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SN children

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Original poster

Those with SN children in mainsteam - do your little ones get party invites?

46 replies

JESSnutsRoastinOnAnOpenFire · 06/12/2005 20:05

Because Alex, one term in Y1, has never had one! Trying not to be paranoid as I know he has lots of friends. Well.. they all treat him like the class mascot but who am I to mind (I don't!) because he laps it up and they are lovely and affectionate with him. So I think it must be their mothers. Maybe they think he will be too much trouble.. but surely it is obvious that I would stay with him, as he clearly has one-to-one at school.

This bothers me.. I know it shouldn't.. I have far larger things to worry about (don't we all!)

SJ x

OP posts:

anniebear · 06/12/2005 20:08

we cheat a bit with Ellie (SN) having a twin Sister in the class!! Think they feel obliged to invite her also.

But I know I would be upset if she didn't get one

NotQuiteCockney · 06/12/2005 20:10

There's a girl in DS1's class who has DS. I've seen her at all the decent-sized birthday parties, so far, including DS1's. Her parents do always stay with her, but then the class is rising-4s, so many parents stay.

Blossomgoodwill · 06/12/2005 20:15

My dd is in a unit attached to a ms school. She has been to a few parties. A lot more in reception than yr 1 as parties seem to get less as they get older. I wouldn't say she gets invited to as many as the ms kids in the class though.

BoozyChristmacwoozy · 06/12/2005 20:16

This is soemthing that troubles me too, and find incredibly sad. My ds who is also year 1, got an invite at beginning of year, I presume because the parent didn't know about my ds (he has ASD), but since then nothing. I found it really hard whilst he was in reception because I was a parent helper and so often saw the invites handed out, now at least I'm not so aware of which child is having a party next week, and fortunately for my ds he doesn't speak much about them. But Jess like yourself, it bother me alot too.

Mercy · 06/12/2005 20:33

dd has a good friend who has hearing/speech difficulties, in fact they 'love' each other! The parents are pretty quiet but friendly and their child gets invited to a fair few parties.

dd does not have sn and is invited to hardly any parties. I think it boils down to personality of the child, the parent(s) and other perceptions of people in general.

onlyjoking9329 · 06/12/2005 20:38

I FOUND THE BEST THING WAS WHEN ds HAD A BIRTHDAY HE INVITED THE WHOLE CLASS (18) to his party since then he has had lots of invites, i also found that we had to make the first move with play dates too we invited kids home to play then he went to a class mates house i think once word got round that he was o.k things changed quickly last week he went to 2 different friends for tea, he is in year four so it has taken a while but now its great.i think sometimes the parent lack the confidence to even try having our kids the fear is often worse than the reality

Original poster

JESSnutsRoastinOnAnOpenFire · 06/12/2005 20:39

Alex goes to school on transport so the parents don't often see me personally.. but they could easily communicate (ask questions/pass invites) via his one-to-one.

DD, one school year older, has been to SO many parties since Reception. God, I would CRY if he came home with a party invite in his book bag.. (And I Don't Do Crying ) Thank God he doesn't understand (yet.)

OP posts:

Original poster

JESSnutsRoastinOnAnOpenFire · 06/12/2005 20:42

Alex's birthday was last June and he had a party in a play centre as he adores soft play. He invited 10 children, 6 from school, four home friends. (I had asked his one-to-one via his home/school book, which children he was closest to at school.) None of the school friends came - of even RCVPd. We were a sorry little gathering at the play centre but we had a great time - Alex loved it. He was so thrilled because I had invited his one-to-one to attend! He was really excited to see her out of school!

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Epiffany · 06/12/2005 20:45

So far dd (3) has, she is in nursery but we rarely can go as she NEEDS to sleep in the afternoon and all parties are afternoon at the moment.
Funnily she gets invites from 12 yr old girls too
Her ds was at school with them last yr at primary and when they invite ds they always say he has to bring his sister too.
She is a veteran of olderkids parties they have theirs at better times!

Original poster

JESSnutsRoastinOnAnOpenFire · 06/12/2005 20:49

I want to turn up at the school gates and give that bloody ignorant butch-looking clique a Right Hard Slap...

(But they all look really scary... .. will you all come and slap them with me! )

OP posts:

Mercy · 06/12/2005 20:49

Sorry jessnuts, I think I have misinterpreted what you were saying. Have no experience of this and will butt out now

I think only jokings last sentence sums things up quite well though

sis · 06/12/2005 20:51

Ds is now 7 and is is on the autism spectrum (high functioning) - he had one invite in nursery and two invites in year one. We invited
all the class to his 6th birthday and most did not reply or turn up and so far, in year two, he hasn't had any invites. When I go to school, I can see that despite being a bit shy, ds is popular with his classmates and they seem to genuinely like him so am a bit baffled and saddened on his behalf.

KateF · 06/12/2005 20:52

There are several children in dd2's reception class with SN. I would happily invite all but one to a party and that one I would if I had a guarantee that at least one parent would stay because he can be quite uncontrollable and lash out at other children and adults (I know because I work in the class as a TA and I have the bruises!). If all these children accepted I would rope in extra helpers but they are part of the class and I would not want them left out. Think the parents not even replying to the invitation is awful .

Original poster

JESSnutsRoastinOnAnOpenFire · 06/12/2005 20:58

I know. It's really rude isn't it! DD (not SN) has her 7th birthday party in a sports hall on Saturday, bouncy castle etc. I invited 22 (it is max 20) assuming at least a few wouldn't come., especially this time of year. 4 have said they can't make it.. and NOBODY has said they CAN! DD is quite worried.. I told her that lots would turn up. I hope I'm right.. experience tells me I am.. but how much time does a quick call.. or signing a slip take??!

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KateF · 06/12/2005 21:00

Walk up to the mums in the playground and ask in a loud voice if their child will be coming as you need to confirm numbers . Then watch them squirm!

Saker · 06/12/2005 21:18

Jess

That is so rude about not even replying to your invitations, I am really shocked. I can't believe six people did that - are you sure they got the invitations?

Saker · 06/12/2005 21:20

Ds2 has had quite a few party invitations, but he is only at preschool. I think the mothers are more in charge and they have deliberately made sure not to exclude him because he isn't friendly with any of the kids. I can imagine it changing more if he went to mainstream.

Original poster

JESSnutsRoastinOnAnOpenFire · 06/12/2005 21:27

Saker, yes. His one-to-one (YR one as it was then) assured me that she had passed the invites on.

OP posts:

Nightynight · 06/12/2005 21:30

I am shocked by some of the stories on this thread, and also by some of the experiences we have had in RL.

When I was a child, every girl in the class got an invite whenever a girl had a party, and ditto for the boys. Even me, and I was the class billy-no-mates. And when we had parties, my mother invited all the girls as well, and they all came, even though their families weren't friendly with my mother.

Why are people so rude about party invitations nowadays?

Is it because they're spending more on the parties, or something?

Saker · 06/12/2005 21:46

I really think there's no excuse for not replying whatever the reason for not going. I am really shocked - I must have lived a sheltered existence. The only consolation that I can think is that they are not good enough for your ds's party Jess if they are that rude and unkind.

onlyjoking9329 · 06/12/2005 21:57

how rude is that to not reply to invites,on the other hand my twin girls go to a special needs school, we invited both girls classes so sixteen in total, four didnt reply/turn up, but those who did come brought a parent with them and it was great to get to know some parents that we don't see cos most kids go on school buses,we now have a friday night girls night with my two girls and a few of there school mates and its great but only because us parents are keen to make it work and we all don't take our kids making friends for granted as without our input it wouldn't happen.i am sure if my girls were at mainstream they would not get invites.

MerryWays · 06/12/2005 22:07

My children do not have SN, looking at this thread as I very belated RSVP'd to an invite today (apologetically on phone) that got buried at home.

My one question is, how is it obvious that a parent would stay with him at a party just because he has one to one at school? If I never saw the parent, would not think of asking the one to one as diod not know about home/school book, and I would feel awful inviting someone on condition that his parent stayed. We have a DS friend who gets invited to loads of parties (via church) but no-one expects his parents to stay.

I do feel for you, when DS broke his leg he was only boy not invited to a sports party. Of course, he wouldn't have been able to join in but he was sooo upset not to have been asked!

sugarbaby · 06/12/2005 23:16

I think so much of it is ignorance, and fear of the unknown. People see a person with a disability and so often they cannot relate to that person because they cannot see themselves in that situation.

I think also that the media has quite a lot to answer for, often the way certain conditions such as autism for instance are portrayed in the media can lead people to believe that all autistic children are violent, uncontrollable individuals who can't be handled by anyone, when in actual fact, while I by no means under estimate how difficult it must be for a parent of a child with autism, a parent with a child who has special needs has no less hopes and dreams for their children than parents of children who do not have special needs - hope I'm not rambling too much and at least making a bit of sense

I personally do not have an SN child, however I am visually impaired, and have some experience of having been treated differently, both as a child and adult. Think my biggest disappointment when I was a child was that, when I went to kids' parties, they always said I wasn't allowed to play "blind man's buff" cause it would be cheating, lol

JayzMummysATurkeyStuffer · 06/12/2005 23:24

DS2 is nearly 10 and has never been invited for a play date let alone a party
According to his old MS school Ds was a sociable child who interacted well and had many friends????? WTF...isnt having friends supposed to mean you go for playdates and parties??? This was one of my many arguements with them that I used to try and make them understand that whilst Ds2 may look from the outside, like he was joining in he wasnt and wasnt as socially accepted as they liked to believe!!! When told he had never received one single invite they started to listen to me re my concerns.

I doubt anyway that Ds2 would have ever gone to a party had HE even been asked...doesnt do lots of people runninmg riot and hates noise!!

sparklymieow · 06/12/2005 23:28

Ds is in year 3 now and hasn't had an invite since yr1 DD1 only have gone to 1 party since she started the school in january.

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