Parents with kids with dyspraxia and aspergers in school - what helps and what doesn't?

[Aloha]

Ds is starting school nursery on Monday, and school proper in September. The school is v good with special needs, I have heard, and an initial conversation with the Senco over the phone seemed promising. Also the nursery nurse I was speaking to yesterday morning seemed sympathetic. But obviously I am concerned that ds will be OK, not bullied, given appropriate help with dressing/PE etc and given good social and practical support. What do your children's schools do that really helps, and are there any areas where I will need to push? Thanks!

Jenk1, it is appalling that you've had so little help and understanding from the school .

Jenk1, shocking behaviour from your school. could you move him?

Agree with comments about being able to get to the food at lunchtimes - poor ds couldn't open one of the containers and sat crying because he ended up being the last reception boy in the dining room when the year one kids came in for their lunch. I only found out because one of theyear one boys went to the same childminder as ds and told me that ds was crying in school so he had asked him if he was okay.

As other have said Aloha, it helps if you can identify what might be problem areas and better still if you can suggest solutions! Ds, now in year 2 has a special box that all his classmates are jealous of and it contains things like putty, little containers, thick elactic bands, soft rubbery pig to squidge etc. He is allowed to do activities using stuff from the box during registration whilst his classmates are reading to help him 'warm up' before handwriting time. His teacher has volunteered to spend other time reading with him so that he does not fall behind on reading reading.

Last year, he had the world's best teacher who did lots of yoga with the class and went through the alphabet in sign language after doing the register each day - this really helped ds's finger dexterity and self confidence(as he could do something most other children his age couldn't!)

Earthtomummy, my ds sounds EXACTLY (scarily) like yours.

earthtomummy my DS was a ROARER too

Have never heard anyone else say there child did it

DS is now 10 and hasn't done it for a while

So hopefully yours will stop

HAs anyone said why

or said what it comes from

No one ever believed us

DS has DYSPRAXIA etc etc

oooooooooooooops their

Hi everyone - saw this thread yesterday but didn't have time to write anything. DD is 9. She has never been formally diagnosed with Dyspraxia because some medical people don't believe it exists. We have however diagnosises (sp?)) of Tourettes and mild Autistic Spectrum Disorder in the field of social skills. We really struggled to get much help when DD was younger - there seemed to be a "lets see how she gets on attitude". She has had OT on and off since she was quite little however. Most of it did nothing. The current one is brilliant though and I am sure that the exercises and suggestions she gave us have helped in areas like dressing, cutting/spreading food, putting on her car seat belt (which she couldn't do until last year) and so on. Her handwriting is appalling but school are keen she should persevere. I think this is becoming increasingly frustrating for her as she is above average in literacy and it is very difficult to read what she has written. At home she likes to write stories on the computer. She is well behind in maths and struggles in PE (where she is becoming more aware she is different). Last summer, we went privately to a place called BIBIC (there are other threads on this board about this) to try to get further ideas and assessment as to her strengths and weaknesses. I do not feel anything major has come from this. However, it is great to have a full report of the areas she has problems in with ideas on how to help her. She also struggles socially with poor body language and understanding of situations. She can get aggressive (both at home and school) - this has been put down to impulsiveness which can accompany Tourettes. School have arranged a small amount of extra funding which provides small group work in areas of handwriting and social skills plus some support in the playground. We too have been told she wouldn't get a statement. My major fear for DD is when she goes to secondary school - how on earth will she cope then? Sorry to ramble on and I hope I haven't depressed you too much! Schools vary tremendously in how much help they give but it won't just happen. You need to keep push, push, push - something I find very hard. Good luck

We unfortunately cannot move DS as his school is being knocked down along with the 2 other primary schools to make way for a new one, all other schools in the area are full.

This afternoon the EWO is coming to see us, we are pushing for a home tutor for him while he is being statemented and then hopefully a place in a school that has a unit for HFA that is about 3/4 miles away.

Sylvm,

Have read your story with great interest. I do feel for your DD as ultimately she is the one who will suffer by the school's inertia.

Who told you exactly that she would not get a statement?. This is just plain wrong to say and was certainly designed to put you off applying for such a document. Unfortunately when it comes to statementing the onus falls very much on the parents to apply for and push for extra support.

IPSEA are very good in this regard and I am certain they would advise you to apply to the LEA in question.

Have a look at their website:-
www.ipsea.org.uk (they also have a helpline)

Meerkatsunite - I would not accuse the school of inertia - they have actually been very supportive and proactive regarding support for DD. Statements are few and far between from our particular LEA. The view that we would not get one is also that of the Ed. Psych. too (but then he sits on the Statementing Panel!). In any event we are hoping to move areas soon and I am currently viewing schools - this is very scary as I am frightened that DD will end up with less support than she has now.

Hi Sylvm,

Its is very hard to keep pushing when you're constantly up against a brick wall but push you must.

I had the self same words from an EP as well who also sat on a Statementing panel. Ed Pysch should not be putting you off like this but these self same people are employed by the LEA. Such sweeping statements are designed to put parents off applying (and I take it as read you have never asked your DD to be assessed). Would still apply for your DD to be assessed regardless of where you move to. Any extra support without a statement (which btw is legally binding) in place can be patchy and if you move she may well get less support than now. Its down to the school.

Statements should be granted on basis of need not cost (its illegal for them to do so). If you have been told that you cannot get a statement for DD with her special needs that she has what hope is there for other children with SN in the area you reside in?.

IPSEA are very good in this regard and can advise further. www.ipsea.org.uk

I'm sure you're right. The current Head has told me DD wouldn't get a statement because she is well supported by the school. Ironically it might do us a favour if another school didn't manage things so well ... crazy set up isn't it?

Hi Sylvm,

I would still consider going for a statement as circumstances can and do change re support in schools all too quickly.

If another school were to mess up then its your DD who will suffer even more in the meantime.

This Head teacher you mention had absolutely no right to say what was said to you. Its not up to this person (this person will have no say in the decision re assessment) - its up to the LEA. One would hope that a Statement would be given to your DD given her needs. Your DD is going to continue to struggle otherwise even with the school support she is currently getting. A statement will give a more detailed means of support in school.

Sylvm - DS1 doesn't have a statement either. We got an independent educational psychologist to assess him, in order to see whether we had any chance of winning if we appealed against the LEA's decision not to assess him - and were told that we basically wouldn't have a chance, he's too high-functioning. I do worry about secondary school, already, however.

Dinosaur, how it going ?

With DS1 in particular? Fine at the moment. He seems to have settled back into the school routine very well this term. And he's nearly mastered riding his bike without stabilisers, so I'm very proud of him .

Aloha
Sorry - haven't been on MN since last week. To answer your questions: my DS is slightly older than yours, born June 2001, so he was only just past 4 when he started school. I think it will be a huge advantage to your son to be older in his year! He couldn't jump much at all until we got a mini trampoline - this has really helped him to jump with both feet together, but he still struggles with jumping off something - steps off with one foot at a time rather than jumping.

I think if you Google Jump Ahead then a website comes up - but I can't remember the address, sorry! Brain bit fogged at the moment.

Social stuff doesn't seem to be a problem at the moment, but I've noticed that he usually plays alongside other children rather than interacting with them. This is because he's often involved in an elaborate fantasy game that he wants to go all his own way - no room for others' ideas! He's very placid, tolerant and cheerful, so other kids like him, but I can see that his eccentric way of behaving and talking might mark him out as different as he gets older.

We are seeing the SENCO on Feb 2nd about his IEP review. I wasn't 100% impressed with the first one, apart from Jump Ahead. I agree with everyone else on here that you have to push for everything. His poor teacher visibly blanches when she sees me coming!

On the positive side, he has fitted into school MUCH better than we feared. He enjoys going and comes out every day chatting nonstop about what he's done. He's surprised us with how well he's coped - many of my fears of last year have not come to anything. You may well find this happens too.

sphil - your ds sounds spookily like mine. Will get a mini-trampoline for him - seems invaluable. ditto to solo fantasy game. is your ds sometimes bossy with other children? telling them off?
it was first day at pre-school today and was ok.

everyone on this thread please read, this could really help.

i had a funny feeling something wasn't quite right with my ds from a very young age, he was very clumbsy, started walking late, had late speech developement never climbed up anything couldn't catch a ball or kick one, didn't like rough and tumble in fact he would have been more happy with a doll and a pram or watching tv than be out in the garden running around.

as he got older he found school very difficult couldn't write in the early years, couldn't read very well at all, he hated anything to do with sports found it hard to mix with people he only played with a small group of friends that he knew well.

he finds it hard to commicate with adults he will never strike up a conversation, all though he will answer if asked a question, but he would never put his hand up in class to answer a question even if he knew the answer.he loses concentration very quickly. he is now 14 and has the reading age of a nine year old and his hand writing and spelling is terrible.

i feel so let down by the primary school he attended i kept saying things weren't right, i think they just thought he was thick and wrote him off, but i knew he had intelligence but he just couldn't write it down,

we had a home tutor for a while which was great he was fine on a one to one basis but put him in a class and he might as well not be there. i had a private dyslexia test done but he isn't dyslexic.

he is in all the lowest sets and has been put on a non academic course for his last two years.

by accident i found a web site it has been nothing short of a miricle, i contacted my local centre got an appointment, the program shows that cerebellar(small brain) development delay is in most cases the root cause of not only dyslexia but also many associated factors that are often ignored, especially dyspraxia and attention deficit.

they get the cerebellam/small brain to fuction fully through exercise, ie he will have to stand on one leg and throw a bean bag from one hand to the other.he has to do two of those type exercises twice a day every day for a year.

i am blown away by the differance it has made in two months,so i am full of excitement to how differant he is going to be by the end of his program ,i really recommend you take a look at the web site and maybe give the centre a call talk it through these people have already started to change my sons life and i hope maybe they can help some of your children. please don't leave it as late as i did i kept thinking he will get better as he gets older but he didn't.

the dore centre were featured on this morning the other day. my son is proof that this really does work.

i will keep you posted as to his development. the website is www.ddat.org sorry can't do links. also sorry thread was so long but i felt i just had to share this .

Thanks Perfumelady - i'll certainly have a look. The exercises sound similar to the things my son is doing in his 'Jump Ahead' programme at school.

Aloha - he's not really bossy with other kids, but he can sometimes speak a bit abruptly (with everyone, not just peer group). He doesn't seem very confident (or bothered?) about initiating conversation with children his age, though he chats non stop to adults! He sometimes doesn't respond to questions - or responds in a way which doesn't directly answer what's been asked. Eg if someone asked 'What's your favourite animal?' he might reply 'I want to be a vet when I grow up'. He doesn't do this all the time, but enough so I notice it.

Is your son's speech normal? Mine has a very wide vocabulary (When I asked him not to call his brother a 'butthead' the other day he said
" Mum, it's just an expression" ! )But his sentences are often quite disordered and he is often very hesitant and rambly when he's trying to express himself, especially in more pressurised situations,(Circle Time, unfamiliar adults. When he doesn't know, or can't think of, the right word he just makes one up! All this makes him quite difficult to follow at times and I find I'm having to ask him what he means a lotof the time. This has got much more noticeable since he started school. Is it the same for you?

Perfume lady, have looked at ddat, but it's only for children of seven or over, and tbh, ds would simply not cooperate at his age (4). But thank you. It is good to have a recommendation.

Yes, ds's language came very early (first words around 8months) and he has a wonderful vocabulary and a passion for words and a great memory for them - we were writing a story this week about cats and mice, and he dictated, 'the cat woke up angrily, and looked at the mice with hungry eyes..' But yes, he is unbelievably rambly and incoherent at times and I have no idea what he is talking about fairly often ('yes, I expect it is' is a good response in those situations I find ) And he will often answer oddly, or just say what he was going to say regardless of the question, or even blank the questioner altogether in favour of his own train of thought.
I'd love to know how your ds gets on perfumelady.

My ds is a rambler and a stumbler as well - think I said that before, below - anyway - usually we get more "ums" per sentence than words. Regularly feel I am talking to a cryptic crossword. Which has its fun side, in fact.

Which brings me to the main point: when my ds was very little and nursery teachers were starting to make "remarks", a very experienced teacher friend of my MIL said (imagine booming posh voice here) "That boy needs jokes" - and she was right. It has been the one thing that has crucially helped. Obviously the very fact that he can be "jollied along" is indicative of nothing being seriously up with him; but I would say if your son responds to jokes and humour and banter make the absolute most of them - for my ds it has been the way to find his feet socially.

Ds is absolutely MAd for jokes! Just off to pick him up from nursery now..

SAphil and Aloha, you could just be describing my little boy. Esp. the fantasy play / playing alongside others / jumping etc and some of the speech stuff. I think DS doesn't always get concepts v. easily. I try and explain things simply and he's bright enough, but it is quite torturous! He also misses lots of syllables off words - usu. at the beginning or end - eg. the library is ibrary. Surprise is prise and now he's utterly confused about prize and surprise!! We just seem to have some really tricky days when suddenly he can't pedal or steer his bike, or won't wear anything because of the clothes texture etc. and he just cries a lot. Having a day like this today. Inclusion support are starting an assessment on Mon. - 1st of 4 and then he goes back to the allocations panel to see what they will do. By then he'll prob. be in yr 1 and the responsibility of another team..