I think I might have Aspergers too.

[Ben10HasFinallyLeftTheBuilding]

DS (6yo) is being assessed and it looks like ASD. He has dyspraxia which we can see that DH has. It was when I was trying to encourage him to invite friends round that I realised that I have never as an adult invited anyone round. I don't really have many friends that are REAL friends maybe 2. Lots of others who are work acquaintances but that don't really ever think about me outside work although I think about them IYSWIM. My friends do all the running and I very rarely phone them. It just doesn't enter my head even though when I do have contact I really enjoy it. THey invite themselves or DH does . I don't really know how long to hold eye contact and I get edgy if I think it is too long as I get uncomfortable with it.

I also have what I can see are obsessions - when we had to deal with getting DS's assessment I read everything about SN, then when dealing with benefits etc for him and me read forums, blogs everything about that, when I had to sort my own condition out the same, now am weightwatching I am all over that. It is not just wanting to know about things. It is reading about them to excess and ignoring everything else for example I haven't posted on this board for weeks/months when before I posted all the time and got so much help from it. Now I don't support others as I should as I am off reading/ writing about something else - sorry .

Anyway, that is me. I can't change myself really but would it help DS to get the right dx if I told the paed my suspicions?

When i first started reading about ASD i saw a lot of myself.

I always wondered why i found it difficult to recognise people and then i read that it is one of the problems with poor eye contact.

I am very tuned in to Dd3 but am not sure if that is because i feel the need to understand her because very few other people do.

I remember things about my childhood that make me think i am probably on the spectrum somewhere, along with half of my family..

I meant to say i dont think i would get a dx though, i read somewhere that they wont dx if there has been childhood trauma and my parents horrendously messy divource and weekly battles would definitly count as traumatic.

Me too. I have given it a lot of thought recently. DH is always picking me up on my inability to make eye contact, and I didn't have a proper friend until I was 14. I was quite old when I realised I was supposed to listen to the other person talking in a conversation, but when I have done those internet assessments I don't score in the highest group.
I can only conclude that as I've got older I have adapted. I have a few close friends and a loving family and it doesn't seem to matter. My DF (and his parents) has definite traits. Gives me some hope for DS as he gets older.

Hi Ben10. I posted a similar thread on here recently thinking that I have adult ADHD as have been devouring that subject as that appears to be what DD has. A lot of your "Symptoms" for want of a better word sound like me down to a tee. I completely obsess about things my DH says that I always have to have a "project" on the go. First it was moving house, then decorating the house, then all things special needs and getting DX etc then more renovation of the house and my new kick is healthy eating for DD and supplements vitamins etc. I too have problems with eye contact and getting in touch with friends etc. The thing that really helped me was getting prescribed sertraline 3 months ago the obsessional thoughts have gone I believe it is prescribed for OCD. I used to be anti anti-depressants until I started taking them and I cannot believe how much happier and relaxed I am.

Thanks all. It really does help to know that it isn't just me feeling like this. I a, going to try to post more on the SN thread as I know how much it has helped me to come to terms and understand what is going on with DS. I didn't ever have the meltdown / behaviour thing that DS has but then I was a girl.......

Do you think that it would be beneficial or counter-productive to mention this to the paed? ie I do want him to get a dx of AS/HFA in March.

I don't think it should make a difference. DS got a diagnosis of Aspergers on the basis of his own traits.

Ben10, you sound just like me and I am in a similar position with DS (6).

We have our appt now for the social communication pathway clinic on 15th March with the paed/SLT/OT. He's had all the necessary assessments already so now the panel just has to decide and we should get a dx (or not) on that day. Fingers crossed.

I am sure my dad has AS too. We always called him an "eccentric" - now we think otherwise.......

wouldn't surprise me if i was adhd/asd too, things fit looking back to my childhood.

I had obsessions, lampposts being my strangest ones. I used to sit in my bedroom window for hours noting down which ones came on first, the sequence, what shape they were etc.

Then it was radio stations...and talk excessively about them o the point my mum used to scream at me to shut up and threaten to belt me ifI said anything else.

i was a loner, had few friends, crap at eye contact, better now though.

I still have the meltdowns and can't stand a lot of noise and conversations. I cant concentrate if there are two convos going on at once.

I totally get where ds is coming from with re to noise and social difficulties but I am struggling with his other bhaviour

There are lots of us it seems. Where we are female maybe it just wasn't so noticeable? I really want to find DS a sport or an activity where he can excel and come out of himself. Being part of a volleyball team gave me loads of social opportunities that I wouldn't have gone and found by myself - esp at university where I probably would have stayed in - errrrm just like I do now.

Ben I find inviting people round difficult too, and I get very very interested in things, then move onto a new interest. Ds2 has a dx; I don't, and it has been both very painful and at the same positive to realise he is like me, will have the same struggles and same joys! It really really helps. Still when you see the way that your own child suffers to be accepted it brings it home that you suffered too...Dh said I had to move on and be more positive, so I am trying to do that and embrace all the things I like about myself and that other s value in me, rather than the things that might be considered dysfunctional by NT people. I think female HFA is so different, lots of analysing, lots of intellectualising rather than easy emotional intelligence. I think you realise you have to protect yourself from what others think, and build an armour so that people perceive you as NT. I could go on, but anyway HTH

ben, singing saved me from social isolation at school. I joined the choir both in school and at an out of school club.

Is your Ds musical at all because community choirs are quite common now. Singing is a great pastime because you are in a group but dont need great social skills.

Dd3 is in 3 choirs and really loves it.

leonie you are so right about girls being hard to diagnose, i just wish the proffs would move on and realise that autism is not exclusive to males.

Autism spectrum in women:
Social clumsiness -e.g. can't work out for the life of you how to join in accurately with group conversations and keep mis-timing it.
Friendships - just can't work out how to spot friends, move them from acquaintance to casual friend to good friend to best friend etc like others do.
Seem to keep saying things others are offended by, but you can't for the life of you work out why.
Can't work out much of what a person means from their body language, tone of voice, eye contact, face expressions.
Need to plan ahead with extraordinary detail and panic yourself silly if things change unexpectedly
Find loud noisy busy places absolutely overwhelming to the point where you panic/shout/want to escape early/'shut down' and either can't talk or fall asleep.

Panic about people touching or moving your particular specialised things, maybe collections of jewellery, shoes, handbags, ornaments etc
Find patterns in things fascinating and enjoy counting stuff, listing stuff etc...maybe listing out everyone who came to a party until the other person dies of boredom in front of you etc. Somehow you seem oblivious to when others Just Don't Want To Know
Not sure what others are thinking - their reactions are a surprise
Presents: Someone gives you a surprise present. How undelighted are you?
Fashion: What is it, and what the heck is it for??!
Clothing generally - nothing tight or scratchy.

Instructions: If people use strange expressions like 'pull your socks up' or 'that's a total red herring' do you find yourself transfixed with the mental image of exactly those activities and have an urge to laugh/look confused...even if you can compensate at an adult age and realise there's a second meaning?
Been like this your whole life, as far as you can tell?

Those are the sorts of things that a good professional will look for when diagnosing a woman on the autism spectrum. Interesting stuff.

Autism spectrum in women:
Social clumsiness -e.g. can't work out for the life of you how to join in accurately with group conversations and keep mis-timing it. yep
Friendships - just can't work out how to spot friends, move them from acquaintance to casual friend to good friend to best friend etc like others do. yep
Seem to keep saying things others are offended by, but you can't for the life of you work out why. no
Can't work out much of what a person means from their body language, tone of voice, eye contact, face expressions. no
Need to plan ahead with extraordinary detail and panic yourself silly if things change unexpectedly yes
Find loud noisy busy places absolutely overwhelming to the point where you panic/shout/want to escape early/'shut down' and either can't talk or fall asleep. sort of
Panic about people touching or moving your particular specialised things, maybe collections of jewellery, shoes, handbags, ornaments etc haven't got any collections of things - more collect info!
Find patterns in things fascinating and enjoy counting stuff, listing stuff etc...maybe listing out everyone who came to a party until the other person dies of boredom in front of you etc. Somehow you seem oblivious to when others Just Don't Want To Know yep
Not sure what others are thinking - their reactions are a surprise
Presents: Someone gives you a surprise present. How undelighted are you?
Fashion: What is it, and what the heck is it for??! oh yes
Clothing generally - nothing tight or scratchy. yes
Instructions: If people use strange expressions like 'pull your socks up' or 'that's a total red herring' do you find yourself transfixed with the mental image of exactly those activities and have an urge to laugh/look confused...even if you can compensate at an adult age and realise there's a second meaning? no
Been like this your whole life, as far as you can tell? yep

Well I definitely have traits and you know what it helps me to understand DS as someone else said. If I were as sociable as DH and know the "rules" like he does of how to socialise, what to wear, how to dance etc, then I might struggle to understand how DS is how he is...... thank you again Amberlight. I love reading your posts as they help me understand how DS is feeling and I guess how I feel a lot of the time.

Coff he might sing but I have tried to get him involved in our local theatre type group and he isn't interested. He is only 6 though so that could change. He loves the disability sports group that we go to and loves basketball. The local basketball club is only from year 5 though and he is only year 2 so that is definitely an option.

i spent about ten years being absolutely overloaded by corners.
just being in the back of the car beign driven to school/ walking down any street or whatever was an absolute nightmare. i could see the lines formed by the angles at the corner of the buildings following out across the road, hundreds and hundreds if them. in all directions from all the buildings. pavements the same. the 'don't step on the cracks game' made me laugh - i wasn't interested in the cracks, but the angles formed where the slabs met. i wasn't worried about them. i could just see the lines and angles everywhere.

never mentioned it to anyone, obv. not particularly interested in a dx. it would serve no purpose. i probably meet most of the criteria except the literality of words one. i love the oddities of language. i think if you are reasonably mild then you learn coping strategies and adapt. it's only worth following through if it is in some way disabling. i knew the corners thing would send me crazy and so i eventually learned to switch it off. so i would deliberately force myself to think of other things when all the lines got overwhelming.

I have a few odd quirks, one is that I recognise people by their car number plates. I know all my work collegues, Dd's friends parents, family and many casual aquaintances[sp]. Just by number plate, I know its slightly wierd isn't it. Bit of a pain when they change their cars.

No one else knows this so don't tell anyone.

I like words too outof although I do see things in a literal way like Amberlight suggested, i love the way you can play with words and it forms part of my sense of humour but a lot of people don't get me.

I also have a unique dress code which consists of a polo shirt various colours, a hoody again various colours and jeans/cords and cropped jeans in the summer. I wear no make up and never have and wear trainers on my feet.

I never have a problem deciding what to wear though.

outofbody that is fascinating: I personally always found the not treading on lines (or the bears will get you) mind boggling as the whole pavement used to then overwhelm me visually

agree with anyone who said music will save you!

Tshirt, jeans and trainers with no makeup here. Cropped hair.

At least we'd all recognise each other at a meetup

Lol, how funny, i bet we all look the same.