Donna, morning hon', hope you?re feeling ok.
So glad you're back and we can chat more. I totally understand you needing to know so you can prepare yourself for the arrival of your child and get your head round stuff.
I just want to talk a bit about that.
When Lottie was born and we realised she had DS it was the most awful moment in my life to be honest. Funny thinking that now though, but it was. I was so shocked, so numb, I didn't know what to do, what to think, what to feel. I'm little Miss Ideal, I have little pictures in my head of how things are supposed to be, and this was a massive curve ball. I don't recall much of that first night in hospital, they let D stay with me the night and Lottie was taken off to intensive care so I knew it wasn't good.
I remember looking at her in her incubator, wired up to the max, tubes here, there & everywhere, just in a nappy. I stood about a foot back, didn't want to get too close for some reason.
Then she had her heart test, that really was the worst moment ever but short lived as her heart was perfectly fine. It was after that that when I next saw her she was dressed, less tubes & wires and I held her for the first time since she'd been born and I breastfed her that I really feel in love. There was no going back from then on.
I was totally in love. I was besotted. She was so small, so quiet, so alert, those big dark eyes searching the room, she didn't cry, she just breathed us all in. Perfection, there in my arms, I'd made her and I was so, so proud, the same as all new mums.
Down's syndrome, oh yeah, that.
Well, I thought that eventually it would all catch up with me and my world would come crashing in. The realisation would hit me and I'd fall to pieces. I kept waiting. Tensed almost, waiting for the moment. It never happened. Well how could it?
Here she was, in my arms, this quiet, peaceful, beautiful girl, and the fact that she had DS just made her so special. Everyone's reaction was one of 'wow' and I realised that this wasn't going to be a problem, quite the reverse. Lottie was a celebrity within our group. The love and support was a positive and wonderful thing and everyone who knew us came together and it just felt great. She linked us all and she bought out the best in everyone. It was a magical and wonderful time.
So where I thought there would be sadness there was in fact such a strong feeling of love and therefore happiness, with everyone involved.
It's true I grieved for the child I thought we might have had and yes tears were still shed but the joy of having a new baby girl and all the normal happiness associated in having a baby far, far outweighed anything else.
We took her home and she settled right into our lives. Everyone is happy when a new baby joins your world but Lottie's special needs seem to create something more, something a bit special.
We just couldn't believe how easy it all was. She fed well, she slept through the night at day 8, she did everything she was 'supposed' to do. And over the past 4 years it's just got better and better.
People would ask 'how is it' and I could only ever answer 'wonderful'. People would say 'how are you coping?' and I could only ever say 'just fine, no problems at all'. She was just like any other baby, I don?t know what I was expecting to happen but it never did and I just settled back into family life and enjoyed it.
Like the posters for the DSA say 'Molly has Down's syndrome. She can't walk, talk or feed herself. But what 6 month old can'. Says it all really.
Yes as they get older their differences become more apparent but you grow with that. It's not like you're handed an alien and told to crack on. A baby with DS is just the same as any other baby. And later, at school when it's obvious they are a bit behind their pears, you and everyone else knows that and accepts it and you have speech and language support etc etc, and you just deal with it, it's how it is, and it's so not a problem.
Basically Donnie, I'm so happy I have Lottie in my life and embrace everything about her.
I just wanted to talk to you about that and maybe help to prepare you for the fact that, well, in reality there really isn't much to prepare yourself for.
I just hope that you and your husband can start to talk and understand each other. You really need to be singing from the same hymn sheet here and it sounds like you to have a lot of talking to do. I wish you luck with that. If there is anything I can do then you only have to say.
Please keep in touch.
TC x