Social services report blames me - how to respond?

[smugtandemfeeder]

Draft core assessment report has just arrived from the social worker. Throughout the report it blames all my DSs problems on me being anxious and over protective. It says that by persisting in labeling my DS as disabled and chasing a label for him I am hurting his self esteem and confidence in social situations.

How should I respond - if at all.

The report concludes that DS is not a child in need. I requested social services do an assessment. I dont really want a permenant report which says that I am the cause of all my DSs problems.

It sounds like there are a lot of different things going on here? If I read it right, there are concerns about your son's behaviour and anxiety/exploding out of nowhere.

You've also said that your husband has been treated for addiction and you are suffering from depression. You have no support and you are struggling financially.

I think it sounds horrendous for you. I don't think, though, that suggesting that you get therapy for depression and anxiety is blaming you for your son's problems.

To me, they are separate things. If your son does or does not get a diagnosis, it won't change the fact that it's important that you get support for your depression etc. I don't think this is a negative suggestion to make or that it means that you are making things up. I think that the reason you are being asked to wait for the assessment and in the meantime to treat your child as though he were "normal" (crappy and insensitive wording aside ) is because you're in a very difficult, stressful situation at the moment for a variety of reasons and there is concern that chasing the diagnosis is stressing you out further when you're very vulnerable.

The fact they have said that he's not a child in need says to me that they see he is very well cared for and that they don't really get that you need to explain and emphasise the negatives in a situation where you are following up on/looking for a diagnosis. I think there are few if any parents on this board who wouldn't roll their eyes at a professional saying that you should just wait and see because the system does take far too long and it is acutely
stressful in the period you are awaiting assessment.

I think there is a nugget of truth in there, though. You have been through so much, are going through so much if your dh is in the early stages of recovery and given your concerns about your child. It's unbearably stressful for most.. it's pointless telling you not to worry but for you, try to get some support and therapy because you need and deserve it.

I hope this makes sense. I am writing this not as a professional but as someone who grew up in a home where I lived with the issues you've mentioned. Please don't see a suggestion that help is necessary as anything that needs to imply blame.

Thanks working, I am getting help for depression and was already getting help when I requested the social services visit. I do understand what you are saying about the stress I am under but the SS report is badly worded if they want to say what you are saying.

Things like this upset me

"It is concerning that smug is not patient enough to wait for little smug to be assessed and diagnosed for developmental delay, psychological or mental impairment. The emotional and behavioural difficulties they attribute to littlesmug can be attributed to any 3 year old child who do not neccessary have a learning/emotional disability"

"None of the professionals who have observed littlesmug have witnessed these behaviours"

"Whilst there is evidence of smug's ability to meet littlesmugs physical and some emotional needs, it is questionable if their insistence on labeling littlesmug as a disabled child and preventing him from accessing mainstream education and social interaction would not have impact on his emotional development, the ability to develop social skills, be confident and have age appropriate independence. It is likely that littlesmug can sense smugs anxiety and the anxiety and low mood can affect her emotional availability to little smug."

I mean that paragraph alone is fairly damning as a parent. Given that I am seeing a psych and was when I rang them its pretty damn irritating to read.

How do you treat a child who has autism?

I responded to my son's difficulties, the same way i did prior to him receiving a dx of autism!

Well yes, exactly. The things we have problems with are behavioural. I have taken the approach of researching those behavioural problems and looking up advanced techniques for dealing with them. I have spoken to autism outreach who have provided me with advanced suggestions as to how to deal with them. Those few suggestions have helped more than anything else.

When I treat DS as though he is just naughty and stick him on the naughty step all day his behaviour escallates and our lives become even more unmanageable. My willpower is immense. Immense! DSs willpower is greater.

"None of the professionals who have observed littlesmug have witnessed these behaviours"

Why has paed referred for ASD assessment?

Smug, looking objectively at those paragraphs, is there anything contained in them, that you would agree with, even a little?

In what sense are you waiting assessment for ASD? Are you already seeing a Paediatrician (I see you did see CAMHS for 18 months), or are you still awaiting referral? If you have seen a Paediatrician, what is there initial thought?

I am torn, tbh. It sounds like you are coping amazingly well with a very stressful situation, but with the best will in the world, a 3 year old living with parents who both have significant personal troubles is going to be affected in some way.

Having said that, there are obviously things that you observe that you feel are outside of 'normal' 3 year old behaviour. Could you give examples?

An example I will give you, is that my now 2 year old will throw a tantrum because she wants a yoghurt, and I don't have one. She blusters on for a few minutes, then I say 'oh look at this...' and the tantrum is instantly cured.

My 2 year old who is now registered disabled, would throw that tantrum, then be unable to calm herself. The tantrum would continue for over an hour, with no distraction in the world which could tear her away from her goal.

I agree with Justabout, you can do both, point out the parts of the report you feel are inaccurate AND follow the recommendations if you feel they make sense.

"The report recommends that we are patient and wait for assessment and in the mean time treat DS as though he is a normal child. (I thought early intervention was key ) It further recommends that I continue to get therapy for depression and seek further help with managing my anxiety. Finally it suggests we enroll DS in preschool again as this will be beneficial to his confidence"

Early intervention is the key. There is nothing wrong with chasing up an asd assessment, but you have done this and already have the date. So you will now have to be patient.

I assume that treat ds as though he is a normal child, means like a child without autism. If both you and paed suspect that your ds might have autism, i cant see anything wrong with following ASD Outreach advice, its usually things like visual timetables etc, visuals are used in schools for ALL children anyhow. What do you mean by 'advanced'?

That you continue to get therapy, isnt a bad recommendation.

Enrolling ds in preschool, isnt a bad recommendation.

Looking objectively at the paragraphs, I would agree that I am not being patient waiting for the assessment. We waited months to see a paed, paed wanted to diagnose DS after an hour and a halfs meeting but her more experiences colleague told her that they should send DS to the assessment centre. We were told it wouldnt take long but then got a letter to say it would be 9 months. We have since been told it will take 12 months for the assessment centre. I still do not have an actual date for assessment, just rumours. Apparently they dont tell you a date until it is confirmed. Patience I am running out of.

I dont agree that DSs behaviours are the same as any other three year old. Other 3.3 year olds dont smear poo on the walls, dont continually run out in front of cars, dont spend hours avoiding getting dressed, or fight for hours every single time I try to put him in the car. He hasnt slept since birth.

DH and I both think that DH actually has an ASD. He was assessed for this but the psych felt he had problems with alcohol which would mask any other issues. DH immediately welcomed help to address the alcohol issue but the ASD traits still remain. If we hadnt had private medical insurance DH would absolutely not have been in rehab.

I am depressed but I am getting better quickly with CBT. It is soul destroying and exhausting at home with a child who doesnt sleep who screams all day, except when I take him to sessions where he is being monitored.

I dont agree that I stop DS from having social interaction. He attends a childminders with other children. I have a large group of friends with children born at the same time who I see regularly and I visit sure start centre, special needs play centre, loads of places where DS can interact with friends.

DS tried to control everything in the house. The more you try to potty train him the more he tries to get out of it. The more we try to get him to stop hitting DD the more he does it. The more we encourage social interaction the more he avoids it. Techniques that work with PDA children work with DS. Traditional behavioural techniques do not and quickly escalate the situation.

Thank you for all the advice, keep asking questions. It really is helping to have your objective advice.

Do you have anything in writing from paed?

I thought you had a date for ASD assessment in December? if not keep chasing.

The claim that you stop your ds from having social interactions. Write exactly what you have written and the fact that your ds IS enrolled at pre-school. Was he enrolled at the time of the report?

Hi Smug

SS are totally useless.

Definitely refute any information in the report that is incorrect and demand it's corrected

BUT

you cannot ask for opinions to be corrected - you can only demand that incorrect facts are amended.

In the letter to SS I would quote Tony Attwood in his book - Aspergers Syndrome, A Guide for Parents and Professionals. He discusses 'labelling', the need for early intervention and how behaviour you see at home may not be displayed to 'professionals'.

You need quotations from experts such as this to make an intelligent and reasoned challenge to SS's daft ideas.

Hope you can get a dx soon - it makes life much easier

Best wishes

The paed sent us a letter which lists the ASD traits I have told them DS has, it lists her observations from the meeting which were that DS is a complex boy who was very anxious and that she was referring him for assessment. Another letter from paed saying assessment had a long waiting list and that we were likely to be seen in September. SW has a copy of these letters.

DS was having settling in sessions at crap preschool when we enrolled him. I expressed concerns about the preschool and this has been interpreted as me being over protective. Also when I went to preschool SENco failed to turn up numerous times and I was uncomfortable leaving him without the SENCo there who was supposed to have 1:1 with him. Preschool have given SW lots of quotes from me saying I wasnt happy to leave DS unless the SENco was there. They seem to have written down every word I said to them and passed it on.... We have since moved DS to a new preschool which he loves and we love. SW did not ask me if I had enrollled DS in a new one she just took evidence from crap preschool.

There is a lot of stuff in the report about DSs last visit to crap preschool which is factually incorrect but I dont have evidence. Only that I know what time we took DS to preschool and what time we collected him and what the SENco said when we collected him. This is very different to what the preschool are now telling the SW - ie he stayed two hours and had a great time vs they actually called us back after 45 minutes and said DS was distressed and wasnt happy at all.

There are a few PDA threads on here which I have read and fully relate to. The techniques for PDA work on DS but they are exhausting and complex - always having to be creative rather than sticking to routine. I have been in touch with the PDA contact group who have given me advice which I am trying to follow. Children with PDA do have Jekyl and Hyde personalities but saying this to the SW has been seen as me labeling and casting awful aspersions on my three year old. I dont know how else to describe it to the SW though, eg DS is refuses to use the loo and seems anxious and scared, however when he decides to use it he is over confident and loses all fear and wont let us help him, locks the door and has smeared poo on the walls. Yet when you try to encourage him to use it he breaks down and cant cope. Typical PDA traits. SW just thinks im over analysing.

I have Tony Attwoods book so will look up some quotes. Could anyone possibly help me reword letter once I have written it? Mine will inevitibly sound moany and complainy and rambling.

"Data Protection Act 1998 states the data provider (ie SS) should correct, block, remove or destroy personal details that are inaccurate or contain expressions or opinions based on inaccurate information"

Just bear that in mind when writing your letter. Try to keep it factual and to the point and polite, quote evidence you have and no emotion.

You can mention your concerns about crap pre-school, your evidence is that you were concerned enough to remove him.

I had to have an OT removed from circulation as it extremely inaccurate and didnt give a true reflection of ds's needs and was detrimental to any help that he could receive.

An extract from my letter;-

"Report states ds?s mother reports he continues to have difficulties with personal care however he is becoming more tolerant of these activities.

? This is inaccurate. I reported that ds has had 5 teeth removed in September 2009 as a result of his poor diet and limited brushing.

? I reported in writing to OT ds finds it difficult to eat in school and will only eat a fraction of his lunch and has a food phobia as result his weight dropped shortly after starting school from 91st centile (3/4/09) to 75th (25/6/09) to in between 50th-75th (25/9/09) and ds is now under the care of Evelina Hospital Feeding Clinic.

Ds?s significant eating difficulties and his regression in this area are well recorded in professional reports, which OT has copies of. He is currently being assessed for his eating difficulties by sensory trained OT at XXXXXX Hospital. So has obviously not becoming more tolerate."

Everyone on here is really helpful, so keep posting :)

Smug: re: preschool visit, is it possible they have simply and genuinely forgotten the visit and mixed him up with another kid? Is it worth a quick trip to see them & discussing the original event to clear up the confusion, and then getting them to write to SS? You will have to do it very nicely, if you put them on the defensive they'll stick to the original story. So I'd actually introduce it as information-gathering for your referral in Sept: how it's terribly important for diagnosis to get all the evidence from everyone. So can we just have a chat because this is how I remember it... do you remember you called me after 45 mins? And DS was doing x? And you said...? And then when they do remember, you say - OK, well I'll just write that down for the referral in Sept. I'm glad that's cleared up, thanks so much. Oh, but bother there's still that note in the Social Services file saying something different, isn't there? And Social Services will probably forward the whole thing to the paeds so we'll have 2 different accounts of the same day. I don't think they'll let me change it because I didn't write it. Do you think you could drop a quick note to SS saying that actually now you remember that this is what happened?

sorry that seems to eb teir stock phase at the moment we had that as well .That I am allowing ds3 to see himself as disabled

And this is a child with recognise Pd .He needs to wear afos and his pace and gait goes downhill after 2 minutes well pace before is average 18 mont old .,can not really hold a pen to write ( is almost 6) has no speech due to dx verbal and oral dyspraxia .Has GDD fully statemented .Input from speech/ot/physio/paed .GOSH and cambridge and gentics

Hypermoblity so severe that it affects every joint ( we just got dx of eds type 6 so rare )

I am so tempted to say ffs what is he then if not disabled and they do recognise him as child in need .But they still quote the same stock line .

We have regular Cafs but no help offered infact they brought more stress on me .Thank feck they now backed of becuase i never ask for their help again after that and thats the disabled cildrens team

I was in a similar situation. My strongest recommendation is dont make any complaints at this stage. There will be huge retaliation. I complained about misdiagnosis and also about a health visitors lack of support. I have since accessed my medical records and found horrendous lies all starting from date of complaints.

All the professionals will join forces and it will absolutely escalate if there are any complaints. It has cost hundreds of pounds just to access all medical records for 3 children from each set of professionals and then much has been withheld, presumably because this would show the lies. Now have to go via the ICO just to try get access. It appears impossible to fight the charges if I could even confirm all the accusations even in my fortunate position with money and solicitor.

The slightest concern will have made them consider putting children on at risk register at the very least. The only reason they had evidenced in my records for concern was that my daughter was observed being sat facing away from me on my knee twice whilst distressed - this apparently showed attachment disorder and resulted in many internal meetings from the records I have seen so far!!

My daughter was actually going cold turkey being stopped breastfeeding aged 18 months as she would not stop naturally and I had to stop on medical advice to take a new medication myself, despite neither of us wanting to. I had to hold her away from me so she did not smell my milk or keep tearing at my top. All the professionals knew this but had chosen not to document this presumably in retaliation for my complaints about my older children!! My GP records even show that I had been to GP that week to check there was nothing else wrong with her as she was finding it so hard to stop feeding. All concerns were over a period of just a couple of weeks. After this she took cows milk happily of course and cuddled happily. My 2 older children were breastfed until I got pregnant with the next child and then stopped naturally during the pregnancy so despite her being my third child I had no experience of a traumatic end to breastfeeding and was struggling with it but was very open about this.

I genuinely believed my children were going to be taken from me in revenge for my complaints, in fact I still think that would have happened if I had not had the money and time to fight the case. I was very lucky to be able to get good legal advice and another paediatrician provided proof of the misdiagnosis. I spent a couple of weeks full time, day and night preparing my evidence and putting together the documentation to fight the accusations, again being lucky to be able to get childcare to be able to do this fulll time to meet the deadline of the meeting.

I totally underestimated the lengths the professionals will go to to retaliate on complaints and the way things can be twisted that may be true (such as my having my daughter facing away on on my knee). I honestly would never have believed it. Now all the stories in the media to try to increase adoptions just make me feel sick with concern for families who cant fight.

Good luck and be careful. Record/video/document and keep evidence of everything and never meet with a professional without a friend or partner with you.

The only formal complaint I have made is about the length of time it is taking to assess DS. I do like to use the complaints process if I think people arent doing what they should so this is a useful warning. Very scary stuff. Lets hope my complaint doesnt make them less likely to diagnose DS but it is worrying that you have had this experience.

I have moaned about people who havent been helpful - eg CAMHS and preschool and so far they have totally shut down and refused to write anything supportive. But I have first asked them nicely for help, tried everything I can. Now i have requested copies of medical notes from the NHS trust. I guess I am learning that moaning and complaining wont help and will have the opposite effect. But I cant sit back and do nothing.

Preschool seem to have provided both me and the SW with differing accounts of the most recent visit. There is no chance they have mixed up my DS with someone else. One visit they told me they have videoed children whose parents have requested statements if they feel they do not need one to use the video evidence to prove they dont need help. This seems to be their approach and is not one I wanted to be a part of but am already feeling their wrath. They are telling clear lies and its simply not on but other than give my own account I cant do much about it.

Steep learning curve.

Have you asked for your medical notes from everyone? Who is covered by your NHS trust CAMHS or SW or paed?

I accessed or am still trying to access records from CAMHS, social care, hospital paed, community paed, GP, Health visitor, school nurse etc. Lots of different applications. Makes it more useful when you can see all the records ie both sides of the phone call or everyones input into a meeting, also easier to see what is withheld as some have computerized records of phonecall messages taken. They also have records of advice they have taken ie from safeguarding supervsion team etc. Do not trust CAMHS.

Can pre school video children to show without your permission? I guess I am learning that any professionals can do anything if they say there is a child protection concern.

They cant video DS without my permission but they dont ask for permission. I assume if I had written to them to withdraw permission then they couldnt. Anyway, i removed him before they got a chance.

I have only asked NHS trust for CAMHS records and all records relating to my DS. No idea what will turn up yet.

Hi Smug
Under the Children Act 1989 there is a general duty for SS to safeguard and promote the interests of the children in 'need' within their area.
In need;
A) he is unlikely to achieve or maintain a reasonable standard of health or development without the provision of services or
B) his health/development is likely to be impaired significantly or further impaired without the provision of services or
C) he is disabled.
Look under section 17 (11)

Some LAs have specific terms of ref which have the effect of excluding certain groups from consideration. e.g those with ASD/ADHD/ADD
They must however have some way of assessing and meeting those childrens needs or may be guilty of maladministration and potentially liable to action under the equality legislation.

The duty to assess should cover the childs developmental needs, parenting capacity and family and environmental factors.

Oh as far as I know your child doesn't need a formal diagnosis for all this either.

unpa ds3 is classed as a child in need under section c .Is offically recognised that his disablites do and will stop him doing the normal 6 yo things .

Yet did not stop them saying about ds seeing imself as disabled .Despite His dx .Wixhis kind of daft and honest truth I think was becuase I asked for 2 hrs of Dp a week so we could try getting him involved in ms activties .

all reports show he has a good home enviroment is happy and content and secure child and approaite attachement .documneted by the bloody sw .
Ds3 has sever hypermobility ,low muscle tone .EDS type 6 .Verbal and oral dyspraxia

They changed when i got fed up and took advocate into meeting with me .

Ds3 has sever hypermobility ,low muscle tone .EDS type 6 .Verbal and oral dyspraxia GDD and a chromsome issue but Yet did not stop them puttingme through hell and them commentingon medical stuff that they did not understand .

Lesson learnt do not ask for anything as way to much stress

o and as in changed as in they stopped questioning things and commenting on stuff they had no right to do so .Eg my phsyical health questioning how i mange my bowels and bladder .Erm ffs why should i share that with non medical people not relevernt to my son sn

Advocate helped me make complaint resulting in apology from senior level and now I refuse to ave anything to do with disabled childrens team ever again

human, which advocacy service did you use. I think I could do with that next time they visit.

I too have learnt that they will not help, I no longer want their help and I wish I had never asked.

I await the CAF process with a black sense of dread in my heart.

They are specfic to the county area I live in but google Generic Advocacy there shoould be one in same county as you

oh and cafs well thats where they did the most upset including asking me how i go for a pooh and a wee ( am now parylised from the waist down ).

so next meeting with advocate there i turned round and asked them how they poohed and went for a wee and when they said not relevent to ds i said well how comes mine was .End of questions and a apology given in writing