I think my world is crumbling around me. Please help

[Memoo]

my wonderful, bright son is ten. He has always been highly sensitive and had issues with food.

Out of the blue school have just me they suspect he may have aspergers. But he's 10!! How could he have gone this long without a diagnosis?

This is where we're at.

Ds is developing OCD tendencies. He has to take the correct number of steps to school. He has to wear certain socks on certain days. He moans about clothes not feel right, socks that dig in, jumpers that itch. He becomes obsessive about certain things but after a few months with move on to the next.
He won't eat at the moment at all. He is dating he feels like he is going to choke.
He can't bare any change. His teacher has changed and it's sent him into turmoil.
He's so bright, top in everything. And he beautiful and I love him so much.
Does this sound like a child with ASD? Have school got in wrong?
Feel like a bomb has just been dropped on my home

Wow that made no sense. Sorry but I'm shaking.

memoo, it did make sense! WHat is your gut feeling? DO you think he is just a very sensitive boy who is struggling with the change in teacher or do you fel there is something else?
How is he with friendships? Whats he like at understanding the less literal things in life?
OCD is very treatable and is often a sign that somebody isnt copying (in children often with change) so they are trying to build some order & control into their life,
Not being able to swallow can also be a sign of anxiety.
Have the school suggested any steps to help or have they just dropped this bombshell & left you to it?

In my heart I have suspected that he may be for quite a while.

School told me to see my GP so I've made an appointment for Thursday. I think I'm going to go alone so I can talk to the doctor properly. The deputy at ds's school is going to make the "relevant referrals" but I have no idea what that means.

The thing is he has no problems socially. But all tbe other descriptions of a child with aspergers do fit ds.

Memoo

It makes sense, and those like me who are dyslexic, can work through the typing errors, we make them all the time.

Could be ASD, have a look at my autism asd collection of links which includes links to how to identify these issues.

Thank you, will read the links.

Dh thinks that he probably is :(

memoo, its hard to take, particularly when someone else points it out. there are other conditions that overlap with ASD, OCD etc the important thing is to get your ds assessed by a good, experienced clinical psychologist who can identify the issues (whatever the label) and provide some support or strategies to help him cope. And remember he is still your lovely ds

I keep telling myself that. It doesn't change anything. He is still my gorgeous, wonderful son. A label doesn't change him.

Hugs Memoo :) No a label doesnt change your lovely DS one bit. What is does change is that it can open doors to extra support if he needs it.

If he is 10 then he will be going to senior school soon and that can be stressful for any child let alone one with SN so it is good that your school have recognised that he needs extra assistance. At least he will have a smoother ride to senior school :)

This sort of information is always an enormous shock, even if you have suspected something deep down. I agree with DRM's posts about OCD and him seeing a psychologist. The first line treatment for children with OCD (if that is an issue) is an age appropriate form of CBT which is best done by a clinical psychologist. As someone who had childhood OCD and AS traits, having a diagnosis can come as an enormous relief to a person, realising that there are hundreds if not thousands of people out there with similar difficulties/worries, that it isn't just a case of trying harder or of being inferior to others. In terms of not being diagnosed till 10 - if a child is happy, has friends, has no language/social delay, learns well and is well behaved, its going to be easier for them to slip through the net as it were until this age. Whereas a child with a serious language delay is more likely to be picked up before juniors.

Hi memoo, welcome to the board, it is actually not unusual for children to get to 10 before they are diagnosed with aspergers or ASD.

Quite often children just appear to be a little quirky or over sensitive when they are little but as they get older and have so much more to deal with socially and at school it becomes more obvious that there is more to their difficulties.

My Dd3 is 9 and she has recently been diagnosed[dx] with Autistic Spectrum Disorder. She is high functioning and can mostly cope academically[sp] at school but the rest of the stuff is really hard for her.

FWIW, I would also go to your GP without your Ds, write down as much info as you can because you abound to forget everything as soon as he asks you a question [well I always do].

Try not to worry too much, he is still your lovely boy and good luck.

Oh thank you so much all of you.

It's all clicking into place, things from years ago too. I can't believe we didnt realise sooner. When I think about it it's been there right in front of me for years and I never saw it. I just though he was really sensitive and a bit different.

i have a quirky ds (foods/ sensory etc) who's 10 in a couple of weeks. he is currently undergoing full pyscho-ed assessment as it's got to the point where it would be useful to know whether a dx would be more appropriate than 'well, that's just x'.

i often think that this sort of age is when issues are more likely to be formally recognised, as they get bigger it's less plausible to put quirks down to developmental stuff, or think it's a phase, or whatever. so i think 9 or 10 is just about the right time if a child is now more noticeably different than their peers, or struggling. and it will be a huge bonus for transition to secondary.

he'll still be top of the class and downright gorgeous. just with a bit of support, hopefully.

Love your name madwoman

I've calmed down a bit now and am starting to get a bit of perspective. I just can't believe I didn't see it earlier. Eating in particular has been a problem ever since he was young.

Memoo identical scenario here a year ago-ds 10(now 11). School called me in out of blue and said they suspected Aspergers(WTF?) and could they refer him to the school educational psychologist? I will never forget that week-the shock was unreal. My dh was working away and I told noone, just cried when I was alone. Our ds also is so bright and clever academically-how on earth could we not have known? He was def.a bit quirky about things but we are so used to him we thought he would just grow out of them. He was assesed at school by the ed.psych.who recommended a referral to autism services(God when I first heard that word about my ds,it nearly killed me) bot waiting list was so long we went privately and got a dx last february. He is now getting resource help at school(probs.with concentration,handwriting,obsessions etc) but we are still trying to come to terms with it all. Its like grieving really.We are getting there but I can now see how it is becoming so much more pronounced as he gets older-he is standing out more from his friends now. I am glad we have a dx though as he will now get support if he needs it in secondary school. I know exactly how you feel.Sending you a big hug

My son was 9 before getting a dx of ASD - before I'd even heard the word.

I had hardly any concerns about him till I was told - then looking back I could see all the things I'd be missing.

My DS also has a lot of OCD things going on - but as I said on a prev thread, it's because of his anxiety, which is because of his ASD.

The good thing for you and me is that because they're so old before we had concerns, they're really mild. And a lot of what you read about Aspergers, or think about it, won't apply to them.

The important thing now is to get the right dx so that you can get the right help for him.

Thanks all for your replies

Feel so sad today. I truly feel like I have done something wrong and messed up my child.

DD2 is 13 and got diagnosed back in July. I spent all those years waiting for her to grow out of her weirdy quirkiness. when things fell into place it was pretty obvious that all those little bits of problems (the food, obsessiveness, routines, tantrums etc) were part of the bigger picture.

and oh god, the years of tantrums about not having the right pants for a tuesday . thankfully we are over that bit but for years only the right ones would do.

I could very easily tell you it is NOT YOUR FAULT. and it is not you who have messed up but I suspect you know that already. However irrationally I often feel just the same in that it is my fault, whose else could it be? whether it is a genetic nature thing or a mothering nurture thing it is still my fault. But realistically it is NOT OUR FAULTS (repeat until you believe it!).

maybe he is just a sensitive soul. maybe he has aspergers, it does not change who he is or your love for him.

You haven't messed up your child. It's not your fault.

However - you can help him. More than anyone else you can make a huge difference to him.

You'll get there. Soon. :)

And in the mean time take a little bit of time to grieve for what's changed in your life.

memoo (hugs)

You are where I fear I will be in 2 years time

My ds1 is also wonderful, like yours, but I also know, in my heart, he has asd.

ITS NOT YOUR FAULT.

ITS NOT HIS FAULT.

Sending hugs x

(((((hugs))))) Memoo

We're going through assessement for DS (6 yo).He probably has Aspergers. But I do think that if the school hadn't rasied issued with regards to his motor skills, I would still have no idea.

They are still the children they were yesterday regardless of what "label" or DX they might get.

I look at it that if he gets a DX it will help him to understand why he feels different to his friends, for school to access Autism Outreach and for us to get the recognition of what we have recognised in his behaviours.

hi Memoo (and everyone else)

we're in the early stages of having DD dx'd - she shows many ASD traits and Aspergers and Dyspraxia has already been mentioned by CAMHS.

I'm finding there are so many sticks to beat ourselves up with re; noticing any quirks etc that I've decided to leave them at the front door.

(This is not totally a literal analogy either, we DO have a pile of sticks at the front door - it's always been an obsession of hers)

I was both devastated and relieved when our GP took our concerns seriously, and came to this section for advice. The one of the best bits (so far) was about making a diary and taking notes.

The other 'best bits' is how other parents celebrate the quirks here. While it can be a shock to realise your DC is 'different', we are all very united in how amazing they also are.

it is possible to have OCD without ASD, even though I believe they are linked.

it runs in my family sadly.

its a really crippling illness and it doesn't get enough support.

the food thing may be a food phobia.

I believe being bright can be a risk factor for OCD. They think too much.

Thanks all, and thanks for the hugs I really need them at tbe moment.

I know I'm wallowing in self pity. My toddler is asleep and the others are at school. It's the first time I've had 5 minutes to myself. I sat and had a really good cry and it helped. Feel a bit better for it.

Filled with self doubt. I have no idea what I am doing. Part of me wants to tell them all to bugger off, I don't want my child labelled. Why does he need it anyway, it wont make any difference to who he is. What if it makes him worse? He might worry even more which is just going to make him worse. But then I know Im letting him down if I don't get him all tbe support I can.

My head is spinning and Im so sad for my beautiful precious boy. I want to make it better but I can't.

Sorry for wallowing, I think I just need to get it all out.