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SN children

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Original poster

Haven't seen a thread on this, autistic boy killed by his mum.

49 replies

Pixel · 10/05/2011 20:30

This has made me feel so sad, he was the same age as my ds. Poor little lad.

Not sure what I think about his mother. On this board we know well enough how it feels to struggle on day after day with no sleep and no help, but I just couldn't imagine doing this to my boy. His lovely laugh is what makes it all worthwhile.

OP posts:

Chundle · 10/05/2011 20:49

That's really sad :( not sure what I think of mother either. Stress, tiredness and the inability to cope can so funny things to people, if only they had had more help

Ninxy · 10/05/2011 20:55

Three other children and "her relationship with her husband Richard, 48, a former RAF officer, had broken down and he had ?put additional pressure? on her in the weeks before her son?s death"

Wonder what that was. Poor woman. Poor lad.

Marne · 10/05/2011 21:33

Seen this in the news yesterday, so sad, i feel for the woman, she must have felt so lo and desperate to do what she did, she has been let down by SS and should have been getting more help.

WhoWhoWhoWho · 10/05/2011 21:34

I genuinely feel for her, and can understand how in moments of darkness and despair the thought of her and her son together in heaven would be a more comforting thought to her than her current situation.

I feel sorry for them all.

Agnesdipesto · 10/05/2011 21:58

I just think that this will happen more and more as there is so little support and it is often the people who are least able to shout for help who need it the most. Its awful to think anyone can get to this point but so much about provision is just box ticking rather than actually helping I am not surprised. Some councils are limiting social services to critical need only which means your life has to be in danger to get support effectively - and if we are not even going to try and help before people get to crisis level its no wonder this happens. Thats what a safety net is all about. If we don't even get the net out until people are ready to jump its not surprising we don't get there in time. People who are carers are just invisible and forgotten really - until its too late.

Gigglebizmizz · 10/05/2011 22:14

So sad and so terrible that I hadn't even heard about this. Why wasn't it on the news? You are right Agnes this will happen time and time again if help and support is not given and the poor level of assistance isn't highlighted. How awful that this poor woman had to live in hotels with her son and was no longer at home with her family.

yukoncher · 10/05/2011 22:25

that is so so so so sooo messed up, dear god

:( :( :(

BakeliteBelle · 10/05/2011 22:41

Another one....and obviously deemed barely newsworthy.

There should be a memorial to all the disabled children killed by their parents.

There should also be heads rolling if it turns out this family was not adequately supported and monitored by social services as it was obviously a bad family situation.

However, no doubt noone will be deemed to blame, except for the poor boy....for being too disabled to be worthy of life

StarlightMcKenzie · 10/05/2011 22:45

This doesn't surprise me at all. Not one bit. IF a mother were to have suicidal thoughts I can quite see why she might too consider whether she would leave a low functioning child to the mercy of the merciless.

I assume it was her own life she wanted to end, and had faith that her other children would survive it, but not this poor lad.

It is disgraceful that she was forced by our society into such a predicament.

colabottles · 10/05/2011 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colabottles · 10/05/2011 23:20

OMG I am so sorry that was meant to be a :( face...typing in dark

geeandfeesmum · 11/05/2011 07:22

I agree with Starlight it was her own life she wanted to end for her own reasons. She obviously felt that no one else would be there for her son if she wasn't. It's all so very sad.

signandsmile · 11/05/2011 07:45

I would also agree with star from the report there were issues of domestic violence and the implication of on-going mental health issues for this woman, too much to bear/cope with, and as she said no-one she felt she could trust to 'leave' her son with...

sickofsocalledexperts · 11/05/2011 08:04

I feel sympathy, but I still feel it's murder, just like the other case recently where the mother made her autistic boy drink bleach (and then says she failed to kill herself doing the same). You can put a child into care, not kill. An autistic boy who was brother to a girl in my kid's class was put into care by a mother who couldn't cope, and is now fostered.

silverfrog · 11/05/2011 08:07

oh, but what a choice, sickof - the chance that your child would stay, unloved, in care being misunderstood and in all probablitity mistreated (whether deliberately or through misnderstanding) and thoroughly miserable.

I don't know - it's like an extension of "what provision have you made in your will?" isn't it? as other posters have said, if she was wanting to end her own life, but could see no decent provision for her son - she may have felt she had no choice.

sickofsocalledexperts · 11/05/2011 08:24

From what I read she had suicidal tendencies even before having children, due to mental health issues. I agree it is not a black and white case, I just feel fairly black and white about killing (anyone, but particularly someone as defenceless as an autistic child). The bit about him laughing as she strangled him, or the boy who compliantly drank bleach off a spoon because, as his mother said in court, "he would take anything I gave him off a spoon " *(well, yes, he trusts you, you're his mother!).

Perhaps I am harsh, but I would guess that the child would want to live (if he could speak to be asked) rather than die.

magso · 11/05/2011 09:26

Presumably the mother had had so little support that she assumed her son would not get care if she was not there to provide it. It is so sad that it came to this yet again!!! support ( respite whatever) should be available as a preventative to critical situations ( and this families situation was surely critical - living in a hotel with a severely autistic child after a marriage breakup -never mind the rest!!).
I cannot condem the mother (apalled of course) - but I am furious and saddened with our society!! I agree the child probably did not want to die - we society should have been there for him before his Mother broke.
I got critically ill (pneumonia) but did not want to stay in hospital because of caring for my son - being ill and having been ignored by the services up to that point my only thought was that my son had to stay with me ( rediculous I could not care for him ) - foster care ( nor murder of course)did not cross my mind ( it did not come to that - DH and people ralied).
It is easier to recognise physical critical illhealth so now we get support. I can only imagine that once so run down mentally and not fully functioning that suicide seems the right solution that foster are or other solutions would not be thought of by the ill person. How sad no one was there to help them. People were there for me and my child ( not least DH)- why not this family!! slinks off -I'll calm down now

smileANDwave2000 · 11/05/2011 09:39

im having a bad day today son and husband both ASD had a row before DS going into school, poor woman omg i cant stop crying bless them

sickofsocalledexperts · 11/05/2011 09:47

Gosh smile, you have a hard path. Can i help, are you in london?

magso · 11/05/2011 09:55

Smile -hope your day improves.

sumum · 11/05/2011 10:01

I agree with sickof, it is murder and it is wrong. There is always an alternative. I cannot understand it, I feel sympathy for her but still cannot understand it.

As sickof said there is fostercare, and although foster carers are not the child's real family they would be loved and cared for. I am a foster carer and the kids placed with me are very well looked after, cared for in everyway and thier special needs get more resources than my own child's special needs.

sumum · 11/05/2011 10:02

Hope you are ok smileANDwave2000

smileANDwave2000 · 11/05/2011 10:03

thanks i hope so too im feeling depressed today everythings just too much ,two stroppy teens DH and DS so upset with each other im a piggy in the middle and cant seem to help either but this story does put it a bit more into perspective just hope reading it people doint point our DCs out all the more and realise we need more support

Triggles · 11/05/2011 10:37

I think many parents of disabled children have at one point or another reached a point where they just didn't think they could cope any more, and simply didn't have any support network. It's just incredibly sad to me that there isn't more support out there - I think many (myself included) would be hesitant to contact social services for fear that if we showed that we were having difficulty coping that they would take our children away. So it just ends up being more and more pressure on us as parents.

magso · 11/05/2011 10:40

Yes - foster carers are brilliant and resourses are usually far better. It should not have got to the stage where this lady, presumably because she was desparately ill -(I cannot understand it any other way) could not think of foster care or other options. I know of parents who have begged for shared care/ respite/ residential school and the only way to get that was eventually at breaking point - putting their child into care . Then shared care becomes a possibility. Handing responsibility for care of a very loved child to the state - may actually be the way forwards for some but is not an option many even know about.
And yes it is murder. Dreadful situation allround.

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