Haven't seen a thread on this, autistic boy killed by his mum.

[Pixel]

This has made me feel so sad, he was the same age as my ds. Poor little lad.

Not sure what I think about his mother. On this board we know well enough how it feels to struggle on day after day with no sleep and no help, but I just couldn't imagine doing this to my boy. His lovely laugh is what makes it all worthwhile.

Do you think there is anything we csn do? Like a special needs helpine, or offering each other respite? Just thinking aloud

Cross posted Triggle I agree - parents are afraid of having there children taken into care if they admit they cannot manage. As we on here all know having a less able child can be very isolating. Some children need more care than a friend, family member or neighbour could give - so the support network gradually strinks.
Is there anything practical we (mns) can do so it is less likely to happen again? I'm sure SS will not want to advertise putting children into care or the other ways to get support. Obviously there needs to be more support at an earlier pre-critical stage. At present it seems an all or nothing stratagy when you have no support and are driven to considering 'putting a child into care'.

Since my illness I've had support from the disabled childrens team ( SS) who are positive and helpful. They understand for instance that I cannot take my active child out and about as much as he needs and are not judgemental on my limitations as a parent. This is what should be there for every one. Before breaking point. And surely anyone who resorts to murder is as broken (f not more so) than someone physically unable to care for their child through critical illness.

Cross posted again! Sickof great minds and all that! Yes thats what I was thinking! How about getting our thoughts together and sending them to social services/ parlement/ citizens advice/ samaratens etc.
I think that lack of appropriate support can allow carers to get so worn out physically and or mentally that critical situations can arise which endanger life and certainly health.

Eek! bad spelling day!!

I completely agree that the lack of support means that peole are pushed to breaking point and with the cuts I think this can only get worse. I fully understand why people wouldn't trust local authorities, they are trying to deliver conflicting services, and I don't know whether anyone else would agree but I think services for disabled children and their families should be managed outside of the statutory sector who I believe should be left to focus on their core business - child protection. I for one would never approach social services for support.

Such a non statutory service would need to receive adequate and guarenteed funding but surely it's possible? My fear is that more and more families will find themselves mismanaged through a child protection process due to the lack of support and a growing feeling amongst some groups of professionals that this is the only route to services due to the state of the existing services, threatened cuts and the current underfunding. I somtimes worry that aiming high has taken funding away from the most vulnerable and whilst I am certain the lives of some has been improved through aiming high strategies, I wonder at what cost to greater numbers of families.

I think that, contrary to what we all fear, it is actually very hard to have your children taken away (look at poor Baby P) and is a last resort for Social Services. But respite care is a must for mums giving 24 hour care to severely disabled kids. I would be very willing to help develop some kind of Swap shop, where we offer respite to other mums for a weekend or whatever. Or to man a helpline - like an SN samaritans line. Of course we'd get tied up in loads of red tape if we tried to do that? But maybe we could get an MP on our side?

That's a really interesting idea sickofsocalledexperts were you thinking of a particular MP that would support your suggestion?

Well John Bercow supports autism causes, cos his 7 year old boy has hf autism.

Good idea sickof!
I agree Charlie that the disabled childrens team would be better if not part of SS - as long as it was properly funded.

Thanks Magso I thought I might be alone in that view so good to know I'm not, I just don't see why we should go to social services because of disability.

Sickof - good plan, are you going to contact him? What about Micheal Gove, Sarah teather etc as ministers?

What about a co-ordinated bulk action of parents contacting their own MPs - perhaps a bit too enthusiastic, I do get carried away, sorry.

It seems that residential school would have been ideal for this family, but of course it's very hard to get funding, and maybe the mother felt like she should be able to cope and so didn't pursue anything like that.

I feel that pressure very strongly from the outside world, that I should be able to cope, that this is the hand I've been dealt and I have to suck it up. But I didn't turn into a saint the moment DS1 was diagnosed, and there are days I find it all very suffocating (especially if I break my golden rule and start thinking about the future)...and by the sounds of it DS1 is a hell of a lot easier to deal with than this poor woman's boy.

If this woman was mentally ill then by definition she wasn't thinking rationally, and can't be held responsible for her actions, hence it can't legally be considered murder. I think it's an appalling tragedy all round but am amazed it doesn't happen more often. Please God all the terrible government cuts don't lead more people to utter hopelessness and despair

But why do we take it, why is there not more of a challenge, why do LAs get away with such a low level of support leading to the pressure? I guess cause there's nothing to protect us, no laws to prevent it or protect us and parents and carers are too busy fighting their own battles in relation to their own children to fight collectively for change.

I think more than we know goes on, what gets reported is probably the tip of the iceberg and we hear about some cases involving children but do we hear about adults pushed to the depths of despair to the degree that they harm themselves and not their child/ren.

I do agree that most parents are far too busy fighting their own individual fights for their children to put time and effort into a national push for better support services.

We do fight it. But we fight it individually mostly, and in isolation. This is because we believe and then doubt and then are told we are paraoid/neurotic by the people we are expected and want to trust to support us.

By the time we find out how dire it all is, we are so caught up in multi-issues we go on the defence and have little time or energy to do anything other than survive.

Most alternatives and challenge cost money, and if not they cost time and lots of it. The lack of transparancy and ambiguity is what allows this to happen which is why I am hoping we can get some kind of group together that tells the real stories and collects data and policies and general information about LA practice, so that parents can have something to relate to and understand that they haven't just been 'accidently' unfairly treated. Their LA in particular is an expert at causing that particular distress to parents and they have done it before.

Sickof the idea of supporting one another is good. I worried at first that we all have too much on our plates to help someone else out - but actually small contact groups - might be helpful. I do not know how it could be managed.

Starlight you are so right - but it isnt only the LEA that may be just the first set of hurdles that grinds parents down. It goes on - health/ transition to adult services - I dare not think because much of this is ahead of me. Do you have a place to record our concerns or stories?

Although it is a kind idea, I think the problem with offering mutual respite is that the families with very challenging children (possibly like this boy) find it hard to get their children placed anywhere and they need a considerable amount of respite just for family survival, not just a couple of hours here and there.

After all, who wants their house trashed by a violent, non-verbal autistic child, or poo smeared everywhere, and who wants to be bitten, head-butted, kicked and punched? That is why family-based respite is not as accessible for some children.

Very disabled, challenging children need properly paid, trained care and education to maximise their potential and minimise their anti-social tendencies. Any Big Society ideas to have families with disabled children offering mutual respite, will end in tears.

Mutual support via campaigns - Brilliant idea

I know we fight it individually star, I didn't mean to indicate we don't, but complaints processes, LGO processes and judicial review are a nightmare.

I think the sooner you organise your group the better, maybe group applications for judicial review are worth considering, strength in numbers?

magso The group is in it's infancy, but the idea behind it is to hold those responsible for providing service to account, not just education. PM me if you are interested in attending a brainstorming session to plan what we want and what we are able to do.

Having just read another thread, I was reminded that it's important to have balance, I agree and there is another post where some people rightly point out things are going well for them. We have probably strayed from the initial post which was about the tragic story of this child and his mother.

sorry i shouldnt have posted on here but was at end of my tether then read this thread but ty for your kind words good idea sickof I run a charity (in its infancy atm) almost impossible right now to get funding so how difficult this would be right now im not sure in this terrible economical climate,but yes this poor lady needed support and her son if she couldnt handle the pressure should have been helped with a SS and boarding especially as she was having problems with housing and suffering depression for all we know she may have SN herself and not due to age had a dx , hope this government drink a lot of horlicks as i personally wouldnt be able to sleep nights, scrap that i dont sleep nights DS is up running around most of it

What I find intresting is that if a child without identified special needs is murdered by a parent, it's all over the newspapers, heads of social services are sacked, GPs and paediatricians are struck off, and millions are spent on enquiries.

But if that child is severely disabled, it is viewed as a sad, but probably unavoidable, non-event.

Good point Maria. Infanticide of a vunerable ( and cute) young child makes headlines and blame is spread to all those who could have interveined - but the death of a vunerable older child with sn -well its almost ignored and the fault place on the mother (no mention in the paper of failings in the system/ SS).

I think there has got to be a way we can help, but then maybe mums who have reached this stage of desperation wouldn't be browsing on a chat room like this? I think we would need more of a plan before approaching an MP. What about saying mums could come on here, say they're desperate and we would find a mum in their area to go round and help, or just someone to talk on phone with who understands, or ring SS for them and be like an advocate ( I would happily do this bit as am very gobby!). Though I accept we all have a lot on our plate, so thinking out loud really.