integrate instead of including him. With inclusion the teachers should change the environment, for want of a better expression, whereas integration is about getting your DS to fit into the Mainstream way of doing things.

Don't know if that helps, but someone else might be able to give you better advice. It certainly doesn't sound like good practise.

He can't 'bend' his behaviour to fit the school, it's impossible for him to do this. They need to put measures in place for him. As creatovator says, does he have a support plan?

We can't learn anything when too hungry so any behavior problems are likely to get worse not better - common sense dat! Are they trying to delberately cause him to have an afternoon meltdown so they can then exclude him?

Official complaint to the Senco/HT/Governors making it clear that you agree with the application of sanctions for poor behavior but that withholding a basic need such as food is cruel. Also mention that because of your son's neurological disability is important that staff verify your child's understanding of any misdemenors - in order that he knows not to repeat objectionable behavior. Vaguely refer to the disability discrimination act after that and ask that you be sent a copy of any action plan to rectify this situation asap.

Keep a copy for any future statement applications/reviews/tac meetings. If it happens again send it to the LEA and CP team at SS.

Sanctions yes - withholding meals no.

I don't know enough to know about the legal position, but if it becomes a regular thing then it seems to me to be abusive maybe? I'd certainly hike up my judgey pants to a parent who with held meals as a punishment iykwim. Someone on here will know the legalities.

Thanks for replying.He has no support plan.. nothing whatsoever. I have brought this up in the TAC meeting (and the school attend these too so no excuse) and all I get is vague promises that the senco will sort something. I have spoken to the senco myself and she was less than helpful.

Yes it sounds to me as if they are trying to integrate him. His teacher said that its their policy that everychild is punished the same and my ds should not be expected to be treated differently re detentions and if he has to miss or postpone his dinner then so be it

Bochead thats great advice and I'm going to do what you suggest.. headteacher/senco need to be made aware of this issue now I think. He's not getting proper support in school and its frustrating. Like you say I have no issue at all with him being punished for bad behaviour but its the way its done.

He's adhd and they are making him sit indoors at break time and denying him food? Huh?

exactly oodlesofdoodles, makes no sense. The school have not got a bloody clue (not the only parent with issues believe me)

The school are clearly not meeting his needs at all. I don't know what the best course of action is for you, I would move my child to one which is more understanding and pro active though if I was in your situation.

Id love to sybil I really would. But ds is adamant he want to stay there because its familiar, the people he knew from primary are there and its local.

There is a good school, well 2 actually locally who do cater for ds sn but he wont even think about it.

How old is your son? Some children I have worked with have had loss of golden time/priveledges/made to write an apology note to whoever concerned ... But he would never have a meal forfeited.

Would your son benefit from a clearer reward/sanction programme, etc??

That is awful that he has missed a meal. I am not surprised he is so upset

Have you been in touch with Parent Partnership? They might be able to help you to get your point across.

Sadly. I agree with bochead, in that it sounds as though they are trying to push him into a corner so that he reacts with a meltdown and they can exclude.

The argument that 'we treat everyone the same' is, quite simply, wrong. They cannot possibly do so. If a child was a wheelchair user and needed to use the lift would they refuse her access because no-one else is allowed to use it? If a child was hearing impared would they expect him to follow spoken instructions because that's what everyone else does?

They have to make reasonable adjustments and allowing your DS to follow his routine should be one of them. FFS would it kill them to have him take detention after he'd eaten his lunch?

By the way, have you looked into the reasons for his behaviours? Are they doing all they could/ should do to support him and ensure that his triggers are not pushed.

Have you had paperwork referring to his detentions? They should be doing an ABC analysis for a child with a profile like your DS-
Anticidents (what happened before the incident, to make it happen), Behaviour (what DS did) and
Consequences (what was done as a result).
This should be used consistantly and accurately, not as a stick to beat your DS with, but as a tool to inform staff on how to procede and how to lower the number of incidents.

Its got to be unlawful to take food away from a child.

apart from your son used to the routine no one functions well when hungry.

' His teacher said that its their policy that everychild is punished the same and my ds should not be expected to be treated differently re detentions and if he has to miss or postpone his dinner then so be it '

that's bollocks - as already has been said above they are required to make reasonable adjustments by law. Poor ds

actually I'd put comment that in writing and email it to the teacher as a record of what has been said

Do you know it never occured to me that it could have been done deliberately to push him into a corner so he would have a meltdown and thus excluding him . How can they be that devious.

its a school notorious for strictness (still doesnt stop kids misbehaving), they are completely unbending and have daft rules. ffs they even get detention if they bring the wrong colour pe shorts on the wrong day in ie blue instead of black.

I never thought of parent partnership either, I'm going to start the ball rolling monday, the more i think about it the more i'm fuming for ds

i'm appalled schools can take meals away from any children.... :( it is bordering on abuse imo, why can they not eat their lunch in detention and lose break time? that was a common thing at my school back in the 90's

sheep - I would put something in writing to the school and cc in the Chair of governors. A punishment that means a child goes without food is inhumane.

Ask to see the written policy on this (I very much doubt they have one).

And as others have mentioned the 'we treat everyone the same' thing is bollocks frankly. Would they see a person with diabetes go without a meal? I think not.

I'm confused. Who confiscated his food? Where did it go?

His form teacher confiscated his food, he had missed his detention to go and get his lunch. The teacher went to find him in the dinner hall, took his lunch away before he' started to eat, apparantly gave it to the cook and was told to go and eat afterwards. He didnt for some reason

Appalling dare I say abusive behaviour on part of school to do this.

I also think this school are failing him and not just that, they are looking ultimately to exclude him.

Sheep - you are his best and only advocate here. Apply for a statement asap and start looking at other schools. I realise your DS has friends at this school but it is patently the wrong place for him and this school frankly do not give a toss re his additional needs. If his needs continue not to be met then he will fail. He is being failed now by this school, even if there was a statement in place this school do not want to help him.

As usual Atilla summarises the situation.

I've thought about this and decided that in your shoes I'd be looking for other schools as for the sake of a child's self esteem it's better to jump voluntarily than to be pushed. Post exclusion your options will narrow considerably and the last thing a kid with adhd/asd needs is to be dumped in the town's "sink school" or PRU.

I would be making a formal complaint in writing to the HT and chair of governors partly to protect my child too. The application for a statement is part of that protection too.

You need to be very proactive here.

i have been doing some training re adults, if this was an adult it would be breaking the law under the mental capacity act, and safeguarding (sova) in adults. not sure this will help but there has got to be a law like this to protect children.

there is - the equality act 2010

he is in one of wrexhams worst 3 secondary schools and I sent him there because his primary school is a feeder school and I thought (wrongly) that he would be supported and nurtured like he was in primary. His primary senco were brilliant and he settled so well there from another primary school.

I was assured that my ds would have additional support and other things none of which has happened. Ok he's not chucking chairs at the teachers or fighting etc but his constant detentions for rudeness, attitude, inappropriate laughing are starting to wear him down.

The 2 other schools are more specialist. One is totally for SN children and is a fantastic school andthe other is mainstream but has an asd unit and again has good rep.

How do I get him statemented? I thought statementing was for the ones that really struggled with school work and behaviour. Ds's school work is average, he as the level he should be for his year

But yes you are all right. I'm going to take this further

IPSEA have a model letter here for SA. Your ds's situation sounds very similar to what my ds went through before reaching crisis point.

sheep, my DS went through similar last year-constantly being in 'trouble' for simply behaving the way he is.

I had taken him out of another school because they couldn't meet his needs, and this school promised all sorts. What they did was to employ a dinner lady to sit with him in class for half a day, and sent him home for the other half. When he was in class, he had to sit at a table on his own with the dinner lady, with his back to the class. He wasn't allowed to go outside at break or lunchtime 'in case he ran off' (which he never had done, and the school is in the middle of no-where anyway, so not many places to go). This was an infant school, when he was in Y1 and 2.
I removed him last year after I had spent a couple of days in school with him because they couldn't deal with him and refused to have him unless I came too.

I was convinced at the time that the school were deliberately acting in a way which they knew would press his buttons. They strongly denied this, but they said as much to a LA consultant who visited...who just happens to be a very good friend of mine and told me.

You can apply for a statement yourself. The process is a long one, but it sounds as though your Ds would benefit from having one.