Guys, is this because I'm American and don't understand British social situations? Just a few random bits of why I'm freaking out over everything.
So, N was getting SALT but when she found out N was going to see the audiologist and then had a proper developmental pediatrician appointment she said that her services were going to taper off, but she never made the final appointment. I'm confused about that bit, am I just supposed to forget she was supposed to come over? I've sent a letter asking why it was missed. Our developmental pediatrician appointment is next Friday and it's with a dv ped+salt. I don't think it will be the same SALT who was giving N his therapy at home. What should I expect?
Initially I was told that one of the first steps from my end was to put Noah in nursery, I knew that it wouldn't be a miracle, but it would give him more opportunity to socialize and maybe learn a little. So The week of March 20th, I did start settling him in. The first week into nursery he came home and had diarrhea so I didn't take him back the rest of the week until he got better, and then resumed settling him in the second week. Two days into the second week he came home and was covered in rashes had a fever and I ended up taking him into A&E only to be told he had chicken pox. (I refused to believe it because I know what chicken pox look like, I've had two years of epidemiology in my biochem/microbiology degree which was on the American track for Medicine). Anyway Noah got sicker, lost 5lbs and after the 5th gp appointment I decided to take him to a private dermatologist who also works for the NHS in the same capacity who agreed with me and diagnosed Noah with an eczema flare that had been infected with staph. He had to have two very different courses of antibiotics because at that point, his rashes had another infection growing on top of the staph. So he was off another two weeks. When he finally got better it was the royal/bank holiday week and we had already sorted out a mini holiday so off we went to Paris--ending in N having to go back to Nursery and settle again. When I went to re-settle him in, after the second day they told me to just leave him and we'd have to do the settling in 'cold turkey'. My dermatologist suggested that he may have been exposed to a few things that he was allergic to, but I made it clear what his allergies were when N was accepted into nursery.
I think they asked me to settle him into nursery 'cold turkey' because on the first and second day there was another mother who was settling in her son (R) (same age as N) and she kept making references to R with SEN as well as N and comparing their settling in, which I thought was pretty hasty on her part, but kept to myself initially. I didn't say much to her regarding her comments because N kept trying to get my attention and hinting to leave. During another one of her comments (She said she had paid privately for ABA), since I didn't know exactly what her sons issues were, I mentioned that N was being assessed for ASD. She responded saying that the council refused to assess her son because he was too young. Which confused me. Anyway, I left my N in the room they were in even though he was throwing a massive tantrum (because I refused his polite requests to leave) and went to the parents room to see if he was just throwing the tantrum because I was there. The SEN coordinator was the one who told me that N was throwing tantrum because I was there and he knew I had the power to take him home--she suggested I go to parents room. Anyway, N's keyworker (who is also R's keyworker) came down to update about how N had settled down and had begun to play and eat his snack. So I told her that if R's mother wanted to talk, I would love to since she was supposed to come to the parents room too and I would love to have a conversation about the council/autism assessment/boys same age having sen. Key worker happily went upstairs and said this to R's mother. Moments later the SEN coordinator came downstairs to tell me R's mother didn't want to speak to me, and I didn't know R's issues, and in the future perhaps to just not bother other parents at nursery. Anyway, I felt pretty horrible for offending her even though it wasn't my intention and then the SEN coordinator told me that it would be best if we tried settling N in 'cold turkey' because the settling in period was taking forever and it may be best if I just left. Anyway, N isn't really settling in at all and when I leave him he's crying and generally when I go to pick him up he's crying. I wonder if he even stops in the middle? A few things that are making me even more paranoid than I already am, 1. On Monday my DH went to pick up N from nursery and N had red stains all around his mouth. I made it quite clear I didn't want N to have any red fruits, because he has a suspected allergy which we are waiting to be tested for (His GP requested it) 2. Yesterday when I went to get N he was wearing some other child's sweater. I'm worried about his skin already, it's very sensitive and he's allergic too soo many things, I would prefer him to be in clothes I know that are clean and washed in a detergent he won't have a reaction to+his bag of extra clothing was on his peg untouched, so where did they find this shirt from? What happened to the one he was wearing earlier? And 3. Whenever I go to pick him up, someone attributes another internet symptom of ASD with N that he never demonstrates again in front of me or consistently with any other nursery staff. For example, the first day a few weeks ago one of the staff told me N had a serious issue with doorways. The next day, someone told me he was obsessively building towers with building blocks, then it was an issue with a large group of kids near him on the playground. Neither of these behaviors are consistent of the little boy I know to be N. We go out all the time, he's never had a problem/fascination with doorways. He has tons and tons of blocks at home and he's never interested enough to ever play with them.
Generally, I feel like the nursery are decent and caring but maybe I'm wrong? These details aren't consistent with my general feelings of the nursery.
So, is he really just picking up random new behaviors and then stopping? or is everyone just incredibly busy that they google ASD behaviors and decide to give them to N when I come to get him and ask how he was? Although they give him these traits, they also say some pretty truthful things that I can agree with which are always positive (mirror playing, being kind/hugging people and wanting to cuddle, they all tell me they love having him there and that even though he doesn't care much for the other children, the other children like him and miss him when he leaves). So, I feel like they do like him, but maybe they're just saying this stuff to me? I don't know. Maybe I have ASD too.
Through the SALT i've been in contact with a therapist who comes over once a week to talk and help me through stuff, but she doesn't really help me get through anything--and she feels a bit judgmental with regards to my housekeeping. (I've never really learned to clean or generally be domestic ever, I've always relied on cleaners but have had such bad luck with them that as of two weeks ago I decided to do it on my own and it's taking forever to reorganize and set the kitchen/bedroom/bathrooms/living room up the way I'd like). For example I have an autoimmune disease, N has had on and off reflux issues+allergies+getting sick, my husband has terrible allergies, my sister has a few medical issues too, not to mention we often find ourselves traveling to third world countries often and more than likely we don't know until 72 hours before (Dh's husbands work just requires him to travel and prefers to travel with me if he can) needless to say, our medicine cabinet is more like a medicine wall+several first aid kits etc. She wanted an in depth explanation of all the medication I had in my home. It took an hour. Did I mention most of my family is full of doctors and the same goes with Dh's side+I'm Texan and we believe in buying everything in bulk+I live in the tiniest flat in London. The GP's I know are huge hypochondriacs btw, so generally their relatives keep mini pharmacies at home. My question is, is therapy supposed to make me question my own sanity? I never intended to be a housewife, therefore I never felt the need to learn how to take care of a home. I didn't intend on getting married+having babies and then do large amounts of laundry. Where I'm from you send your delicates and your work clothes to be cleaned and they just show up in their drawers. You share the cost of a cleaner if you're a student/single and your home is tidy when you get back. Dishwashers and dryers are staples, and if you turn the dryer at the right temp and get your clothes out right away, you don't need an iron. (I've never used an Iron, it seems dangerous!). This isn't the way my life will be anymore and I understand that I have to do it all on my own+husband will do his share too, but surely I'm not the only spoiled brat who has had to become independent, right?
I feel completely inadequate to make any judgments and I'm pretty scared with regards to the future of my home and son. Also, I'm still ignoring the strain of all of this on my marriage. Will he get fed up and just leave me? Will I have to look for warning signs? What are the warning signs? Do I need to keep reading the relationship section and be on the lookout? Am I just too immature? Whats going to happen to me? What do I do? I've been on my period for like 2 weeks now so I haven't been able to have sex. Is the lack of sex going to drive him away? He seems to be okay, but I haven't been kissing him much these past few months (since March, we've only made out twice and the love exchange isn't averaging too high either). I'm truly scared.