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Original poster

Can I ask about language used to describe children with SN? I'm a novice

50 replies

HowMuchIsTooMuchDietCoke · 05/11/2011 21:14

I have a new friend, met through a mutual friend, who has a 10 year old boy who has Aspergers. Out at an event last night someone referred to him as 'an aspy', I haven't heard that term before and was a bit taken aback.

I can remember my MW telling me 'you might get a downs' after my antenatal tests and thought that was an awful way to describe a baby.

Is calling a child with Aspergers an aspy offensive in the same way? If it is an offensive term I will correct people who use that term, I know it will come up in conversation sometimes now because of the new friend in our circle and I don't want her to be upset.

So is it ok or not ok?

Hope you don't mind me posting on the SN boards, I didn't want a flaming on another board if its a stupid question Blush.

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AtYourCervix · 05/11/2011 21:16

I think it is, others don't.

My child is NOT an Aspie. She is a person who happens to have Aspergers Syndrome.

I don't mind putting (AS) like that in brackets to explain quiickly why she is what she is.
But lots of people think Aspie is ok.

Original poster
HowMuchIsTooMuchDietCoke · 05/11/2011 21:19

Hmmm, so the jury is out on it?

My immediate reaction was to say 'don't call him that' but I didn't because I didn't know if it was offensive or not so didn't want to make things awkward if I was wrong.

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lisad123 · 05/11/2011 21:22

Aspie isn't a word I have a problem with, but hate if used to describe my daughters rather than their names; so of you were to say "that Aspie girl over there" but wouldn't mind "I think j is having an Aspie day" Grin

AtYourCervix · 05/11/2011 21:22

and I also describe her as Aspergersesqu or haveing a particularly autistic phase.

I am a hypocrite and probably not best placedto comment. it is ok for me to call her things but not other people

purplemurple · 05/11/2011 21:22

I have no problems with it, although I don't use it to describe my ds. I would say ds has Asperger Syndrome.

Where I have seen the term Aspie, it hasn't been used in a deragotory way although I have seen many people commenting that they don't like it.

AtYourCervix · 05/11/2011 21:23

like that Lisa.

saintlyjimjams · 05/11/2011 21:23

A lot of people with AS call themselves Aspie's. If in doubt just say 'with AS' - but I wouldn't correct someone who used it as I've never seen it used offensively (plus you'll stray into neurodiversity which you probably don't want to do - very political).

DownbytheRiverside · 05/11/2011 21:25

My son refers to himself as an Aspie, he thinks it sounds a lot cooler than 'I am a person with Asperger's syndrome. I refer to him as an Aspie on occasion.
I would never generalise about it, so I'd wait and see what term the other person preferred or stick to 'Individual with Asperger's Syndrome'

DownbytheRiverside · 05/11/2011 21:26

www.aspiesforfreedom.com/
By Aspies, for Aspies!

Original poster
HowMuchIsTooMuchDietCoke · 05/11/2011 21:26

Lisa So if someone referred to your DD in conversation, not using her name, to a third person as 'an aspy' (aspie?) would you be offended? Like the situation I described from lastnight.

I just don't want his mum to think that anyone is being rude about her little boy. If its offensive I'm happy to tell people but I guess if it depends on context I better keep quiet in case I get it wrong.

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Original poster
HowMuchIsTooMuchDietCoke · 05/11/2011 21:30

Right, well I better keep my mouth shut then! Most seem to think its ok. TBH I'm a bit surprised, especially after some threads about disablist terms a while ago.

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DownbytheRiverside · 05/11/2011 21:30

To me the terminology is less of a problem than the rest of the discussion, were they discussing him as if he was a freak or dangerous or weird?
Or as if he was a human being with a different perspective on many things?

DownbytheRiverside · 05/11/2011 21:32

As I said, it depends on how the child and his family describe his condition.
What are you aiming to do by passing on gossip?
How will knowing what others are calling him help your new friend?

DownbytheRiverside · 05/11/2011 21:35

You need to talk to her and find out how she feels about the word.

MangoMonster · 05/11/2011 21:36

I don't think you should define someone by a disability or trait. So I don't like it, but many seem to find it acceptable. I would call my child a one eyed autistic... That's extremely offensive to me. He's a person in his own right with a name and with an eye condition and asd traits.

lisad123 · 05/11/2011 21:37

I would have a problem with it used in OP. I have children with autism, not Aspie kids! Dds have Aspie days, but they are not their condition they are children first.

Original poster
HowMuchIsTooMuchDietCoke · 05/11/2011 21:38

Riverside I'm not sure really, it was said in a tone that I interpreted as pity for the mother, if you see what I mean. Its pity she doesn't need TBH, he is a lovely little boy and she clearly adores him.

The tone was one that if the same tone had been used with 'downs' instead of 'aspie' I would have replied that he no, he isn't 'a downs', he is a boy called XXX.

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MangoMonster · 05/11/2011 21:38

I wouldn't, not would, sorry, phone typo.

Original poster
HowMuchIsTooMuchDietCoke · 05/11/2011 21:41

Riverside Sorry, I don't follow you, I haven't passed any gossip on, there is no gossip. She was just asking if I had met the son, I said I had and then she said he was an aspie and I didn't know what to say because I thought she was being a bit offensive.

I guess if my DDs are ever diagnosed with AS I will be one of the parents who doesn't like the term.

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DownbytheRiverside · 05/11/2011 21:48

I misread your post and couldn't delete. Blush Sorry.
My Aspie is at college and is comfortable with himself and his dx, so it's up to him to decide what terms to use about himself.
I think it has to be a personal response, unlike more offensive, unambiguous and disablist language.

MangoMonster · 05/11/2011 21:57

Agree if you are referring to yourself you can use whatever language you prefer.

Original poster
HowMuchIsTooMuchDietCoke · 05/11/2011 21:57

Well I guess I just hope that my friend isn't offended by it then, because I guess this other woman will use the term again. Its just that if it was offensive I could have corrected her before she potentially upset my friend.

I mean, of course, my friend is pretty use to having to fight her sons corner, she has had problems with his school, she has a pretty thick skin I think.

I do think its confusing though, to someone who doesn't know which terms are ok and which aren't.

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ThePumpkinofDoomandTotalCha0s · 05/11/2011 21:59

Agree with jimjams and riverside. It's a grey area one, really, as some (many!) people on the spectrum are happy and proud to describe themselves as aspies. I would be surprised at someone using it without a close connection to ASD, but wouldn't call them on it.

insanityscratching · 05/11/2011 22:02

I think it's down to the individual really. My children have autism they aren't autistic because the autism is only a part of them it doesn't define who they are. So for me I wouldn't use the term Aspie and I'd be offended if someone used that term about a child. I even correct health professionals who call mine autistic tbh.

Original poster
HowMuchIsTooMuchDietCoke · 05/11/2011 22:07

I think its too confusing. From what I can tell one mother of a child with AS could offend another mum of a child with AS because one thinks its offensive and the other doesn't.

Glad I didn't say anything now Grin. Still think its an awful way to to talk about someone though, as if they are the condition, not a person.

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