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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Is my DS on the spectrum?

35 replies

trulyscrumptious43 · 14/12/2011 23:15

I have always assumed he is, but I am reading more about it and would like to be sure that this is not just normal teenage stuff.
I am listing a general overview of his behaviours here, he is 14 years old:

Very tactile and affectionate with myself, his sister and the dog
Insecure away from home or from me
Hates visiting his (probably also on the spectrum) father who is v judgemental
Obsessive during play and only has one interest at a time, which can last for years
Is either very tired or hyperactive; no middle ground unless he is concentrating on his current hobby
Doesn't have friends his own age but can play with boys a few years younger although these friendships don't last long
Has a few female friends his age from what I can tell - the girls at school are nice to him - but doesn't initiate contact with any of his peers
Forgets simple instructions all the time (eg now go to the shop to buy bread) but can do complicated electronics
Cries very easily, used to be a couple of times a day but less often now
Throws anger tantrums with moaning and wailing for ages about tiny details; then forgets what it was about but continues the tantrum
Blames those around him for perceived failings of his own
Can talk to adults easily about what they are doing (when he travels with me to work) and slightly attaches himself to them sometimes; they think he is lovely.

OP posts:

ChristmasEvie · 15/12/2011 00:17

He sounds almost exactly like my ds 11 who was diagnosed with Aspergers a year ago.

SOTIRIA · 15/12/2011 00:42

It is difficult to know as ASD is a wide spectrum. There could be other explanations such as a form of dyspraxia. It's worth pursuing through NHS if you want more clarification.

OnTheBen10DaysofChristmas · 15/12/2011 06:08

You can ask your GP to refer you to a developmental paediatrician.

This stuck out for me no middle ground as that is exactly what DS is like. Either not hungry or desparately so, same with thirst, toilet and energy levels. He is going through the process of assessment for AS at the moment :(

IndigoBell · 15/12/2011 08:19

If you have always assumed he's on the spectrum, you shouldn't be talking to us, you should be talking to a paed.

If you don't get a dx you'll spend the rest of your life thinking is he/ isn't he?

The only way to put your mind at rest is to get a dx.

But this isn't about you, it's about your son. Dosnt he deserve to know wh he finds dome things hard? Why he feels like he's diifferent?

Doesn't he deserve being able to research his condition himself, and access whateversupport he can?

Original poster

trulyscrumptious43 · 15/12/2011 08:46

Thank you.
One other thing I meant to mention was that he is failing massively at school as he cannot focus or concentrate. He has trouble with written work, although he is not dyslexic at all.
IndigoBell when you say I shouldn't be talking to people here, what do you mean? I don't know what a paed is or how to go about finding out. That's one of the reasons why I posted here last night.

OP posts:

OnTheBen10DaysofChristmas · 15/12/2011 09:17

Does he have problems with the actual physical writing Trulyscrumptious or knowing what to write IYSIM

The developmental paediatrician is the person who can give a diagnosis of ASD or any other developmental condition. Your GP would refer you into the system which varies across the country.

I think what Indigo is saying is is that it will help him to have an actual diagnosis rather than just being quirky/wierd/unsociable with children (delete as appropriate - that's just my son) as he can then access groups to help with social skills, ASD clubs and any help that he needs at school should be easier to come by with a diagnosis.

HolyCalamityJane · 15/12/2011 09:19

You can ask your GP to refer your son to a paeditrician who can assess your son and decide on the best course of action but this could take a long time. You could also try and get an appointment with a private consultant who specialises in child and adolescent mental health this will be the quicker option but can cost £300. Once you have a formal diagnosis then you can access some assistance for your son.

Hope that helps. Good luck.

IndigoBell · 15/12/2011 09:23

Sorry, I meant what Ben10 said.

You should get him a referral by going to your GP and asking for a referral to a child development paediatrician.

It's not that you shouldn't talk to us - you should. But we can't diagnose him, nor offer him any help or support. Only people in real life (RL) can do that for him.

I was just surprised by your opening line, that he was 14 and you've always assumed he was on the spectrum. You should be doing something about it, rather than just 'assuming'.

No one besides you is going to help your son. There is no magic fairy at school or in the NHS that will do so.

Original poster

trulyscrumptious43 · 15/12/2011 09:28

OntheBen10 DS has problems with knowing what to write, or even knowing why he should be writing.
I will talk to my GP. I don't think I need to go down to quick route and pay, as this has been such a feature of our lives that I think waiting a few months (?) won't make any difference now.
One thing I have observed is that a few years ago, when he was moving up schools, I was often warned against getting a diagnosis as DS might then be 'labelled' and that it wouldn't help.

OP posts:

IndigoBell · 15/12/2011 09:30

Sorry so many people warned you off getting him 'labelled'.

They were wrong. A 'label' is the easiest way to get him the help he needs.

Original poster

trulyscrumptious43 · 15/12/2011 09:32

Do you think it is too late for him to get help now? School age yr 10

OP posts:

IndigoBell · 15/12/2011 09:37

It's not too late to get him help.

Might be too late to turn his academic career around, I don't know.

But he has a whole life ahead of him. His condition isn't going to go away when he leaves school.

Original poster

trulyscrumptious43 · 15/12/2011 10:08

I am considering taking him out of school (had another thread on this last week) because I think failing all his GCSEs won't do his self esteem any good.
You're right about his whole life; I wish there was something that could be done now. He has study support, writing support and a special homework card for all the teachers to fill in. Also he's having maths tutoring at home which I think is helping.

OP posts:

wigglybeezer · 15/12/2011 12:07

Truly, he sounds like my DS1 who is 13, although DS1 does have a group of good friends he has kept right through school, which is one of the reasons I haven't pushed for assessment. the other reason is that DS1 completely refuses to have anything to do with being assessed and will not even contemplate asking for help from the learning support dept at school (social death apparently ). I am going to have to tackle the school about academic problems soon as he is going to need extra time in exams.

another point I'd like to make is what does all this extra help amount to? I have never come accross anything of much value in our area, not anything that couldn't be better provided at home by enlightened parents. DS2 has been to social skills groups that were a bit lame IMO.

There is no magic cure that will transform an older child on the spectrum if only they have a DX.

IndigoBell · 15/12/2011 12:18

The extra help is knowledge. Your son can then do his own research, understand himself better, perhaps join a supportive forum like this.

It doesn't have to be something tangible like TAs or social skills groups.

It empowers him to work though stuff himself.

It also allows school to accommodate him better in loads of tiny ways. From how they handle detentions or missed homework, to how they handle school dinners or PE.

But of course there are also loads of therapies and stuff you can do if you have the time, inclination and money. Loads of things that might help. Even very simple stuff like vitamin supplements.

You certainly won't know what will help your DS if you don't try anything.

Original poster

trulyscrumptious43 · 15/12/2011 19:02

Indigo, thanks for the tips above. I'm not looking transform him, only ease his passage through life.
wigglybeezer I know what you mean about what does it amount to....School have at least said DS can use his laptop (for word processing) in exams, but I fear that won't be enough for him to pass.

I am a single working mum so there is no spare money or much time. I'm doing some work in exchange for DS's maths lessons at home. Vitamins I could run to, yes!

OP posts:

IndigoBell · 15/12/2011 19:14

If you can afford vitamins the ones which are most likely to help are Omega (with high EPA content), zinc and magnesium.

Give them a go, and see if they help your DS or not.

coff33pot · 15/12/2011 20:25

No there is no "magic cure" but what it can bring is a surge in self esteem. KNOWING that his issues are real and the chance to be able to understand his differences. He can still learn coping strategies through CBT to help him through life.

School will also be more adaptable, understanding and make more allowances than they are already. They seem to be trying to help him by study support and writing support. They obviously recognise he has issues by allowing him to use a laptop. They can even perhaps take the load off him by reducing his amount of exams he is to study towards and so reduce presure and give him a chance to shine on his specialist subjects. An extension of time for him to complete his exams :)

He could then go on to college to take further exams and also link to learning courses that are free. My eldest has passed her English and Maths this way as it is in a more adult and calming environment.

And sadly it can take more than months to get a dx. So if it is possible (and to allow that your son is 14) I would definately look at a private route as first option :)

missnevermind · 15/12/2011 20:37

This has described my son exactly.

He is 11 in last year of primary school and I could tick every last thing on your list.
The obsessiveness, the emotions, being so affectionate everything.

Right down to your statement where I have always thought he may be on the spectrum but he seemed to do OK with a little intervention.

Should I be doing something now? I am really concerned about him coping when he moves up to secondary school.

IndigoBell · 15/12/2011 20:45

yes, you should be doing something now.

noone else will help your son if you don't.

coff33pot · 15/12/2011 20:49

I would make a start now due to the length of time it takes to get anything in motion. Knowing how tough senior school was for my NT daughter I know it would be nigh on impossilbe for my DS without support in place. Its a whole new ball game compared to Primary school and the expectations and peer pressure is so much higher. :)

Nonicknameavailable · 15/12/2011 21:09

Hi indigobell do you know what vitamin has the above contents thanks a lot. :)

missnevermind · 15/12/2011 21:48

What do I do? Where do I start?

I speak to his teachers at the start of every school year. To go over his 'quirks' and differences, and to discuss what his previous teachers have found to be helpful. No information seems to travel up with him.

I had a meeting last year to discuss my concerns with his teacher and they agreed to do an assment which I later found out meant that one of the SEN teachers observed him in class for five mins and said their was nothing to see, no problems and that was the end of it.

coff33pot · 15/12/2011 23:01

Missnevermind. Start with writing your own list of concerns. Go to your GP and ask to be referred to a developmental peadiatrician :)

Original poster

trulyscrumptious43 · 15/12/2011 23:09

Missnevermind, have you had the same experience of people warning you against getting your DS 'labelled'? I wish I'd had MN back then and been able to talk to other people. More help throughout secondary school would have been good - I think so anyway, looking at how he struggles now with written tasks, with only 18 months to go before his GCSEs. I spoke to the school years ago and they assured me that the curriculum would be more vocationally organised, but that turned out to be a load of tosh really. Maybe they hoped for more changes than they could make.

OP posts:

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