Is my DS on the spectrum?

[trulyscrumptious43]

I have always assumed he is, but I am reading more about it and would like to be sure that this is not just normal teenage stuff.
I am listing a general overview of his behaviours here, he is 14 years old:

Very tactile and affectionate with myself, his sister and the dog
Insecure away from home or from me
Hates visiting his (probably also on the spectrum) father who is v judgemental
Obsessive during play and only has one interest at a time, which can last for years
Is either very tired or hyperactive; no middle ground unless he is concentrating on his current hobby
Doesn't have friends his own age but can play with boys a few years younger although these friendships don't last long
Has a few female friends his age from what I can tell - the girls at school are nice to him - but doesn't initiate contact with any of his peers
Forgets simple instructions all the time (eg now go to the shop to buy bread) but can do complicated electronics
Cries very easily, used to be a couple of times a day but less often now
Throws anger tantrums with moaning and wailing for ages about tiny details; then forgets what it was about but continues the tantrum
Blames those around him for perceived failings of his own
Can talk to adults easily about what they are doing (when he travels with me to work) and slightly attaches himself to them sometimes; they think he is lovely.

He sounds exactly like my son too. Hes 12. We are currently waiting for assessment for him and I'm guessing it will take months.

Yes Trulyscrumptious. I wondered about having a 'label' might mark him out. But lately I can't see how that would be a bad thing.

My Godsons are on the spectrum one has HFA ADHD and a bunch iof other acronyms and is at a special school, which really suits him. He is also highly medicated. His Mum will listen to me go on about my son and raise her eyes at me when she thinks I mention a trait. She has been asking me for years if I am going to do anything but he never seemed bad enough to 'bother' the proffesionals.

Sorry. Once I start it seems I cannot stop.

Yes writing things down is difficult. Not the actual writing itself but starting and continuing until it is completed. He is such a fidget and will find excuses by the dozen to get up and wonder round. He also has to double check every minute to see if what he is doing is still correct even though 30 seconds ago it was.
A timed task is very difficult for him and he is such a worrier.

Oh yes, missnevermind. DS will drop his pen on the floor 30 times a minute and then end up lolling sideways in his chair and when I eventually snap at him to pull out of it, screams and cries and behaves surprised, as if he has been brought round from deep sleep by a gunshot. And so we have to start again...and again...

Tonight I asked him to heat a ready meal for himself as I was going out the door. He was a bit stroppy but I left anyway, and had to return for my umbrella a moment later. DS was on the floor with his head in his hands, weeping and wailing "I don't want to eat it I don't want to eat it".
He is 14.
Left him to it and came back an hour later to find he'd scoffed the lot and loved it.

NoNickName - there isn't one supplement. You need to take 3.

Omega
Zinc & Magnesium

• a general multivitamin

Missnevermindand Trulyscrumptious I think you should both look at a private dx if at all possible ,especially given the age of your boys , as going through NHS will take ages. My ds is 11 and a year ago the school drew our attention to the fact that he has poor concentration,fidgety,problems with handwriting, obsessions,; He also has some sensory issues, very sensitive, very affectionate,cries vey easily, gets on better with younger children or adults, anger issues etc etc. We were gobsmacked as he is so bright accademically we just thought him extra sensitive and quirky. Handwriting was the only area I felt a little concerned about. Ed,Psychol. at school assessed him and recommended further assessment from a child psych. We went privately as waiting list was so long and it cost about £400. He was dx with mild Aspergers.We are still only coming to terms with it really.But I would say it has been the right thing to do. He is being supported at school in areas where he needs it and I feel much better about secondary school as I think such a huge change next year will throw tons of problems at him but at least now the school will be able to help if he needs it. He didnt take the dx very well himself though so we are helping him accept it-I would prefer to do it now than in a few years time. I only discovered mumsnet by chance about 6 months ago and so wish I had it earlier. It would have been such a great help to us. Good luck ladies but I think a private diagnosis is def. the way to go if at all possible.

Thank you. I would definitely consider going private, but there is not £400 spare anywhere round here to be spent in one go. I'll see what the doc says - we are in a rural area so that might help or hinder.

Had a difficult day with DS yesterday (xmas day). We went to visit my DP at his house an hour away, DP's DSs (10, 12, 16) were also visiting there.
My DS refused to engage with the other boys apart from two brief periods of physical play. For about 7 hours he either played on his netbook (which I had allowed a bit grudgingly as I thought he might disappear into it) or dragged himself around asking when we were going to leave.

He did try to eat something which was a relief but I felt very keenly his very glum projection over the whole proceedings. He was monosyballic when anyone tried to chat with him and there was definitely an atmosphere of resentment and although the two younger boys tried to get him involved in games DS just didn't want to know and made it clear.

This wasn't an off day by the way, it's pretty standard. Just hoping that he can pull a better show together over the next few days with visits to my mum and brother.

My lovely DD (19) and I both talked to him on the way home about respect, thinking of other people, a bit of self sacrifice, etc, but it was met with denial, screaming and sulks.
He ended by apologising but I'm afraid I just couldn't accept gracefully as we can't go back and have xmas day again.

DS says he just wanted xmas day as he wanted it, at our house with people coming to visit. Well I understand, me too, but it wasn't possible this year.

Just wanted to post as I felt like crying when I came home.

I'm not sure it's true that a dx is always the golden ticket. I know people with ASD diagnoses who say there is no help actually and the dx is just the beginning of yet another battle. For some the dx is a relief, for others dispiriting and unhelpful.

Well DS had a great Christmas!
Mounds of toys and presents but the best one, the one he has not put down at all.....
A YoYo he found in the toybox Christmas eve morning.
He has not stopped YoYoing since. Hours and hours every day. Having to be perfect at tricks and us having to watch and comment constantly.

We could have saved a fortune.