How do you deal with rude/hurtful comments from strangers?

[Aliz07]

I've sort of come to the end of my tether today :(

In the local park with our children, one of whom has quite severe learning difficulties/disabilities. He was happily sitting beside the slide, with me quite close to supervise.

A little girl of about two was coming down the slide, when her father caught sight of my boy he snatched her away, turned to his wife and said:
"Let's go somewhere else, ugh, why do we have to put up with kids like that (pointing at my son). They really shouldn't be in a normal park".

Then a few minutes later, I put him in a swing. Immediately another parent lifted her son out of the adjacent swing, glared at me and stomped off. She obviously said something to the other people she was with as they were all looking over, one of them said something and made flapping movements and they all roared with laughter.

Am I being oversensitive? My other children were quite embarrassed and it spoiled the outing for us. Should I be confronting attitudes like this? We ended up leaving as I just felt too stressed to stay.

Sometimes I just feel it would be easier to just stay at home but my other two love the park so they would be missing out. :(

These are the kind of people that would sooooo deserve to be "dealt" a seriously disabled child for their next baby... Only, of course, I'd feel sorry for the child... and they would never even take it home from the hospital, so there would be no point anyway.

Aliz07, for the first time ever this weekend, I suddenly realised I didn't care that people were staring, talking and pointing.

Ds1 (9) had a proper meltdown right in the middle of our local town's high street on a busy Saturday afternoon. Dh and ds2 had gone off to a shop down the road and I was left with ds1 and dd. I manoeuvred him to a bench to contain him, then just sat quietly talking to dd until ds managed to calm down enough for me to speak to him. The looks and comments we got were unbelievable - everything about what a bad/horrible mother I was for not doing anything, to what a spoilt badly behaved brat they thought ds was. We were literally surrounded by judgemental people all pointing and muttering.

About halfway through, I suddenly realised I wasn't embarrassed and felt no compunction to say anything back or engage with these nasty individuals whatsoever. Now I am the type of person that really likes to blend into the background, in fact I hate being the centre of attention so much that I usually refuse to celebrate my birthday, but this time something switched in me. I looked at a couple of middle aged ladies who were tutting, pointing and shaking their heads etc and realised I honestly didn't care what they thought. They didn't know me, I didn't know them and I would probably never see them again. I also looked at their sour, nasty faces and thought that they were the last people on earth who's opinions I would be interested in. I know I love my child and do my best by him and I knew why he was behaving the way he was and what I needed to do to handle it, nothing else mattered.

I think I may have finally developed my MN SN Rhino Hide.

The only advice I can think of is to try and hang on to the fact that they are bigotted idiots who you really do not care about. Unfortunately the world is full of them. The good thing is that they are of little intelligence importance and their opinion, although vocal, amounts to nothing. All they did was show themselves up for the nasty small minded bigots that they truly are.

I think most of us have been there, its horrible, it hurts and pushes your buttons, but each time you develop another layer of skin and eventually you will gain a lovely thick protective rhino hide. I didn't think I ever would, but this weekend proves I was wrong. ((hugs))

Unfortunately this is part of our culture, we had a terrible experience with our eldest son some years back when he was almost 16. He had just completed the Duke of Edinborough Award Scheme, which had been run by his secondary school. The presentation evening for children from many local schools from neighbouring towns was hosted by another school.
Our son has Auditory Processing Disorder and some dyspraxic issues which his school were aware of. He went to receive his award, and in his excitement stumbled off the last steps from the stage. After the presentations were over most of the children and parents went to meet the respective teachers and head teachers from their own schools. When we approached our head teacher, he called all his staff into a closed circle until we had left the room, completely ignoring us, and more importantly our disabled son. This one of these high performing schools topping the A'Level leagues, but having no time for children who have SEN issues.
so the ignorance and disability discrimination is part of our education system at the highest level, and from there become part of our accepted form of behavior.

It feels like you, but it isn't, it is them. You absolutely mustn't take it personally because horrid people are horrid people.

You think they have nice 'normal' lives? They don't. They are calling you because of their own insecurity. They call their work collegues names because they don't wear the right clothes, they laugh at the man at the ticket office because of his accent, they take the micky out of the bright girl in their children's class.

It is THEM. They are horrible. You didn't cause their horribleness and I can guarantee it isn't directed just at you.

Actually Starlights got it exactly right.
These are not the sort of people who are nice to anyone.
People who are good parents, kind and compasionate, would never say these things to anyone. Those are the people you like and respect.
Who cares what strangers think, they are the ones with the problem.
The people you love and respect would never behave like this.
Lets face it, they are just plain ignorant

zzzz is horrible but sadly happens all too much still. My ds gets comments about him said out loud. They always go bright red when he says "Mummy why did that man say that?" They see his hearing aids and assume he can't hear and much less talk.

OMG I am I did not know these sort of people exist anymore, thought that you were talking about the 1950's Did you say anything? I most certainly would have, what example are they setting to their children. I am again and for you. I don't think anything would happen in the parks where I live, they are all so lovely and SN aware.

I often do get worried when dd throws a wobbly in the street or out and about which can happen from time to time, I have never encountred anything negative but you never know I wont speak too soon

Was on the phone to a lady recently about getting a rescue dog and as soon as she found out that my DS2 had autism the whole tone of the conversation completely changed as she just didn't want to know.

She was basically convinced that any dog we got given would automatically hate him and avoid him, as she so charmingly put it, "the dog would gravitate towards the one who is normal" (as if a dog would care!).

She also said "oh yeah, down's syndrome is another one I have a problem with" - not really relevant but it just made it absolutely clear just how much prejudice she has against anyone with a disability, and therefore what a worthless sort of person she is.

I got off the phone in tears, I said to my husband, 'How dare she judge him like that? She doesn't know him, what gives her the right?'
Was so upset about that but I guess some people will be that way and all you can do is thank God that you are not that small minded and hateful!

How absolutely shit for you OP.

My son is 4 and has SN. We do get occasional looks and comments.

However the situation this thread reminded me of concerned my late Dad.
In the latter years of his life my Dad used a wheelchair. Whilst Mum was browsing in a shop (clothes and therefore boring to Dad ) he sat outside smoking his pipe, away from the entrance and in the open air. A woman passed him and said:
"No wonder you're a cripple puffing on that thing."
Dad's retort was "You Madam can just fuck off!"

Probably about the 3rd time in my lifetime he had used the word "fuck" and never directed at anyone before.

I bloody cheered at his response!

Some people really have no filter between their brain and their gob!!

and for you and others on this thread OP.

Hi i think people like that are so ignorant there is no need for it . Hopefully Karma will get them !
At the weekend i tried to tell an old neighbour a bit about my almost 3 year old DD ( woman could not understand a word ) and when i told her she has a few problems and being assessed soon she said " I hope they don't take her away "
I just chuckled and said " I don't think they lock up special needs now " :)
Hugs to you x

It's all ignorance, the general public are ignorant, they don't know the problems parents with SN children have to cope with. I'm ignorant about lots of things too but I don't judge, pass comment or advice. I think people don't know how to cope so they can be aggressive, avoid you or tell you what they think you should do. I like the younger children who just ask questions. Ignorance is just not knowing the full facts. When we were told our DD had CP my mum said " at least she's not spastic". When I explained to my mum she cried, she is the most loveing grandmother but just a little bit ignorant. I wonder if I have said anything to someone and upset them because of my ignorance.