How do you deal with rude/hurtful comments from strangers?

[Aliz07]

I've sort of come to the end of my tether today :(

In the local park with our children, one of whom has quite severe learning difficulties/disabilities. He was happily sitting beside the slide, with me quite close to supervise.

A little girl of about two was coming down the slide, when her father caught sight of my boy he snatched her away, turned to his wife and said:
"Let's go somewhere else, ugh, why do we have to put up with kids like that (pointing at my son). They really shouldn't be in a normal park".

Then a few minutes later, I put him in a swing. Immediately another parent lifted her son out of the adjacent swing, glared at me and stomped off. She obviously said something to the other people she was with as they were all looking over, one of them said something and made flapping movements and they all roared with laughter.

Am I being oversensitive? My other children were quite embarrassed and it spoiled the outing for us. Should I be confronting attitudes like this? We ended up leaving as I just felt too stressed to stay.

Sometimes I just feel it would be easier to just stay at home but my other two love the park so they would be missing out. :(

Unbelievable!
I don't really know how you could possibly react to someone that ignorant without resorting to physical violence. You'd never get them to see sense if they were that stupid in the first place.

Oh god how awful I have to say I was blessed with a caustic tongue so have always favoured the loud and cutting comment if ds gets any unwanted attention but it hurts regardless.
I am so sorry you have had to put up with this today.

I think you did well not to slap them IMO. My dd2 looks NT but screams hysterically. In the dentist one day she started up and a lady sat and covered her ears and Whinged about uncontrollable kids. Dd1 who has ADHD said rather loudly how rude some adults are nowadays and that we don't cover our ears when they talk! I'm fairly lucky that dd1 usually dies the talking for me to obnoxious people. I think though some people are plain fucking ignorant and only a good slapping will sort them out

Sorry forgot to say def confront them next time perhaps with a comment like 'there's no need for ignorance they are only children after all' or something similar to thoroughly embarrass them. My dd1 does stare at kids with disabilities but I make a point of taking her over to them and showing her that there's nothing to be scared of etc etc. If parents are being ignorant in front of their kids it will only breed ignorance into them

I'm a carer so not quite so personally involved but I have been known to say "I'm sorry do have autism too?"

Unlike rudeness, sn isn't catching...

I am so sorry to hear what happened.. .

I too tend to have a couple of stock phrases prepared (with varying degrees of rudeness! )

One which does sometimes work is 'explaining' to ds or other children with us about how someone elses behaviour is outrageous, (thus shaming them while keeping the high moral ground...)

ds looks 'average' IFSWIM, but behaviour is not. but Dh is physically disabled and moves very oddly and we get more 'mick taken' for him, and more 'cats bum face' for ds.

please don't be discouraged, there are still lots of nice people out there too, you just got a couple of prats today...

What a terrible bunch of people, let's hope karma gets them very soon! My response varies; if I'm with my DH (quite tough) and there is another man involved who is not tough-looking, I will tell them to fuck off and get themselves educated quickly about disability, before their children grow up as narrow-minded as they themselves. If it is another woman on her own (and I am quite tough) I have been know to rant at considerably longer length, though not swearing, and then give her a nice finger across throat gesture just as she thinks I am angry, but sane. Not saying either of those approaches are necessarily very sensible, but boy did they make me feel better in the face of such crass, ignorant, cruel behaviour. These people are ultrachavs and should fuck off the face of the planet.

I think it was two comments within such a short time that did me in. My hubby was away getting drinks at the time and I didn't tell him until we left, I was worried he would lose his temper as he's very protective.

zzzzz I posted and then went and scrubbed the kitchen, definitely good for stress!

I don't think they were locals, we do get a lot of day visitors at the weekend but they just made us feel so rubbish.

Thanks everyone, you've helped me :)

That's just awful! Some people are just ignorant shits. I'm personally too wimpy to do much if I was on my own but glare at them and talk loudly about how unpleasant and bigoted people can be. I think I've been really lucky that I've only had curious staring and never any vile comments. I told my DH and he's just furious for you.

escalating approaches to take: -

1. THE POLITE WAY

"Is pig ignornace classed as a disability yet?"

"good job there's therapy for your issues DS, shame they haven't yet invented an effective one for total rudeness"

1. FOR PMT DAYS

OR you can chav it up to the mostest and start calling a mate ........

"Oi, shar you got the special brew in yet, Mick says he can't get us any blueys till Wednesady but if I tell the social worker I'm a bit short she'll sort us out wiv enuf for some meths!" followed by "you looking at me ya stuck up ijeet? cos disrespck me and I'll fooking slap ya down!"

1. FOR FREAKING THEM OUT (use if you are genuinely scared it might get violent)

Put your arms out wide and start humming like an aeroplane while skipping in circles round the offender. Basically act REALLY crazy : )

ALIZ07 - this is awful - I really didn't think anyone could be quite that ignorant !!
I do the same as SIGN and 'explain' to Ds VERY loudly -

OMG. I would have disolved in tears and never gone there again.
I am so going to have to toughen up.
So sad for you and little DCs, shite horrible people.

Our responses vary depending on how well my death stare works.

" oh dear, you are a rude little man aren't you?"

"ds some people aren't as clever as you and don't know when they are being rude"

" yes ds, I think they were supposed to keep that though inside their own head"

" we can walk away from you.. Sadly you have to live with yourself"

" and that comment will obviously cure autism"

I really feel your pain, people have never been that bad with me but you sense the feelings they have sometimes. I believe sometimes I'm a bit paranoid. I've toughened up a bit going to the park with my friend with 3 disabled children and her moto is 'don't care anymore!'

Ignore these idiots and go and live and enjoy yourself.

How sad that people are like that.......my ds is HFA and lately our trips out have all had something happen such as my ds being called weird,kids taking the mick,and today he was hit and kicked by 2 girls,then he had a group of boys throw balls in his face and he got extremely upset.

What hurt the most was when the girls hit him i said dont let them and he said its ok mum i didnt mind they were a bit nice.

Sadly im feeling a bit low lately and things such as these make me worry for his future.

I dont seem to be able to develop a "tough skin" and dont think i ever will.

i get the hurtful comments off my own sister :(
my DD has dyspraxia, speech delay and is being assessed for ASD. my sister has told me DD is 'fucking nuts', 'thick as fuck' 'stupid', 'ungrateful' (because DD didnt rip open her present off sister, and really wasnt bothered at having a present)
sister also says that those who say their kids have ASD/dyspraxia/hidden disabilities are making it up and just looking for an excuse

That's really shocking... I think my response would depend on my mood but luckily I haven't had that prob. I don't think DSs Disability is visible enough on the odd glance - he's very baby like sometimes for his age but as he's 6.9 it doesn't stand out too much just yet.

Stand your ground though - dont let them grind you down. It's a public place; if they decide to leave, let them... The whole park to yourself :o
{{{{{hugs}}}}}

I remember before DS started school, when we were picking up DD, there was one little @**t who was horrible to him. Refused to let him on the playground playboat, at one point pushed him over. I stood and waited for the parent to step in... Never did. On this occasion I went over to her, she asked how old DS was, as they were a similar age, she shrugged, said 'oh, in the same year then, turned back to the other parents and carried on talking'

I did nothing! as the fairly new mum at the school, didn't want to be the trouble maker. I never befriended any if them, they are all clicky, giggly... I won't hold back next time!!

No matter how bold & confident you are, how much abuse you give back or how well you handle ignoring the comments - at the end if the day...

You'll still be fuming when you get home, shaking, upset; BUT everyone on here will be here to hug you and share in a small amount of that pain you feel.

Xxx

X post Janet {hugs}
. sorry - but I'd say she was no longer my family :(

i dont speak to her now. her 3yr old tried to push my DD down the stairs, bit her etc yet my sister claims my DD is lying as 'thats what shes like' (all 3 of my kids have been bit) sister just refuses to accept all this

You know I have been thinking about this and surely in such a situation you would be within your rights to call the police as the Disability Discrimination Act/Equality Act specifies a legal entitlement "for people not to be directly discriminated against or harassed because they have an association with a disabled person. This can apply to a carer or parent of a disabled person". I would imagine the police would be pretty pissed off tbh but they would have to investigate the situation. Would imagine a caution would be the likely outcome but maybe it would make them think and keep their small minded comments to themselves.

Reading this absolutely shocked. I have been worried about comments about my DD being in a buggy still and am often ready with a response when I see people looking, I have never so far had to use them. But this is worse than I have ever seen people behave how awful for you they sound crazy. And how on earth would they react if someone they love became disabled or had a child with SN.

A friend of mine made a really stupid comment when DD was born and diagnosed with her condition and I have never forgotten it, these people are obviously so stupid they can't even imagine how others feel.

Hope you are ok and don't let this put you off going out. I am sure there aren't that many people who would behave so badly and they are the ones who shouldn't be out not you.

Along time a go my dd was in hospital having an op.It got to 11pm and the child and parents next to us were still being noisy so i asked them if they could quieten down a bit as they were keeping my daughter awake.They turned round and said 'well she shouln't be in with the normal ones should she.It really upset me back then .not so much now if people stare i usually poke my tounge out at them.:o