friday night thread....

[signandsmile]

Hi all, how has the week been?

We've been at the seaside, ds has loved the caravan, and we had a friend and her 3 kids for a couple of days too, which he coped with really well, weather amazing! picnic on beach with no coats on, much paddling in sea and digging big holes. .

second week of half term still to come, (visit to stay at nanny's and his first party with kids from school, I am thrilled he got an invite but really anxious about how he will do... (over anxious mummy...)

feel like i have this huge looming pile of 'things that must be done', about to topple over on me. my 'to do' list never seems to get any shorter... but next half term he gets to be full time, so hopefully more time to get stuff done.... altho I could be kidding myself,

Moose, thank you. You just made me lol for first time today trying to imagine someone doing kick-boxing and getting mixed up. I'm trying lol every day just now as I got over stressed recently .

Completely understand about the WII. I gave in this past June, but only because I spent my birthday money on it, so it's mine and I say who gets to go on it and for how long .

I should post a video of me doing it - now that would make you laugh!

Good thinking about having your own WII. I seem to have so few rights and/or things of my very own these days. How does that happen when you become a Mum? What's theirs is theirs and what's yours is theirs as well!

I would seriously love to the chance, just once, to say to ds1 "today we are playing Barbie on the computer/WII/DS, because its mine, so I can say what we're playing!". I think he would probably either throw up in disgust or faint!

I told him last week, that I'd forgotten what he wanted for Christmas, but I thought I'd remembered while I was emailing Father Christmas - "It was a Barbie scooter and Tinkerbell DSi game wasn't it?" That didn't go down well at all. I am such a mean Mummy sometimes. Mwa ha ha ha!

Moose I think you and I have a very similar sense of humour . That's the kind of thing I say to my dcs .

On the subject of motherhood, I've just started reading a book called, "The Gift of Play. Why Adult Women Stop Playing and How to Start Again". It's a serious book, but one I should have read years ago!! I'm determined to have much more, "me" time and fun in my life again. And to prove it, I'm going to the, "Good Food Show" in Glasgow with my Mum tomorrow. I'm not on a diet just now (should be though) and I'm going to sample as much stuff as I can. Last time I went I discovered I loved some gorgeous liqueurs and I'm not much of an alcohol fan .

Hi all, back from my holiday. Airport and flights were fine, despite my worries (Easyjet were VERY good when it came to helping with sight related things, will go into more detail if people are interested). Had a lovely time.

MIGHT have a boyfriend soon, have been going out with a guy socially for a while, really good mates etc and he says he wants to ask me something next time he sees me. He gave me 3 teddies today, because he missed me while I was away :)

And one of my film ideas for my return to uni is shaping up nicely, and might be another one that broaches disability (need to check with my course leader that I'm not falling into the trap of making niche films, but hopefully he'll be OK with it). I'm making a profile piece on someone who has their private pilots' licence, and the flying club I've contacted has a member who has CP, but has still managed to complete 2 solo flights (a VERY big deal for any pilot in training). So if my lecturer thinks it's OK to profile him, I'll start research and getting ready for January when I can start shooting! :)

That sounds like an interesting book. Have fun at the Good Food Show - eat some samples for me!

Lollipop! How the devil are you?

Glad you had a good holiday and all the airport stuff went ok.

Sounds like things are still heading in the right direction with your friend. Aw, three teddies - my dh used to do things like that when we were first going out. The christmas after we started going out he came round with a small gift for every Christmas we hadn't been together (16 in all).

I think your film idea sounds great. Hope your lecturer goes for it.

moose you have been with your dh since you were 16???? that is so sweet! I have been well and truly naughty the last few weeks, so I think some weight I lost will have gone back on... I get back to it all again after the half term. (and I should hopefully get some swimming in now ds is building up his school attendance.)

lollipop, glad the hols went well.

welcome to grumpypants from me too...

just peeking in this morning to say hello to all! I actually got together with a group of friends last night after DS2 & DS3 went to bed (DH was home while I went out) and had a blast! Far too much was had by all, but we all live within walking distance of each other, so we all just walked (stumbled?) home from the one friend's house where we'd been drinking and blasting loud music and chatting. Absolutely best time I've had in ages. Makes the rubbish parts of the week seem not quite so rubbish. DH of course got a chuckle out of it when I got home though.

Yep, 25 years together and 20 years married in 2012! God I'm old!

I've been finding my dieting resolve has been severely tested since the temperature dropped and the nights have been drawing in. My body likes to pile on the pounds and hibernate, but I'm fighting it as best I can.

Triggles, glad you had a good night out - you deserve a break.

well, i am off to get some tidying done - far tooo cold to actually leave the house. might get ds to sort out his cards - we have them everywhere. Yu gi oh things. catch you all this time next week!

psssst moosemama - I'm old too! probably older...

I am starting the "get my shit together" diet. I have found that when I am falling apart and stressed, I eat dreadfully - not regularly, not healthy, and often fast food as it's quick and easy. But when I'm more organised, relaxed, balanced... I am better about mealplanning and what/when I eat, which generally means healthier foods and I lose weight gradually. So that's my approach now. Yes, all that wine last night was not a good example, but we DID exercise - we played on the Wii with that Just Dance!

Today I'm taking back the dining room. The clutter has overcome it, and I've just found the table in my cleaning, so I'm taking a well-deserved tea break.

Triggles - I need to reclaim my whole house from under the piles of child generated clutter, but am sitting here mnetting and researching the dc's christmas presents instead. Still ridiculously exhausted today, even with a huge lie in.

Dh has taken ds1 and dd to the library and I was hoping for some peace, but ds2 decided that was the perfect opportunity for him to be king of the remote control for an hour or so (ds1 usually guards it closely), so am being subjected to rounds of 'halloween special' Tom and Jerry cartoons instead.

Dh has booked Monday off so we can go out somewhere, but we don't know where to go. We had originally planned to go up to Blackpool to see the lights, as we used to live not far away, but none of our dcs has ever seen them and we have a new car with a panoramic glass roof, which we thought would make it more fun. Unfortunately, one of dh's colleagues has been and apparently they aren't very good after being storm damaged last year. Ds1 would really love to get to the seaside somewhere, even if it is cold, but its not so easy when you live in the Midlands as you're land-locked in every direction.

I am getting 5 minutes peace too moose, DP and Dd3 have gone to buy popcorn and rent a DVD because we need a quiet evening.

I have been with my DP for over 20 years too, sometimes wonder how we haven't murdered each other though.

Know what you mean about being landlocked but we are definatley heading for the coast for a couple of nights, luckily my cousin has a holiday flat and she is off to spain so I can use it.

Dd3 absolutley loves it there but she is very fixed in what she wants to do in certain places.

We are going to try to change one thing in her routine while we are away. Maybe get an ice cream after we go to the park. I know we are living dangerously but you have to sometimes don't you .

Hi, I am on my own every saturday. Today has been punctuated by screams from the little ones as ds tries to play with them (,ot understanding that actually you can just play without imposing rules). Popped to get craft bits and let them all sit on a bench and stupidly said don't put your shoes on it. Well, ds was beside himself patrolling that one while I paid...I think the paed just doesn't ask this stuff; the lack of understanding, the rules, etc. Sigh - dh gets back pm and I always go food shopping alone. Its heaven!

Sorry - I am reading all the posts, its just such a relief to actually say this stuff!

Does your ds do that too grumpypants? My ds1 tries desperately to get dd (who's only 2) to play by his rules and understand things that she isn't old enough to understand yet, then gets really cross because she won't do everything 'right' - for right, read his way.

Yesterday, dd and ds2 were playing a game of pseudo football with her soft ball in the living room, just rolling in back and forth to each other and calling a goal if it went under the piece of furniture behind either one of them. Then ds1 decided to get involved and started to get all ranty about dd not playing by proper football rules and picking the ball up - because its against the rules. It would have been fine if she hadn't actually said "we're playing football", but as soon as he heard that, it had to be played properly or not at all. Cue lots of tears and a very abrupt end to what had been a lovely game for the other two dcs.

I'm not grumpypants, but DS2 (5yo) is constantly trying to keep DS3 (2yo) to his rules and it makes me nuts. I feel like a referee in a football match.

Moose and triggles - that is exactly right. Its exhausting because ds just doesn't get fun and relaxed! Its all about the rules that he knows and they are set in stone. We have so many tears from the little ones when he decides that I am not on top of the rules. Isn't it weird how none of this ticks the boxes for asd yet things you can't remember like holding their arms up aged two do?

It should tick the ASD boxes for any professional worth their salt. Its classic rigid thinking.

Have you been told that this sort of thing isn't ASD related then grumpy?

Sorry, I don't quite get the 'holding their arms up' bit of your last sentence - am very slow today.

No, it just never seems to come up - I always end up amswering questions - we did a 3di (sp?) thing and one of the questions was about holding arms up for a cuddle. Dh really didn't like to admit difficulties out loud until recently which made the first cple appointments pointless. Plus infants had him down as naughty, and its only recently that we are all saying the same thing.
I think my big fear now is not that something is wrong, its that we won't get the diagnosis and I won't be able to access help, or explain his weird behaviour (patrolling the edge of the dance floor on holiday anyone?).
Sorry. I am so careful in RL to not describe him as asd or to talk about it; its a bit like floodgates!
That football scenario is so true - I bet your little ones were quite happy playing ball until they got organised!

Stop saying sorry, you have nothing to be sorry about - we all need to come here and let it out sometimes. Crikey, I always write huge posts, but some of mine from back when we were first going for a dx were absolutely enormous. As you said, its incredibly cathartic when you finally come across other people who understand what you are saying/feeling and have been where you are themselves. Don't worry about it, come here and vent, ask questions etc as much as you need to - that's what the board is here for.

Don't know if you've already done this, but it really helped me to sit down and type up a sort of history of ds1. Right from before he was born (he was growth restricted in utero) to the present day, with anything and everything that sprang to mind as possibly out of the ordinary. Not necessarily thinking about ASD in particular, just a progressive history of everything, developmentally, emotionally, physically etc. It ended up being pretty long, but the paed delayed our appointment while he read it, then called us in and said he'd found it incredibly useful and informative. We've since used an updated version for the Ed Psychs and ASD Inclusion Team and they've all said how useful it was to have the background.

Then, if you've done that and are happy that you've got everything down in one place that you want to get across to them, there is no point in stressing about whether or what dx he'll get, you've given all the information they need, they've met and interacted with your ds and hopefully got some info from his school as well and they will draw their conclusions based on all that information. If he meets the criteria - and to be honest I it does sound like he meets an awful lot, just from the things you've told me, then he should get the dx he needs to access support. If he doesn't, well its a case of crossing that bridge when you get to it and onwards and upwards with the fight. There'll always be someone on here who's been there and can offer some help and support.

Oh - and yes, the other two were playing beautifully and really happily with lots of giggles etc until ds1 The Rule-Keeper General got involved. I despair sometimes of how much he corrects and puts his younger brother down, it can't be good for his self-esteem. We do our best to try and mitigate it and have explained to him now about ds1 having AS and what that means, but I'm sure it doesn't stop his heart sinking when ds1 starts on him, yet again.

Oo and fwiw, my dh took a long time to come around and agree that we needed to go for a dx. He was totally in denial about ds's problems for ages. From what I can make out, it seems to be a fairly common pattern, Mum has to do all the pushing, while Dad sticks his head in the sand and pretends its not happening.

They do tend to come round eventually though. My dh is totally on-board now. He hasn't read or researched anywhere near as much as me, but he has taken the time to read Tony Attwood's book and he will read anything I ask him to and discuss it sensibly now.

He's still not great at the practical aspects of managing the school, paed appointments etc though and he doesn't say a lot in meetings and appointments, but knowing he is on board is enough - most of the time.

Another one here where it took DH to start to be able to accept that some of DS' behaviour were probably AS related. He found it easier to say "that's because he's dyspraxic". It took DS' complete lack of reaction to me falling down the stairs screaming for DH to be completely on board. We also saw a news clip on the One Show about an ASD school and he suddenly recognised the child he sees every day. He hasn't read anything (unless he has done it online in secret- which is a possibility) but relies on me to tell him.

BTW if you don't get a dx, there are tertiary centres where you can go to get a second opinion.

Moose have fun whatever you do for your anniversary! Congratulations on your 20 years. We are 10 years next year and my parents 40 - how she has managed to put up with my eccentric in my opinion AS dad for this long I will never know says she with an eccentric in my opinion dyspraxic/AS traits-- DH

Thank you moose - that's a very good idea, and def something for half term. At least I can write down the card obsession, rules, lack of caring, etc - at the aPpt dh said his obsesssion had been guiness records, so the paed asked him about it amd ds just looked blank and didn't show any interest. Dh was just oh I liked cards and dismissed it. I could go on and on - will type it up instead!
Ben - thankyou, it is a relief not to be alone on this!
Congrats moose - twenty years is good going!

Thanks Ben10. Our wedding anniversary isn't until July, but we are already planning a Mad Hatters vintage-style tea/garden party for it. I love organising parties and its great to have a big one to really get my teeth stuck into.

We will have been together for 25 years on Valentines day though, so I suppose we ought to do something to celebrate that as well really!

We have an appointment with the paed on Halloween. I'm pretty sure we're going to get some diagnosis info. I think she doesn't have a horribly clear view at the moment on DS2, as she seems to think his comprehension is pretty good, and it really really isn't. He fakes it REALLY WELL. He can regurgitate words and phrases back and make it look like he gets it... but if you follow through, ask a few questions, change the conversation around a bit on him, you can then see that he is following his own little script. It took us a while to catch on, and we're with him all the time, I just don't think the paed has spent enough time with him (perhaps 2 hours total herself, and another hour of video in a set play area) to realise this.

And there are so many things he really ought to be aware of and be capable of following/understanding, and he simply doesn't. At all. And he's not bothered by it at all either.

Although the TA reminded me the other day, when the senco was rhapsodising about DS2's test results from a recent session with the SALT - "that was in a quiet room, with no distractions, and being supported and assisted by TWO adults. That is NOT your normal situation. It simply illustrates how much he NEEDS the support that he has." Bless her, she understands my concerns quite well.