DD is struggling with school (again).

[ZombiesAtYourCervix]

She hates school, everything about it. Every single day she moans about going but usually gives in and goes. Occasionaly just can't.

She refused to go this morning and has been in bed all day and hasn't spoken a word.

She can't say why she hates it, just that she does.

I don't know what I am supposed to do. Just carry on arguing with her every day for another 3 years? Or what? There is no alternative. I can't/won't home ed her. It would do neither of us any good.

School are crap and offer no suggestions.

She hasn't 'seen' anyone since her official AS diagnosis back in July. The psychologist thought that because she was mostly coping bumbling along there wasn't much anyone could do. I have just got a contact number for Healthy minds people.

Reduced timetable?

Different school?

Different class / stream?

Does she care if she gets her GCSEs or not?

Apply for a statement?

Is she being bullied?

Support at lunchtime (lunchtime club)?

Go to classes 2 minutes earlier / later to avoid busy corridors?

Is it sensory? (noise / smell)?

Allow her to drop the one subject she hates the most?

Can she do the work?

Has she done her homework?

Thanks. I just don't know. the conversation goes round in circles.

'why don't you want to go?'
'i feel ill'
'in what way ill?'
'just ill'

over and over again. for years and years and years.

nothing specific. just feeling ill.

bracing myself to go up and see what's going on.

Could she be ill? Could she have tummy pains or constipation or feel sick?

My latest 'thing' is the GAPS diet.

DS (aged 11) cut out milk and said to me 'Now that I don't drink milk, I no longer feel sick all the time'

then he cut out gluten and said he no longer has a sore tummy all the time :(

I had no idea he used to constantly feel sick and had a sore tummy. :(

She's all silent.

I have considered GAPS. She has constant gut ache and feeling sick. has done for years and years.

Problem I'm stuck with is that she only eats crackers and bread so to cut them out would be so very difficult. She's 13 and bright and it needs to come from her (i do keep encouraging).

might be worth another bash though.

out of interest what does he eat now he's cut out the milk and gluten? - in fact hang on - I'll start a more specific thread for that one. thanks.

gluten free cracker type things

There's also gluten free bread.

Appreciate thta it is very difficult. Ds1(7) got a AS diagnosis, In May, and school have done little.
Seeing as she has never really been able to verbalise, why don't you start asking questions from the other end. I.e. of school.
Ask them how she's doing. academically, for starters. Then what is senco actually saying ? and what the pyschologist , you speak of an EP ? who is looking after you , here, post diagnosis ?
It seems liek no one.
I got my diagnosis from CAMHS. I have been refered to the Early Bird Programme, waiting to get on it. I demanded an EP assessment. It is going on now. And i went back to see Paed last week, and whilst there complained about how obstructive school is. And she is going to send someone to support me in negotitating with school.
Are you gettign any help and support, at all ?

she hates the GF bread - tried it a while back. Which is why I think it needs to be her doing it consciously for herself.

What I did was cut out one thing at a time.

ie first we got rid of his cup of milk at breakfast.

Than once he felt the changes, he took ownership himself.

Now if he eats gluten he gets a terrible gut ache, and so is very careful to make sure he doesn't.

none at all Ob.
will phone school tomorow (again). She's fine when she's there - she scrapes along doing the bare minimum which is why they aren't concerned. But she's not happy.

she'll put up with it for a while, then it all blows up, she refuses to go for a bit, then manages to force herself to go back, then bumbles along for a while more. and it goes round like that in a cycle.

and while that goes on, i have a whinge here, try and track someone down to help, and by the time i get hold of anyone she's ok again so they can't offer anything.

OP, we all know that pattern. I do !! so hard to prove/argue that you need support, when its not consistent. They trot along and it 'appears' o.k. And then it all falls apart. But if you talked to senco/school, they would argue, well this is only minor. sudden. it was fine last week/month. what they don't GET, is that it all builds to this. Makes your blood boil, doesn't it.

The thing is every child has a right to an education, and school have a duty to meet her educational needs. My argument would be, if she's missing a significant amount of school, how can school be meeting those needs, if she's not there?
I have a dd aged 14, asd, and she hated her old school, and refused to go alot. But they maintained till the end of her time there that she was happy when she was there. The thing is she wasnt happy, she was coping and the stress was being bottled up for the end of the day and EXploding everywhere. She ended up with extreme anxiety and transition issues.
She's changed school now and guess what? She LOVES school..
I'd be pestering the SENCO, the head of year, the HT; and pestering the SEN dep of your LA, and the inclusion officer if you have one; and talking to IPSEA and parent partnership about school refusal.

she doesn't refuse enough for these things to swing into action. Maybe once a month or so. The rest of the time she goes but is miserable.

You should still be able to contact the educational welfare officer to ask for advice on the basis that your dd is at risk of school refusal. At the same time you could ask gp for a referral to camhs to ask for advice re the school related stress your dd is experiencing. DS found cognitive behavioural therapy very helpful in similar circumstances.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHH

I think i preferred it when she was silent and sulking in bed.

he's having a strop about bloody homeowrk.

bloody poems about bloody chernobyl of all things. who the chuff comes up with these things and thinks it is a good idea to inflict them on me?

Lol my daughter (ASD) has got to write a letter to the prime minister about the riots - considering in her world she thinks that all naughty people should be killed I am not sure its such a good idea......

i did suggest a haiku. she still threw her book at me though.

chernobyl exploded
nuclear meltdown
aspergers is much the same

dammit only 6 in the first line.

I have learnt only to offer help when asked.....

Out of interest do your school put her absences as authorised or unauthorised?

I'd be tempted to contact your EWO for advice, it may only be one day a month at the moment, but it could increase as her workload increases. It shows that you are proactive and flagged it, whether they decide to do anything is their choice.

Can she get access to a school counsellor?

I's be careful with helping with homework, I found out that all DS's KS3 teacher assessments were homework with parental support, no school work was used at all, which skewed the data they use to set children in KS4.

oh dear. I think she's gone back to bed. 2 days in a row is pretty bad. I'll be spending the morning on the phone then.

interesing...... she has just appeared. shall we take bets?

zombies hi, i'm a little late joining this discussion and I haven't read everything that's been written, so I hope i'm not repeating what anyone else has said. This is from my personal experience.

Firstly I don't have AS and I was only every diagnosed with depression but I just wanted to let you know my story. I'm not sure if it will help, but I hope it does.

I woke up one morning when I was about 12 and felt like I couldn't face the world. I remember my friends picking my up at 8:15 for the school bus and I was hiding in the bathroom crying saying to my mum to get rid of them because I couldn't go. I still remember that feeling and just writing about it makes me feel a little queasy and anxious. Was there a trigger? Yes, but nothing that most 12 year olds wouldn't be able to deal with. For some reason I just couldn't go. It wasn't idleness, it was a genuine absolute terror of going to school. I think it has a name now of simply school phobia. At the time I was dealt with completely wrong. I can't blame my parents because they were going on the "professionals" suggestions at the time. It didn't work for me atall. One minute i'd be in therapy and wacked on anti-depressants(at 12!!) and people would be trying to get to the bottom of my fear and sympathise and then the next minute i'd be having meetings with educational welfare officers, head teachers and my parents threatening that if i didn't just go to school then my mum would end up in jail!! One particular EWO actually demanded(yelled actually) that I stopped crying because nobody's fooled. I felt so frustrated and alone. That's just what a severely depressed/suicidal 12 year old needs to hear isn't it. I'm not saying that they should have just accepted that I wouldn't go to school, but the whole thing was handled completely wrong. It has affected me greatly and to this day I still don't know why this happened to me. I wasn't even going to school part time by the age of 14 and I left school with nothing but bad memories.

My story isn't a happy one. What I wanted to say to you is, before you act and get other people involved, really try to get to the bottom of this so that you're not going down the wrong path as my parents did with me. You may very well be doing everything right, I have no idea, but I just wanted to let you know my experiences. I can't bear the idea of another girl or boy going through the same thing. I'm assuming your dd has struggled in certain situations given the fact that she has AS, but putting that aside, please remember whether it's bullying, depression, schoolwork or something else you know her better than anyone else. Don't come down tough on her, it wont work. If a child is so down that they wont go to school and they're staying in bed all day, chances are they're extremely low/depressed and she needs nothing more than an understanding ear and lots of cuddles at the minute. She wont open up to you about why if you're constantly going on about why she needs to go back to school. It's the last thing she needs to hear at the minute. I'm not saying that her education isn't important, but first things first.

I hope it helps to hear from a girl who's gone through something similar.