Parent's evening bomb drop... what are we looking at here?

[KevinMcKiddsThighs]

Had parent's evening last week for DS(5). Sorry I've name changed. Teacher is getting him accessed by SENCO(?) with our permission.

Several reasons:

1. he likes to roll on the floor and cannot seem to stop/be stopped until he's ready. Along the same lines, he has a head dance that he does quite often, just rolls and rolls his head.

1. cannot cope with cold weather AT ALL. Has big melt downs when too cold, he's not good at being too warm either but it doesn't affect him as much as the cold.

1. he's obsessed with lights! Seems to have a very obsessive personality, still likes to line up all his toys (have been told he should have outgrown this by now?)

1. although he's sociable and can play alongside other children he doesn't seem able to read their cues and he can be either very loud, happy and in your face or very grumpy. Very OTT.

There are other things but these seem to be the main issues and all I can remember ATM.

Now I don't disagree with his teacher, some of the things he does seem a little odd, but I suppose we've just got used to them. I really wasn't expecting this, I knew he was struggling at school but had seen some improvements regarding his work. I don't know what we're looking at and I feel a bit lost.

Are these particular traits of anything and what happens next?

I'm not able to diagnose your ds but i would say (from what you have said) that he has ASD/AS traits, there seems to be a lot of sensory things going on (sensitive to hot and cold and the spinning).

Both my dd's are on the spectrum but were diagnosed before they started school (so not sure how it all works re diagnosis when at school), i would think that he will get a referral throught the school nurse.

Thanks Marne - yes 'sensory' was a word that kept cropping up.

I feel awful that I've potentially missed something quite significant going on with him.

Sorry you are faced with the unexpected here from the parents evening but it sounds like the teacher is alert to him and consider this a positive first step. I am no expert but suggest you might want to google Aspergers from what you have said in your post above. I would imagine the SENCO will not be able to tell you much about the reasons he does these things, but hopefully can start to give some ideas to the class teacher about how to be helping your DS to cope better whilst you then move onto the next stage which would probably be to see a developmental paediatrician. You may like to be one step ahead perhaps and go to your GP and ask for a referral now. School may also consider other options like involving an educational psychologist to assess him in class and individually to see if they can give some feedback too.

I would be asking the school after the initial SENCO assessment for a meeting with them to feedback on that. He should be placed on school action or if other professionals involved then school action plus. Either way they should be putting together an IEP for him at this stage to try and set some targets to help him improve in the areas where he is having issues. Targets could be academic or could be behavioural. They would need to specify how they intend to help him acheive these targets too.

Lots of really good info here on the boards. Once you have a bit more information about what they think might be underlying his behaviour you will be able to arm yourself with a lot more information about what you can do to minimise the impact on his education. Sad to say though be prepared to have to push and fight on his behalf. Ultimately you may even need to consider a statement for him too as it could be the only way to get a legal basis behind you to ensure his needs are met.

How is his speech?

Don't be hard on yourself, sometimes these things are hard to spot, schools are so much more clued up on these things than they used to be which is great as years ago these children were just thought to be naughty when they are far from it. When he rolls on the floor its because he is uncomfortable with whatever situation he is in and he is self calming (rolling around is calming him), the school needs to work out what makes him uncomfortable, whats triggering the rolling around. Some children like to hang upside down, some will twiddle their hair or chew.

I went on a course for sensory problems a few weeks ago and was told most children with asd or sensory problems feel more comfortable when they are low down on the floor, its like if you feel dizzy you lie down.

Thank you that was really helpful.

AS is that Aspergers?

I am glad that if there is a problem it has been picked up in reception year. His teacher is very good at what she does and I have a lot of time for her. Even though there was a niggling doubt at the back of my head regarding DS it still hit me like a tonne of bricks. Did manage not to burst into tears on her though

he had speech and language therapy for a while. He still has a few issues with certain sounds but apart from that it's all fine and it's no longer considered a problem.

As-Aspergers, my dd1 was diagnosed with Aspergers at the age of 4.5 (just afer she started school), she has sensory problems, loves routine, has many obbsesions and likes to collect things, she was an early talker and almost sounds like an adult when she talks (uses big words).

My Dd2 has Autism (high functioning), her sensory problems are worse than dd1's, she's sensitive to sound and bright light, she loves deep presure (rough play, presure on her skin) and if stressed she will curl up in a ball on the flour or spin around, her speech is delayed (didn't talk until she was 3.5 and is still behind), she's now 5 (in 2 days) and in reception.

It could be an ASD or AS thing. Was he a late talker? His social skills sound like he may be quite high functioning, just missing social cues etc rather than being withdrawn. My DS 2 has ASD and I've always said he has just 3 states, very happy, very grumpy or pretty passive. Lining things up and obsession with lights are also classic traits.

Really don't worry that you didn't spot anything. That is so common. Whatever DX you may or may not get your lovely boy's personality is always the main thing about him. He also sounds like his issues may be pretty minor, maybe only just off the scale of NT.

We can't DX on here, just suggest what sounds familiar. You'll need to get a referral to a developmental paed via your GP or HV if you want a DX. You can do this in parallel to having the school assess him. They will be looking at how they can help him at school and won't be able to DX him.

It sounds very positive that the school is investigating his behaviour. You'll need to keep on top of that. I suggest googling a copy of the SEN code of practice (sorry on phone so can't link) to find out what should be happening at school. Good luck with it all. There's lots of experience on here so keep posting.

Dont worry about crying on teachers, i do it all the time , i find it all very hard (having to admit there is a problem), no one wants their child to be different and it takes a while to get used to (i am getting there).

From my experience with ds2 I'd say your list sounds very sensory and it might be worth Reading a bit about aspergers ( NAS website is a good instant read). He may or may not tick the boxes as such for aspergers and I can't dx, but have a browse.

I would get hold of a copy of' the out of sync child'. Again that may shed some light.

It's great that the school are picking up on this now :) even though it probably doesn't feel like it.

If he like lolling about on the floor, you could get a couple of bits at home to help with any input for sensory seeking. A wobble cushion is good as is a gymball. Ds1 and dd are both NT and love ds2s ( as/asd) gymball and wobble cushion too. :)

I would go to the GP and raise yours and tbe schools concerns and ask for a developmental paediatrician. It's a good idea to keep a diary of any quirky behaviours with you or and video of repetative movements etc.

The whole process can take a while whether or not you get a dx of anything.
In the mean time keep a contact log, a small note book where you write who and when and what was said for any meetings, letters or phone calls.
Hopefully you won't need it, but it can be very handy if you do.

Cross posted with loads of people so sorry if repeating stuff.

thanks guys.

another thing that seemed significant was that he seems to have bowel issues, a mild lactose intolerance or something. If he has too much dairy he's on the toilet within 5 minutes with quite explosive poo! She seemed interested in this but didn't mention why?

I have been asked to keep a diary and the school will do the same. Good idea about the video, I found it quite hard explaining the head dance he does!

Bowel problems are very common with ASD/AS (but also any child can suffer bowel problems), alot of children on the spectrum are on gluten and dairy free diets.

AS is aspergers syndrome which is on the autistic spectrum but usually with no speech delay.

ASD is autistic spectrum disorder which is anything on the spectrum, and can be quite high functioning but generally has some speech delay. Otherwise it's aspergers. High functioning just means able to function in a neuro typical (NT) world fairly well.

Its a minefield isn't it?! Thank God for you lot.

:) it's really hard to explain some of the movement stuff... I have been known to flap and bouncey spin in a paeds office to show what ds was doing. It was after that I started filming ds. :)

Its deffently that

Dd2 was only given a dx of Autism as they didn't want to say where she was on the spectrum, she always puzzles me as she comes across as high functioning (is ahead of her peers at school with maths and english) but her sensory problems and language problems are severe. She is getting help for the sensory problems through a occupational therapist (OT) and has Speach and language therapy so we are hoping for a dx of high functioning Autism in the next year or so.

Ooh yes, forgot to say Aspergers is also high functioning.

Filming is a great idea, dd2 runs up and down making a strange noise and flapping her arms but only does it at home so its hard to explain to people without them seeing it.

It is tricky. You can be quite middle functioning and have a high IQ. You can be very high functioning and have an average to under average IQ. It all depends on how disabling the autism is. The fact that your DS's issues are only now causing any worries would suggest he's probably high functioning (if he even is on the autistic spectrum at all!)

Thank you! It's really helped getting it down on here and hearing how you've all got on. Haven't been able to mention anything in RL yet, mum friends have asked how we got on at parents evening and I keep saying "fine" for some reason.

Going to try and get some sleep, I've spent the last 5 nights analysing DS! I'm speaking to his teacher tomorrow so will update then.

he only saw the SALT twice before being discharged. So an hour in total!

He was happy in preschool but didn't play with anyone he played alongside them occasionally but mostly on his own, he wasn't bothered though.

Gut instinct - hmm I keep going thinking "no he's fine, just a bit quirky and immature still" and then going back on that and panicking!

sorry for the appalling last sentence!