How do I deal with this situation in school, ds had his lunch confiscated..

[sheepgomeep]

We are experiencing difficulty with ds at home and again at school. He's mainstream but isnt coping with the social side of things too well and is in trouble again for disrupting the class, being rude, shouting innapropriate things, has refused to go to school once or twice. He's now on report (again) and has had to have detentions (fair enough?)

Today he comes home, shaking and white as a sheet and a bit agitated saying that he had his dinner confiscated because he forgot to go to detention. At ds school they have lunch time detention and they are not allowed to eat first, they have to do detention and then eat. But ds cannot cope with this, his routine has been he goes straight to the queue and eats, he does this everyday, he also gets very shaky and hungry if he doesnt eat straight away.

Before xmas we had a situation with ds where he wasnt eating anything in school and skipping lunch and going straight to the library where he would read top gear mags in peace and quiet. Thas been resolved now and now he eats everyday.

I phoned his teacher who told me he was atold to get his meal after the detention but by then it was too late, it had gone. Ds lack of comprehension and twisted logic means that quite often he gets things confused and is unable to plan ahead and think things through and he just didnt end up eating.

His teacher kept saying well he has to learn but ds doesn't seem to be able to. As a result he's even more upset about school He hates his routine around food being broken which his primary were aware off but high school although being told repearedly by TAC and myself seem to ignore.

Were the teachers right or do I have a point? ds is 12 and is adhd and waiting for asd assessment

WTF? He has a diagnosis? He has no support plan? He's clearly NOT coping. His self-guided "downtime" in the library ? This school is NOT practicing Inclusion. It is inflicting punishment in an entirely inappropriate way.

Go immediately to the SENCO. Demand to know HOW ARE THEY GOING TO SUPPORT your son?

Jesus, no food? All day? For a growing teenage boy? My boy's 11 with asd and OCD. He has a Statement. He has support. He is guided not punished. I WOULD BE FURIOUS.

This is utterly appalling.

Complain to the school in WRITING. Make sure that you include the teacher, the Senco and the head.
Point out that they have to make reasonable adjustments as everyone else has told you. Quote the teachers comment as evidence that they are not.
Ask for details of all the incidents that have led to the detentions. See if there is a pattern there and ask what they are doing to ensure that the situations causing it do not happen in future
Demand a meeting with all concerned to discuss how to move forwards.
Take notes and write back afterwards to confirm what was said in the meeting.

It then starts to form a paper trail of evidence which you will need if you try to get a statement.
You can ask for someone independent - eg a friend or from the parent partnership to attend with you to help.
Ask for the Ed Psyc. to see him ( they will have to anyway for a statement request to be assessed - but you may need to push school for it).
The letter requesting assessment for a statement should say that your child needs more help that the school is providing and that his difficulties are barriers to his education and that of the other children who he is disrupting.
Primary will have passed on information about how they dealt with your DS behaviour. You can ask to see it and ask why the strategies that they used are being ignored

You can do all of this as well as looking at other schools if you do decide that you want to move your DS.

I just want to give my support. Your son has been treated very badly - the best excuse I can give is through ignorance. You must tell the teachers that the school needs to learn... some children need routine to make them feel safe and actually for any child to have to wait for their lunch after a long morning sounds a bit like Oliver Twist!

Do find who is an advocate in your borough and if they know where support is in the school or which other school would be better. I would also go to see the head if possible with an advocate. We had a parent liason officer who was partly funded by a charity