I think I might have Aspergers too.

[Ben10HasFinallyLeftTheBuilding]

DS (6yo) is being assessed and it looks like ASD. He has dyspraxia which we can see that DH has. It was when I was trying to encourage him to invite friends round that I realised that I have never as an adult invited anyone round. I don't really have many friends that are REAL friends maybe 2. Lots of others who are work acquaintances but that don't really ever think about me outside work although I think about them IYSWIM. My friends do all the running and I very rarely phone them. It just doesn't enter my head even though when I do have contact I really enjoy it. THey invite themselves or DH does . I don't really know how long to hold eye contact and I get edgy if I think it is too long as I get uncomfortable with it.

I also have what I can see are obsessions - when we had to deal with getting DS's assessment I read everything about SN, then when dealing with benefits etc for him and me read forums, blogs everything about that, when I had to sort my own condition out the same, now am weightwatching I am all over that. It is not just wanting to know about things. It is reading about them to excess and ignoring everything else for example I haven't posted on this board for weeks/months when before I posted all the time and got so much help from it. Now I don't support others as I should as I am off reading/ writing about something else - sorry .

Anyway, that is me. I can't change myself really but would it help DS to get the right dx if I told the paed my suspicions?

jeans (worn through between the thighs eek) plain black polo neck because it's cold here. never wear make-up. cropped hair overdue for a cut (had to miss appt last week and had no time to rebook). don't wear trainers but have a collection of what (only-ish) friend calls lesbian shoes. and hoodies. can i join the identikit club?

I'm going through exactly the same, five year old DS going through assessment for hfa.

EP suggested I could be on the spectrum too, I always knew I was different, socially inept, stimming, slightly obsessive, but everything I'd ever read had been about men/boys, (Simon Baron Cohen, take note) and I just didn't fit that description.

My mum, dad and sister are also very likely on the spectrum!

In terms of friendships, I can only made friends with foreigners. please if someone has the key to making friends with fellow Brits, I'd be very interested. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong.

I'm also in a choir and a band and play piano, so music is my current obsession. I have even found a few geeky 'music' people to socialise with. Was invited to Birthday drinks this week (exciting moment!)

Hi asdevil, do you wear the "uniform" to qualify for the club ^^

It is a very strange process isn't it. I need a hobby but my hobby (volleyball) is now closed to me as my body has given up!

My uniform is stretchy black trousers (find jeans too uncomfortable), comfy shoes (I like biker boots) and t-shirts.

Always had short hair, until my forties - have managed to grow it for the very first time!!! YAY, (unfortunately, there's usually the odd matt as I forget to brush)

I've been reading Aspergirls which describes me to a tee.

Told DS' Paed about my traits and that DH is in IT and that all his male relatives are engineers. DS was diagnosed on the spot

My current hobby [apart from MN] is Girl Guiding.

It is full of hoody wearing, short haired women. Lol.

I never clicked with other girls at school but have found quite a few like minded tolerant people within guiding.

Do you think those of us on the spectrum, get our children diagnosed later than others? Just a trend I'm noticing, lots of NT people seem to notice their dc are different as toddlers and seek help then.

I only noticed, when the school indicated there may be an issue. DS didn't seem different to me. Although, it's becoming more obvious as he gets older.

Two separate friends / family members have since said they guessed that DS might be autistic as he didn't give much eye contact as a baby. I never noticed myself - perhaps because my eye contact is abnormal.

Having an NT seven years older should have helped me compare, but the gap was so big I must have forgotten. I was put a bit off track as DS is male and I didn't have brothers so thought it was that.

DD has always been very different to me. XH is very gregarious and sociable. I find quite wearing at times whereas DS and I enjoy our quiet company.

As for eye-contact, I did feel terrible that after dx I only then noticed that he was looking away in every single picture we had taken in 2.9 years

I also keep noticing older babies being carried and in trollies at the supermarket gazing at me and other strangers and smiling. DS never did that either but it was just normal for him.

I have terrible problems with eye contact and have to concentrate on it so much that I often miss what the person is saying. The internet is a bloody godsend in many respects. At least our DC will have that growing up.

Ineedalife Just thinking about the lovely leaders at DS's beavers - they are as you say all hoody wearing lovely short haired ladies

I only have one child but my friend's children were definitely different. I just didn't ever think that SN could happen to me, that's what happens to other people IYSWIM. It didn't even enter my head.

I can identify with this too.

My 9 yr old DS has ASD.

I think my dad does too [after my sons DX dad agrees that on reflection he must have it too]

I always struggled at school, though not academically just socially etc.

I have always had lots of funny habits and a need to know about something, eg someone I know would mention a subject or id see something about it on TV, id have to go off and read/google allll about it until I knew enough to be able to follow a conversation on it or even answer questions on the subject!

I talk too much, I am aware of it but sort of cant stop myself.

I cant concentrate on some things if there is noise eg I cant eat with the radio on.

Dont like fussy clothing [tight/strappy things] I wear mainly stretch jeans, t shirts, long sleeves annoy me cos they ride up when my coat is on. need to wear comfy boots, dont really like shoes cos they feel too tight.

I do wear make up but not much.

Hate fashion.

My hair is V low maintenance, havent been to a hairdresser for 3-4 years, before that it was probably 3 yrs again. luckily the sort of hair I have it doesnt notice that I dont bother much with it!

I keep things I dont really need.

If I buy a 'thing' I have to have 2 of them that are the same, ie coffee mugs, ill get 2 not a set of 6 though that wouldnt work for me!

I was seen at my mothers insistance by an educational psychologist at school but as they found me to have no learning difficulties and to be above average intelligence that was the end of that.

I think I have learned to be 'normal' but I know im not really, im happy with myself though!

My 9 yr old son actually said to me a few weeks ago 'you're really autistic sometimes mum' I forget what id said/done but if he can see it!....

When my son was assessed the paed asked me about my childhood/school life and it was mentioned on her report that 'mum identifies with some of XXXX difficulties at school having experienced similar herself'

I also told her about my dad and she said lots of parents after their childs DX get that lightbulb moment of realising they too are possibly on the spectrum.

I would be interested in being assessed possibly DXd but wouldnt know where to go and cant afford a private one. not that it would make any difference to my life but I think it would help my son, to know that he was 'the same' as me rather than odd one out.

Ive read that girls are better at hiding it and blending in.

Start with local GP if you're interested in an assessment. They can direct people to places. Sometimes there are assessments free if there are research centres nearby, for example. But it can certainly take a while on the NHS.

Thanks Amberlight, I will ask my doctor about it next time im there.

Yes, i would agree about girls hiding their issues.

Dd3 went from being a lively bouncy preschooler to an invisible shadow within weeks of starting school.

She never asks for help or demands attention from adults outside the house.

Since being at her new school she has adults around her who know that she needs support and she is very slowly beginning to show her true character at school, mainly outside the classroom though. She did tell me she was naughty in maths a few weeks ago, i nearly jumped for joy.

My main memory of school is how much time i spent thinking about how to get out!!

Most definitly not the best days of my life!!

LeonieDelt

"Girls DEFINITELY hide it better and blend in more."

Just found this abstract (summary) of some recent research you may find of interest Sex differences in auditory subcortical function

yes, I definitely identify with this thread, and much of Amberlight's list. My eye contact is so ropey that I have always had to rely on professionals to feed back on what my DS's eye contact is like.

re:make up. dabbled a bit in my teens, but can v rarely be bothered now. as I risk looking silly if I get make up wrong, but don't if I don't bother. And shoe wise - again can't be bothered with uncomfortable shoes, I try and rely on crocs, soft leather shoes or trainers. I used to go through phases where I tolerate and conform re:fitted trousers or highish heels, but the older I get the less I bother....

Can I join :)

The problem I have with conversations is that I stand/sit and listen, looking at the person but my head is blank. You talk to me about a subject I know and I'm away - I'm enthusiastic to discuss. I hate it and its very lonely!

On forums or email you can think about what you want to say, write and rewrite so conversations are better. I come away from a conversation and only then do I think of what I should have said. Like the other day - a friend said something about a family member doing OCD type things and my response was 'yes, everyone has traits' but what I should have said was 'oh, what do they do then' but I'm direct, abrupt to the point or blank.

I match quite a lot of the traits you've listed above but I'm not fussed about routine and I think I've based my life on studying people so definately can tell from their expressions - I think I spot things from the way people react that others wouldn't .
When I am tidy, everything has to be in its place and straight.
When a subject catches my eye I'm in to it and have to read everything on it.
I notice people by their car/number plates too .
I get fixated on individuals if they show an interest but don't know what to say or do to make a friendship form - I rely on them to make it happen - I don't want to say the wrong thing or get on their nerves.
I have a really strong sense of smell and taste and quite good hearing although its not painful like our DS
I was never into fashion, I was s tomboy and only started wearing girly clothes and trying to dress up a little in the last 7-8 years and that was through a lot of confidence boosting from DH.
I'm a loner and away with the fairies half the time.
I've learnt to use words (that incidently probably helped DS get his statement) but I have to use a thesaurus a lot to understand.
Anything I learnt in school I've forgotten - I remember things I like and as they are intermittent - once the fascination is gone, so likely is the knowledge (I therefore have no general knowledge)
I didn't get on with the kids at school (unless they decided to interact with me) and therefore spent more time being with teachers.
I stuck to the rules and wasn't afraid to tell someone if they were deviating from them (came in handy for my old job :) ) although as I got older I learnt to not talk
I was good at drawing, pottery, IT and sport so I used them and they were mine (until I got a job) then almost two decades was spent doing that.

I see a lot of me in DD, but she also has bullying/ridicule, aggressive outbursts, sensitivity to touch and taste, very bossy (sticking to rules), not doing what shes asked unless she likes it and her anxiety is building to the level of not wanting to go out but holds it all in at school so no one has spotted it. She also has poor eye coordination skills.

I think I've coped with my traits and its made me a stronger person but what I've passed onto the DC isn't what I wished for :)

I started a thread about this in parents with disabilities because it was slowly dawning on me that all the research I was doing for ds was relevant to me too. His anxieties etc are externalised though and mine are very much internalised - maybe another reason girls are dx less often, if you're not bothering anyone and just failing quietly in a corner then you're left alone but if you're violent and shouty you have to be dealt with.

I had the whole school out looking for me once because I took it literally when I was sent 'out'

Lambskin, still true today. When they did research on primary schools recently, they found that most the children on the autism spectrum were still undiagnosed. When they did the testing, they realised the teachers/parents were only asking for a diagnosis if the child was disruptive in some way. The quiet ones who sit in a corner are never found, really. It's also why autism has such a bad reputation - because they diagnosed it as a 'disruptive behaviour condition', rather than realising that most of us are quiet and gentle. Bad behaviour, low IQ and/or having no speech aren't part of the diagnostic assessment at all, though they can occur alongside autism (which is social clumsiness, natural cluelessness about body language signals, extreme need for predictability and (often) big sensory differences).

I can see this in a lot of my family members too, but we are all very much 'get on with it' and don't like to draw attention to ourselves. Ds is the first shouty one! Therefore he is the first to get close to a dx. I think this has helped my family (including grandparents) to see themselves more clearly.

Talking to DS (17, who calls himself a recovering Aspie) and he said "Of course you are". He then led me into the other room and told the family "Mum's come out (as an Aspie)".

Yes, I'm a quiet, laid back aspie too, so is my son, which is why his wasn't really noticed until he reached year one.